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Warts and Peace: A trip into the fevered imagination of Christopher in Oregon

I am NOT illustrating this post with a picture of genital warts.

Not that long ago, the Man Going His Own Way who calls himself Marky Mark made an unnerving announcement: due to worries about his secret identity being uncovered, he was shutting down his blog!

Like a lot of Marky’s readers, I was alarmed and saddened by this news: Marky Mark, after all, was one of the most delightfully loopy MGTOW bloggers out there, as well as a regular publisher of the writings of the mysterious anti-sex crusader Christopher in Oregon.

Happily, Marky changed his mind almost instantly. He’s back, and posting like a motherfucker. And today, he graced us with one of his best posts ever: Genital Warts, by Christopher in Oregon.

Regular readers of Man Boobz know they’re in for a treat.  For newcomers to the writings of Christopher in Oregon, gird your loins, and your stomach, for a truly amazing outburst of disgusting misinformation! (For actual, legitimate information on genital warts, try here or here.)

Chris opens with a bang:

The effects of an aging or weakened immune system can be profound when it comes to genital warts. They can mass in huge cauliflower like piles, and grow to gigantic proportions. Once the immune system is on the decline, all bets are off. From what I’ve heard and read, the smell from genital warts can be horrific. Poop and other filth gets trapped beneath the blossoming tops, and is impossible to clean.

Combine that with Herpes sores, and you’ve got yourself quite a mess. I can only imagine trying to treat the pain of Herpes sores that are located on massive genital warts, all the while my penis is oozing green puss.

And now I’ve got that image in my brain.

So what can one do about these horrific dangers?

If you would be clean, if you would be healthy, if you would be wise, then renounce all sexuality!

Well, that’s one solution, I guess. It seems a tad drastic. It’s true that most sexually active people will get infected with Genital HPV (Human Papillomavirus) at some point, but in most cases this infection will go away within two years, and only 5% or so will develop warts. Which won’t look anything like Chris’ nightmare scenarios above. (Holly Pervocracy has a great little post on genital warts scaremongering here.)

But Chris goes further:

I admit I was deceived in recent years, and thought I could engage in the use of pornography.


ALL sex leads to physical decay.        

Is Chris really saying that people who masturbate to porn can give genital warts … to themselves?

Do you really want to lie in bed some day as an old men with twenty pounds of quivering warts dangling from your groin like some beast from “The Blob”? Maybe it will grow eyes and stare back at you…..?

Now Chris seems to be writing a screenplay for a David Cronenberg movie in his head.

It isn’t good enough to stay single. It isn’t good enough to not date. If a man would be strong, if a man would be wise, he must clear his mind of lust. Stop viewing porn. Stop watching ANY modern films or television shows.

STOP LISTENING TO ANY MODERN MUSIC, which seeks to enslave you with filthy lyrics and that filthy “beat”!

I listen to four to eight hours of classical music a day, sometimes more. It purifies the mind and soul.

Here is the most effective way to use classical music as a boner killer.

So, aside from a bit of the old Ludwig Van, how else can you strengthen your anti-sex resolve? Buy a bunch of medical textbooks and look at the pictures.

I remember the first time I heard about genital warts. I had gone to the Oregon State University Medical School bookstore, and bought some hideously expensive books on STDs. I was young. I was horny. But, I was still religious. I wanted to get laid. But, something was holding me back.

Regular readers of Christopher in Oregon may already have some theories as to what this might be, but let’s continue:

My parents warned me about women. They warned me about diseases, yet what did my parents know about HPV or Herpes? Nothing. Nor did I. I just knew that sex carried the risk of the STDs that were present back when my parents were young. Little did I suspect that the landscape had changed dramatically. New bugs abounded, like HIV, HPV, HSV and HCV.

So, I cracked open the books. I purchased more books. …

Then I saw them.

Warts. Big, juicy, oozing warts.

Crap. I remember the first time I looked at a picture of a homosexual man whose crotch was covered by a mass -a literal MASS- of genital warts. It looked like a Broccoli patch. Flowering all over the place. I was both mesmerized and horrified. I’d never seen anything like it in my life. My eyes were frozen to the page. The warts were just everywhere!

He was either reading medical textbooks or playing Halo:

Back to Chris:

I came to one conclusion right away: I would never engage in sexual intercourse again as long as I lived. (I had only tried it once when I was 21 with a Mormon woman)

Somehow I suspect that didn’t work out too well for her either.

Something in me triggered a defensive mechanism of sorts. (Sort of like what happens when you are out in the forest and you see 1200 pounds of angry grizzly bear barreling towards your sorry ass. You climb a tree and hope for the best)

That’s right. Mormon women are like BEARS!!

I knew I didn’t have all of the answers, but in spite of my lust and constant erections, I knew I didn’t want THAT sort of thing obscuring the view I had of my tallywacker.

Let’s just skip the bits in which Chris waxes poetic about cancer, penectomy, tongues falling off,  and people “trying to yank off bloody chunks of warts” from their crotches.

The grand conclusion:

Now, I don’t know about you, but I like my body. Granted, it’s not as young as it once was. I can’t get erections as easily as I used to, and sometimes not at all. But it’s THERE. Dangling at half mast, but it’s still MINE. All mine. It’s not lying in a garbage can in the operating room waiting to be thrown out with the other medical waste.

So, think long and hard boys. Whether you are Christian, Jewish, Deist or whatever. I have come to the inescapable conclusion that there IS a God, and He does NOT wanting people perverting His system of procreation. I do believe He has a temper, as well as a slightly warped sense of humor.

The cost of sex is simply too high these days. Keep it in your pants.

That’s right, fellas: God wants you to hate and fear women and their icky bodies. He invented sex, but doesn’t want you to engage in it. He invented the penis just so he could decorate it with warts.

Is God a Diety Going His Own Way?

Clear your brain with this peppy little tune from days gone by:

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10 years ago

“Only people who’ve never read the complete (as opposed to bowdlerized versions ofen taught) can say that because classical literature: sex, drugs, violence, incest, cannibalism, war, rock and roll!

It’s great!”

I can still remember the first teacher who actually pointed out all the filthy jokes in Romeo and Juliet. I loved her so much.

10 years ago

Though the single best piece to use in order to shock people out of the whole idea that classical literature is pure and safe for children remains the Wife of Bath’s Tale.

10 years ago

It Ithiliana said:

“Re the association of ‘classical’ with pure (and non-sexual): the same bizarre idea exists in the idea that classical literature should be taught because PURE AND MORAL, not this evil contemporary stuff.

Only people who’ve never read the complete (as opposed to bowdlerized versions ofen taught) can say that because classical literature: sex, drugs, violence, incest, cannibalism, war, rock and roll!

It’s great!”

I think it’s all to do with their little fantasy that the past was so much better than the present and that we’re a wicked and depraved generation. They yearn for a time when music and literature were pure and righteous, where women were adoring, submissive and always virgins when they married, men were strong, just protectors of and providers for grateful wives and children, when politics was always conservative and the peasants knew their place. In reality it was never that way. There were always uppity, subversive women, unruly, headstrong children and men who could, for various very good reasons, not live up to the kind of role that was expected of them. Even when you point out to them in black and white that the contemporary writing proved that life was never how they envisage it, they can’t bear to let go of their fantasy. They just have to believe that there was once a time when things were the way they want. They all harp on about how much better things were before liberals took over and feminists roamed the land in marauding hordes but there have always been liberals and there have always been women who refused to sit down and shut up. We are no better and no worse than we have ever been.

10 years ago


“Though the single best piece to use in order to shock people out of the whole idea that classical literature is pure and safe for children remains the Wife of Bath’s Tale.”

I remember the first time I read the Satyricon my eyes almost fell out of my head and we had so much fun listening to our lecturers explaining the jokes!

10 years ago

Viola said:

“In one of the big UK LARPs, I play an angel. Sometimes I sing the mortal followers of the gods a song. The verses are heretical (portraying the characteristic errors of each faith as if they were the orthodoxy) and the chorus is blasphemous (accusing the gods of being responsible for all the ills of the verses by reason of drunkenness).
You get some very strange looks when you’re an angel cheerfully singing heresy around a campfire.”

That is absolutely priceless. As a role-player/game designer I heartily approve! We need more of it! Rock them back on their little heels and make them wonder WTF you’re up to!

10 years ago

>>Ahem! Marquis de Sade.

Considering the sorts of battles the conservatives are trying to revisit or turn back the clock on, I think for them de Sade IS contemporary (he WAS a champion of the French Revolution you know).

10 years ago

SaruGoku: I tell them when I sing it that it’s a test, and that nobody has passed it yet. They are very confused.

10 years ago

zhinxy: Ah, yes, but much heresy can get wrapped back up under Blasphemy, especially if you’re talking the 13th century- Vatican 1 definitions, and then you get into Common Law as understood by such!

Not really. One of the things about Christian blasphemy is that it is really hard to commit. Heresies aren’t blasphemies, though some heretics were blasphemous (and tended to be moreso when they were being tried, because it was anger at what they saw; rightly, as unfair treatment), which is part of the misunderstanding; that and early Protestants; esp. Luther, were fond of abusing Catholicism as a blasphemy, which didn’t help in the realm of public understanding.

One of the interesting aspects of non-Christian accusations/trials for blasphemy is that they show how much more political than religious the charges usually are; even in Christian contexts (see Luther, supra).

It’s one of the more problematic pieces of Leviticus further complicated by the difficult part of Matthew about the only sin which can’t be forgiven being “blasphemy against the holy spirit; with all other blashemies being forgivable (Matt 12:13). For a history of the subject I commend “Blasphemy: verbal offense against the sacred, from Moses to Salman Rushdie”, Levy, 1993, Alfred A Knopf).

It’s a pretty sweeping book, 580 pages of text, another 80 pages of notes, and then about a dozen for the indexing. A pretty good read.

10 years ago


I remember the first time I read the Satyricon my eyes almost fell out of my head and we had so much fun listening to our lecturers explaining the jokes!

Boccaccio’s Decameron is a hoot, too – as is Rabelais’ Gargantua and Pantagruel. And more recently – though by “recently” I mean 250 years ago – there’s John Cleland’s Fanny Hill, which is wall to wall shagging with multiple partners and not a genital wart in sight.

10 years ago


Exits are UP and BEAR. What do you do?

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago


I don’t know how to take tree branch.


You have: a small wooden idol, your father’s amulet, three eggs, and a piece of charcoal.


I don’t know how to punch bear.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago


I can’t use these things together!


The idol smacks the bear on the nose.


10 years ago


The bear eats your egg. Then he rips your arm off.


I don’t understand “wtf ow.”


You are trapped in a tree. There is a bear here. There is also an arm and a lot of blood.


You are now wielding your own severed arm.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago


You arm yourself and bear your arm against the bear.

The bear is momentarily stunned.


You can’t climb with one arm.


You climb onto the stunned bear’s back, riding it like a pony. The bear is now yours to command.

10 years ago

Thanks SO much for making for morning.

The bear commenters, not the post, though it’s equally laughable.

10 years ago

Don’t forget Apuleius. Talk about a hot ass!

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