bad anatomy bad science misogyny penises semen

Not sure that “my dick is like a windshield wiper, but for sperm” is the best pickup line, Chief

Found this on Reddit, sent to a woman by a “new age male” whose election, apparently, is quite hard.

You know, the “scooping out other men’s sperm” thing might have something to it. Might. But comparing one’s dick to a windshield wiper is weird and creepy. Well, the whole thing is weird and creepy. I mean, dude, don’t talk about semen with a woman you don’t even know.

Here’s what it might look like if you started using dicks as windshield wipers.

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18 replies on “Not sure that “my dick is like a windshield wiper, but for sperm” is the best pickup line, Chief”

Hope it also comes with a defroster. He’s gonna need it.

Our elections get harder

That part I can agree with.

She gets to fuck other men?

There’s an implication in this statement that she’ll be fucking you. Looks like she’s laughing at you instead.

Competition Truth

You lose.

But good luck with your side gig as a windshield wiper.

About that weird evopysch study – they didn’t use any *uncircumcised* “latex penises”. They literally used commercially available sex toys and assumed that the shape of dildos and fake vaginas was more or less the same as the shape of real penises and vaginas.

I thought from the title this is gonna be about Giles Coren and that horrible sex scene from one of his novels (which recently surfaced online after he wrote some ridiculous opinion piece claiming he was oppressed as a male novelist). That stuff is pretty nightmarish.

(Since it turns out I still have an edit window despite having to go look for a link – there ya go.

(I’d actually liked Giles Coren when I saw him in those historical [sorta] reconstruction shows he did with Sue Perkins. And yet not surprised to now learn he’s an entitled douche.)

@ Penny Psmith

What. Did. I. Just. Read?

Not only was it… I have no words… but was also a run-on sentence that reads like something David would feature on this site.

OT: My copy of Firefox doesn’t seem to be seeing recent extension updates. One, in particular, dates back to May; I have it on good authority that there have been not one, not two, but three newer versions since then. I tried a manual “check for updates” in the FF extension manager but it didn’t pick up any of those three newer versions.

Is anyone else having a similar problem? Do you know how to get it updating properly again?

Separately, does anyone know what’s up with that zen match mobile ad? Usually it has cheery music and a variety of flower, etc. symbols, but every so often it comes up with creepy music, an image of three hooded faceless figures with a circle, square, and triangle symbol, and only those three symbols on the game board. And no name or anything else, just the music and imagery. Some Halloween thing?

Oh, and who the hell is Brandon?

That’s the browser itself. Though I suppose I could see if installing that fixes the problem with it not detecting extension updates.

@ Penny Psmith,

That excerpt read like something that would’ve shown up on the LiveJournal group Weeping Cock a decade or so back. (For those not familiar with that group, it was about skewering bad sex scenes, and bad sex anatomy, in any and all assorted media. Fun stuff, and educational for those who are inexperienced about such matters)

a) penises do not work that way
b) if yours did, it would be more like a vacuum cleaner
c) neither windshield wipers nor vacuums are welcome in most vaginas

@Penny: Apparently the fabulosity of Sue makes anyone tolerable in short bursts, as long as there’s food.

@GSS – That’s a fair assumption. She really is fabulous. In these shows Coren came off as kind of a twerp (hence why I wasn’t really surprised), but it was funny, and Perkins probably had a lot to do with that.

People get so ashamed of their sexuality. They worry “Am I normal?” The more common reaction to liking something unusual is denial, but some people project their kink onto the rest of humanity. They even go so far as to accuse others of being in denial.

I am reminded of “Sex At Dawn” which argues against the usual claims of evolutionary psychology using…evolutionary psychology. Evo-psych is so often used to justify modern stereotypes about men and women, it is nice to see that logic leading to a different conclusion. Not gang bangs specifically, but the idea that sexual monogamy isn’t genetic. Of course the book is popular with the ethical non-monogamy crowd, (if they mention Bonobos this book is why). Yes, one of the arguments is the “mushroom” shape of a human penis. The shape helps to scoop out rival semen and is found in species where multiple males mate with a single female, such as Chimpanzees apparently.

How hard is it to remember the phrase ‘plunger penis’?

I found Dan Savage’s championing of Sex at Dawn annoying: he’s a very definitely non-monogamous man seemingly revelling in getting his chance to yell ‘The way I am is the only natural way for people to be…it’s Science!’ on the basis of a book that might have something to it, but definitely has not been peer-reviewed.

Yes, I am over-sensitive to it because 0.) I feel naturally monogamous, it’s just how I am (as well as aspergic if I can believe mental health professionals), and have never assumed that everyone ought to be like me, so it’s annoying to be told that by someone else and 1.) I’ve been a scientist and have a scientist’s irritation with things that claim to be science but don’t, for example, consider counter-arguments or error estimates.

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