alt-lite alt-right beta males crackpottery empathy deficit entitled babies female beep boop irony alert makeup is a lie men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA Stefan Molyneux twitter

Six fun and kicky makeup tips from YouTube racist Stefan Molyneux

By David Futrelle

The last time we checked in on YouTube philosopher racist crackpot Stefan Molyneux, he was trying his hand at slam poetry, sort of. Now he’s become a beauty blogger. Or beauty tweeter, anyway, unleashing a veritable tweetstorm on the subject of makeup over the last several days.

I’ve been going through his tweets and have extracted these Six Fun New Makeup Tips for Devious Females.

Simulate the look of sexual arousal by painting your lips a deep red because everyone who’s had actual sex with real human females knows that their lips turn the shade of a cherry whenever they’re feeling really horny. It’s just science!

Use lipstick to arouse the male’s monkey brain, because obviously our primate ancestors wore tons of makeup. (Just don’t go too far and arouse the lizard brain because then the guy you’re trying to win might ignore you and start trying to catch nearby flies with his tongue.)

Use makeup to hide the fact that you’re a wrinkled old crone of, oh, 45 or so.

Use makeup to manipulate gullible men and extract their man-resources!

Feeling hungry? Apply lipstick at once and get some beta male dupe to pay for your $100 dinner.

Use makeup to con wealthy investors into pouring millions of dollars into your fraudulent blood testing startup!

Now, I suppose I should add that the last woman who pulled this particular long con got caught and is probably going to jail. But honestly, gals, her makeup skills were pretty basic, at best; surely you can do a better job and succeed where she failed!

COMING SOON (probably): Stefan takes aim at the dastardly tool of dude manipulation known as the Wonderbra.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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126 replies on “Six fun and kicky makeup tips from YouTube racist Stefan Molyneux”

Women swallow somewhere between three and nine pounds of lipstick over the course of their lifetime.

Average woman does not swallow between three and nine pounds of lipstick over the course of their lifetime. Lipstick Maybella, who eats a gallon of lipstick every morning for breakfast, is an outlier who should not have been counted.


And yet if it had been an all-female Board who had been swindled by an attractive, uneducated guy without vetting him, it would be proof that women have no business sense and have no place in leadership. Funny how that works.

I only have a long-suffering “exaaaaactly” of agreement for this.


I don’t wear lipstick every day, but when I do, it’s a sign of formality. If it’s supposed to send a message, that message is, “Hello, I’m dressed up.”

I try to be a bit more careful with wearing lipstick these days. Without being to tmi, once I left a bunch of kiss marks on my fiancé, like on his jaw and neck, and chest. He ended up being allergic to it and broke out in kiss shape hives. We knew he had an allergy to cheap metal, but we didn’t know about lip stick. I don’t exactly know what caused it, if it was just that type of lipstick or if it’s lipstick in general. He was just lucky it didn’t get into more sensitive areas.

Bernie Madoff would have never pulled of his 30 billion dollar Ponzi scheme is his lips were not so red and fertile.


They are acting like that whole $100 was spent for just the woman’s meal, but most likely it is for both the woman’s and the man’s, plus drinks. As usual, MRAs are being disingenuous.

Plus the expensive bottle of wine meant to impress her. Then when it doesn’t work, it’s “omg she swindled me out of a bottle of wine !!”

Plus the expensive bottle of wine meant to impress her. Then when it doesn’t work, it’s “omg she swindled me out of a bottle of wine !!”

I’m more cheap cupcake wine or a margarita kind of gal myself. Old wine just taste….old…. Ah yes let me just continue sipping this raisin water, thank you. No need for anything fresh tasting.

OT, but I need help.

With three somewhat-interrelated things, in fact.

I’m at my wits end with these things and I just don’t know what to do.

First: since the first of this month, I have been nearly 100% ineffective at getting a single goddamned thing done, and I don’t really understand why. The feedback I’m getting from the world around me is that I’m somehow a completely incompetent buffoon who shouldn’t be trusted with a burnt match, but I can’t for the life of me find anywhere where I am making a mistake. But let’s just list things out:

1. I’ve been trying to do a backup of my computer files since August 1. I have not yet been able to complete the job successfully, and it is not for lack of effort. This should more or less be a “point, click, and wait” thing, so I can’t think of any rational explanation for my finding it so inordinately difficult that instead of taking 12 hours it’s taking 12 days … and counting.

2. Of course, I’ve not gotten anything much else done on computer since August 1 because those things are waiting until the goddamned backup is done! This includes patching the OS(!) as well as various projects of mine. All I’ve been able to do is web browsing and the like, basically, for nearly two weeks now.

3. As for off the computer, well, I don’t have much of a life off there, but what there is is also going straight down the shitter at breakneck speed. First let’s look at the medication issue (oh no, not that again). After two months, my supply was running out and of course “health care connect” sent 1 snail-mail saying they’d contact me when they found me a doctor, then nothing. Most likely it doesn’t exist to actually find people doctors, but to placate them. People will send in the forms, then sit back and not rock the boat, when they should be picketing Queen’s Park and demanding that Ford and the Ontario Legislature fix the mess they’ve made of the healthcare system.

4. I finally give up and decide to go to the ER, on a Monday, but for no logical reason they’re not doing things like prescriptions, for which the wait would be a “mere” 2 hours, only emergency-emergency stuff, for which the wait is 7 hours. They say to come back on Wednesday because they expect to be swamped on Tuesday. Of course if they’re only providing clinic services 4 days a week it will probably be bad on all four days …

5. So that necessitates an extra several kilometer walk that week (what, do they think everybody owns a car or something? Every. Single. Business. in this benighted town seems to love to randomly refuse service and tell you to “come back tomorrow” or similarly, as if that’s only a minor inconvenience, an extra five or ten minutes of time they’re demanding from you, rather than hours. It’s like non-car-owning people are completely invisible to them or something), where pursuant to what the person had said on Monday I go to somewhere called “Zone B”. Where I’m promptly told to go all the way back and sign in first and jump through an assortment of hoops that will merely result in being told to go back to Zone B. So, another pointless waste of time. I go back and there’s no obvious sign in thingy, just a waiting room and in one corner a desk with a bunch of miscellaneous documents and boxes on it, mostly brochures unrelated to the reason for my visit. There’s nobody there who seems to be an employee to ask about this either. After a while someone in a smock with a nametag wanders within hailing range and I ask them, and they say to take one particular thing from one of the many miscellaneous stacks of paper on that desk, fill it in, and put it in one of the particular boxes. Nothing about how to make anyone aware that something was put in that box so they’ll come and take it out of the box.

6. Long story short, it’s about 20 minutes before I get told to go back to Zone B, and another hour and 20, at least, before I get seen. Whereupon I get a new prescription, but the dosage is inexplicably halved from what I had been taking. Which I don’t notice until after I’ve left, of course.

7. Get it filled at pharmacy (no Byzantine bureaucratic rigmarole there at least — God help anyone who arrives at that ER with something acutely wrong, like a heart attack! — but another 20 minute wait) and carry on with that day. Have to hope that I can manage on the reduced dose, because I can’t think of any way to increase it without going through that whole mess a second time, when I should only have to do it once (or zero times!)

8. So, to recap, the way to get one’s prescriptions filled in Ontario now requires roughly an order of magnitude more sitting around in institutionally-drab waiting rooms than it used to. How does this benefit anybody, or even cut costs? This follows a general pattern with today’s rant: none of it makes any sense, even as a way for some rich bastard somewhere to make himself richer. It just seems to be done purely to cause suffering, in some cases for everyone below some income line in Ontario and in other cases singling me out. This would be one of the “everyone” cases.

9. Next time I go out anywhere it’s to shop, both for groceries and for clothes. My shorts are wearing out. The groceries I need are hard to find except at the shittier end of town, where there’s a NoFrills attached to a run-down old mall with only about 3 operating stores left in it and giant holes in the ceiling(!) that have gone unrepaired since sometime early in the winter(!!) — I expect it will be condemned pretty soon, and I wonder where the hell I’ll get oatmeal chocolate chip cookies after that. The only clothing store in the entire area is a Value Village across the road. Fortunately in its own freestanding building, because the mall roof with all the holes is, of course, leaky as hell.

10. The NoFrills looks like it’s been ransacked by Vikings. Half the space on many of the shelves is empty, for no logical reason. There’s no oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and most of the items I wanted need substituting. “We must have sold out. Come back tomorrow!” Why didn’t you order as much as you were going to sell? And why do you idiots continue to think that “come back tomorrow” is a minor ten-minute inconvenience instead of a 3-hour walk the day after making oneself all stiff and sore with a 3-hour walk? Oh, right, because “everybody” (or everybody that matters, to them) has a car, right, right …

11. And of course the Value Village has nothing in my size. Apparently they don’t believe in men with greater than size 44 waists.

12. So earlier today I head out again, to the other end of town, after several days to rest and recuperate, to get a few groceries and again try to replace my wearing-out shorts before they wear through in the wrong place and I get fucking arrested. I get there and the power there is out, about which more anon. I end up having to sit around and wait for nearly two hours before they deign to turn the power back on and reopen.

13. I find some 46s that fit nicely, without being too tight, in the fitting room. Buy them, go to the washroom, and the men’s is closed for cleaning. Couldn’t they wait until closing time, or at least just bloody time it differently than when they see me walking toward it?

14. After another needless wait, I change there into one of the new shorts, and not long after I’ve left the store it starts slipping down. It seems to fit more loosely than it did twenty minutes earlier in the changing room. WTF? I spend the rest of that trip hiking it back up. At least I have a belt back home, with which it should work fine. Of course, nowhere in existence seems to sell size 45s. Just even numbers, even if there are people for whom 44 is too tight and 46 is loose enough to be prone to slippage without a belt. Arrrgh.

15. And of course the reduced dosage of that medication is having negative consequences, as in intermittent heartburn when I’m going to/in bed. At least it seems to still be sufficient to keep those god-awful cramps at bay … so far, anyway.

So, at the end of these two weeks I have: No backup done, no other computer-project-tasks done, no oatmeal cookies, half of a prescription, pants that while they aren’t developing holes (and chafing) around the thighs are not as convenient to wear as they could have been, and most of these things after two to three attempts (a lot more in the case of that fucking backup).

Second: the backup.

I can’t explain this one in any other way than that someone is intentionally sabotaging me. But I haven’t a clue how.

Every attempt, EVERY SINGLE ATTEMPT since the start of August has SYSTEMATICALLY failed. I started using the built in Windows Backup tool. I had used it to do the previous backup (after a number of unwarranted interruptions, but ultimately successfully). This time it ground along at something like 1/4 the speed it had had then, so instead of taking three days it was passing day five and looking likely to take at least until day seven(!) … without my having change any configuration options. It wasn’t that one of my drives had connected at a lower speed: a) there’s a message for that (“your device can perform better in a USB 3.0 slot” or to that effect) that never came up and b) by monitoring the backup process’s resource usage I could see that it was spending abnormally long “think times” between each copy of files to the backup drive and starting to build the next batch from the source drives. The extra time was being spent fiddling with its housekeeping files on the internal C: drive, not talking to either external. So definitely nothing to do with the externals or their cables.

On day six, with perhaps hours to go, someone blipped my power off and back on again.

The Windows Backup tool is semi-resumable. The first stages are done over completely from scratch, and (with my prodigious pile of files, a lifetime accumulation of them) takes about 3 hours. It did some more (and without the weird slowdown this time — it was back up to the speed it had had on previous occasions of backing up files) and then it just errored out.

The external drive that stores some of my files is getting a bit flaky. (All the more reason to be backing it up!) Sometimes a file seems to succumb to some form of bit rot. Usually the backup tool logs that and keeps going, and if the file is an old one I haven’t changed recently I can restore it from the previous backup. There had been several of these already at this point. But this time it just quit entirely, with a fair amount of files not even attempted, and it refused to name the problem file. My efforts to identify this file by other means failed. I induced a read of every file in the directory it had stopped during, without any of them generating an I/O error. I thought it might be an intermittent fault of some kind and ran the backup again, but it packed it in at the exact same point. Some evidence pointed to the backup’s own-created volume shadow copy being the culprit rather than the original file, but doing a delete all shadow copies on that drive resulted in a message that there were none to delete, so, the backup apparently is creating a fresh one each time and deleting it after on its own rather than reusing any of it. Yet the same exact spot is getting corrupted every single time?

So I get and run a second backup tool. Turns out that the supposedly “slow” free edition is faster than the Windoze built-in one. Until, of course, when it’s a few hours from being done (after less than one day of runtime) yep, someone blips my power again.

After that, I run the backup tool again hoping it will resume where it left off, but after it spends three hours indexing all the files to possibly copy it immediately aborts with an error that is not very informative. I ultimately dig into a (not really human-readable) logfile it generated and it seems to have failed on the very first file in the traversal order, with a “can’t create file”. I decide it must be too dumb to be able to resume and go to examine the backup file it created. That file is not zero-length but is not readable by their tool (and unlike Windoze’s zip files isn’t readable by any other that I am aware of). Apparently if a backup with this tool is interrupted it’s completely corrupted and there’s no alternative but to delete the failed backup and do the whole job over from scratch. I go to delete the half-done backup and it won’t delete. What the fuck?

The whole drive has somehow become read-only. After some digging it seems the fix is to chkdsk it, but chkdsk hangs at an early stage. Canceling and retrying, every subsequent attempt immediately gives an error message which is totally uninformative and about which there is nothing useful findable with Google or on M$’s webshite.

Ultimately the only fix seems to be to freaking hex-edit the freaking disk as a raw heap of bits’n’bytes, not exactly a job for the faint of heart, to clear the “dirty” bit and then just pray the inability to chkdsk it doesn’t lead to worse problems down the line. I, being technically savvy, am fortunately able to do this (why isn’t there an automated recovery tool for this? or a chkdsk that actually works correctly?) and presto! the drive is read/write again.

Why the backup program I was using doesn’t check for “is the destination drive not writable” before getting 3 hours in I don’t know, but “they did it just to annoy me, specifically” doesn’t seem to be beyond the pale given the sum total of all of these events.

So I get it going again and again when it is within a couple of hours of done, bam! Some fucking asshole blips my power. And then yesterday I get it going again and today, once more with it on the proverbial home stretch, the asshole turns off the power to my apartment again. And this time leaves it off. That’s when I went out to at least get some shopping done only to find the mall (the non-shitty one at the other end of town, with only a handful of empty storefronts instead of almost nothing but) was also without power, even though it was bloody miles away. They made me sit around waiting for well over another hour. Apparently the art of manually entered double-entry bookkeeping is a lost one and modern day shopkeepers are utterly helpless without working computers?

Oh, and that was right around dinner time, so I had no way to eat either. Only one restaurant in the fucking city had any power and it had a waiting list hours long by the time I got there. I’ve no way to cook at home without power, since trying to use a barbecue indoors is an excellent way to commit suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning and I don’t have a yard or even a balcony. What would I have done for food if it had shut off and stayed that way for days, instead of just hours? And there’s no reason to think my unseen nemesis isn’t capable of such a heinous act.

Of course I had to hex-edit the bloody backup drive again. I haven’t bothered to restart the backup tool (either one of them) because at this point it is clearly futile until I get more information and help.

So I have three questions for everyone here.

1. What the bloody hell is going on in general? Why is it taking me 2 to 3 attempts to do almost any task, however basic? The failures are baffling. None point to any errors on my own part. Instead they all seem to result from someone else’s oversight or incompetence. A store not stocking as much of a product as usual here, another one thinking waist sizes stop at 44 there, and so on and so forth. About the only thing you could argue in good faith I ought to have done differently was to read the prescription more closely before leaving the doctor’s room … oh, who am I kidding, have you tried reading doctors’ handwriting?!

So, if I’m not doing something wrong here, but suddenly I’m only succeeding 1/3 of the time at tasks that normal people (and even my own past self) succeed at 99% of the time, what the fuck is the cause? Outside sabotage? But who the hell could rig all of those different and seemingly unconnected things like that? It seems to be beyond human capability. “Big Business” is a phrase heard often, but they don’t actually act monolithically as a bloc, except in their uniform support of neoliberal-and-worse politicians over progressive ones of any kind, and their uniform disdain for labor unions especially. So why would NoFrills, Value Village, and half a dozen other businesses (and a hospital that, as far as I know, is not, being Canadian, a for-profit enterprise at all) all conspire to sabotage me in various ways? It makes no sense. I don’t think it can be a conspiracy, which means either I’m making errors of some sort I don’t understand and can’t identify all of a sudden, or it’s something else.

2. Why the fuck can’t I back up my files? Why is every single attempt systematically attacked? I don’t use the word “attacked” lightly. But it’s, well, systematic. Every single attempt for two fucking weeks has somehow been blocked, with a combination of assorted glitches and buggy behaviors and, whenever I’ve managed to circumvent all of those (for the moment, because next time there might be new glitches and buggy behaviors!) and a backup of mine is in danger of completing successfully, the power goes out. You can fucking set your watch by it! As soon as the Windows tool is down to the last big directory on the external drive, or the third-party one is done with that drive and down to the internal drive (as it does the drives in the opposite order for some reason), if nothing else has gone wrong, bam! Power outage. 100% of the time, 100% predictable.

How is this being done? Who is doing it and why? How do I find out who, and make them stop? Or even hide from them the fact that I’m doing the backup until it’s fucking done and too late for them to intervene? I have no idea about any of these things. But the implications are scary, starting with someone is spying on my home. And whoever it is can not only disrupt my own machines in various ways (the appearance of whole new bugs and glitches that didn’t used to exist certainly points to this … every time I make a move, it makes a countermove) but also has the capability to black out an entire small city of nearly 20,000 people for several hours.

This suggests my adversary is a freaking nation-state level actor, or a mafia approaching an equivalent level of capability in the dirty-tricks department. (That adds a few options beyond actual nation-states, such as the Russian mob and the cult of Scientology.) I can’t think of anything that would have brought me to the attention of any of them, and I also don’t think any of them who had me on their radar as a dangerous dissident or whatever would “merely” disrupt me from backing up my files and act to make my shopping trips go poorly.

The capabilities demonstrated by my adversary point to some major organization or even a government. But the specific actions taken against me point to something very different: a petty feud and simple run-of-the-mill bullying by someone who knows me personally and wants to make my life a living hell. In other words, plain-Jane harassment by some garden-variety internet troll I pissed off or by some acquaintance I annoyed.

One who somehow has the resources of the fucking CIA to sabotage computers, power grids, and pretty much anything else they want to sabotage. And who doesn’t care if they inconvenience a shop full of people or even an entire city full of people as collateral damage.

It simply doesn’t seem credible … until I think of the alternative, which is equally not credible, which is that I’ve suddenly turned into a nincompoop at the stroke of midnight on August 1 and am making some sort of error I don’t quite understand, presumably because I turned into a nincompoop.

A nincompoop who can still download, figure out, and use an entirely novel tool (a raw disk editor) to fix a problem in ten minutes flat (and then can do it the second time, a couple of days later, without even any reference guide, just from memory). While on the other hand having become magically incompetent, literally overnight, at everything else from running a much simpler-interfaced backup tool to going to the grocery store to pick up some fucking cookies.

This makes exactly as much sense as a childish petty rival somehow having CIA-level resources with which to harass me, but then only using those resources to screw with my shopping trips and backup, when they could presumably wipe out my hard drive with a few keystrokes and have me tortured in a black site with a few more.

And the third possibility would be that this is all happenstance and coincidence, except for the minor little matter of the sheer improbability of it all. If you add up every single thing that has gone wrong in these past two weeks that no ordinary person fucks up more than 1% of the time you’re into lottery-jackpot odds before you are halfway down my list. Just the backup problems alone add up to a giant heap of improbability. Even just the timings of the power outages. Note: there were none here in June and only one brief one in July, or maybe it was the other way around. There have been about six so far in August, and it’s not even half over yet, and their cumulative duration is about three orders of magnitude more than June’s and July’s combined. So if we take it as a nominal probability of 1 in 60 per day, based on the frequency for the two months ending at the moment I started trying to back up my files, then the odds of having one in the past 12 days should have been 5:1 against, which makes what has actually happened one in fifteen thousand six hundred and twenty-five. That’s astoundingly bad luck. But then what is the probability that a one-in-fifteen-thousand fortnight coincides precisely with when I happen to be trying to back up my files? It must be even lower, probably by another order of magnitude. And then the probability that the individual outages will be timed to “whenever one of my backups reaches about 90% completion”? Now we probably need exponential notation to even write it down compactly.

So: “bad luck” seems lacking as an explanation. So does “petty rival with the backing of the NSA, or similarly”. And so does “magically became incompetent at all but one highly technical and specialized task one night by fairy magic”.

So can someone please explain all of this? Why can’t I get my files backed up? How can I get my files backed up? I’m confident now, after how many times in a row it’s happened, that if I fire it up again right now and it gets to around the 90% mark the power will go out again. I need to understand how and why that keeps happening and how to avoid it happening again. Whether that means I find a way to make a demand to someone, somewhere to “stop fucking with my power” stick, or I find a way to hide the fact that I’m running a backup tool (or at least that it has reached 90% without any errors) from … something I need to hide it from, or something I can’t even imagine at this point.

That’s request number one. How do I back up my files without the power going out yet again when it gets close to done?

Request number two is: Why am I suddenly, seemingly, incompetent at just about everything? I mean, I already seemed to have a higher rate of problems with basic tasks such as shopping than normal people experience, even after accounting for obvious factors like my limited transportation options, but it was only somewhat elevated. These past two weeks it’s gone through the roof. I have to make two or three trips to accomplish nearly every single thing that should nominally take one and used to usually take only one, even for me.

And request number three is: How do I unfuck my life? Every single one of these problems is made worse by my complete lack of any sort of reliable social support network. I have no non-online friends, and every relative in my area is of low reliability to come through in a pinch with anything (e.g., transportation. Or information. Or (instructions on how to reasonably quickly get) a hot meal while the city’s being blacked out by fucking Lex Luthor, or whoever it is I’ve managed to piss off who’s turning out to have the resources of your average comic book supervillain). There seems to be no way to meet and get to know new people in meatspace without spending money at a rate in the triple-figures-monthly ballpark, especially without a car. I am exhausted after three (count ’em, three) multi-kilometer walks in the past seven days and can barely move likely for the next two. I surely couldn’t do that every single day, which precludes getting a job even were I not thoroughly unemployable for multiple other reasons none of which I seem to have any leverage over.

One thing is clear: my entire life is on hold until I can get these solved. I can’t continue my computer projects without confidence in the ability to back up my data, as otherwise any work I do is statistically guaranteed to go up in smoke some day anyway, so why bother wasting the time doing it now? And I’ve no life beyond those, because apparently having a life beyond those is a privilege reserved to the middle class and above nowadays. So without an answer to number 1 (how do I back up without the power going out?) or number 3 I am apparently stuck here twiddling my fucking thumbs and waiting for a goddamn miracle. While being slowly tortured by number 2 (having to do every damned thing twice, especially if it involves an hour or more of walking to get somewhere).

I can’t live like this. I don’t know what to do about any of these things and I am at my wits end.

What do I do about all of these mutually-reinforcing problems?!

If any of you know please tell me. Or if you know a better place to ask all of this (note: must be either online or local to me, within a few kilometers, and must have a price tag of $0 if online or no more than a few tens of dollars elsewise), please tell me that.

If any of you know please tell me. Or if you know a better place to ask all of this (note: must be either online or local to me, within a few kilometers, and must have a price tag of $0 if online or no more than a few tens of dollars elsewise), please tell me that.

Not to be mean, but reminded me of this


In all seriousness, sounds like you’ve got a serious case of life. Hope it gets better for you. I had a serious case of life myself last week. My doctor found a mass on my left breast when I told her I had been having pain there for the last 3 months. The day after that she had me scheduled for a really early ultrasound on that breast because the size of the lump and red skin was that concerning to her. So after having a sleepless night thinking I’m going to die of cancer and seeing the future that I had planned for my fiancé and I go up in smoke, I go to the appointment to find out that its not a tumor (thank you Jesus) but a swollen lymph noid. So there is still something wrong with me, they don’t know what, I’m still in pain, and the lump lymph noid is still there. Also my fiancé got set back to come home in October instead of September because he forgot to call some 18 year old punk sir and they docked a lot of pay because of that (oh joys the marines). Just incase your wondering, it’s gonna be a full year now since I last saw him when he comes home. So I’m out of love, and gained one sore tit after it being squeezed, poked and smooshed for two days. The boat that we get put in huh.

Also in all seriousness, please do not use a grill indoors. When I was a child we had a huge ice storm and my neighbors son’s did that, they caught the currents on fire and within minutes their homes was ingulfed in flames. No matter how derspate you get, please do not do that. I would hate for that to happen to you.

Also you seem to be under impression that someone is intentionally out to get you. You’ve stated not only in this post, but in others. As someone who once developed delusions and paranoia because of ptsd symptoms, I’m just trying say I can see some of that in you. I am not a doctor in anyway, but if you have means, Maybe talk with a professional about that. Mine got so bad I almost attacked a lunch lady thinking she was dosing me with something. (4 days with no sleep will do that to you). If you do think that some outside force is against you, whether that is a person, or a supernatural entity, please get some help if you can. I know how scary that can be.

@Surplus : I don’t have any actual advice, but I feel ya.

An old french president used to say “shit like to fly in squadron”. (he had an excellent way with word, and was the last french right wing politician who was stubbornly anti-fascism). That seem to be what happen to you, more than a problem with yourself.

For the backup stuff, at that point I would copy the file that interest me myself. I don’t use windows at all, but if the backup stuff is forced to go back to 0 with any interruption, then it’s scandalously badly designed. Like, worse than IE6 designed.

I have had entire months at works where I mostly did nothing (but I *was* halfway depressive during thoses episode). I alway feel terribly lucky both that Paris allow to never have a car and never have a problem and that at work nobody care since my usual productivity is way above average anyhow. Also it’s at thoses time I am so very happy to have endured gender dysphoria at other moment, because let’s face it : I have the easy mode gender (and color of skin to boot, but that one never caused me distress).

I don’t know how to advice you to build IRL friend. I have had to go out of my way to find people much younger than me before having such a network.


Backup issues: Could be that the drive you’re doing the backup to is the problem and is faulty somehow.

The rest: You should seriously consider a residential stay in a mental health facility. I have no clue how to go about that in Canada.*

You show very worrying signs in your writings that you should at least talk with a psychiatrist about.

The level of paranoia you display is really outside of healthy range.

*I suggest against following my example and wait until you spent a night fighting the urge to jump off the balcony and get sent in for crisis intervention.

@epitome of incomprehensibility

I don’t wear lipstick every day, but when I do, it’s a sign of formality. If it’s supposed to send a message, that message is, “Hello, I’m dressed up.”

Also, if the “Hello, I’m dressed up,” is obvious from the lipstick, then I don’t have to wear other makeup. Grooming tips for the lazy!

Hey, that’s my grooming tip. It’s for those who are lazy and cheap.

In the same vein, here’s a grooming tip if you’re pressed for time:

Apply your lipstick* while you’re on public transit. Saves you 30 seconds. Maybe you won’t miss your bus.

*Yes, it’s the same makeup. But the other tip saved you just two things: energy and money. This one also saves you time.


I live in Paris. 100€ is about the double of a seriously fancy dinner. Are american restaurant that expensive ?

I live in Copenhagen. Here it’s a fancy dinner for one provided you don’t have any wine and don’t tip.

In Oslo, it would probably buy you a quick glance at the menu …

Seriously fancy is $200-$300 per person, including seriously fancy wine pairings. Sounds like he’s only talking about her share of dinner and a movie being $100, so that’s $85 per person for dinner, including tip, tax, drinks, we’re talking mid-range, fancier than a chain restaurant, but not fancy fancy, at least in my area.

I had a look into the “lead in lipstick” thing… not at all obvious how hazardous the whole thing is. In the EU, at least, a bunch of lipsticks were tested and came out with about 1 part-per-million of lead, with legal limits of 20ppm in Germany and 10ppm in Canada. This is a lot higher than the allowed limits for drinking water (more like 1 part-per-billion) but, y’know, you consume a lot more water than lipstick. I assume.

Apparently if you use lipstick a lot, you might ingest as much as 87mg/day of lipstick if you’re a frequent user, which works out at about 1.6kg or 3.5lbs over 50 years of using that much lipstick every day. That’s about 87 nanograms of lead per day (or 1.6mg over that 50 year period). Not sure how that compares to other sources of environmental exposure, especially in urban areas, but it doesn’t look like an immediately terrifying amount.

Had to look up Elizabeth Holmes. Her father was an Enron exec, her mother a congressional committee staffer. I think I have a pretty good idea which one taught her that anything you do to make money, including a scam that put people in actual physical danger, was acceptable, and that successfully stealing from people who trust you just makes you the smartest person in the room.


You sound tech savvy so you are probably doing this already but try running the backup in safe mode. I had similar problems and this sped up the process as there was less likely to be some background bit of software start and start rooting around messing things up.

In the end I gave up and went with synching software like:

Actually, in the end, I gave up on Windows and changed to Ubuntu, although that wasn’t just because of backups.

On everything else… That’s beyond my bailiwick but luck can be a matter of perception and attitude:

Perhaps some CBT would help?


Nevermind the vastly more common case of an all male board being swindled by an attractive, uneducated guy without vetting him. Happens so routinely it’s not even news.

This is the flip side of the ‘Smartest Guy in the Room’ thinking. If you firmly believe that you’re too smart to be scammed, that makes you easier to scam.


You beat me to Elizabeth Holmes. Of all the examples Molyneux could have chosen of… I’m still a little hazy on what his point is, but whatever it is, Elizabeth Holmes is less an example of the power of makeup to hoodwink people than it is a rich faildaughter putting on a black turtleneck and people being gullible enough to mistake her for Steve Jobs with boobs.

But on the topic of makeup, it’s not something I personally wear. I just go out side the way I look, eyebags, acne scars and all. But I can at least appreciate that there are actual factual makeup historians out there that specialize in the history of beautification. In fact–and I didn’t know this despite writing a paper on the guy in university–Abu al-Qasim al-Zahrawi, the very Andalusian physician who pioneered surgical techniques in his book al-Tasrif, also included a chapter of that same book to the “Medicine of Beauty”, which was all about cosmetics. That’s right, he considered cosmetics a medical field, and apparently upon translation of al-Tasrif, that chapter informed a lot of the Renaissance cosmetic techniques, particularly when it came to perfumes and incense.

This kind of reductiveness just really grinds my gears, because it takes an entire field of study that a lot of people pour a lot of hard work into and just casts it all aside just to accuse an entire gender of collective duplicity. As if that wasn’t bad enough. Or as if men don’t use makeup or comb hair over bald spots or colour greys or do any number of things to make themselves look more attractive. I get that Stefan has opted for the desiccated hobgoblin look and maybe some people are attracted to leathery trolls, but not everyone is.

Cheap shot, I know, but much like Donald Trump commenting on the looks of others, Stefan’s not exactly Brad Pitt. It’s just another example of the double-bind men put women in, where makeup is both necessary and inherently misleading at the same time.

@Surplus – iirc, the health care connect letter included the name of the doctor they had found for you? You’ll need to call them and make an appointment.

It does work, as i said before, it is how i found my doctor. A friend recently also found theor doctor through it.

If the name isn’t on the letter, have you called them? Try that.

Re: value village not ‘stocking’ higher than a specific size… um… you know it’s a donation store, right? And that they can only stock what is donated?

Have you donated any larger size clothing to them?

Re: ‘someone’ messing with your power – no one is deliberately doing this. You said yourself a huge part of your area was without power. It is a problem with the power companies amd infrastructure, not people being out to get you.

Re: people not being able to sell you things without a computer – younwere in a grocery store. Could you *imagine* the difficulty of adjusting the inventory levels of everything, manually, after the power comes back on?

No. No one will do that. Do you think the store likes turning away customers who can’t wait? They hate to be paying their employees and making no money. If there was any way they could make money, they would.

There just isn’t, and i really hope you just quietly fumed, and didn’t go off on some poor employee.

Re: your backup – maybe it’s time to retire some of these files, to make your backup smaller? Housecleaning is a loooot of work, and i don’t envy you that, but do you need them all?

Re: ER giving out prescriptions – of course they don’t make it easy???? They do not want people to come in to get prescriptions, that is what family doctors and walk-ins are for. They don’t want non-emergency people at the *emergency room*. Imagine triaging through all of that!

Did you ever talk to your pharmacist, to see if they can extend your previous prescription? Because they have to power to do that with some drugs in Ontario.

Aaaand i admit i skimmed like half your post, but i saw something about the NSA and the CIA? Surplus, *this is not normal*. I really really think you need to talk to someone. *you don’t have a nemesis*. If you honestly think you do, and you aren’t a secret billionaire or an ex spy of something, please please please believe me when i say *THIS IS NOT NORMAL*.

Ah, re: the power blips being more frequent – how hot has it been? There is probably a higher load on the power grid with people using their ACs more.


A workmate recently launched into this exact JP and stefan molyneux talking point. I don’t wear makeup so i guess he thought he could say it to me.

Yeah, this happened to me, too, a few months ago. The guy in question did not realize, however, that I DO wear makeup (mascara and light lipstick). I came in without it the next day to demonstrate. He said I looked the same, even though without mascara, my white eyelashes are all but invisible.

Of course, he dyes his hair, but that’s different, somehow.


Plus the expensive bottle of wine meant to impress her. Then when it doesn’t work, it’s “omg she swindled me out of a bottle of wine !!

Especially if she never agreed to getting the thing in the first place


I once had this guy on my Facebook complain really hard about all the makeup my ballet students were wearing in a picture that was taken after a recital. He was yammering on and on about how these girls are way to young to be wearing makeup and that they looked like “painted up whores” such a nice way to talk about 9 and 10 year olds. I kept trying to explain to him that this is stage makeup and that these girls were on a stage. You wear it so the audience can see you better which is what their parents, family and friends want to see. Every stage performer from dance to acting wears stage makeup when up on stage.

Bit of a random story but the talk about men trying to say makeup is inapporait made me think of it.


The only advice I can give you is to see if you can find a therapist either on a sliding scale or perhaps a reduced rate online therapist that you can afford to discuss these issues with. It is extremely unfair to continually bring your problems up here. Commenters try as best they can, uncompensated, to offer you advice, at which point you inevitably tear them to pieces for trying to help you. You cannot keep treating people like this. Please talk about your problems with someone who is paid to listen and advise.


Another thing I thought of:

I’m in the energy industry. I’m on the supplier side, not the distribution side, but I do know a bit about the network.

In short, it’s precarious as hell all over the world. A small fluctuation at times of high load, a transformer malfunction, small, local things like that, can knock down huge swathes of the distribution network like a game of annoying dominoes.

It doesn’t matter what the utility companies tell you. The distribution infrastructure world wide is very fragile.

Basically it’ll break down if you look at it funny.

Get treatment for your paranoia.

I took dance lessons many years ago (as an adult and because I’d always wanted to as a child) and decided to participate in the recital. We were all required to purchase and wear pancake makeup, false eyelashes, and a specific color of lipstick. I felt like I was wearing a mask and didn’t recognize my own reflection at the time but when I watched the video, lo and behold, I looked like me!

It’s almost like people who produce stage shows know what they’re talking about!

I stopped complaining about having to wear all that makeup for one recital after that. But it all went in the bin anyway.


I read like 60% of your post. I think I get the feeling because, during much of my life, I’ve been angry and resented with things. “For the others it’s hard, for me it’s harder.” “The others pay the full price and they get it; I pay three times the full price and I don’t get it.”

It’s impossible to just stop this because the resentment is too much. But you’re not right when you think that way and that way of thinking is poison.

In my case, it has helped to:
-not be so hard on myself,
-not be so hard on other people (like, judging less, avoiding destructive vocabulary to even think about others, even if they are really awful people), and
-not look actively for every single little detail that I can use to confirm my angry delusion that the world is against me.

There can also be a deeper existential issue, like what I’m going to do with myself and my life.

You can’t change all that in half an hour, but yoy can begin moving in that direction.

Also, seeking professional help, like other commenters have hinted, could be more than a good idea.

I don’t know if what I’ve said applies to you; I know what applied to me. But I do wish that you get out of that state: nobody has to live like this.


Something else I want to add. Just about the problem your having with clothes. Idk if this will help or not because I know you said your living on a budget but if you could save up for it or just get it when your a bit more secure. A sowing machine can be a life savor. I’m a really specific size as well and when I buy things from a regular store or a donation store I normally have to alter it in some way. There are loads of online descriptions and YouTube videos you can watch to learn how to do it and with practice it works out pretty well. This could help you get the right size for you so you won’t have any more pants falling down issues. I’m sure somewhere you can find a used sowing machine so you won’t have to pay full price for it.

This might actually help with your social life as well because the sowing community much like the knitting community, are generally really nice people. Plus there is something so organic about making something with your hands. The woman who taught me how to sow when I was a young girl would tell me everything you make with your hands has a little bit of magic in it.

I also have a really yummy chocolate chip oatmeal cookie recipe if you want to make your own instead of store bought. That way as long as you have the ingredients you can make them yourself.


I read like 60% of your post. I think I get the feeling because, during much of my life, I’ve been angry and resented with things. “For the others it’s hard, for me it’s harder.” “The others pay the full price and they get it; I pay three times the full price and I don’t get it.”

It’s impossible to just stop this because the resentment is too much. But you’re not right when you think that way and that way of thinking is poison.

In my case, it has helped to:
-not be so hard on myself,
-not be so hard on other people (like, judging less, avoiding destructive vocabulary to even think about others, even if they are really awful people), and
-not look actively for every single little detail that I can use to confirm my angry delusion that the world is against me.

A bit like, take it easy, man.

There can also be a deeper existential issue, like what I’m going to do with myself and my life.

You can’t change all that in half an hour, but yoy can begin moving in that direction.

Also, seeking professional help, like other commenters have hinted, could be more than a good idea.

I don’t know if what I’ve said applies to you; I know what applied to me. But I do wish that you get out of that state: nobody has to live like this.


I know it may seem like a lot but even stage makeup is suppose to enhance your natural features. Under the lights and from a distance it really does. Would any one wear it for everyday? No I don’t think so. It’s also bad for ones skin to wear that much.

Also I hope you had fun with your dance lessons! I have had many adults tell me that they wished they had taken dance as a child or that they could have. When I try to tell them they can take it now as an adult it doesn’t seem to appeal to them. To worried about looking silly or something like that. So that’s really cool you were able to do a childhood dream of yours! Maybe I can achieve mine of learning how to play the piano….. or maybe even the harp!

@Kat – A kindred spirit!

Apply your lipstick* while you’re on public transit. Saves you 30 seconds. Maybe you won’t miss your bus.

Ah, but then I’ll look disorganized and I want to appear to be organized! (This is sad but true.)

@Surplus – I understand with the so-called conspiracy theorizing that you’re poking fun at your own tendency to overanalyze, but I’m not sure everyone gets the humour (in case you’re confused by people’s reactions).

I get that a lot – sometimes people can’t tell if I’m serious or funny when I want to express the fact that 1) I am upset at things (serious), but 2) I am also exaggerating for comic effect (to lighten the mood).

But I second the suggestion to talk about your actual anxiety with the doctor and ask for some strategies for managing it (once you finally manage to reach them – bureaucracy is a headache and a half). I would not say your actual worries are not “normal”. You are dealing with tough things. Also, it’s a fairly common thing with anxiety to think trivial things = serious and moderate things = super serious. Yes, that could be better too, but it’s doesn’t mean you’re crazy or weird.

I’m more self-aware about my overreactions than before – and I think you are too, thus the humour – but it doesn’t stop me from reverting to anxious ways of thinking when in a crisis.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I had a panic attack because I was alone in my building and it was about 30 Celsius (I also hadn’t slept much). My mind said “discomfort = MORTAL DANGER” and my heart started beating fast and I thought I was dying. At the same time, I kind of recognized that maybe it was just a panic attack so I held off calling the emergency number and just called my friend. At 2:30 AM. Which was not ideal, but it helped me calm down.

Last thought – people do tend to be less efficient when it’s hot out, and power outages are also more frequent in hot weather. The power went off and on again most of Sunday night (at first I was confused why my phone wasn’t charging). Anyway. Take care.


Also you seem to be under impression that someone is intentionally out to get you.


An old french president used to say “shit like to fly in squadron”. (he had an excellent way with word, and was the last french right wing politician who was stubbornly anti-fascism). That seem to be what happen to you, more than a problem with yourself.

Those were two of my hypotheses, out of three. I came up with compelling counterarguments to all three. I literally do not understand what the fuck is happening to me or how to fix it.

I actually came up with a fourth hypothesis overnight, which I *can’t* refute but which *seems* ludicrous on its face: Novikov self-consistency. As in, “if I succeed in completing a backup it will somehow result in a temporal paradox, therefore every attempt is pre-destined to failure. If I somehow could afford a generator, and magically was immune to carbon monoxide poisoning from running it indoors and tried to run the machines off that during the backup, something would still go wrong. An ACME anvil would crash through the ceiling and wreck the equipment, or the generator would inexplicably fail despite plenty of fuel, or Donald fucking Trump would push the BRB, whereon since there’s a NATO airbase not that far from here I’d certainly get EMP’d and likely vaporized 20 minutes later.”

The only argument I have against that one is that it’s science fiction. Then again, so were communications satellites, flip-phones, and CT scans at one time.

@Knitting Cat Lady:

Backup issues: Could be that the drive you’re doing the backup to is the problem and is faulty somehow. [followed by threatening noises suggesting I ought to be locked up]

It’s nearly-new. And I don’t see how attempting to back up to a faulty drive would black out a whole city for three hours. As for the rest of that I won’t even dignify it with a response.


In the end I gave up and went with synching software

Won’t work in this instance. Well, it technically would, but the destination drive is so big that small files take up twice as much “space on disk” as their actual sizes, so I need something that creates large zip files or otherwise bundles them up.

Perhaps some CBT would help?

Leaving aside the not-so-minor issue of the price tag, I really don’t see how that would keep my power from going out.


iirc, the health care connect letter included the name of the doctor they had found for you? You’ll need to call them and make an appointment.

The initial letter was just an acknowledgement that they were (allegedly) looking for one, not that they had found one. They haven’t and I’m presuming they won’t and the whole thing is just a pacifier to delay the eventual descent of a torches-and-pitchforks mob upon Queen’s Park, or some such nonsense. Same as phone reps that make excuses and refer you around in circles, and feedback forms that never result in fixing the problems that people complain about, and so forth.

It does work, as i said before, it is how i found my doctor. A friend recently also found theor doctor through it.

Oh. Then it must be yet another of those things that works for other people, but inexplicably doesn’t work for me. Like the backup tools, the shops, and literally almost every other thing I encounter in day to day life.

Have you donated any larger size clothing to them?

I’m not rich enough to be replacing my clothes before they wear out to, say, keep in some sort of style or something. So, no.

It is a problem with the power companies amd infrastructure, not people being out to get you.

To convince me of that at this point, after two weeks of my beating my head against the proverbial wall, you’d have to give me a convincing explanation for the timing. Why did the problems start at the same time I started trying to back up my files, and why do the individual outages seem timed to stop backups that are on the verge of succeeding?

It feels like I’m stuck on some particularly difficult (and poorly-designed) video game level, somehow. You need to find the flooblezitz and give it to that weird NPC with the discombobulated-sounding dialog tree at Feeglezottz Park before trying to back your files up or the power will go out just before the backup finishes, but there’s no clue in the game that this is what’s required to pass this obstacle, and they forgot to even give you the little thingy advertising the strategy guide that you can buy for $19.95 plus S&H…

Re: ER giving out prescriptions – of course they don’t make it easy???? They do not want people to come in to get prescriptions, that is what family doctors and walk-ins are for.

Except that there are no walk-ins here and the family doctors are all downsizing because of Ford cuts or some such shit. So even if they don’t *want* to make it easy they are *morally obligated to do so* OR to fix things so that everyone has a bloody family doctor OR to open a walk-in next door, one of those three.

*you don’t have a nemesis*. If you honestly think you do, and you aren’t a secret billionaire or an ex spy of something, please please please believe me when i say *THIS IS NOT NORMAL*.

I literally don’t know what to think at this point. Much of it seems hard to explain if I don’t have a nemesis, but as explained in my previous post “nemesis” doesn’t really make sense either. NONE of it makes sense. I mean, it seems like these should be exhaustive, right: these systematic problems are being caused by me, caused by someone else, or caused by no-one. But the first requires magical fairy-wand selective incompetence that makes no sense, the second requires a petty jerk with supervillain resources which makes no sense, and the third requires that I have won some sort of inverse lottery, roughly equivalent in likelihood to winning half a billion dollars on one Powerball ticket, except bad luck.

the power blips being more frequent – how hot has it been? There is probably a higher load on the power grid with people using their ACs more.

Cooler than during July, which was heat wave after heat wave here — with rock stable power.

@Viscaria: I don’t have that kind of money.


not look actively for every single little detail that I can use to confirm my angry delusion that the world is against me

I’m not looking actively for anything. I’m doing things like trying to back up my files. I’m doing ordinary things, and then having inordinate difficulty far beyond anything I can believe is normal. It’s not a delusion! I can’t explain it. I was hoping maybe someone here could, but it’s looking more and more like nobody can explain it. Although the most disturbing thing by far is the suggestion made by one and at least hinted at by others that I deserve to lose my freedom over this. I thought we were the people who were opposed to the ones who advocate for herding people into camps for daring to question or oppose “the system”?

There can also be a deeper existential issue, like what I’m going to do with myself and my life.

I don’t see how that can cause my trying to back up my files to, in turn, cause power blackouts dependably and predictably as they have been. That being said: I do indeed have an existential issue, to wit, it is unlikely that I will (usefully, at least) outlive my 50s, if even reach them.

I have noticeably less stamina than I did ten years ago. It seems very unlikely that by ten years in the future I will still be capable of multiple multi-kilometer walks per week to the stores to get supplies and things. Once that point is reached I will have to spend an extra $20+ on most or all such trips to hire taxis. Then my finances go into the red, assuming that nothing else (Ford cuts, increasing costs of living, etc.) has done that already. And once my finances go into the red, I have another year or two tops of drawing down my savings before the past due notices start to pile up. A month or two after that, no more roof. And a few months after that someone finds the feet of my corpsicle sticking out of a melting snowbank in the spring.

Even if I somehow found a way to survive without a roof over my head, I can’t do so and also have electronics, not with nowhere to keep them dry or to recharge things. So there go all of my files and work, backups or no backups. So I could perhaps survive but my life would be over in every sense except the purely biological. I could not do any art, writing, or anything, or contribute in any way at all to society past that point.

The same applies if I did something really stupid to avoid rooflessness, like commit a crime to go to jail or get myself committed to some hellish asylum somewhere. No data, no network, all my stuff gets auctioned off somewhere and wiped and overwritten with other people’s stuff … survival, but not life.

So I have perhaps ten years left in which to complete my life’s work after which I will lack the tools and finances necessary to continue doing so (and, most likely, even to continue breathing).

And here I am with two weeks down the drain on a necessary task that should not have taken more than a few dozen hours.

I don’t know if what I’ve said applies to you; I know what applied to me. But I do wish that you get out of that state: nobody has to live like this.

Apparently that’s not correct, because “not living like this” apparently costs money I don’t have.

Well, to those who offered constructive suggestions in good faith: thanks for trying. I was hoping someone knew “the secret” or something, some trick, or just what impossible to figure out puzzle-steps are needed to get past the “power always goes out if I try to run a backup” obstacle in whatever stupid game I’m somehow trapped inside of. But apparently nobody has any more clue what is going on or how to fix it than I do.

There seems to be nothing further I can do to resolve my difficulties. Every hypothesis I can come up with is also easily refuted. Nobody has offered any more hypotheses. I have the distinct sense that what is happening to me is wrong and I am being treated unfairly, but I can’t even identify the source of this unfairness or guess at which authority should hear my appeal. It really does feel like being stuck on a hard level in a badly designed video game, except that I’m living inside the game and don’t have the first clue how to contact the vendor or even who that vendor is. And either you’re just some of that game’s NPCs or it’s massively multiplayer but you’re all as clueless as I am about who the hell is running the show, but have managed not to get stuck in the spot where I did…

which is just another science-fictiony hypothesis that, while seemingly ludicrous, I cannot refute. Or turn into any useful idea for something to try, though at least in theory there would be a way past the obstacle, unlike the Novikov case.

So this is it. My life is, for all practical purposes, at an end. I cannot continue with any of my work without knowing how to run a backup without the attempt having the consequence of blacking out the entire city I’m in. And nobody seems to have a clue how to do that. I thought I had maybe another ten years of skating by and then maybe one or two of circling the drain but suddenly it looks like I’m already plunging down into the sewer pipe. It’s escalated to where I can not continue any of my projects, and therefore have little ability to contribute even in an unpaid way to society anymore, and people are openly suggesting that I deserve to be locked up for whatever it is I have supposedly done wrong (which, of course, is never clearly specified, just as the error messages have usually been vague and the power outages utterly inexplicable). I doubt it will be long before it escalates further, to where I am actually jailed on trumped-up charges or just killed outright by Trump starting WWIII, being hit by a bus, or some ludicrous but oddly-appropriate thing like a piano falling on my fucking head.

I will hold out a faint hope that someone will belatedly think up something that can explain and/or fix this shit, but I think I’m just awaiting the end at this point.


Again there is this thing called paranoia you really need to talk with a professional.


@Viscaria: I don’t have that kind of money.

I am very sorry to hear that. For reference, I attended a sliding-scale clinic when I was a student about a decade ago, and they were charging me $8 (I believe) a session. Presumably it’s a bit more now, but still, perhaps less than you are imagining? It might be worth checking to make sure it’s not something you can afford.

Either way, though, it’s still not okay to treat the commenters here like your personal kicking post. I hope that you can get professional help, but even if you can’t, abusing people here is not an acceptable alternative.

What about purple, blue, green, and pale pink lipstick? What’s that trying to “signal”?

I have never, in my entire life, seen a woman’s lips get redder when she’s sexually aroused. How did this myth get started?

And, dancers, people appearing on TV, and *anyone* under stage or theatrical or photography lighting, *has to* wear makeup, and usually a lot. If you don’t, you look like you were too impatient to wait for the Last Trump, and so rose from the grave way too early.

Surplus, you *really don’t see* that absolutely no one is out to get you.

When you are low, *everything feels worse*. I’ve tried giving you examples of when I was in similar straights (broke, jobless, family stuff that I was too far away to help with) and you just threw it back in my face, so I’m not going to try to empathise with you.

You’ve been given what solutions we can. Honestly, I think @Viscaria hit the nail on the head.

This comments section *is not your therapist*. We’re all dealing with our own shit. We can try to help, but as you’ve just shown again, you aren’t happy except with a magic fix everything button.

There isn’t one. Sorry. Take small steps to fix what problems you can, like checking to see online how long you should be waiting for a letter from health care connect. If it’s been longer, CALL THEM. Even if you dont’ think it won’t do any good, doing nothing is also not doing any good, and you say you’re suffering from a lack of a doctor, so…?

You also never mentioned if you’d talked to your pharmacist, so I’m going to assume you also didn’t do that.

@ epitome of incomprehensibility – Surplus isn’t joking. They’ve been asking for a magic way for us to fix everything wrong in their life for over a year. Since it’s impossible, any small hints of help are just ignored, or we’re told that it isn’t good enough and made to feel bad for even trying.

I honestly don’t know why I keep engaging. Surplus just makes *me* feel bad.


I know that the material side of things, housing and the like seems like The Issue here. And I’m not making light of these issues which are legit. But the feelings of surreality and living in a simulation/game sound pretty familiar from my experiences of living with a dissociative disorder. They might also cross over to psychosis – whatever the case, I really believe there’s no way out other than you seeking professional help. There are sliding scale helpers out there and I second other commenters here. None of this will change unless you take steps to fix the underlying issue.

Two things about your posts keep catching my eye: your sense of impending doom (“I won’t see my 50s”) and the interlinkedness of your tech issues with other stressors. You might not be willing to recognize this side of the pattern, but do you lose time? You describe losing skills, and that combined with losing time is a dissociation classic. Do you think it’s possible you recognize your need of mental health help, then reach out, but pull out again as addressing the underlying issue feels too overwhelming?

I have to agree with other commenters that ultimately asking for advice, then declining it is not fair. I believe you have your reasons and I feel sympathetic. But there’s no way out of this unless you redirect your energy towards seeking help. Best of luck. I understand it feels too expensive and too everything, but… None of us can help you, not really.


Well, I suppose I’m a glutton for punishment.

Statistics are a good way to predict happenings in a larger population; they do not determine what happens in particular instances. A small chance is still a chance, and that means that something surpassingly unlikely still happens to some people. You are just having a run of bad luck. It’s shitty, but it’s not proof that you’re being specifically targeted by anyone.

You mentioned the power went out when you were out shopping. I assume that didn’t coincide with you running another backup. Therefore, the power outages are not caused by you trying to back up your files; you’re just having bad luck (and I assure you that the power outages have also inconvenienced many, many other people in your town as well. You are not the only person in existence.)

Try googling the specific hard drive that you’re doing your backups to; other people may have noticed similar problems/delays and come up with work around. Also, try googling the program you’re using to do the backups, see if there are problems that were encountered with that and workarounds discovered.

Alternatively, try backing up things in parts. Zip up your most important files and copy them onto the drive, and continue from there. It might take more time and effort than if you could back up everything in one go, but given your power difficulties, this might be the best option.

Did you try talking to your pharmacist about your prescription?

If you’re having difficulties shopping and traveling, you could try ordering things online to be delivered to your home. There are often affordable options.

If you want to make IRL friends, try to not expect that someone giving you advice will be able to immediately fix every problem you have for you. Oh, and try not to mention that you think the government is out to bully you personally. That tends to put people off.

And finally, for the love of god, get your name on a waiting list for a therapist. You’re exhibiting a lot of red flags of mental illness and you need to get some help. We aren’t threatening you or saying that you need to be locked away, we’re saying that you’re exhibiting really worrying behavior and you need help. Talk to someone, professionally. Random commentors on the internet cannot be your therapist.

Oh and Surplus, you’re welcome for the tip on healthcare connect, from the last time you were here bemoaning your life.

Not that I expect any gratitude, but I did go out of my way to give you the links so a ‘thank you’ would have been nice.



I’m also really upset that I and other people concerned about your mental health, even opening up to you about our own mental health problems, read that and took that as “YOU JUST WANT TO LOCK ME UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY. I’VE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS. I’VE COMMITES NO CRIME” when all we were saying was talk to someone who can figure out what’s wrong and help get to a place where you can not feel this way. It’s really hurtful. Me telling you about my own parinoa was to try to help you and spat on it because it wasn’t the advice you wanted.

The level of paranoia you display is really outside of healthy range.

But perfectly understandable if it’s the result of low medication and stress or PTSD. Also could be indicative of anxiety about unsympathetic authority figures.
It really does seem like his area is experiencing rolling powerdowns. Frustrating but not a conspiracy.

What’s also concerning is the apparent lack of social support. Even tech wizards need help now and then. Talk someone online or outside the area. I echo someone’s concern the drive being copied to is a problem.

Good luck.


There’s this thing called confirmation bias. The dictionary has your picture next to the definition.

And your paranoia is way out of hand.

I’ll tell you one more thing:

If you don’t get mental health treatment now you’ll be involuntarily committed eventually.

I’ve spent a long holiday weekend on the closed psych ward. As a patient. I know what psychosis looks like.

You display very worrying signs.

The world isn’t out to get you. The world doesn’t care one bit about you.

Your brain is broken. That’s no big deal.

Mine is broken six ways from Sunday.

I deal with it like an adult. By taking my meds and seeking more involved therapy when necessary.

I’m on sick leave to prevent a relapse right now, FFS!

Give yourself a kick in the ass and seek professional help.

And stop rejecting all the advice the people on here give you out of hand.


I’ve been dealing with mental health shit since I was about 10.

I take three different psych meds.

It’s no big deal.

Just go and get help, dude!


Honestly your just really making me regret the emotional labor that it takes to open up to you and give you advice. I want you to be well and for things to get better for you. But you put it down and make me and other commuters here not feel good enough. I have problems saying no to people. I get walked on because I’m timid and social navigation is extremely hard for me. Just because a lot of people here are willing to do emotion labor for free for you, doesnt mean you should take advantage of it or abuse it. People can only give so much.

There is a snowman in the wonderful game undertail. He ask you if you can take a peice of him so he can see the world. You can do this. But in another play through of the game you can take peice after peice of him till he begs you to stop and that’s how you kill him. People here have freely given you that first peice up. You came back saying you need another and we say I guess you can have another. Please take care of it this time. But not you are here to take peice upon peice until you kill that snowman.

Sexual arousal makes a woman’s lips ger redder, that’s the whole point of lipstick,

It is? Then my favorite lipstick is literally glow-in-the-dark green because…??

@crip dyke

Hear me out on this one. Your actually an alien and since mine is my black lipstick or my blue one, I’m imitating a corpse or something.

It is? Then my favorite lipstick is literally glow-in-the-dark green because…??

You’re trying to attract the watch I had in elementary school as a mate. Obviously.

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