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Throbbing pinkies, misplaced nipples, and breasts that wave: Signs she’s not a virgin?

Saggy ears: Another sign she might have done the sex thing

By David Futrelle

Fellas! How often do you find yourself wondering if the pretty lady you have  a crush on is the pure, untouched virgin you deserve? The “unbroken hymen” thing is bullshit, unfortunately (and that’s assuming she’s one of those ladies who has a vagina). And besides, you’d probably have to buy her an expensive dinner before she’d even let you have access to that whole area down there.

But you’re in luck! There are several foolproof ways to tell if she’s a virgin without having to get into her pants! A helpful video titled “10 Signs Of Women Who Are Not Virgin (They Can’t Lie To You Anymore)” details, well, ten signs that women aren’t virgins, so they can’t lie to you any more, all helpfully explained by a robot voice and illustrated with stock footage.

Apparently “the character of a virgin woman can be known by observing her physical appearance,” because sex literally alters a woman’s body, from her ears to her back to her boobs And not in a good way!

You can watch the entire video below (it’s only six minutes long) but here are a few of the key findings:

THE NOSE:

“The tip of the nose of a woman who is not a virgin will look faded or pale red. The virgin woman, the tip of her nose would look red. There is no scientific explanation about it yet but most likely it is based on empirical observations from the public.”

THE BACK

“Women’s backs will change because of two things — the influence of hormones and because of the touch of men. Women who have had sex will have an enlarged back. … her back will look wide and big and will be seen clearly as she walks. …

“During sex the back of the women will become erect and after completion of the back will loose in fall. The more frequent sex will make the back more slack.”

THE EARS

“Generally, women who are not virgins during sex will receive stimulation from the man in [their] ears by kissing … [This] will make the ears become more saggy and red.”

THE FOREHEAD

“The virgin’s forehead will look slippery while women [who] are not virgin will look wrinkled and streaked like an old man’s forehead.”

THE BOOBSTERS

“Usually the breasts that have been touched by a man will loosen [and] when [she] is running will be seen waving.

“Meanwhile the breasts of women who have never had sex will remain stable and not to wave despite being run.” 

THE NIPS

“Women who have touched a man, usually [their] nipples will be longer and slightly out of place. Breasts that have been on a man’s suction, usually [the] nipples will become more bruised.”

THE EYES

“[W]omen who are no longer virgins will be visible from the outside especially by those who have much experience on this subject.

“If we look at the eyes of a woman who is not a virgin anymore the bottom of her eyes there are a few folds and look bruised. …

“The virgin girl her eyes will look radiant and there are no black marks, lines or bruises.”

THE CHEEKS

“The cheeks of women who had sex did not look radiant. … A virgin girl has a sweaty cheek even in a cold place.”

PINKIE FINGERS

“If the little finger of a woman is held tightly and she is not aroused, chances are she is not a virgin. But if she feels a little bit aroused … and there is a slight throbbing pain then chances are [she’s] still a virgin.”

BELLIES

“Women who have had sex will have a swollen abdomen and a little distended. During intercourse women will use abdominal muscles that cause the stomach to expand, and after the sexual activity is complete the stomach will be slightly distended.”

LIPS

“Lips of women who have never kissed a man with lust will look reddish … The woman who has ever kissed [her] lips by the man will look cracked … and when laughing [her] lips will look bigger.”

So now you know what to look for, fellas! Good luck in your virgin hunt!

H/T — r/badwomensanatomy

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Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
4 years ago

If someone goes a long time without contacting me, I’m much more inclined to wonder if they’ve forgotten about me or are mad at me than if they’re dead …

Faerie Bard
Faerie Bard
4 years ago

There are words there, and things that resemble sentences, but not a single one that resembles anything factual or logical. A (cis)woman’s anatomy does not work how he thinks it works. I want to say troll, but it is so very hard to tell these days.

Mooncustafer
Mooncustafer
4 years ago

@ Dalillama

Allow me to gesture in the direction of Canadian PM William Lyon MacKenzie King.

DawnPurityseeker
DawnPurityseeker
4 years ago

@KatieKitten420

Keep in mind that we’re not there, so I would take all our suggestions with a certain amount of salt. But yeah, I’ve had “date nights” in my relationships, and yeah I would have been hurt if my partner spent it with someone else, especially if it was without talking to me about it first. I tried to make sure that if something came up on a “date night” that I made other arrangements with my partners first, and I guess that I expect the same from my partners.

But that’s me, so /salt. 🙂

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@KatieKitten420
That sounds reasonable to me. Now that you know it means so much to her, you can make sure to make it your special day together if this comes up in the future or maybe if you can’t see her on a given thursday give her an over-the-top special day on another day to make it up (with plenty of advance communication about it, of course!). I was in a mostly verbally abusive relationship for 12 years, too, and stomping all over what’s supposed to be a special day and then acting like I’m unreasonable for being hurt is something he would do. It took some time to trust my husband because of stuff like that, so it may take your girlfriend some time to trust you. But just make sure she understands that you do care and you do want her to be happy and I’m sure she’ll start to relax and might even become more flexible on things like this (but possibly not; we’re all different).

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
4 years ago

<3 That's really tough, KatieKitten. I'm not in a poly relationship, so my advice isn't worth much here I think. Just try to act in love. That doesn't mean sacrificing for her, necessarily. It might just not work. But that's up to her, really, at this point. If she wants to be in that sort of a relationship or not.

Just make sure she knows that your feelings for her are irrespective of what your Official Relationship Status are, and let her know that you'll be patient with her and will be there for her. Otherwise I'm not sure what else you can do about it.

KatieKitten420
KatieKitten420
4 years ago

Thank you so much everyone. I just wanted to make sure her reasoning did not sound disingenuous to someone who wasn’t me. I thought it sounded perfectly reasonable and I’m perfectly happy to have Thursday be very special if that pleases her. That’s great, we have a great time on Thursday. I just wanted to be sure that I wasn’t being naive and falling for something that to someone with more experience and I guess wisdom would sound like bullshit. So we will just keep on like we were.

I still think the big test will be when Jake gets back again if everything goes well I’ll be thrilled if everything even goes adequately I’ll be totally content. If everything goes horribly again then I’ll have to assume it’s not a fluke and things just probably aren’t going to work out.

That will mean in my opinion the problem is Jake. If she comes up with like some other really huge reason she’s upset and oh no it’s not Jake or sex but it’s really important that’s not Thursday that will be suspicious to me to say the least.

Thank you so much for all your advice everyone. I truly appreciate having a place I can ask questions of a group of people who are open-minded intelligent kind and a bunch of other awesome things. especially because there are a lot of people from a lot of different backgrounds in every way, race, gender class, sexuality, country/region with all sorts of beliefs so if there probably is at least some wisdom in the advice. And when everyone here is agreed on most aspects, it’s(in my experience)almost definitely wise advice.

I’m about to head home on the subway(still intermittently looking and applying and hoping for an average job, but it’s not happening) but paper is paper and I definitely made a bit of a fortune tonight. I don’t mean to be racist or tactless and I’m sorry if this comes off that way. I believe fair exchange is no robbery so I have no problems making obscene profit from rich people who have no idea what s*** cost realistically.

But I’ve noticed now and previously that rich and upper middle class POC(meaning black and Latino in this case) will know about prices better and not be ecstatic(or even willing)to pay essentially 3- 400% markups on the amount I paid. White people take it and are thrilled, Black people and Latinos will just be like nah I’ll go elsewhere if I mention prices like that. Twice as much or maybeveven a bit more sure, they know I need profit and its a risk for me. But not the prices I use for the NYU trust fund brats for example.

Is that just because of the obvious cultural reasons or does anyone think there’s more to it than I see. I just can’t understand why someone will be willing to pay 400 percent of what something cost ever, and I’m half-white was raised more by my white mother and definitely have upper middle class privilege. Any thoughts? I’m just curious.

Have a lovely night everybody and a lovely day after that. Again, I know I repeat myself but thank everybody for reading my walls of text I don’t know why I can’t help myself.??

Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

Hi Katiekitten

Funnily enough we’ve just been having a related conversation covering similar grounds; although in that case about a friend who basically sells tap water to well off people for thousands of percent profit. There’s an interesting discussion about commerce to be had there; but it’s a fundamental principle of capitalism that you “charge what the market will bear”.

But this

Is that just because of the obvious cultural reasons or does anyone think there’s more to it than I see.

There are two elements at play here. There’s ignorance as to prices, and indifference to prices.

Now I’m not especially familiar with the US drug scene, but over here my two careers have been music biz, and legal. So I’ve seen things from both the consumer view and the supply chain. There’s similar factors, although here it’s more class than race based. Over charging rich kids is a well established practice.

Now no-one wants a twenty thousand word dissertation from me on the UK drug scene. But some factors to consider are, what service are you providing beyond the drugs themselves?

For a lot of folks they’re happy to pay the extra for both the convenience and the avoidance of risk. You provide a level of insulation from risk of encounters with law enforcement; an area where your white clients may be well out of their comfort zone, or to be more accurate their ‘circle of competence’. Your black and Hispanic clients, however well off they are, have a different relationship with , and attitude towards, the legal authorities. They’re more at risk generally and their encounters are going to be less amiable. So the insulation effect is less valuable to them.

To over simplify, your white clients get better treatment from the police than your non white clients generally in life, so they have more to lose. Hence they’ll pay more to keep that.

Dalillama
Dalillama
4 years ago

@Katiekitten
Previous advice rescinded; that’s a whole different kettle of fish, nthing others.

Podkayne Lives
Podkayne Lives
4 years ago

And I can almost guarantee you’ve never had pure olive oil.

I used to take Hebrew lessons from an Israeli lady whose husband had friends who were Palestinian olive growers. They would give him tons of olive oil in random containers–soda bottles and stuff. It was AMAZING. Made with an old-style press, out back of the house.

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