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Penises and Pepsi bottles: MGTOWs continue to have trouble with metaphors

Wait … 25% more of what, exactly?

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By David Futrelle

So the fellows over on the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit are discussing just how much they TOTALLY REFUSE to have sex with women older than 25 — not to worry, fellas, women over 25 don’t want to have sex with you either — and one fellow resorts to an interesting if perhaps imperfect metaphor in order to explain why he at least hypothetically prefers fresh young 18-year-olds to jaded 25-year-old “cock carousel” riders.

Mikveh 4 points 21 hours ago My logic is such that I imagine a typical girl fucks 12 chads per year, 1 per month, not because she is a slut, just because she knows she has to put out for chad or he will lose interest. So the younger they are, I figure the less cock they've ridden....would you rather have a new pepsi bottle, or one that had taken 12 penises per year since the age of 18? I figure i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it, rather than at the age of 25 say 84 penises(12*7years) permalinkembedunsavereportgive goldreply [–]Onkel_Adolf 10 points 21 hours ago i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]ififcanIhaveacoatplz 4 points 20 hours ago It bears repeating

So many questions! Were these 12 penises just dipped in the Pepsi bottle or are they all still stuffed inside of it? How do you squeeze a normal-sized penis through the narrow bottleneck? Would the number of acceptable penises per bottle increase or decrease if the bottle contained Coke or RC Cola or Dr. Pepper instead of Pepsi?

The most important question: How do I get the image of a Pepsi bottle stuffed with penises out of my head?

On a slightly more serious note, I would like to point out that Mikveh’s notion of how many sex partners the typical young women has by the age of 25 is utterly and completely fantastical.

Here’s the actual breakdown of the number of sex partners 25 to 29 year-old American women typically have had, according to a large-scale and widely cited study called the General Social Survey.

As you can see, the number of women that age with 84 sexual partners is more or less zero; it’s literally off the chart. (Presumably sex workers are not included in the survey.) The average number of sexual partners American woman have had by the time they hit their late twenties? Four.

I generated the chart above using a little chart-generator on Slate designed to tell you if “Your Sexual History [Is] As Impressive As You Think.” Try it yourself!

214 replies on “Penises and Pepsi bottles: MGTOWs continue to have trouble with metaphors”

Then they had to do it again later that same night because the still-drunk guy had[snip]

Seriously? I wonder if he learned after sobering up.

The first place I encountered the penis-stuck-in-a-bottle story was in the 1959 coming-of-age novel A Separate Peace

Wait, what? How the heck did I read that book twice for school (two different schools) and not notice that? Was it left out of the editions sold to schools?

your kitty is beautiful *long range snuggles for kitteh*

@PaganReader, re: censorship in school editions

It happens. I’ve seen it, at least, in collections of Edgar Allan Poe’s works intended for classrooms vs. intended for more general consumption.

I don’t know if Kroger’s non-Kroger-named stores carry Kroger brands or not, but…

They do! Where I live Kroger bought out Fred Meyer and QFC stores and those stores switched from selling the Western Family brand generics to Kroger brand generics. Here’s a website with a list of other names they go by:

There’s still plenty of stuff that’s regional or only at certain stores, though, and it seems like the individual store managers have a lot of control over which products are sold because I have 3 QFCs within 5 miles of me and they all have certain products they will or won’t carry.

The first place I encountered the penis-stuck-in-a-bottle story was in the 1959 coming-of-age novel A Separate Peace

Wait, what? How the heck did I read that book twice for school (two different schools) and not notice that? Was it left out of the editions sold to schools?

Ok, so I’m not the only one. And I really enjoyed that book at the time, so I feel like I should have caught something like that. But I was also clueless about anything to do with sex at that age so it could have gone over my head if it was described in euphemisms.

Chalk me up as another cream soda fan, especially if it’s the stuff so hot-pink that it’s practically fluorescent. I adored that stuff as a kid, and adult me will still occasionally drink one, even though I’m not a big fan of fizzy syrup. Root beer and ginger-beer (the actual Jamaican kind, which one sometimes finds in supermarkets up here if one is lucky) are also great.

I’ll gladly pass on the Cock-a-cola, though. That sounds like something only someone who aced his abstinence-only sex-ed class could come up with. (#4 on this list, to be exact.)

In one of Echo Heron’s books about nursing, she mentions a guy with his penis stuck in a glass bottle. Apparently if that sort of bottle is tapped in the right place or places, it pops apart neatly without lots of sharp pieces – there were seams or some such. I think they called the manufacturer to find this out.
That sort of thing must make for an awkward time at triage. At one of the local emergency departments, triage is not exactly as private as one would wish if one were relating self-induced privates trauma.

About the ‘redneck’ term, AFAIK it was originally a class-based slur in the American South used to say that a man (sexism very much in original) was so poor that he didn’t have slaves, and had to work himself out under the hot sun. The South African ‘rooinek’ originated against the British, who were held not to be ‘real’ Africans, foreigners who didn’t belong. When I worked in Rhodesia the Afrikaaners would use it as a slam against Brits and (mostly) Aussies (who were backpacking through). Who replied that white people sunburned; those who had black blood didn’t (in those days of apartheid, the worst thing you could say to an Afrikaaner). Afrikaaners also referred to Brits as ‘soutpiels’ or ‘soutdiks’: someone with one foot in England and one foot in South Africa and a certain part hanging in the salty ocean between.

Fanta ran this ad in some markets, including Canada, a few years back. A bunch of people liked the tune so much they wanted the “full” song, which didn’t actually exist. Only 30 or so seconds were written.

For most of its history in Canada Mountain Dew didn’t contain caffeine. Canadian regulations limited caffeine to soft drinks that were dark coloured, like colas and root beer. This prohibition ended in 2013, although a caffeinated version of Mountain Dew had been sold before that, marketed as a “health drink” instead of a soft drink.

Well, after the first seven or eight Chad’s they all kinda blur together.

how come it’s always “would you eat this chocolate that twenty people had handled”/”would you drink this drink that had had a dozen penises in it”

how come it’s never “ladies, would you lick this lollipop that had been inside several people”?

how come that’s expected of us hmm

how come we have to suck lollipops covered in germs and fluff but guys demand a brand new unopened soda

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Agent of the FemiNest Collective; Keeper of a Hell Toupee, and all-around Intergalactic Meaniesays:

I find myself unable to not mention one of the more popular drinks in my area: Big Red, a red creme soda sold in Indiana (not sure where else it might be sold nowadays). Stuff’s not bad, if you like red creme soda. There’s also a variant called Big Blue soda, but I’ve never tried that one. Yet.

Right now my favorite is Pepsi Fire, which is a Pepsi with cinnamon flavor in it. According to those who’ve tasted both, it tastes like the Atomic Fireball drink, but minus the alcohol.

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