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Looking for love with all the wrong racists: Neo-Nazis offer dating tips

The giant Nazi flag is a dead giveaway
The giant Nazi flag is a dead giveaway

Say what you want about the tenets of Internet Nazism, at least it offers lovelorn white supremacists handy dating advice.

In yesterday’s edition of Radio Aryan’s Daily Traditionalist show, beardy white supremacist/Trump superfan Matthew Heimbach and guest Sven Longshanks discussed Sven’s attendance at a meeting of one of the Daily Stormer’s new, ahem, “book clubs,” designed to provide really really racist dudes with camaraderie, weapons training, and dating advice.

According to the summary of the show on the Radio Aryan website, the two suggested that fellow white supremacist dudes looking for white love do so in gruppens groups:

Women are … attracted to men in groups that are not competing among each other but co-operating with each other. They feel at ease in a situation like this and are far more likely to talk to a group of affable men than they are to individuals that look like they are out on the pull and conspicuously trying to impress women.

Also, maybe grow a beard?

The subject of masculinity comes up and the White man’s ability to grow a luxurious beard. According to early racial science the original Negro and Chinaman were unable to grow beards and the fact that the White man could, showed that our race was more mature and fully grown than the others. The fact that some Negroes now have beards shows that they are mulattoes. Matt encourages men to grow well-kept beards as a sign of being anti-feminist, as feminists hate them.

So ladies, if you find yourself being chatted up at the local watering hole by a weirdly affable group of beardymen in matching brown shirts, well, they probably listen to Radio Aryan.

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(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
5 years ago

I like Husbeast’s beard, it hides his slightly receding double chin. I kinda wish I could have one to hide my double chin. Alas, all I can muster is a finger print sized area on either side of my chin (thanks, menopause!)

SFHC said

Wait. These guys are all 4Channers, right? Obsessed with Fresh Prince, ready to sing the theme song at a drop of a Stahlhelm? Because I’m pretty sure Uncle Phil had a beard.

I’ve never seen more than a handful of episodes myself, but I figured out that the house they used for all the exterior shots of the “Bel Air” home is less than a mile from my dad’s (aka my other) house. True fact!

Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
5 years ago

Point out to them that some women have facial hair, and watch their heads explode.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
5 years ago

@Tara

No but you see, women aren’t allowed facial hair, because it makes them disgusting freaks.

chesselwitt
chesselwitt
5 years ago

Chinaman? Mulattoes?! Did he just step out of a time machine? Pro-tip for Nazi guys: don’t use those words when you’re talking to the woman your pack has approached/cornered, they’re a dead giveaway.

@ calmdown
Love that name with that picture of Leslie.

bekabot
5 years ago

The subject of masculinity comes up and the White man’s ability to grow a luxurious beard. According to early racial science the original Negro and Chinaman were unable to grow beards and the fact that the White man could, showed that our race was more mature and fully grown than the others.

…and you can go bald too, you lucky, handsome devils. Is there any end to the list of your advantages?…Not the least of which must be the fact that beardy baldness is the source of passionate attraction among women and invincible self-confidence among men.

Add to that a pasty-white complexion and you’ve completed the trifecta, and your place in the übermensch gang is assured. How shall the rest of us contain our envy, which allows us no rest day or night? (Either it’s that or the recurrent bouts of giggles, take your pick.)

hyacinth
hyacinth
5 years ago

Even in the comments here, otherwise intelligent people have shown they’ve fallen for a variety of (non political) ‘woo’ and it’s very hard for them to face it(if you can’t find a credible mainstream source with supporting facts, it’s probably woo)

this is rubbing me up a bit the wrong way

Pavlov's House
Pavlov's House
5 years ago

@Net Beard:

“Genghis Khan and George Clinton are my top choices. Who has better Fierceness Beards than those two? NO ONE EVER.”

Nuh-uh…..seriously: Viktor Leonov of the VMF (Voyenno-morsky Flot), i.e. the Soviet Navy. Check out his entry on Badass of the Week: http://www.badassoftheweek.com/leonov.html
the author of the article says it far better than even we here in Russophilic Pavlov’s House could.

bargal20
bargal20
5 years ago

Radioaryan? Worst. Australian. Punk rock band. Ever.

Tovius
Tovius
5 years ago

According to early racial science the original Negro and Chinaman were unable to grow beards and the fact that the White man could, showed that our race was more mature and fully grown than the others. The fact that some Negroes now have beards shows that they are mulattoes.

The fuck did I just read?

(((Chiomara)))
(((Chiomara)))
5 years ago

My (very) white and GERMAN (Heil!No, seriously, he’s so white he had ancestors in the nazi army-they were not ideological nazis, just… You know, didn’t have much of a choice) boyfriend can’t grow anything other than a very sad goatee.
Should I break it to him that he’s probably an adopted Asian with green contacts? Or maybe he is a 30 yo child?

Tovius
Tovius
5 years ago

@Virgin Mary
That is a very impressive cat-beard.

(((Chiomara)))
(((Chiomara)))
5 years ago

Oh, sorry, I said “asian”? I meant to say” Chinaman”.

baroncognito
5 years ago

I am 90% certain that the second portion about who can grow beards come verbatim out of Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson, who has a character’s ex-girlfriend writing a dissertation about beards and racism.

Joekster-betas bearded, Shelley shamed, dragons derailed. Reasonable rates.
Joekster-betas bearded, Shelley shamed, dragons derailed. Reasonable rates.
5 years ago

Just pointing out: I’m as Caucasian as I come. The closest thing to non-aryan in my background is one great-grandmother from Bohemia and some French blood.

The most I can grow is a mustache and a sparse goatee.

My father, who is half Sweedish, a quarter Norweigian, and a quarter English (as in, WASP English) can only manage the mustache.

Science. They’re doing it wrong.

Joekster-betas bearded, sheeple shamed, dragons derailed. Reasonable rates.
Joekster-betas bearded, sheeple shamed, dragons derailed. Reasonable rates.
5 years ago

Tried to make a new handle, and my iPads autocorrect screwed it up. Let’s try this again.

baroncognito
5 years ago

Okay, so I checked, and I was wrong.

She pulled down statistics on racial variation in beard growth. American Indians didn’t grow beards, Asians hardly did, Africans were a special case because daily shaving gave them a painful skin condition. “The ability to grow heavy, full beards as a matter of choice appears to be a privilege accorded by nature solely to white males,” she wrote.

Alarm bells, red lights, and screaming klaxons went off in Randy’s mind when he happened across that phrase.

“But this assertion buys into a specious subsumption. ‘Nature’ is a socially constructed discourse, not an objective reality [many footnotes here]. That is doubly true in the case of the ‘nature’ that accords full beards to the specific minority population of northern European males. Homo sapiensevolved in climatic zones where facial hair was of little practical use. The development of an offshoot of the species characterized by densely bearded males is an adaptive response to cold climates. These climates did not ‘naturally’ invade the habitats of early humans–rather, the humans invaded geographical regions where such climates prevailed. This geographical transgression was strictly a sociocultural event and so all physical adaptations to it must be placed in the same category–including the development of dense facial hair.”

Charlene published the results of a survey she had organized, in which a few hundred women were asked for their opinions. Essentially all of them said that they preferred clean-shaven men to those who were either stubbly or bearded. In short order, Charlene proved that having a beard was just one element of a syndrome strongly correlated to racist and sexist attitudes, and to the pattern of emotional unavailability so often bemoaned by the female partners of white males, especially ones who were technologically oriented.

Darrell Wright
Darrell Wright
5 years ago

Don’t cast me in your beard crusade!!! I have had a goatee and now a beard for over 30 years to cover facial scarring. Besides like I have told the neo-nazi idiots before (aka KKK), why would I join a brotherhood who hates Native Americans. This always catches them by surprise! But I am extremely proud of my Seminole heritage and against all hate groups.

Em
Em
5 years ago

I actually burst out laughing at this. What does being less hairy genetically have to do with maturity? If a whole group of people are less hairy naturally, then hair isn’t a sign of manhood in that group. Also, if Chinese men couldn’t grow beards, then why do all the paintings of ancient Chinese scholars have long ass beards? I like a beard that’s neat and trimmed and well groomed or no beard at all. Santa Claus beards definitely wouldn’t attract me.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ EM

Santa Claus beards definitely wouldn’t attract me.

Somewhere at the North Pole you’re being crossed off a list.

Critical Dragon1177
5 years ago

According to early racial science the original Negro and Chinaman were unable to grow beards and the fact that the White man could, showed that our race was more mature and fully grown than the others.

Well than, once again the so called “racial science” was wrong. Seriously, Its not like people in Asia, the America’s and Africa didn’t know what a beard was before the white man came. Big surprise.

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