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“Girls who work at call centers are usually epic sluts,” Return of Kings writer warns

Why don't you call me sometime?
Why don’t you call me sometime?

Fellas! I don’t know if you know this, but we men here in the western world are surrounded by secret sluts, undercover dirty girls with “PhDs in “hide my notch count-ology” so if men don’t take a good hard look beneath the surface, they’ll be taken for [a] ride to be sure.”

That, in any case, is the message of a new post by self-proclaimed slut expert Donovan Sharpe at internet garbage site Return of Kings. A few years back, another RoK writer warned men of several dozen “slut tells,” including tattoos, large breasts, divorced parents, past sorority membership, and of course “slut face.”

Sharpe now adds several more “covert slut tells” to the list, advising men to watch out for divorced women with “thousand cock stares” who live alone, work out at “meathead gyms,” make bad art and … work at call centers.

How are any of these things evidence of sluthood? Let’s go through them in turn.

Divorce:

Divorce? More like Div-WHORE-ce amirite fellas high five, you do see what I did there right?

Nothing elicits euphoria in today’s woman like separation and subsequent divorce papers. It is quite literally her golden ticket aboard the Cock Carousel Express and it takes them very little time to hop aboard and enjoy the ride. …

While this is awesome for slut slayers, it’s terrible for men looking to settle down. Any woman who has at least one ex-husband has no doubt been slammed by hordes of men. And as we all know, the more men a woman has been f**ked by, the less faithful she’ll be.

The Thousand Cock Stare:

The mysterious “Thousand Cock Stare,” as I noted in a previous post, is what Red Pillers think women develop after exposure to more than the lifetime recommended allotment of penises. As Sharpe explains, it’s

the look on a woman’s face that reveals spite, apathy, fatigue, and hopelessness all at the same time. This look is a direct result of being drilled and dropped by a shitload of men.

The spite is because she’s pissed off at the world for not having locked down a man because of her slutty ways. The apathy is from being desensitized to sex, an inevitable ramification of taking different cocks for an extended period of time.

Remember, fellas, if a woman has lots of sex with one man, she only suffers one penis-worth of penis-induced sex-desensitivity. The same amount of sex with a variety of penises will turn her into an empty shell of a woman.

The fatigue is her being tired of the constant battle to get and keep male attention and having to resort to sexual favors earlier and earlier as she gets older.

Yeah, that couldn’t possibly be because she enjoys sex and is tired of playing games.

And the hopelessness comes from her knowing deep down she’ll never have a relationship of consequence with a man she loves and respects, who finds her tolerable outside of sex.

No projection here, nope!

Living alone:

Aw, she’s got her own place, like, you know, lots and lots of single people. BEWARE!

[W]omen are heavily influenced by people who shame them …

Living by herself gives her carte blanche to sleep with as many dudes as her little heart desires without the judgmental gaze of her roommates or relatives. …

With male thirst at an all time high, it’s a pretty good bet that a woman who doesn’t share a residence with another human being is likely pushing triple digits in the notch count category, and it seldom takes long to get there.

Bad artist:

If she’s a painter, there’s a good chance she’ll let you STIR HER PAINT, nudge nudge. Maybe she’ll even let you STRETCH HER CANVAS, if you know what I mean, or USE MASKING TAPE TO COVER PART OF THE CANVAS IN ORDER TO GET A CLEAR EDGE BETWEEN PATCHES OF DIFFERENT COLORS wait none of these makes any sense as sexual innuendo never mind.

Just remember: ART means SEX.

I’m not a psychologist by any stretch of the imagination, but my guess is that expressing themselves artistically is a way to escape the fact that they can’t keep their legs closed around men. …

So the next time a chick wants to show you her collection of deformed bowls and vases she makes in her pottery classes, keep in mind that you’ve probably got a whore on your hands.

Meathead gym attendance:

Buff women hanging out around buff dudes apparently results in lots of buff sex, though apparently this only makes the women sluts, not the men,

Call centers:

Yep. If she works at a call center, you can be sure she’ll PUT YOU ON HOLD, if you know what I mean, or maybe even INTERRUPT YOUR DINNER WITH A SALES CALL EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE ON THE DO NOT CALL REGISTRY. If you’re really lucky, maybe she’ll let you SPEAK TO HER SUPERVISOR.

Crap, none of those make sense either. Just remember: call centers are slut centers!

Anyone who’s ever worked in a call center knows that commingling between employees is at least twice as rampant as any other workplace out there. Having managed a few myself I can personally attest to the fact that regardless of position, no one is exempt from the temptation of f**king their coworkers in this environment…or at least trying.

Girls who either are or have been employed at a call center are usually epic sluts in and outside of the office. Something about this particular work habitat is like an aphrodisiac for both males and females.

One ringy dingy indeed!

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Argle Bargle (formerly Carr)
Argle Bargle (formerly Carr)
6 years ago

And as we all know, the more men a woman has been f**ked by, the less faithful she’ll be.

Okay, I never understood this idea that a woman having sex with many (presumably one timers) people is oh noooo, so bad, but if she has lots of sex with just one guy, it’s somehow okay. I mean, if I had sex 1 time with 10 people and 10 times with one person, that’s still the same amount of sex.

Or do they think that women who aren’t in a relationship have a lot more sex than those in a relationship? I’ve had casual hook-ups and in a month and a half, I had sex 3 times (twice with the same guy). But I’m in a relationship now and I have sex 3 times a week. And I don’t know any woman who goes out every week looking for the next bed yoga buddy.

[W]omen are heavily influenced by people who shame them …

Yes, I’m strongly influenced by this guy to get away from him as fast as I can if I ever met him. So congrats, you were right about one thing! Have a cookie!

Living by herself gives her carte blanche to sleep with as many dudes as her little heart desires without the judgmental gaze of her roommates or relatives. …

Ugh, and?If we just switch the genders, this would be like an article on the topic of ”Why dudes should totally live alone!”.

I’m not a psychologist by any stretch of the imagination

You don’t say. Here, have another cookie.

And seriously, has this guy ever worked in a call center? It’s one of the least sexy places I can imagine.

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

Do us all a favor dudebros. Just avoid all women always. Thanks.

I love how they pretend they have to fend off sexual advances from women. Lulz. That shit never happened. They aren’t actually afraid of bedding slutty slut sluts. They’re mad as hell that women avoid them like the clap. The only people who want trper approval is other sad boner dudebros. Everyone else wishes theyd all find rocks to hide under.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
6 years ago

Some call centers* have a maximum total minutes allowed per credit card in a 24 hour period. The issue of having unlimited minutes charged to the regular phone bill was causing problems for such call center businesses which wanted to get paid and the phone companies supplying the phone lines to customers who were utilizing the call centers services.

* Psychic phone lines. Yes, I worked in such a call center early in college – they paid reasonably well ($8/hr plus bonuses if you met the 85% of all calls reaching the maximum minutes allowed in 24 hours [20] per credit card, you could easily earn $14/hr) and basically all you did worked around a basic script, if you could adapt and improvise from that all the bonuses were yours for the earning. The business I worked for was set up so the phone sex lines were answered/operated by individuals working at home.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

@ msexception

basically all you did worked around a basic script

You mean I’m not going to meet a tall dark stranger? 🙁

Mish
Mish
6 years ago

God this comment thread is hilarious :).

When reading the main post, I got to this bit:

“So the next time a chick wants to show you her collection of deformed bowls and vases she makes in her pottery classes, keep in mind that you’ve probably got a whore on your hands.”

And I have no idea why, but I found this to be so fucking funny. I kept reading it over and over and snorting like an idiot. I think it’s the (unintentional) Monty Python style logic that killed me. I can just see the Pythons doing a sketch based on this.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
6 years ago

What exactly constitutes a call center?

Telemarketing (sorry, “corporate sales”)?

Phone psychic and phone sex work?

Any specialized phone customer service at large corporations?

Counseling hotlines?

WeirwoodTreeHugger
WeirwoodTreeHugger
6 years ago

My “notch count” is well above my country’s average by more than 5 times. It is far, far below triple digits though.

The funny thing is, I’ve never to my knowledge been called a slut.

I think part of it is that I hang around progressive people. Part of it is that I look and act pretty unassuming. Part of it is that I don’t care whether or not anyone calls me a slut, a virgin, whatever. It doesn’t hurt me.

It doesn’t seem like the insult has anything to do with the number of partners and woman has. It’s only used to punish a woman for some perceived slight. Or to control her. Or to abuse someone vulnerable. It’s such a silly word to me.

Holytape
6 years ago

This leaves me with several questions? What about a woman with a 987 cock stare. Is the 1000 cock a threshold, or should I round up. And if that is the case, what about 942 cock stares, or even a 621 cock stare. So would I round up with a 501 cock stare and round down with a 499 cock stare? Is 2 cocks or .2% cock difference really that big of a difference that you go from slut to non-slut? There is just too many questions, and we haven’t even touch on whether or not blinking has an effect n the 1000 cock stare.

TheDreadVampy
TheDreadVampy
6 years ago

Do you only have to have seen a thousand cocks or actually touched them to get the 1000 Cock Stare? Does porn count? I hope so because otherwise by my above metric a 25yo would have had to touch a new dick every 3 days for nine years to achieve that and frankly we all have better things to do, unless that’s your job and even then that seems like a busy schedule when you factor in holidays and sick days.

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

You just know the mythical stare of a thousand cocks is really just women being irritated and annoyed by this douche bag’s presence.

Clearly an artist once rejected him and it hurt him so badly that he is still insulting the art of all women artists.

I bet he got rejected alot at work too. Gross. I feel sorry for the women who had to work with him.

His tall tale is his way of coping with his jealousy by pretending all those grapes he could never have are sour.

Sour because he assumes they like sex and can have it as often as they like. Because who wants a lover who likes sex and is so charming or attractive that multiple people want to be with them? Not this guy…he says.

And lots of sex makes women sad? Maybe sex with him, but in general, sex makes people happy. He is projecting as hard as he can. Lol.

It is so creepy that men get together online to tell big fish stories glorifying themselves for not fucking various women and assuring each other how horrible the women who don’t fuck them are for presumably fucking other people instead.

So fucking creepy.

I wish they’d all go their own way.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

@ dreadvampy

Wasn’t it Bruce Lee who said “I fear not the man who has touched a thousand dicks; I fear the man who has touched one dick a thousand times“?

Something like that anyway.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
6 years ago

@Alan

Chances are, yes you will indeed meet a tall dark stranger at some point in the future. Unless you never leave the house and work around a rule that no dark haired people you don’t know and have never met before are allowed in your home. Might have to post that outside your front door and all other means of entry to your house, and put a blindfold on just in case. Television may or may not count, that’s entirely up to you.

That will be $7546724.25 payable immediately. 😉

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

@ msexception

That will be $7546724.25 payable immediately.

Eek. I liked it in the old days when I just had to cross your palm with silver!

Sheila Crosby
6 years ago

I concluded some time ago that “slut” actually means, “woman I can’t control.”

ThatBear
ThatBear
6 years ago

Just came down here to say that was the PERFECT picture to use at the top. Thank glob for Lily Tomlin.

FrickleFrackle
FrickleFrackle
6 years ago

If these guys actually liked sex, they’d like sluts. A girl who sleeps around and has low standards? Sounds great! These PUAs always whine about not getting laid, but when a girl *might* want to fuck with them, they’d whine about it? I really do think that it’s not about the sex for these guys, its just about ASSERTING MANLY DOMINANCE!! IMO it’s not much different from buying a huge, expensive work truck, but you don’t need it to do your job and it’s just to show that you’re tough and imposing.

littleknown
littleknown
6 years ago

I was busy last night, so I didn’t have a chance to answer:

Slutty Miss Havisham Penguin wrote:

Does that mean my Grandad was a slut. He taught my mum how to knit. He also made my mum and my aunt sanitary pads during the strikes in England. Rationing equalised a lot of things.

Of course your Granddad wasn’t a slut — men can’t be sluts! However, he was quite clearly a cuck. A real man would never lower himself by making something so disgusting — come war, strikes, or rationing. Just ew. By making those things for your mum and aunt, he turned himself into a female, setting an example that probably drove your mum to sluttiness. And set the table for your proud degeneracy.

@Mish:

I couldn’t stop reading that line, either. It’s just so out of left field, it does indeed read like a comedy sketch.

“My dear sir: You said your female likes to garden on the weekends while wearing a sleeveless shirt? She enjoys crossword puzzles? And she eats yogurt more than three times a week? Well, then, I’m afraid I have some bad news — you’ve probably got a whore on your hands.”

“What’s that?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, your female is definitely selling her body for sex. We see it all the time.”

“Whatever can I do? End my newspaper subscriptions? Sell her sleeveless shirts? Tell her to stop buying so much yogurt?”

“I’m afraid it’s worse than that. I see on your mantle what looks like a homemade vase — did your female make that?”

“Oh, no!”

“Oh, yes. And — this case is getting worse every minute — it looks like she has a gym membership, too.”

“Is there anything that can be done?!”

“There’s really only one thing you can do at this point. You’re going to have to go your own way.”

“That sounds hard. She does so much around the house. I’m not sure I can handle that.”

“My dear chap, you misunderstand. Going your own way doesn’t necessarily mean not interacting with females. In your case, the first step involves turning yourself into such a raging ball of hatred and insecurity that it will make her afraid to do any of those things that have led her to her life of whoredom. Pretty soon she’ll only be exercising at home. And if you can cut out any artistic, crafty activities, you may see some life return to your female’s soulless eyes.”

“Ah, I see.”

“But you should also prepare yourself. Look out for signs of The Thousand Cock Stare.”

“You really think my wife has slept with over a thousand men since we’ve been married?”

“It’s a distinct possibility. If you follow the advice I’ve given you, and she still shows signs of independent thought, it’s almost a certainty, I’m afraid to say.”

“That’s a sobering thought. And here I was, starting to think that I should spend some more time at home, and less time out drinking with my mates.”

“That’s a common mistake. Treating your female with respect, showing interest in her hobbies, and helping out around the house turn you into what’s known as a beta-male. There’s no surer way to turn your female into a whore than making her think you actually like her. She’ll soon get bored and seek out an alpha-male.”

“Right.”

“The solution is to make yourself an alpha-male. Once your female understands that her purpose is to have sex with you; to cook; to clean; and to think about having sex with you; things will start turning around.”

“Thank you so much. You’ve been most helpful.”

“There’s one more thing. You’ve been married three years, and your female is 24. She’s about to hit a physical well, and you’re going to notice she’s becoming a lot less attractive to you. You should start pushing the idea of threesomes with younger females. Plant the seed early, before she turns 25. You’re going to need a steady supply of 18-20 year-old females if you want this relationship to last.”

“What if she doesn’t go for that?”

“That’s what we’re here for. You can hang out with us on our online forums, and post about how stupid females are, and how they’re destroying society.”

“I feel like I’ve just dodged a huge bullet.”

“Indeed, you have. Indeed, you have.”

I got a little carried away, there…

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

@littleknown:
That was amazing. Bravo!

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
6 years ago

@Sheila

That actually makes a lot of sense, given the contexts that name gets used in.

WeirwoodTreeHugger
WeirwoodTreeHugger
6 years ago

Sluts eat yogurt because all the cocks upset the vaginal flora balance. Eating the yogurt, with its cultures restores the balance. That’s just science!

Silvermink
6 years ago

I’m not a psychologist by any stretch of the imagination

This disclaimer is entirely unnecessary, sport.

Pietro_McM
Pietro_McM
6 years ago

Donovan Sharpe wrote:

… Having managed a few myself…

One thing worries me about this creepy crawly chappie. The fact that he has apparently been entrusted with managerial responsibility at call centers might possibly be a telling indicator of a particularly nasty work place harasser abusing a position of authority.

Argle Bargle (formerly Carr)
Argle Bargle (formerly Carr)
6 years ago

@Weirwood Treehuggger

I spit up yougurt on the screen from laughter 😀

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
6 years ago

@Alan

Fortunately, society has advanced and because of this you will notice your bills reaching higher dollar amounts, pay them on time and in full so thugs won’t have to show up to your place and take the payments the…hard way…;)

Hambeast, Social Justice Legbeard
Hambeast, Social Justice Legbeard
6 years ago

This post has brought back a lot of memories for me!

I’ve worked in two call centers; one was a directory assistance-type deal privately run by (of all things) a trucking and moving company. If you’ve ever seen their distinctive pistachio green big rigs, that was the one. I doubt they still do the directory assistance, though. It was all women when I worked there, though, so it was definitely not a gateway into the cock carousel ride.

The other one took overflow/after hours calls for roughly 60 mail order companies. Also mostly women. It was also the first place/time I met a trans woman. She was really great at the job and popular with everyone there except the one lone guy who was a supervisor. That guy, ugh! He was freaked out by her and let everyone know it, all the time. After we got good and sick of his attitude, the rest of us treated him like he was toxic waste and he couldn’t figure out why even after several of us flat-out told him!

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