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Pickup artistry is like waggling your penis in front of a cat, explains pickup artist who may not have ever met a cat

You definitely do not want this happening to your penis.
You definitely do not want this happening to your penis.

So over on Chateau Heartiste, Mr. Heartiste is trying to explain a highly innovative pickup strategy that you may know as “playing hard to get.”

First he tries a “fishing” metaphor, quoting from a commenter on his site who wrote:

It’s like fishing. You don’t just jerk your line out of the water as soon as you can. That’s how you get a broken line and lose an expensive lure. You jerk her in slowly letting the fish tire herself out. Once she’s sufficiently submissive then it’s time for the net.

Then, presumably, you gut her and fry her up in a pan?

Heartiste doesn’t say. Instead, he moves on to another metaphor that he manages to make even more awkward than the fish one. Apparently women are like cats, who are much more likely to pounce on a string if it’s being pulled away from them than they are if the string is just sitting there.

There is some serious science behind this observation: In their Environment of Evolutionary Adaptation, studies reveal, prehistoric cats were in a perpetual war with irregularly moving string creatures.

In trying to explain the whole string thing, Heartiste writes:

A cat won’t lunge for the string if it’s just sitting there in front of her, but if the string [your penis and any proxies for your penis, like your brain or personality] is moving away or zig-zagging, she’ll pounce.

Dude, have you ever met a cat? Cats have claws. They’re hunters, known for capturing and killing prey animals with a single well-planned pounce. You definitely don’t want a cat’s claws in your junk.

The shared idea behind all these pithy game theories is that women want a man who seems like he gets so much mad pussy that he can take or leave any one particular pussy. This is the man who “flips the script” and has women chasing him. Women love the man of plenty. Women are repulsed by the man of need.

I think you’ve actually just described cats, the world champions of playing hard to get.

In the comments, Heartiste’s readers somehow managed to make his creepy metaphors even more creepy.

According to Broadsman,

Some fish have a “hard mouth.” Once the hook is set, you just reel them in as hard as your rig can stand. Some women are like that – once you plant the idea that you’re going to bonk them and they buy in, it becomes a matter of logistics.

Some fish have a “soft mouth,” Once you set the hook, you can reel them in but too hard a pull, and the hook slips out and they are lost.

MILFs tend to have hard mouths. Once the appeal is there, it’s a matter of finding a room.

Young girls tend to have soft mouths. You have to be gentle in tugging them into your clutches.

Soft mouth women tend to have the more succulent flesh but it can be more difficult to catch your fill.

It apparently never occurs to Broadsman that the “hard-mouthed” women he thinks he’s “reeling in” may have actually decided on their own to have sex with him; they may be easy to “reel in” because they are also reeling him in.

trav777, mixing up a couple of metaphors, suggests that “young girls” are so eager to be fished that they “jump in the boat when they get close…no pullin teeth.”

Sentient, meanwhile, takes the fishing metaphor way too literally:

Fish are “attracted” to “lures” but you have to match the conditions and the species sought to the right lure and technique.

You can’t just paddle out in a farm pond and start tossing an offshore lure around… No matter how many “numbers” you put up in that scenario, you will never “hook” a fish… kind of like opening a HB9 in a bar at 11PM and discussing in detail your career as a mid-level actuary or the excellent gas mileage in your Honda Accord…

Successful fishermen know all about the species they are seeking (mating, migration, hibernation, etc.), know the right lures for the conditions and time of year (what they are eating, what attracts them, type of environment/bottom) and know the right techniques (depth, rate of retrieve, where in water column etc.)… It’s a science and a skill – just like pick up. It’s GAME game. It’s not a numbers game.

Apparently feeling that comparing women to animals is too flattering, Greginaurora compares them instead to plants:

When I was in college I practiced “gardening”. Open every woman I’d consider taking to bed, then don’t-close. Everywhere on campus. … I’d “plant the seed of her interest in me”, then I’d walk away and let that interest germinate. One nice side benefit of this was that I had pretty women starting conversations with me everywhere I went (post-open). Eventually, one-at-a-time, these girls would let me know they were ready and bloom for me.

Ew ew ew ew ew.

Broadsman (the hard and soft mouth guy from above) returns with a whole new metaphor — women aren’t cats or fish or flowers but MINKS — and manages to out-creep everyone in the thread with a weird, victim-blaming apologia for domestic violence:

It is a common mammalian behavor for the female to require the male to get rough with the female before mating. For example, the female mink has to be bitten and bleed from the wound before she ovulates.

Lots of women at least appreciate rough treatment, from just being picked up and thrown on the bed to being battered women, loving their abusive mate.

Women: As PUAs see it, they’re fish to be lured, or cats to dangle strings in front of, or flowers to plant, or minks to physically mistreat — anything but sentient beings with their own thoughts and their own motivations for things.

h/t — dashapants

EDIT: Added the h/t, and a link to Heartiste’s piece. Oops.

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bekabot
7 years ago

…prehistoric cats were in a perpetual war with irregularly moving string creatures.

…and the cats won, which is why we experience a dearth of string creatures today.

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
7 years ago

…your penis and any proxies for your penis, like your brain or personality…

This is actually from Richard Dawkins’ forthcoming PUA guide: The Selfish Peen.

Amanda
Amanda
7 years ago

I’m not sure what to make of the cats quote…so is he saying that women, like cats, if they /really/ like you…they bring you dead bodies? Man you’re into some fucked up shit…

fotocopiadora
7 years ago

A cat won’t lunge for the string if it’s just sitting there in front of her, but if the string [your penis and any proxies for your penis, like your brain or personality] is moving away or zig-zagging, she’ll pounce.

the image of some PUA dude somehow pulling his own brains out of the skull and dangling it in front of a cat is kind of amusing. i mean it wouldn’t even be really out of character.

fotocopiadora
7 years ago

*his own brain

Jarnsaxa
Jarnsaxa
7 years ago

From what I can tell, guys do get that pressure as well, but it’s not usually as bad, nor does it begin nearly as early as it does for women.

I get asked why I’m still single at every extended-family gathering and I don’t think they realize how frustrating it is, since I actually do hate being single.

misseb47
misseb47
7 years ago

So we are fish now? I thought women were bitches.These men are such rotten bastards. >:-(

“Women: As PUAs see it, they’re fish to be lured, or cats to dangle strings in front of, or flowers to plant, or minks to physically mistreat — anything but sentient beings with their own thoughts and their own motivations for things”

They really think that. don’t they? No wonder they don’t have luck with women (other than those who just want one night stands and most of them would stay away from those bastards) . PUAs-you would have much better luck with women if you treat them as people, because women ARE people.

As for the whole the brain and personalty are extensions of the penis thing, well I guess they are projecting the whole ‘men are animals who can’t control their urges’ thing onto women, hence their perception that women are mindless fish drawn to lures (even though these women are making the conscious decision to find someone to have sex with and that they drawing in the PUA as well). Not only are these morons misogynistic, they have a lot of internalized misandry too. These men hate themselves as much as they hate women. This is such a common thing amongst these ‘communities’. It is only recently that I am beginning to realize how widespread it is.

epitome of incomprehensibility

@sunnysombrera – Similar deal here – I’m 26 and my parents had kids in their mid-30s. They don’t bug me about getting married, but sometimes I get a bit of that that from sundry friends and acquaintances.

The way I figure it, if I get married, good for me (maybe) and the other person (maybe). If I use up some time and effort to write a book or something, then (I hope) more than one other person might find it interesting.

because reasons
because reasons
7 years ago

Clearly this guy’s never owned a cat. Also, I’d like to add that as for the whole string/peen in motion nonsense, I have totally “pounced” on inanimate peens before…no wiggling required. lol

Dawn Incognito
Dawn Incognito
7 years ago

My black cat was a stray. She’s very good at keeping her claws in around the humans, but she loves hunting shadows. I’ve seen her pounce with claws out. Once she accidentally got my heel and holy crap having a ~15lb cat driving needle-sharp claws into your flesh is an experience.

…………I think I would love to see her pounce on a PUA’s penis, actually.

because reasons
because reasons
7 years ago

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Longevity aside, what is it about being childless/never married that you feel is worse than death, and specific to men? I’m curious. Young women experience an intense amount of pressure in our culture to Find “The One” Before It’s Too Late And You’re Too Old And Have Too Many Cats (a fear which PUAs and other misogynists try to exploit to keep women in line). Practically every magazine, romance novel, movie, and pop song aimed at women plays the same tired drumbeat. I haven’t seen a similar pervasive pressure to get married directed at men, but maybe I’ve been looking in the wrong places.

I’ve often wondered this myself. And as a woman in her mid-forties who has never been married (and has two adorable cats!), I marvel even more that we long-time single unchilded ladies still manage to stay so healthy and vibrant despite that constant, stressy drumbeat to couple up, get married, and churn out babies or we’ll die-die-DIE. To hear some tell it, I should be long dead of cancer from all the pent-up urge to reproduce, or something. Yet here I am, well over the age at which we’re supposed to have a greater chance of being kidnapped by terrorists, still going strong and looking rather well.

And no sign of those damn terrorists, either.

PS: I credit the cats. They are the best company in the world.

Bryce
Bryce
7 years ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

“I haven’t seen a similar pervasive pressure to get married directed at men, but maybe I’ve been looking in the wrong places.”

I don’t mean to turn this into a long-winded MRA styled whine about how bad men have it, (here goes though 🙂 Women who *never* marry, especially ‘relationship virgins’, seem to fly under the radar more than men in a similar situation. There’s greater blame attributed to this “failure”; probably down to the persistent expectation for men to be initiators, to dominate.

There’s also the hint at supposed character flaws and stigmas around life-long single men that obviously don’t apply to women – we’re viewed as everything from harmless socially inept 40 year old virgin stereotypes, to creepy sexual deviants.

mrex
mrex
7 years ago

@Bryce “There’s also the hint at supposed character flaws and stigmas around life-long single men that obviously don’t apply to women – we’re viewed as everything from harmless socially inept 40 year old virgin stereotypes, to creepy sexual deviants.”

But they do apply to women! 😉

This is a favorite topic of debate in my household. Other people have already gone over most my points, but the one thing I would like add is that men are more likely to rely solely on their partner for friendship than women are, so older women are more likely to have strong friendships than older men. This could be part of why some men struggle with being single. And this is by no means a generalization of all men.

Manosphere yaoi fic
Manosphere yaoi fic
7 years ago

Okay this is a legitimate question. Has anyone ever written manosphere yaoi fanfic? Specifically Roosh x Heartiste? And if one were to write such a thing, what would be the best location to put it in in hopes of pissing off/entertaining the maximum amount of people? Thank you!

privaterichard
privaterichard
7 years ago

PUA shit (incl. Heartiste prominently here) always reminds me of those creepy guides for women from a couple of generations ago – how to “snag a man,” etc. Coming at it from the guys’ side doesn’t make it more right, it’s the same steaming pile of wrong.

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