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Angry gamer dude: Men need sexy video game babes, because real-world women are fatties

Male gamers suffer terribly when they can't look at game gals like these, from Gotham City Impostors
Male gamers suffer terribly when they can’t look at game gals like these, from Gotham City Impostors

The gaming enthusiast known as seanmalstrom seems to be on a personal crusade to challenge the stereotype of men as the “logical sex.” He does this mostly by 1) being a dude and 2) writing things that make no sense at all.

In a recent post on his blog Malstrom’s Articles News – no, that’s really what it’s called – Mr. Malstrom attempts to rebut a piece by John Walker of the gaming site Rock Paper Shotgun that challenged misogyny in the gaming world.

It’s not much of a rebuttal, but Mr. Malstrom makes a couple of, er, “arguments” that grabbed my attention. At one point he suggests that if game developers stop populating their games with sexy lady characters with giant boobs and long legs, American men will have no way to exercise their God-given right to ogle sexy ladies with giant boobs and long legs.

There is a great question I have yet to hear anyone in the Game Industry answer. If women cannot be depicted fantastical (big boobs, long legs, slaughters armies single-handedly) in fantasy entertainment, where can men go to see fantasy women? Women have their fantasy men from endless soap-operas, romance novels, chick flicks, and such. Are men not allowed to have fantasies in entertainment?

True, that is a question I’ve yet to see anyone in the game industry answer, largely because most of the people in the game industry, whatever their flaws, live in the real world, and in the real world images of sexy ladies with big boobs are not exactly difficult to come by.

Mr. Malstrom goes on to argue that men in the English-speaking world have the greatest need for sexy lady video game characters, because the women they run into on a regular basis in the real world are all fatties. In the Cold War era, politicians warned about a “Missile Gap” with the Russians. Today, apparently, we and the Russians have a Fatty Gap.

In Russia, it is stunning to see alcoholic bums of Russian men with model quality looks Russian women. In the same way, in the United States it is stunning to see wealthy, hardworking, handsome American men with an American woman who looks like a Troglodyte. Of course, this is just a generalization. The point is that the typical American male has a better worldwide value if they stop thinking the local obese women around them are ‘the normal’. They aren’t the normal worldwide.

If anyone needs fantasy depictions, it would be English speaking men who don’t have access to the worldwide standard.

Mr. Malstrom is also bothered by the suggestion that video game makers should try to make female characters more interesting. You know, with personalities and motivations of their own, and stuff like that. To Mr. Malstrom, there’s nothing more interesting about a women than her body.

What makes a woman interesting to men?

The truth is that interesting women needs youth, big boobs, long legs, long hair, and an hourglass figure to be interesting to men. The more women go away from this, the less interesting they become to men. This is why women when inevitably age, they become more and more invisible to men. It is just Nature at work. Ironically, for men the older they get, the more interesting they can become to women as their earning potential goes up. This balances out how most young men are invisible to women when they are younger. After the age of 25, men tend to become the more interesting ones compared to a woman of equal age. This is why mothers always advised their daughters to ‘snag him when he and she are both young’.

Indeed, Mr. Malstrom argues, men who insist that women be depicted as sex objects are doing women a giant favor.

And we should only hope that women wish to be depicted as sex objects for that is how they become love objects as well. No man wants to marry a women they aren’t attracted to. Last I checked, marriage rates were plummeting in the West. Perhaps journalists should strive for ‘positive change’ by suggesting to women to be depicted more as sex objects so they can attract a man for marriage before they get too old. That would truly help women and make men happier as well.

Mr. Malstrom concludes with a stirring call for women to stop being such fat fatties.

It IS tasteless for using women as sex objects to sell games. Why? It is because real life women should be sex objects to begin with. If that were the case, putting them on a game cover wouldn’t be selling the game. This used to be the case decades ago. Since obesity in women have skyrocketed and attractive women have diminished, putting attractive women on game covers definitely attracts men more than it should.

It IS sad that women can’t find themselves sensibly portrayed in the games they play. It is not because the women in the games are ‘too attractive’, it is because the women playing them tend to be ‘too fat’. It is sad for women that they are fat. It is also sad for men. What John Walker should do is to advise women to get in shape and try to look like the depictions of women that men are attracted to. This would be ‘positive change’ we could all get behind.

I hate to burst your bubble, Mr. Malstrom, but I don’t think there was any era of history in which women looked like this.

600full-tomb-raider-iii -the-adventures-of-lara-croft-artwork

It’s probably just as well, as Lara here doesn’t seem to have eyelids and her head isn’t properly connected to her neck.

Note: Thanks to Tatjna for pointing me to Mr. Malstrom’s post!

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Marie
Marie
9 years ago

@kittehs

Thanks for telling me. I’ll go check it then… 🙂 Keep forgetting to check other threads once I get caught up in one XD

bahumbugi
bahumbugi
9 years ago

yes, i meant that. eli didn’t explicitly say she’s not fond of them, but when i hear about their being useless about these things, it gives me a lil’ rage.

slowly getting back to my studies and my brain bleach:

Shiraz
Shiraz
9 years ago

“Sorry Shiraz, It’s a mega-massive novel. My copy is 979 pages plus 304 pages of endnotes. You unwittingly made reference to an insidious terrorist group that lurks its pages. I love this book and am embarrassed to admit how many times I have read it. Because I love it. The author is David Foster Wallace and he committed suicide a few years back. (So now you have to read the book again….)”

You mean for the first time. I’ve never read it before. It sounds cool.

baroncognito
9 years ago

The only times I ever get harassed are if I’m wearing a sousaphone.

Some people are content to yell “play something for me!” while at the last parade some very drunk people actually grabbed my ass.

Apparently carrying around a musical instrument means that people no longer find you intimidating.

eli
eli
9 years ago

And I’m the idiot hearing “League of Invisible Women” to mean the the “League of Wheelchaired Assassins” Where is Ta-Nehisi when need him?

eli
eli
9 years ago

Dang Baron,

I’d have a bit of trouble carrying a piano or an organ. Those people suck who feel like they can do that to you.

TomBcat
TomBcat
9 years ago

@bahumbugi
ditto on the cop thing.
stole a pack of cigarettes, they came instantly.
Got beaten up and robbed: It took them two hours and then they drove off because they couldn’t find me instantly.

@Marie
thanks and you are awesome too, and you don’t bug me at all.I’m just not good with the attention. I’m afraid of hostile reactions if I get too much of it.

Shiraz
Shiraz
9 years ago

I get harassed a lot. Sometimes I yell back things that don’t make sense, like, “Give me back my jacket!” They give me the “confused face” then I feel much better.

Marie
Marie
9 years ago

@tomBcat

O_o Wow on the cops there 🙁 My only bad experiences with them were years ago, and more of a ‘cops think kids are their parent’s property’ thing :/

And thanks 🙂

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
9 years ago

Shiraz – that sounds like a good time to channel Foul Ole Ron.

Millenium hand and shrimp! You can blow that out of your teapot and no mistake. I’m as sane as the next man, listen!

Marie
Marie
9 years ago

And, must sleep everyone. Good night 🙂

TomBcat
TomBcat
9 years ago

@Shiraz
Love the Louis CK reference.
Who was it that proposed faking a survey on harassing the instant one gets harassed ?
Awesome idea, too.
Especially questions like:
“do you discuss your harassment habits with female friends, family(mother, sisters) or coworkers?”

Shiraz
Shiraz
9 years ago

Tee-hee, Kitteh, hahahaha.

eli
eli
9 years ago

Thanks Kittehs, I’m sure I was mistaken. I am thankful that as a 40-something white woman that I have very few interactions with the cops. It was, however, a bit alarming to find one in my backyard with a big honking flashlight (/torch?) and all 6′ 3-5” of him trying to get the attention of these little critters running low to the ground and off on a scent.

cloudiah
9 years ago

I LOVE the idea of yelling at harassers, “Give me back my jacket!” Although since we’re manboobzers here, we should probably yell, “Give me back my kitten!”

Dinner (empanadas) acquired!

TomBcat
TomBcat
9 years ago

Good night Marie!

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
9 years ago

Niters Marie!

eli
eli
9 years ago

Somebody brought empanadas and I missed it? 🙁

Shiraz
Shiraz
9 years ago

Sure, cloudiah. Or “Give me back my scented fucking candles!”

clairedammit
clairedammit
9 years ago

Yum, empanandas!

clairedammit
clairedammit
9 years ago

I read “Angry Gamer Dude” as “Any Gamer Dude” and thus:

I’ve never seen you looking so bad my MRA one
You tell me that your red pill view has come undone

Any gamer dude with half a console will tell you my son
Any minor chick that becomes a person will leave you soon
When the morning is at your door
In the evening she won’t be there no more
Any gamer dude will tell you

Have you ever seen an asshole’s tears? Well look at mine
The people in my mind have all seen better times

Shiraz
Shiraz
9 years ago

I dunno who made the fake suvey joke, TomBcat. It wasn’t Louis CK, but other than that, I don’t have a clue.

cloudiah
9 years ago

‘Night, Marie! (This thread is moving too fast.)

Alternate line: “Give Paul Elam back his boner!” That would really confuse them.

in reality, I am of course more likely to freeze and not say any of these clever things — good thing I am not harassed frequently, since I am old and decrepit (in my 40s) and otherwise neither look nor dress like a sexy video game lady.

pecunium
9 years ago

TomBcat: @pecunium
From what little I’ve read on your blog so far, I don’t feel like I can or should ever compare.

Mayhap not in totality, but each event is entire, of itself.

eli
eli
9 years ago

since I am old and decrepit (in my 40s) and otherwise neither look nor dress like a sexy video game lady.

do people not in their 40s (me included) look or dress like sexy video game ladies? (oh wait…, never mind, I’m having a flashback….nevermind, flashback was pure, unadulterated sexism)

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