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Angry gamer dude: Men need sexy video game babes, because real-world women are fatties

Male gamers suffer terribly when they can't look at game gals like these, from Gotham City Impostors
Male gamers suffer terribly when they can’t look at game gals like these, from Gotham City Impostors

The gaming enthusiast known as seanmalstrom seems to be on a personal crusade to challenge the stereotype of men as the “logical sex.” He does this mostly by 1) being a dude and 2) writing things that make no sense at all.

In a recent post on his blog Malstrom’s Articles News – no, that’s really what it’s called – Mr. Malstrom attempts to rebut a piece by John Walker of the gaming site Rock Paper Shotgun that challenged misogyny in the gaming world.

It’s not much of a rebuttal, but Mr. Malstrom makes a couple of, er, “arguments” that grabbed my attention. At one point he suggests that if game developers stop populating their games with sexy lady characters with giant boobs and long legs, American men will have no way to exercise their God-given right to ogle sexy ladies with giant boobs and long legs.

There is a great question I have yet to hear anyone in the Game Industry answer. If women cannot be depicted fantastical (big boobs, long legs, slaughters armies single-handedly) in fantasy entertainment, where can men go to see fantasy women? Women have their fantasy men from endless soap-operas, romance novels, chick flicks, and such. Are men not allowed to have fantasies in entertainment?

True, that is a question I’ve yet to see anyone in the game industry answer, largely because most of the people in the game industry, whatever their flaws, live in the real world, and in the real world images of sexy ladies with big boobs are not exactly difficult to come by.

Mr. Malstrom goes on to argue that men in the English-speaking world have the greatest need for sexy lady video game characters, because the women they run into on a regular basis in the real world are all fatties. In the Cold War era, politicians warned about a “Missile Gap” with the Russians. Today, apparently, we and the Russians have a Fatty Gap.

In Russia, it is stunning to see alcoholic bums of Russian men with model quality looks Russian women. In the same way, in the United States it is stunning to see wealthy, hardworking, handsome American men with an American woman who looks like a Troglodyte. Of course, this is just a generalization. The point is that the typical American male has a better worldwide value if they stop thinking the local obese women around them are ‘the normal’. They aren’t the normal worldwide.

If anyone needs fantasy depictions, it would be English speaking men who don’t have access to the worldwide standard.

Mr. Malstrom is also bothered by the suggestion that video game makers should try to make female characters more interesting. You know, with personalities and motivations of their own, and stuff like that. To Mr. Malstrom, there’s nothing more interesting about a women than her body.

What makes a woman interesting to men?

The truth is that interesting women needs youth, big boobs, long legs, long hair, and an hourglass figure to be interesting to men. The more women go away from this, the less interesting they become to men. This is why women when inevitably age, they become more and more invisible to men. It is just Nature at work. Ironically, for men the older they get, the more interesting they can become to women as their earning potential goes up. This balances out how most young men are invisible to women when they are younger. After the age of 25, men tend to become the more interesting ones compared to a woman of equal age. This is why mothers always advised their daughters to ‘snag him when he and she are both young’.

Indeed, Mr. Malstrom argues, men who insist that women be depicted as sex objects are doing women a giant favor.

And we should only hope that women wish to be depicted as sex objects for that is how they become love objects as well. No man wants to marry a women they aren’t attracted to. Last I checked, marriage rates were plummeting in the West. Perhaps journalists should strive for ‘positive change’ by suggesting to women to be depicted more as sex objects so they can attract a man for marriage before they get too old. That would truly help women and make men happier as well.

Mr. Malstrom concludes with a stirring call for women to stop being such fat fatties.

It IS tasteless for using women as sex objects to sell games. Why? It is because real life women should be sex objects to begin with. If that were the case, putting them on a game cover wouldn’t be selling the game. This used to be the case decades ago. Since obesity in women have skyrocketed and attractive women have diminished, putting attractive women on game covers definitely attracts men more than it should.

It IS sad that women can’t find themselves sensibly portrayed in the games they play. It is not because the women in the games are ‘too attractive’, it is because the women playing them tend to be ‘too fat’. It is sad for women that they are fat. It is also sad for men. What John Walker should do is to advise women to get in shape and try to look like the depictions of women that men are attracted to. This would be ‘positive change’ we could all get behind.

I hate to burst your bubble, Mr. Malstrom, but I don’t think there was any era of history in which women looked like this.

600full-tomb-raider-iii -the-adventures-of-lara-croft-artwork

It’s probably just as well, as Lara here doesn’t seem to have eyelids and her head isn’t properly connected to her neck.

Note: Thanks to Tatjna for pointing me to Mr. Malstrom’s post!

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9 years ago

Getting thinner makes me look bustier too, I think it’s just genetics. But yes, it’s certainly not a standard or common thing, and the whole “must improve your bust!” exercise thing is nonsense. Lift things a bit, maybe, but make bigger? Nope.

9 years ago

RE: CassandraSays

It didn’t make me look bustier; I just tend to lose weight everywhere BUT my tits and thighs. (Well, now just thighs.) Which meant that I was in for a rude shock after top surgery; with all that meat off, everyone realized just how skinny I was. The rack had concealed the sickness.

Now I’m trying to imagine boob exercises. Boob lifts. Boob-ups. Boob curls…

9 years ago

I’m thinking it’s time I got measured again. I’m bigger all round than the last time I had it done. My bras still feel okay but it’d be interesting to find out.

9 years ago


Now I’m trying to imagine boob exercises. Boob lifts. Boob-ups. Boob curls…

Maybe if someone had boobs like these?

I think my boobs went up in size slightly when I gained a little more weight, but never had a good measure until recently, so can’t be sure.

9 years ago

I gotta be honest, top surgery was worth every thousand bucks I paid for it. (And I say this as someone sunk in poverty.) *hugs chest, would kiss it if properly spinally equipped*

9 years ago

I’m seeing you as a heron or some other long-necked bird doing that! 🙂

Caligula Rex
Caligula Rex
6 years ago

I’m sure Mario and Luigi are carrying a few extra pounds…
Hasn’t stopped them selling games.

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