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Choosy women: A threat to civilization itself?

Pic borrowed from Kate Moon. Click on it to go to her site.

Over on the Men’s Rights Subreddit, PacmanWasALangolier is taking concern trolling to a whole new level. Apparently, according to some unspecified research, the women of today have gotten picky — tragically picky — about the men they date.

It turns out that a lot of women aren’t interested in dating just any dude out there! They cruelly, selfishly, wantonly insist on choosing whom they date and whom they don’t.

The horror!

Mr. Pacman is concerned, “honestly concerned,” for this can only end in disaster, not just for men but for those poor misguided women themselves. And possibly civilization itself.

To drop the sarcasm for a moment, let’s look at his “evidence.” First, that bit about how, historically, only 40% of men have passed on their genes. This figure comes from a paper by psychologist Roy Baumeister that’s a favorite amongst the Men’s Rights crowd, and the claim seems to be true — at least if you’re talking about the whole span of human existence.

Does this prove that women have always looked down their noses at the majority of men, refusing to have sex with decent average Joes in favor of riding that old “alpha asshole cock carousel,” as manosphere assholes so delightfully put it?

Well, not exactly. It merely suggests that in the past, more powerful men had sex with more women than the poor and subjugated, and thus were far more likely to pass on their genes. (Or at least that, however many partners they had, their babies were more likely to survive to produce babies of their own.) The figure tells us very little about the actual preferences of women, because many times the choice about who had sex with whom was made by men. Powerful men collected women into harems; male soldiers routinely raped women on the defeated side; in patriarchal cultures, fathers decided whom their daughters would marry. And so on.

Mr Pacman might also be referring to an interesting post on the OKCupid blog that revealed some interesting data on how the dating site’s (straight and bi) men and women rated the attractiveness of members of the opposite sex. But (if that is indeed what he’s referring to) he’s leaving out half of the equation, and thus totally missing the point.

Yes, it’s true that women on the site rated roughly 80% of the men on the site as “below average,” while men were much more “charitable” in their choices, with “a woman … as likely to be considered extremely ugly as extremely beautiful, [while] the majority of women have been rated about “medium.”

But Mr. Pacman has left out the most interesting part of the findings. Even though men on the site were charitable in how they rated women, with their assessments of female attractiveness falling roughly along a normal bell curve, they were more selective — much more selective —  in whom they contacted. As the OKCupid blogger, Christian Rudder, puts it, “when it comes down to actually choosing targets, men choose the modelesque.” Women at the top of the bell curve in terms of attractiveness (at least as rated by site members) get

nearly 5 times as many messages as a typical woman and 28 times as many messages as a woman at the low end of our curve. Site-wide, two-thirds of male messages go to the best-looking third of women. So basically, guys are fighting each other 2-for-1 for the absolute best-rated females, while plenty of potentially charming, even cute, girls go unwritten.

For women, the results are strikingly different. While they tended to be pretty selective when it came to rating men on their looks, in practice they were far more open to dating men they considered average or below average in looks. As Rudder notes,

women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier pattern than guys’ pursuing the all-but-unattainable. … [T]he average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.

Of course, the data here might be skewed by another factor that the blogger doesn’t address: on OKCupid, when someone rates someone else highly, and that someone else has also rated them highly, the site sends out a message informing both of them of a possible match. Women rating particular men as unattractive may not actually think of them as unattractive, but may be simply trying to avoid getting a lot of spammy messages from guys whose profiles they may not have looked at in detail.

So, yeah, once again, the real world is a lot more complicated, and much more interesting, than the world inside the head of the typical MRA.

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hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Within each others arms upon the backseat we lay
breathing hard and moaning softly
rocking to the tempo of the music playing
as the windows fogged completely

PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LI-IIIIIGHT.

pecunium
pecunium
9 years ago

Man, that poetry is Da Shit! (and I mean that. most sincerely).

DaPoet
9 years ago

These insults are some of the lamest and uncreative I’ve ever read! Surely you wannabe boys can do better then this.

inurashii
inurashii
9 years ago

Back atcha kiddo!

pecunium
pecunium
9 years ago

Ooh… I’m a wannbe. My being male, my being a soldier; and an NCO, my being a combat vet… none of those make me a man.

What am I missing… a pointless, peurile, purulent, bathetic, behavior of bashing on women?

That must be it.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

If you want to talk about lame and uncreative, shittypoetwannabe, try reading your own garbage. Or better yet, do a writing course and find out just how bad your efforts are.

Kim
Kim
9 years ago

you wannabe boys

Projecting much?

pecunium
pecunium
9 years ago

Actually, I don’t wanna be a boy. I’m too old for that now. When I was a child. and all that jazz.

Now, if I could have my 27 year old body back again…. that would be pretty nice.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Wannabee boys? HAHAHA, OK, wannabee poet. I’ve read better poetry in dive bar bathroom stalls.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Now, if I could have my 27 year old body back again…. that would be pretty nice.

Amen to that. The snap, crackle, and pop I hear first thing in the morning isn’t my Rice Krispies.

pecunium
pecunium
9 years ago

I have to say it’s rare we get a genuine Poetaster here.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

I wouldn’t mind my 27 year old body back, as long as I could keep my 49 year old knowledge.

Diana (@DianaMayim)
9 years ago

I just have to lol at the illogical crap these guys spew. I am a choosy woman, as everyone has that right to be. I have my own preferences and needs just like a man does. It’s not my problem if a man will ‘settle’ or if they fight over women who remind them of the porn they consume.

These males need to get a damn life outside the internet.

Sheila Jenkins
9 years ago

Silly people! We’re not supposed to have standards! we’re supposed to accept any male who deigns to pay us attention! Especially if you’re fat and average like me.

Not.

John
John
9 years ago

Sheila learn to spell.

To the rest of you insulting a guy just for expressing his free speech,

You are pathetic you insult men then when your done insulting men you argue among yourselves your the worst type of person on this planet.

BritterSweet
BritterSweet
9 years ago

John, before you tell someone how to spell, learn the difference between “your” and “you’re.”

Free speech does not mean freedom from criticism. He is indeed free to spew misogynistic bile, but everyone else is also free to call him an asshole for it.

MAlice
MAlice
8 years ago

“What will happen when women hit 40 and are still alone?” Bah, the same as single men at 40s: have sex, travel, develop your career, party and think on how to get more money for retirement ;P Not every woman has a need to become a wife and mother, just like not every man needs to get married and procreate. It’s actually convenient, under our quickly growing population and scarce resources to support it. Women now look after themselves, chose jobs that fulfil their ambitions, why getting children and getting married? lol Just the fact that women are choosy tells you that they are comfortable being single, otherwise they would lower their expectations… right? x

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