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Do you want semen on that? How Law & Order: SVU imperils innocent penises

That's a LOT of semen.

TV detectives pore over semen stains, and find evidence of crimes. Over on A Voice for Men, B.R. Merrick pores over TV detectives poring over semen stains, and finds evidence of “anti-man mentality.” On Law & Order: SVU, he says,

Every time I chanced upon seeing a bit of it, someone somewhere said “semen.”

You know the show focuses on sex crimes, right? When you’re investigating sex crimes, I’d say the chances are pretty good you’re going to run across some semen from time to time.

This is a show that has been on the air for more than a decade, a spin-off from another program more than two decades long, dedicated to entertaining millions of Americans every week using salacious, graphic language about terrible crimes.  Semen.  Semen stains.  Semen samples.  Semen on a dead body.  Crime.  Law, order, crime, and semen.

Spam, eggs, bacon, semen and spam. Spam, spam, bacon, semen, and spam. Semen, semen, spam eggs sausage and semen.

Sorry, I got distracted.

Semen is disgusting, if I am to conclude anything from watching this program.  How is it that a show that continually mentions semen in connection with horrific crime can remain so popular for over a decade? 

Christopher Melonimania? No, nothing so straightforward as that. Clearly what we’re dealing with is anti-semen propaganda of the sneakiest sort.

Millions watch, but virtually no one notices.  It is as if the ejaculation of semen is something that the world puts up with but secretly detests.  Since only men make semen; since it is usually voluntarily ejaculated except for certain cases of rape and nocturnal emissions; and since the voluntary giving of this life-giving substance is usually frequent; what are men supposed to think if the culture embraces mainstream entertainment that virtually equates semen with crime?

If semen is outlawed only outlaws will produce semen?

The conclusions we are supposed to draw seem pretty obvious to me: Women and sexless children are the victims of semen, the victims of men.  Men are too quick to indulge their semen-connected desires.  Pornography is directly connected to men, semen, and the oftentimes unavoidable crimes that result. 

So jerking off into a sock has been criminalized?

Once you indulge a penis, all bets are off.  Unless, of course, he’s been thoroughly trained.

Penises can be trained? Really? I’ve had very little luck training mine.

Men who are raised not to take their feelings seriously will probably feel a little tinge that is quickly ignored when semen is mentioned in a silly television program.  Men who are used to being teased will grin along with the giggling girls who laugh at a man whose penis is not only severed, but shredded in a garbage disposal, so that he can spend the last several decades of his life without one. 

So Law & Order: SVU is secretly preparing men for a dystopian future in which all untrained penises will all be shredded in garbage disposals?

Stay tuned, I guess.

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Pecunium
10 years ago

I still think it is interesting to ask, and seems reasonable.

This is from asshole 101. “I was only asking, and it seems reasonable”.

But when someone asks, “why shouldn’t women treat every possible male they see as a potential rapist, because she can’t know his intentions”, that’s a horrible accusation with no basis in fact.

dicipres weasled out of a charge he admits he can’t support, but which is really interesting, and “reasonable” and which we ought to think about.

What about me? I’ve engaged in light BDSM, and I think feminism is swell. I’m a dude, and when I play in BDSM situations I’m the dommy one.

Fuckwit.

Captain Bathrobe
10 years ago

I think one of the the takeaway points re: rape, is that acquiescence does not equal consent. If a bunch of big guys on the street come up to me and demanded 5 dollars, and I gave it to them to make them go away, even without the explicit threat of violence that still doesn’t mean I consented freely. I doubt it would hold up in court, but it still wouldn’t mean I had given it freely, either.

Rutee Katreya
10 years ago

You’d be surprised what holds up in court, CB. We’re not talking about rape, after all.

Captain Bathrobe
10 years ago

Yeah, I know Rutee. (sigh!) All the more reason to hold rape to the same standards we hold other crimes.

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