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Man Boobz Super Fun Time Video Party 2: Take the Stairs

Today, in episode two of Man Boobz Super Fun Time Video Party, we present a brief monologue which we’ve entitled “Take the Stairs,” which was originally posted on Reddit’s Men’s Rights subreddit. It provides crucial information for men who don’t wish to face false accusations from some office floozy.

The full text of the original posting is below, for those who for some reason don’t appreciate little cartoon animals and/or text-to-speech.

Here’s the original posting:

I avoid interacting with the few female coworkers I have more than what is absolutely required. You never know when you’ll be accused of sexual harassment or even rape. It happens everywhere and I think if you don’t take your precautions it’s only a matter of a short amount of time before it happens to you. Whenever I get involved in a hiring situation I will most likely pick a man over a woman. While a woman may very well be the best candidate that doesn’t count for much when she’s disruptive as everyone has to tip-toe around her.

I used to take the elevator at work, but now I always take the stairs. That’s just a precaution I take against women who could potentially use the situation to make false accusations (you know like ripping her shirt open and running out of the elevator crying in front of a lot of witnesses and then start accusing me of attempting rape). That’s just one of the many things I’ve ended up doing in order to stay safe. All these safety measures add up and I’ve never been falsely accused of anything because they’ve just never had the opportunity to make an accusation that could stick. I’m sure a feminist will come along one day who will just completely pull something out of her ass despite of me having an alibi or witnesses, but that will be easily dismissed I’d hope.

Since a woman’s word trumps a man’s word whenever he doesn’t have an alibi a man just has to be very cautious. Don’t let a woman be around you on her own; better safe than sorry.

Even the Men’s Rights Redditors considered this a tad paranoid.

EDITED TO ADD: Props to this thread on Something Awful, which led me to the Reddit posting.

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AbsintheDexterous
AbsintheDexterous
10 years ago

Happens all the time. It’s just part of a daily routine for some men

Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. I know that I can’t stop myself from ripping off my clothing in the presence of Men. However, because I’m not considered fuckable, they’re the ones who run away in tears, and THEN I accuse them of rape. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yup. Every day, like clockwork. 9:30 am, get coffee. 10:15 until lunch, rip clothes off and accuse men of rape.

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

Now I’m curious, so of course I must ask :3

Of all the female commenters here NWO, how many of us do you think have done that? :3 (and how many times on avg for those that have? :3 ) And of the male commenters how many do you think this has happened to? o:

I’m curious how NWO sees things xD

kristinmh
kristinmh
10 years ago

Ami, I once wore a ripped dress as a Hallowe’en costume. But I wasn’t dressed as a False Rape Accuser, so I don’t think that counts.

I think the False Rape Accuser is the equivalent of the Woman Who Gets An Abortion At 32 Weeks Just Because. I mean, in a world with 7 billion people both have to happen with some regularity, but not at statistically significant levels. And certainly not at levels that would justify limiting women’s opportunities for work or recreation/reproductive rights.

Oh, and the guy in the OP doesn’t seem to realize that women are people with their own lives. And those lives don’t revolve around ruining his.

filetofswedishfish
filetofswedishfish
10 years ago

“Know all locations of the “blue box” emergency call boxes on campus. Steer clear of them, unless you want women to use them to call the authorities and falsely accuse you”

“Keep your keys in your hand while you walk to your car, and have the door/ignition key out, so you don’t linger while you fumble with your keys giving false accusers more time to run up to you”

“Don’t order delivery. The delivery girl may be a false accuser”

cynickal
cynickal
10 years ago

“Always keep your windows rolled up at intersections to prevent a woman from shoving her breasts in your face and claiming you tried to rape her.!”

How can I avoid false rape accusations if I ride a motorcycle? Do my leathers and tinted visors offer enough protection? Should I avoid half helmets?

Magpie
Magpie
10 years ago

“Hmmm, decisions, decisions, to rape or not to rape that is the question. Most men usually resolve this sticky wicket of a dillema while taking their morning dump.”

A mildly funny comment from NWO 🙂 How often does this happen?

( I take it back if it turns out he was assuming the answer was ‘to rape’)

Magpie
Magpie
10 years ago

Cynickal – you should be safe – judges have decreed that rape is impossible while wearing tight pants.

Magpie
Magpie
10 years ago

Umm … hello? ….. guys? …. anyone there?

I brought Tim Tams …..

Molly Ren
10 years ago

@filetofswedishfish Blue boxes can only contain two things: madmen, and gingers. Both are trouble.

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

Also cats! 😀

Pecunium
10 years ago

NWO: Cha-ching… it’s never happened to the OP.

Pecunium
10 years ago

cynikalShould I avoid half helmets?

Yes.

eilish
eilish
10 years ago

Excellent work, manboobz-ers.

I love youse guys.

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