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By David Futrelle
So the fellows over on the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit are discussing just how much they TOTALLY REFUSE to have sex with women older than 25 — not to worry, fellas, women over 25 don’t want to have sex with you either — and one fellow resorts to an interesting if perhaps imperfect metaphor in order to explain why he at least hypothetically prefers fresh young 18-year-olds to jaded 25-year-old “cock carousel” riders.
So many questions! Were these 12 penises just dipped in the Pepsi bottle or are they all still stuffed inside of it? How do you squeeze a normal-sized penis through the narrow bottleneck? Would the number of acceptable penises per bottle increase or decrease if the bottle contained Coke or RC Cola or Dr. Pepper instead of Pepsi?
The most important question: How do I get the image of a Pepsi bottle stuffed with penises out of my head?
On a slightly more serious note, I would like to point out that Mikveh’s notion of how many sex partners the typical young women has by the age of 25 is utterly and completely fantastical.
Here’s the actual breakdown of the number of sex partners 25 to 29 year-old American women typically have had, according to a large-scale and widely cited study called the General Social Survey.
As you can see, the number of women that age with 84 sexual partners is more or less zero; it’s literally off the chart. (Presumably sex workers are not included in the survey.) The average number of sexual partners American woman have had by the time they hit their late twenties? Four.
I generated the chart above using a little chart-generator on Slate designed to tell you if “Your Sexual History [Is] As Impressive As You Think.” Try it yourself!