Men, beware! The woman who just texted you “happy birthday” isn’t a nice person wishing you a “happy birthday.” She is, rather, a demoness from hell. Or at the very least a creepy “attention whore tease” who won’t let you into her pants.
According to racist shitbag “game” blogger Heartiste, any woman who texts men on special occasions “is a cocktease in digital form” trying to make sure you remain one of her “beta orbiter … cuckubines,” which is his fancy way of saying “friend.”
As he sees it, these dastardly Special Occasion Texters (SOTs) have only bad reasons to text dudes on special days. The SOT may be doing some routine “Beta Orbiter Maintainance.”
She texts birthday messages to all the beta male orbiters she has accumulated over the years, and she does this as part of a maintenance program to keep her orbiters from spinning too far out of her orbit (or, conversely, too close to her planet). … She needs those suck-ups sucking up to her emotional needs, and sometimes that requires sending a tiny sliver of romantic hope — say, a birthday text — to her cuckubines.
If she’s feeling insecure, she might be trying to reassure herself that she has a few interested men “in the wings.”
Or she might be “a wicked mindfucker who gets off stringing
men betas along.”
These all kind of seem like the same reason to me, but what the heck.
In any case, Heartiste strongly urges his followers not to “chomp on her bland beta boob bait.”
Amazing alliteration, asshole!
Happily, Heartiste notes, you can totally get her back for this terrible act of hers, and possibly even lure her into your bedroom by … waiting a day before texting her back. And then being a bit of a dick about it.
Don’t move immediately to pin her down for a real date. Instead, wait a day, then reply “did u wish me happy labor day? weirdo.” Or, “you’re so cute when you stalk me”. The female SOT needs to know that you aren’t the kind of desperate guy to ask “how shiny?” when she tells you to polish her pedestal. She needs to be reminded in so many words that SHE’S the one who texted YOU, not the other way around, and this reminder of her active solicitation will reinforce the implication in her mind that you are the higher value company to keep.
Nothing screams “high value” like obsessing on the internet about how to outwit women with catty text messages.
Heartiste adds a little postscript:
PS If you want to use a SOT to open the lines of communication with a prospect, one irresistibly jerkish maneuver is to text the girl “happy bday” two weeks after her actual birthday. When she responds (and she will) that you’re two weeks late, grace her with a laconic “woops”. This is a small but powerful tactic to close the organic chaser (man)-chased (woman) gap, and thus improve your odds-to-lay.
Heartiste, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not actually the first guy to come up with the brilliant strategy of trying to get with women by being an asshole.
Naturally, Heartiste’s readers have their own, equally brilliant ideas.
Peter Pan notes that:
You can always send a SOT on the day of as well… just lace it with a slightly insulting element. For instance, deliberately get her name wrong, or say something like “Happy Birthday, grandma.” They have difficulty allowing such small things pass, and will reply to see if you were joking or not.
Oh, very clever.
themanofmystery2 offers his own “witty rejoinders.” No, that’s really what he calls them.
1. “Missed me, eh? No surprise there.”
2. “I’ve been waiting all year for you to send me that. THANK YOU!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 XD XD XD XD XD … ”
NEXT LINE: “You’re gay.”
3. [No matter what the holiday] “Happy Grandparents Day to you!” followed by an image of Depends with the caption “I got you a gift” (Careful with this one if she’s over 30 and has a weak self image)
SuperFucker! added his two cents:
[R]eaching out and and reminding her of the anniversary of something unpleasant, like the day she accidentally ran over her dog, is another appropriate neg for a girl giving you the runaround. Do NOT remind her of something truly horrific, though. Subtlety is key.
Sometimes I wonder if any of these guys have ever even been in the same room as a woman.