And that is just the beginning of a wondrous little exchange between a self-described “nice guy” trying out some bad boy charm on a not-very receptive woman on OkCupid who nonetheless deals with his ridiculous assholery with aplomb.
Note to “nice guy.” You might want to reconsider some of your assumptions. And work on your typing.
I found this on the endlessly fascinating, if often deeply disturbing, CreepyPMs subreddit, one of Reddit’s few redeeming features. You can read the rest of the conversation here, and the CreepyPM post here.
I log in, spend some time browsing the Internet, and I find a bunch of tree-related puns.
…
I’ll go against the grain and ask this: wood anybody care to stop punning for the sake of us all?
still had the wrong account… some days I hate wp…
Finally attempt at posting my pun…
Is this guy fir real?
I love it when women who get these stick up for themselves. It sounds like his bitterness turns everything he tastes into ash. Maybe if he branched out into activities which made him happy, he could root out the rot in his heart. Still, I get the feeling that most of these guys have a bark worse than their bite. Not that they should axe women stuff like this. I really just hope he leaves her alone, but he won’t see the forest for the trees.
I wonder how she copse with things like this.
Holly shit, why do these idiots insist on doing this alder time? He really needs to spruce up his act.
By gum! The poor fellow was pine-ing for a woman but didn’t get one. Now he may end up becoming a mango-ing his own way. Thanks, feminism.
Acacia didn’t notice, Nice Guys are a real thorn in people’s sides
It’s absurd how these guys think women are so cruel to boysenberry their hopes, just because we don’t like mopey idiots or abusive ones. Their bittercress must permeate their whole lives.
Look at the nice guy in action. Watch as it seduces a girl with its kindness, speaking sweet words of “slit ass birch ho”. I can just feel the warmth of his degrading, misogynistic words sweet as hot chocolate. My oh my, why would any woman even turn this man down? It must be the bad boys, that’s what it must be.
Communication does not appear to be a strong suit with these guys. It’s a hard life, in order to meet girls, you have to actually talk to them. Or type to them. Worse, what you say must be comprehensible.
Olive them need to stop sapping the energy of other people.
This made me laugh the hardest. But now I’m getting sycamore puns.
I can’t believe this has been kept going for so long.
I bough down to you all.
Maple!
<..>
Am I doing it right?
Cloudiah, are you going to be logging all this for us?
Nice guys are always so angry — it’s like you can almost see the hatred and fury phloem through them.
katz, well I think someone should. Probably it cambium me.
(Hey, I came late to the party, so my puns HAVE to be obscure.)
If we were less enlightened, we would probably call for him to be put into a xylem. XD
Why are women so callus towards nice guys? Maybe if the average woman weren’t such a selfish bitch and cared only about rotten alpha males, she would find a nice fungi.
(I hope that wasn’t too cringe-worthy)
I’d say that the symplast way to describe “Nice Guys” is that they’re misogynists.
The manosphere is full of saps.
These guys get into such a knot garden their poor delicate fee-fees, and treat being a decent person like it’s impossibly hard graft.
Cis male MRAs don’t care about anything that doesn’t make their dicks fern.
Every time I read the whole nice guy bs on the manosphere I’m reminded of this video:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI
Well he certainly planted a seed of hatred there didn’t he? I’d hate to see what it flowers into!
They really are a bunch of dead-heads with all these perennial complaints about women.
MRA talking points are completely devoid of resin. All they care about is wetwood.
You have to wonder what in carnation is wrong with them.
I keep wanting to read “birch ho” as “birch, ho!” as in, look over there, where you will find a birch tree.
Were wolf?
There wolf!
I love you guys. Reading all these puns has made my collapse + allergies more bearable. I’m lichen all the creativity I see here!
I fir we will never see the end of this old chestnut. It really makes me face palm.
If “girls” forced guys to be complete dicks to get close to them this guy would be up to his earlobes in girls.
I fucking love you guys. The puns make me want to groan and burst into hysterics at the same time. So terrible, it’s wonderful.
Don’t cypress your laughter. You may g-rowan as loud as you like.
It’s like as soon as he cedar her profile, he sprung some redwood.
(Ick.)
Nice guys who pay for dates (dates!) expect the woman willow him sex. Their flapping tulips make me impatien. (Yes I’ve used flowers and I know this sux.)
Sux is a tree
Nice Guys are hawthorn in my side.
I….uh….uhhhhhh…..
I’m stumped.
This guy isn’t very poplar with girls.
Was that one done yet? It seems so obvious.
His tulips will never come close to a female (back to flowers!)
Holly moly, I fir this guy is being drip fed MRA ‘logic’ via Ivy. Don’t beat around the bush lad, it’s clear you’re just another spruce goose, although one ‘flight’ might be a little too ambitious. Clearly another candidate for a mangrove-ing his own way.
I don’t know why a Nice Guy would think agave a shit about his sad boner. Weed on’t need to waste any thyme on these dills.
I walnut stop laughing ever at your tree puns.
He’s just toyon around with her.
Someone with such a canker wort not be a good date.
To be honest, I think we’re starting to re-peat ourselves.
I can’t teak it anymore!
Yes, I fear this thread will get truly ponderosa. We must stop punning, or I’ll go nuts!
In this vein, I am running out of puns!