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Slit Ass Birch Ho: The sad tale of a nice guy thwarted

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And that is just the beginning of a wondrous little exchange between a self-described “nice guy” trying out some bad boy charm on a not-very receptive woman on OkCupid who nonetheless deals with his ridiculous assholery with aplomb.

Note to “nice guy.” You might want to reconsider some of your assumptions. And work on your typing.

I found this on the endlessly fascinating, if often deeply disturbing, CreepyPMs subreddit, one of Reddit’s few redeeming features. You can read the rest of the conversation here, and the CreepyPM post here.

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fromafar2013
11 years ago

If anyone tried that on me I’d tell them to put a cork in it.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
11 years ago

He really should just mallow out.

grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

I wonder if he lives DIRECTLY on a beech . . .

Chie Satonaka
Chie Satonaka
11 years ago

I never understood split tail, personally. Everyone’s “tail” is split….

weirwoodtreehugger
11 years ago

I dream of a day a girl is nice to me…they never are

You could try not opening with an incomprehensible insult. Just a thought.

weirwoodtreehugger
11 years ago

Oak kay everyone. Enough with the punning.

weirwoodtreehugger
11 years ago

Just look at all these misandrists!
comment image%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.cityblossoms.com%252Fblog%252F2013%252F11%252F06%252Fbirch-not-just-a-tree-anymore%252F%3B550%3B367

Bostonian
Bostonian
11 years ago

I really like birch beer…

A statement that makes more sense than his opener, and is nicer.

Robert
Robert
11 years ago

From afar – that bikini tree has some junk in the trunk.

The OP’s junk is clearly in his head. I’ll stop here; don’t want anyone to get sick o’ more puns.

gillyrosebee
gillyrosebee
11 years ago

What’s the matter, weirwoodtreehugger? Are you plum tired of all the puns? Cherry up, there can’t be that many more of them out there!

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
11 years ago

Sadly, no-one rose to the occasion re the request to stop the puns.

weirwoodtreehugger
11 years ago

gillyrosebee, orange you glad my anger isn’t blossoming?

grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

WWTH, you still might want to trim it down a little if you don’t want to look like a big crabapple.

AIT
AIT
11 years ago

Log this as another day of great puns.

weirwoodtreehugger
11 years ago

Fine grumpycat, I’m getting in my canoe and rowan out of here.

Falconer
11 years ago

I love this place.

ignotussomnium
11 years ago

Not her fault he’s such a dogwood.

blanktie
blanktie
11 years ago

Blargh. Not this nice guy shtick again. They all say the same things, in the same way. Are they the same person on the internet or what?

That convo had a nice ending at least. Lol

leatapp
leatapp
11 years ago

Just leaving this here:

Lady Mondegreen
11 years ago

What acorn-y bunch you all are. You arbor be ash amed.

katz
11 years ago

Blargh. Not this nice guy shtick again.

You mean this nice guy stick.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
11 years ago

If only he’d twig onto the fact that he’s a laughing stock.

katz
11 years ago

I think he’s barking up the wrong tree.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
11 years ago

He should just leave.

grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago