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CRUSH MR. RIGHT: Is this Google’s gynocentric Valentine’s Day message?

 February 14, 2014
  · 294 Comments
Google, or Gynoogle?

Google, or Gynoogle?

Happy Valentine’s Day, gynocrats!.

Over on A Voice for Male Students, the always-reasonable and never-hysterical Jonathan Taylor celebrates this day of candies and flowers and irritating Kay Jewelry commercials with a lovely little piece entitled “The gynocentrism of Valentine’s Day, and the spoiled princess mentality.”

In it, he takes aim at a holiday he sees as rewarding the sort of woman who behaves like a “privileged princess who didn’t get her pony when she was five.”

His proof of this “gynocentrism?” The custom graphics on Google’s home page today, which I have screencapped and pasted in above.

At first glance, this all seems very innocent. We all remember these adorably crappy candies with the little messages on them. But Taylor is able to discern its insidious deeper meaning in their words:

The inclusion of the “Mr. Right” heart may seem like a small thing, but it is also rather telling, especially coming from the #1 website in the world. Women have expectations and standards. Where are men’s expectations and standards?

We aren’t told about them. Unlike “Mr. Right,” the phrase “Ms. Right” isn’t used in common parlance. The very incidence of men having standards for women is often regarded as sexist, even if they are entirely reasonable – such as not being so fat that you are diabetic by the time you are 35 and bedridden by the time you are 55.

In the age of Feminism, the only people women “answer to” are themselves.  

Now that I’ve taken a closer look at Google’s message, I think that Mr. Taylor is if anything understating its creepy gynocentric intent. Take a look again at the first two candies.

CRUSH MR. RIGHT

Clearly this is an invitation to murder. Nay, to MAN GENOCIDE.

FIRST KISS 4EVER YOURS

… because if he is dead, your first kiss will make him — or at least his corpse — forever yours.

PUPPY LOVE

Of course if he is dead, he will not be able to fulfill his normal sexual functions. So Google seems to be recommending bestiality.

BLIND DATE

And then, to cover up your crimes, it suggests that you blind all of your future dates so they can’t see the corpse you’ve got stashed in the spare bedroom. (You may also need to do something about their sense of smell.)

Has the true ugliness of this gynocentric holiday ever been more nakedly displayed?

—

Just in case anyone missed it, this post is almost entirely made up of

SARCASM

… except for the bit about Kay Jewelry ads, which really are irritating.

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Posted in: a voice for men, conspiracy theory, creepy, evil fat fatties, evil sexy ladies, gynocracy, I'm totally being sarcastic, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, oppressed men, princesses
← A Voice for Men presents: The [vagina-related slur redacted] Monologues
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  1. Kiwi girl says:
    February 16, 2014 at 4:23 am

    I can confirm that adding walnuts and dried cranberries to the zucchini muffins gives a most excellent outcome.

    Reply
  2. titianblue says:
    February 16, 2014 at 4:29 am

    Oooh, proper sweets. Remember traffic lights – the gobstoppers that you had to keep taking out of your mouth to check the colour?

    And lucky bags?

    My favourites were sherbet fountains (although not the liquorice) and lemon sherbets (even if they curt into the roof of your mouth as they collapsed). I remember having a sad break-up and a couple of friends cheering me up by buying bags of lemon sherberts & taking me to the cinema to see Gregory’s Girl.

    I’m ancient – I remember when wagon wheels first came out 😉

    Reply
  3. titianblue says:
    February 16, 2014 at 4:31 am

    One of my nephews bakes a lush chocolate & courgette (=zuccini) muffin.

    Reply
  4. cassandrakitty says:
    February 16, 2014 at 4:48 am

    Hey, since MRAs did their best to ruin yesterday for everyone, how about something completely different? Check out this speech from Ellen Page, finally coming out at a Human Rights Campaign event.

    It’s easy to let these assholes get you down, but remember, love is always stronger than hate.

    Reply
  5. Bina says:
    February 16, 2014 at 9:22 am

    Bina, someone should do a study on exactly which women aren’t allowed in their 50s fantasy land. I’d love to be excluded. (Since I’m well past 20, I should have ‘aged out,’ right? /looks hopeful)

    Oh, that’s easy. Any woman over 25 is an old hag in their (very rheumy) eyes. They keep telling us so. And I just keep nodding my head, grateful that I’m 21 years over the limit, as being pestered for sex by those guys doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun anyway.

    And as for weight, I suspect that they can’t handle anything over 115 pounds, tops. It’s quite telling that they need a small, light, frail young thing to make them feel like Big Strong Men.

    Reply
  6. marinerachel says:
    February 16, 2014 at 10:05 am

    OMG, cassandrakitty, that IRN BRU ad changed by life. It’s been a trademark of the holidays for me for the last eight years.

    Reply
  7. kittehserf says:
    February 16, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    mildlymagnificent, glad to hear you’re all okay! Adelaide’s been through the mill a bit, weather-wise, lately.

    I’m looking forward to mid-week here when it’s supposed to be 20C. TWENTY! Two days of TWENTY! I’ll be able to wear my beret if I get it finished in time!

    Just hope the humidity eases up, though. Late last week was harder to deal with than the 40C days, and it was only 27, but the place was like a sauna.

    Reply
  8. kittehserf says:
    February 16, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    A proper Valentine video!

    http://youtu.be/dK8hVJGnRUU

    Reply
  9. titianblue says:
    February 16, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    Ok, Kitteh, now that IS a pussy pedestal.

    Reply
  10. hellkell says:
    February 16, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    Also, I’ll take any wine gums that anyone feels like passing on.

    I feel like these would be relevant to my interests and need to find some.

    Reply
  11. hellkell says:
    February 16, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    Cassandra: have you had the Welch’s fruit snacks? I think they’d be really similar to wine gums. Our department buys ’em in bulk, we’re all hooked.

    Reply
  12. kittehserf says:
    February 16, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    Ok, Kitteh, now that IS a pussy pedestal.

    LOL!

    Reply
  13. cassandrakitty says:
    February 16, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Wine gums!

    http://www.englishteastore.com/mawi21bag.html?utm_source=googlepepla&utm_medium=adwords&id=64644956178&utm_content=pla&gclid=CJrO6oPn0bwCFctcMgodHj4ARw

    I haven’t had the Welch’s snacks. What’s the texture like?

    Reply
  14. hellkell says:
    February 16, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    They’re more solid than gummis, and their mouth-feel is…different. They do have gelatin, but also starch like the wine gums.

    Reply
  15. Ally S says:
    February 16, 2014 at 6:13 pm

    Welch’s snacks are fantastic. I enjoy those so much that they don’t make me feel guilty for breaking my former religion’s dietary rules (no gelatin).

    Reply
  16. Ally S says:
    February 16, 2014 at 6:25 pm

    Speaking of alcohol, katz taught me how to make Bailey’s chocolate pudding, which is pretty much some of the best chocolate pudding I’ve ever had.

    Reply
  17. katz says:
    February 16, 2014 at 6:32 pm

    We were forced to taste-test Bailey’s, Kahlua, and triple sec to decide which would make the best pudding. It was a real sacrifice.

    Reply
  18. neuroticbeagle says:
    February 16, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    @Katz
    Sounds horrific. 😛 Have some kitties:

    Reply
  19. leatapp says:
    February 16, 2014 at 7:28 pm

    Bailey’s chocolate pudding sounds delicious.

    Reply
  20. cassandrakitty says:
    February 16, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    Ooh, that sounds good. I like the starchy kind of gum better than soft gummy bears.

    Reply
  21. Ally S says:
    February 16, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    @katz

    In retrospect, I don’t think triple sec would have been appropriate. I mean, I haven’t had triple sec chocolate pudding, but I can’t imagine it working well for some reason. Kahlua would’ve been great, though.

    Reply
  22. leatapp says:
    February 16, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    My mother used to make a tofu chocolate mousse with orange liqueur. It was delicious.

    Reply
  23. LBT says:
    February 16, 2014 at 8:19 pm

    RE: cassandrakitty

    Not really.

    Well, I tried, at least. I dunno whether being a misanthrope is much better than being a misogynist…

    RE: Skye

    (Although, oddly, this does seem to be an area where he doesn’t have a rigidly gender defined double standard, which is…interesting, all things considered)

    I guess it depends if he’s another one of the trolls who really don’t get that I’m male. For some reason, even though I’m pretty open about it, a lot of trolls seem to disbelieve it.

    RE: Ally (and katz)

    Speaking of alcohol, katz taught me how to make Bailey’s chocolate pudding,

    My husband demands the recipe. Even though we are not allowed to drink at this time.

    Reply
  24. emilygoddess says:
    February 16, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    Sam is right, the CIA totally created feminism to destabilize the family unit and indoctrinate children and you know, the usual “I could move out of mom’s basement if it weren’t for this evil cabal” stuff.

    Sam, thank you for combining two of my favorite conspiracy boogey(wo)men into one glorious LOL. That tinfoil fedora looks very nice on you, by the way.

    Reply
  25. kittehserf says:
    February 16, 2014 at 9:27 pm

    Is this a ” rel=”nofollow”>portrait of Sam?

    Reply
  26. Kiwi girl says:
    February 16, 2014 at 10:52 pm

    I second the requests for the alcoholic chocolate pudding. Is it like a mousse and, if so, is it gelatine free (I miss chocolate mousse so much)?

    Chocolate mousse is an acceptable form of chocolate. 🙂

    Reply
  27. katz says:
    February 16, 2014 at 11:21 pm

    LBT: It’s just a small quantity of Bailey’s, no different than adding vanilla to a recipe, and if you kept it on the heat for a bit longer and/or add the Bailey’s earlier, you’ll quickly boil off all the alcohol. So it should be 100% OK for a no-alcohol diet.

    The recipe:

    Combine in medium saucepan:
    2 C cold milk
    1/3 c sugar
    2 T cocoa
    2-3 T cornstarch

    Whisk until combined. Heat on medium heat, stirring constantly, until pudding begins to thicken, about 15 minutes. Reduce heat to simmer. Add:

    2 T butter
    1 T Bailey’s (or Bailey’s to taste)

    Stir until butter is melted. Serve hot or cold. Also makes a great pudding pie or pudding pops.

    Reply
  28. katz says:
    February 16, 2014 at 11:25 pm

    And yes, it’s gelatin-free and it would work great as a vegan recipe if you made it with margarine/peanut butter and soy/almond milk.

    I’m a total proselyte for this recipe. Got it out of a Mennonite cookbook.

    Reply
  29. Kiwi girl says:
    February 16, 2014 at 11:43 pm

    that sounds yum! Re the milk, I have full cream homogenised milk* in the house. Is there anything I need to worry about re the fat content of the milk?

    * I add milk to my tea, so the final fat content of my drinks is well below 1%. Apparently each cup of tea is around 35 calories too. I’m not worrying about those either. 🙂 Just put here in case anyone is a rampant nutritionist.**

    ** I also drink milo (gasp!) 🙂

    Reply
  30. katz says:
    February 16, 2014 at 11:47 pm

    Nopers, higher-fat milk will simply dissolve the cocoa better and make a richer pudding (but we’ve also made it many times with skim milk). It’s a very versatile recipe: You can substitute any liqueur (or 1 T vanilla or any extract) for the Bailey’s, or 1/3 C peanut butter for the butter, or add more or less cornstarch to make it thinner or thicker.

    Reply
  31. Kiwi girl says:
    February 16, 2014 at 11:56 pm

    is cornstarch the same as cornflour?
    http://www.edmondscooking.co.nz/baking-ingredients/fielders-cornflour-300g

    At least this recipe is easy if you’re not using metric cups (don’t North Americans use a different cup size, I think your litres per gallon are different too, so different gallons measure)? I’m positive I have had at least one baking failure due to not doing the North American-to-metric volume correction. But I can’t remember what it was, now.

    Reply
  32. katz says:
    February 17, 2014 at 12:09 am

    Appears to be the same.

    Conversions for those using any other measurement system~
    15 parts milk:
    5 parts sugar:
    1 part cocoa/cornstarch/butter:
    1/2 part Bailey’s

    Reply
  33. Kiwi girl says:
    February 17, 2014 at 12:14 am

    Thanks Katz, ratios are helpful 🙂

    Reply
  34. LBT says:
    February 17, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    My husband has now written down this recipe. Thanks, katz! I look forward to being able to try it at some point.

    Reply
  35. Sam says:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    I think he’s trying to ask for a picture of my dick, but I don’t just give that out willy-nilly.

    So your one of those creeps we year so much about.

    Reply
  36. Sam says:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    I think he’s trying to ask for a picture of my dick, but I don’t just give that out willy-nilly.

    So you’re one of those creeps we hear so much about.

    Reply
  37. hellkell says:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    Your grammar correction didn’t help the content, Sam.

    Reply
  38. hellkell says:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    Auggz: he could just go look in a mirror.

    Reply
  39. LBT says:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    Aw, hellkell, but he’s trying so HARD! Don’t-a wreck/shun his clever comeback! That’d be such a dick thing to do!

    (I can keep this up for as long as Sam keeps being boring.)

    Reply
  40. hellkell says:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    Am I being penile?

    Reply
  41. sparky says:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    Again, you don’t sarcasm, do you, Sam?

    Now some unfinished business you’ve yet to address:

    1. Why did you ask LBT for a citation when ze* was relaying zir* personal experience?

    2. What rich white men created and funded feminism? Why and to what purpose?

    *I’m sorry LBT, I’ve forgotten which pronouns you prefer so I went gender-neutral to be safe!

    Reply
  42. LBT says:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    RE: hellkell

    Well, urethra being very childish, or just plain silly. Look at you ejaculating all those awful wordplays!

    RE: sparky

    I’m male. Don’t worry, lots of people get confused. It seems to have confused Sam as well.

    Reply
  43. hellkell says:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    Well, exscrote me!

    That was just bad, sorry.

    Reply
  44. LBT says:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    I think we drove him off this thread! Success? *cautious party hat*

    Reply
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