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Semen is “the real Elixir of the human body,” so DO NOT WASTE IT even if you sort of want to, like REALLY want to, and I mean would it be that big a deal if you did?

Always protect your balls

The guys in the Semen Retention subreddit are just really, really, really into their own semen “the real Elixir of the human body.”

How much is “really, really, really” — really? Consider this little manifesto, currently the number three (unstickied) post on their subreddit.

For best results, read out loud, slowly, in the deepest voice you can manage.

VALUE OF SEMEN (self.Semenretention)

submitted 3 days ago by JudgmentOk30623

​

Control your mind

Don't let your mind to control your actions, your feelings, your thinking, your work.

Wonders happen when you make your mind your slave .

Disasters happen when you become the slave of your mind.

We all are developed from a 5 micrometre long cell called as Spermcell.

Just imagine the potential it has. What a powerful thing..!

DO NOT WASTE IT AT ANY COST.

All the great minds ever happened , I bet their brain made wonders only because they rigorously retained their semen.

Our semen is the life, it is the reason why humans stay healthy, clear, smart, active and productive.

Still we are at the beginning of the Medical, Artificial Intelligence, Computer era,.

It's been only around 40-50 years since the humans became familiar with the word COMPUTER.

There's still a lot and hell of a lot that needs and will be discovered in the coming centuries.

And believe me one of the most important discovery on someday will be the real Elixir of the human body 'The Semen'. How it is the most powerful, complex and miraculous.

And the history will take us as an example of how the generations in the 21st century used to fap and waste their semen which lead to the dysfunctionality of their brains.

So guys , what happened till now it was a colossal mental disaster.

Let us make this day memorable , 'THE RESURGENCE DAY' . Write today's date on a sheet of paper and preserve it .

Let us take control of our minds from this moment.

We will be truthful to ourselves, we will not cheat on ourselves, we will not do ANYTHING that damages our body both physically and mentally.

Let us show the world WHO WE ARE..!

NEVER FAP AGAIN, AT ANY COST.

Well, that’s certainly something.

Now that you have absorbed the full text — much as the body absorbs any semen that’s been sitting out unused for too long — let’s take a closer look at some of the more, well, let’s say seminal bits.

We all are developed from a 5 micrometre long cell called as Spermcell.

Just imagine the potential it has. What a powerful thing..!

Well, no more so than the egg. You remember that eggs are involved in that whole reproduction thing, too right?

DO NOT WASTE IT AT ANY COST.

Uh, how is it any less wasteful to have the body reabsorb semen that isn’t all fapped out. Technically, only a tiny microscopic percentage of sperm is “used” to get someone pregnant, so you could say that all but the fastest sperm cell (sent eggwards during unprotected vaginal sex) is wasted. Or you could recognize that your body is built to make all the replacement sperm you’ll ever need and then some.

All the great minds ever happened , I bet their brain made wonders only because they rigorously retained their semen.

What a powerful and well-sourced argument!

Our semen is the life, it is the reason why humans stay healthy, clear, smart, active and productive.

Huh? You do know that there are plenty of penis-less people who are just as “healthy, clear, smart, active and productive” as any of the supposedly enlightened dudes in your subreddit?

Still we are at the beginning of the Medical, Artificial Intelligence, Computer era,.

It’s been only around 40-50 years since the humans became familiar with the word COMPUTER.

There’s still a lot and hell of a lot that needs and will be discovered in the coming centuries.

Are you telling me that one day human scientists will develop some sort of cyborg sperm and take over the world? Or, wait, is a cyborg sperm writing this manifesto? To prepare us for the ultimate takeover?

And believe me one of the most important discovery on someday will be the real Elixir of the human body ‘The Semen’. How it is the most powerful, complex and miraculous.

If semen is so powerful an “elixir” won’t it make sense for penis-havers to fap out as much of the stuff as possible to sell to those who don’t have their own pair of balls?

And the history will take us as an example of how the generations in the 21st century used to fap and waste their semen which lead to the dysfunctionality of their brains.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that humans knew about fapping long before the 21st century.

So guys , what happened till now it was a colossal mental disaster.

At least what has happened to produce this little manifesto here has been a mental disaster.

Let us make this day memorable , ‘THE RESURGENCE DAY’ . Write today’s date on a sheet of paper and preserve it .

I don’t think I’ll be doing that.

Let us take control of our minds from this moment.

We will be truthful to ourselves, we will not cheat on ourselves, we will not do ANYTHING that damages our body both physically and mentally.

I would humbly suggest that reading too many posts in the Semen Retention subreddit damages your, er, body mentally.

Let us show the world WHO WE ARE..!

NEVER FAP AGAIN, AT ANY COST.

Wait, we’re supposed to be paying to fap? Huh. I’m going to guess that most of us with penises may have a rather substantial overdue balance to pay.

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SpecialFFrog
SpecialFFrog
15 days ago

Surely all the posts in that subreddit are unstickied.

milotha
milotha
15 days ago

But just remember. Men are the only logical sex according to these nuts. Making a cult religion of not jerking it… I can see this guy being a Jack Ripper from Dr Strangelove, and there is some poor Mandrake that will have to save us all from his lunacy.

Anonymous
Anonymous
15 days ago

Don’t elixirs need to be ingested to work? Has someone pointed that out to them?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
15 days ago

There’s still a lot and hell of a lot

I’m going to start ordering French fries this way.

Don’t let your mind to control your actions, your feelings, your thinking, your work

Um, ok? What’s the alternative? What else would control those things?

Impatient and Gorgeous Bitch Becky
Impatient and Gorgeous Bitch Becky
15 days ago

This nonsense is unbelievable.

Thanks to the author of this blog for taking the time to mock this bullshit.

My boss and beloved close friend cued me into this blog. It is just like she described! Reading through the comments though, there are some astute and funny regulars here.

As I think one said it must be enjoyable to read of all your varied interests. So! Keep calling bullshit on these idiots!

.45
.45
15 days ago

“unstickied”

Heheheh. I see what you did there.

jsrtheta
jsrtheta
15 days ago

The horror. The horror.

Alan Robertshaw
15 days ago

@ specialfrog

Oh, bravo!

Jazzlet
Jazzlet
15 days ago

@ SpecialFFrog

Well played!

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
15 days ago

All the great minds ever happened , I bet their brain made wonders only because they rigorously retained their semen.

Given that I’ve never had any semen to call my own, I guess that I’m never going to have a great mind — at least, according to the great mind of this guy. There’s no getting around it: I’m just going to have to live with this situation.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
15 days ago

Not completely OT, just mostly: hoping a mammotheer with some actual knowledge and grasp of the subject might explain better, but I read recently that the whole ‘just-so-stories’ image of (active) sperm competing to fertilise a (passive) egg – may-the-fastest-sperm-win sort of thing – is misleading*.

In fact the egg chemically “chooses” a spermatozoon while they are still at a distance (relative to the size of the egg and sperm, of course. Not from across the room :-s) and chemically ‘guides’ it to a suitable landing-zone; the other sperm around and the rest of the seminal fluid all chemically ‘cooperate’ in getting this to happen.

tldr: spermatozoa don’t compete with one another, they cooperate – under the direction of the egg.

*now who makes up these just-so-stories as a handy way to describe phenomena? People. People do; we all do; it’s handy. But in any specific instance, which people, and why? Is there any overlap in this case, say, with observers who sometimes misinterpret elements of non-human animal behaviour, or sometimes mis-identify skeletons or the nature of grave goods, because they consciously or unconsciously ‘know’ beforehand what they’re looking at and it colours their observations?

Or maybe they just get perpetuated by the numpties who actually believe there’s such a thing as a lone male alpha wolf, for example, and who conflate ‘survival of the fittest’ with weightlifting :-s

Last edited 15 days ago by opposablethumbs
Battering Lamb
Battering Lamb
15 days ago

Or maybe they just get perpetuated by the numpties who actually believe there’s such a thing as a lone male alpha wolf, for example, and who conflate ‘survival of the fittest’ with weightlifting :-s

Given the tendency to want to minimise or gloss over womens involvement in history this seems likely.

moregeekthan
moregeekthan
14 days ago

@Opposablethumbs I have heard that many sperm cells reach the egg pretty much at once, and that who gets through is more of a chemical thing than a who-touched-it-first thing. I do not know more than that, so no idea if sperm cells are cooperating on some level to make that happen.

LouCPurr
LouCPurr
14 days ago

Maybe men masturbated less in the past, since only the wealthy had privacy, but visiting sex workers was much more common in certain times and places. Oh, how vigorous the men in those days were, with their syphilis.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
14 days ago

It’s been only around 40-50 years since the humans became familiar with the word COMPUTER.

I mean, obviously this isn’t the most wrong part of the mess, but even this isn’t close to right.

The modern concept of the programmable electronic computer dates back to late WWII, so that’s more like 80 years; he’s off by a factor of two. 40-50 years ago would have been the first personal computers (the Apple ][ and TRS-80 were both 1976) but mainframe computers and computer kits were in existence before that, and by the 1950s you were getting big electronic boxes called computers in film and even in cartoons, so they were very much familiar terms to the general public.

And, of course, the word ‘computer’ has been used for far longer to refer to a person whose job it is to perform computations, such as computing books of log tables or astronomical co-ordinates by hand. That meaning may be mostly deprecated these days, but it was still in use at least as late as the 1960s (see Hidden Figures) and according to the OED they can trace that usage back at least to 1646.

Which means he’s not just off by a factor of two, but by almost an order of magnitude.

I’d gripe about how these people shouldn’t be making pronouncements without knowing their history, but then again, if they knew much of any actual history, they wouldn’t be making stupid pronouncements like this anyway. The arrogance of ignorance strikes again.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
14 days ago

@Jenora

THANK YOU. I was thinking of Hidden Figures as well. Highly recommend the book.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
14 days ago

In fact the egg chemically “chooses” a spermatozoon while they are still at a distance (relative to the size of the egg and sperm, of course. Not from across the room :-s) and chemically ‘guides’ it to a suitable landing-zone; the other sperm around and the rest of the seminal fluid all chemically ‘cooperate’ in getting this to happen.

tldr: spermatozoa don’t compete with one another, they cooperate – under the direction of the egg.

I vaguely understand that the egg needs to be stimulated chemically by a decent number of sperm cells to become receptive in the first place, so a single lone sperm cell just couldn’t do it. It takes something like hundreds of the first-arriving ones.

Also, the OP glosses over that the human egg is about 100 micrometers in diameter, has thousands of times more mass than a sperm cell and contributes pretty much the entire cellular machinery of the zygote. In fact, the zygote is often referred to as “fertilized egg” even though it’s technically a fusion of sperm and egg.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
14 days ago

Thank you for the further fertilisation info! (I figured that what I read had to be pretty oversimplified, but sadly I don’t have the background knowledge to expand on it)

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meani
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meani
14 days ago

@Victorious Parasol

Have you seen the movie based on that book? If so, was it any good?

(The one clip I saw of that movie was where a bunch of white male scientists get the smirks wiped off their faces when they realize the young Black woman in front of them just filled in a chalkboard with an error-free complicated math formula, and she’s looking at them with a defiant air of “you were saying?”)

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
14 days ago

@Redsilkphoenix

I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I want to. If nothing else, it’s one of the few NASA-centric movies Mr. Parasol is willing to watch.

(My husband, for those who don’t know, is a NASA brat. Both parents worked at the agency for decades, including during the Apollo 13 mission and the Challenger disaster. He tends to avoid movies about realistic perils in space because he remembers what it was like for his parents to deal with that sort of thing. The Martian is fine because it’s about a manned Mars mission, which hasn’t happened yet. Gravity is not fine because it’s too close to reality for him.)

Alan Robertshaw
14 days ago

@ Vicky P & redsilkphoenix

I haven’t seen the film yet, but as a bit of a space geek I am vaguely familiar with the story.

John Glenn was the first astronaut who had his flight plan calculated by computer. But he refused to fly unless Katherine Johnson checked the figures first.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
14 days ago

@Alan

Katherine Johnson was still very much a respected figure when my father-in-law joined NASA. I don’t know if they ever worked together, but NASA in general is a small town. If you don’t know a person, you know somebody who does.

TyrantBitchGoddessStacey
TyrantBitchGoddessStacey
14 days ago

Do these dumbshits not understand that masturbation isn’t necessarily a sexual act that a man (or any person) does alone and exclusively for their own fulfillment and that in some people’s sexuality isn’t something that’s beautifully shared and for those people, based on their choices and preferences, meant to be shared?!

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
14 days ago

@TyrantBitchGoddessStacey

Some people not only can’t imagine what it’s like for other people, they can’t see why other people would want to be different. And that’s sad. To get all Star Trek-y about it, our diversity is what gives us our strength and our beauty and our resilience.

IBH Ardipithecus
IBH Ardipithecus
14 days ago

Oh I have been away to long. Couple of glorious one liners in that.

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