Categories
bestiality incels misogyny rape culture

Incel finds his porpoise in life: he wants to bang a dolphin

The Incels.is commenter called aGuyAlone has some big plans for his upcoming holiday: he hopes to get laid at last, though not with a human female. Nope, he’s holding out for the right … dolphin?

“I really really want to have a female dolphin to have sex with,” he wrote in a recent post.

There pussies look far more aesthetically pleasing and tighter than like 95% of foids and dolphin pussy juice is designed to make the person fucking it cum faster because of some chemicals or some shit that it contains. I’m going on holidays to the seaside in the Med soon and i’ve heard that dolphins are really friendly so I truly hope I encounter a pod that has dolphins I can fuck.

He followed this up with a photo of a dolphin’s nether regions.

Like come on boyos, don’t tell me you wouldn’t fuck that. If it was skin colored and you cropped the pic right it could easily pass as a very attractive human pussy.

Not exactly.

But he got some support from other commenters, one of whom suggested that “dolphins seem quite … intelligent, unlike 99%+ of american foids.” Another agreed that the dolphin’s “pussy looks prime but still wtf is wrong with you.”

When another commenter pointed out that dolphins “are very prolific rapists and kill for fun,” aGuyAlone declared that he wasn’t scared of a dolphin’s tiny teeth.

It’s clear he’s thought a lot about the practical side of this plan of his.

Exotic pets can be imported to pretty much anywhere in the world for the right price. Dolphins are very plentiful and not hard to catch do so you could probably organize something under the table with a local fishery. Dolphins are treated as bycatch and often times just straight up killed because they deplete fish stocks so it’s not like they are valued or anything.

But he thinks his future dolphin sex slave might even consent to having sex with him.

Dolphins are one of a few animals that probably could form an actual emotional bond with a human and they are also always horny and regularly intercourse with other species of animals so it probably wouldn’t even resist.

Still, aGuyAlone recognized that his solution to celibacy was a little on the strange side.

Im fucked in the head. This is what a complete lack of intimate contact my entire life does. But I still stand with my idea and am going to investigate it’s feasibility further because it’s one of the few options I have left brocel.

He complained about what he thinks is a double standard when it comes to bestiality.

How is it fair that foids can fuck dogs for a bit of fun and just be considered “Freaky & quirky” but I can’t try solve my severe mental issues and depression by doing this.

Dude, fucking a dolphin will solve none of your issues. And no one, not even your fellow “dogpilled” incels, thinks that women fucking dogs is just a funny quirk.

Anyway, dear readers, if any of you know any dolphins please be sure to warn them about this guy.

Follow me on Twitter.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

We Hunted the Mammoth relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

44 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
11 months ago

If this guy thinks he’s going to be pleasuring dolphins and vice versa, he’s in for a big disappointment. Marine mammal vaginas are large and complex and bizarre, full of spirals and labyrinths and flaps and folds. Their shape allows the female dolphin to control paternity. They’re best adapted to forearm-sized marine mammal penises, not relatively smaller human penises (possibly made smaller by cold water shrinkage).

This guy is going to end up with the “hot dog in a hallway”effect that MGTOWs use to jeer at guys who date sexually experienced women.

Last edited 11 months ago by Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Trying
Trying
11 months ago

Snorky…talk….man

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
11 months ago

@ trying

“Hmm, Bottlenose bruises. Blowhole burns. Flipper prints. This looks like the work of rowdy teens. Lou, cancel the prom.”

Frey
Frey
11 months ago

I just had an idea for a Post-Apocalyptic novel
 
Rising sea levels and food shortage brought on by Global Warming combined with the breakdown of society make humans rely on Dolphins for food. They don’t eat dolphins, that’s sacrilegious, rather humans train dolphins to bring them fish and algae as nothing grows on land and all non-aquatic mammals have been hunted to extinction.
 
The humans develop technology enabling them to talk to dolphins, like in Johnny Mnemonic or the 90s tv-series SeaQuest. Humans become increasingly reliant on dolphins; extending to things like transportation, communication, and military defense.
 
Eventually the dolphins realize the humans need them more than they need the humans, so they turn the tables. But the humans have nothing to offer their new dolphin masters but their succulent warm bodies.
 
It’s a cautionary tale that will spur people to into action on climate change lest they become a dolphin’s bitch.
 
I’m thinking of calling it Dauphin Régime

Last edited 11 months ago by Frey
numerobis
numerobis
11 months ago

On ground that dude that “everyone” knows about is the missing stair; what’s the equivalent under the sea?

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
11 months ago

@numerobis:
Hunh, good question. I mean, the entire point of the ‘missing stair’ metaphor is pretty much: this is a problem that everybody who’s been there for a while has actively trained themselves to avoid rather than bothering to fix, but which will still catch anybody new because they don’t know to look for it.

Undersea equivalent would probably be something like ‘abrasive gap’: you can see through it, it looks like you can swim through it, but you’ll get scratched if you try to, and everybody else knows not to try that particular path.

(There’s got to be a better word than ‘abrasive’ for that, it doesn’t seem strong enough. But I wanted a one word adjective for something that will catch you if you try to go through, and ‘constricted’ gave a different set of wrong implications.)

Last edited 11 months ago by Jenora Feuer
Full Metal Ox
11 months ago

@Jenora Feuer:

The grating gap, perhaps?

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
11 months ago

@Full Metal Ox:
That could work.

There’s some oddness involved because part of the implication of ‘stair’ is of a disruption along a path, and the entire concept of a path is looser underwater when you have easier access to three dimensions for movement.

I may be overthinking this. (Then again, I’ve written science fiction, and trying to figure out what slang expressions an alien would use can be a useful trick to getting in the right mindset.)

Dalillama
Dalillama
11 months ago

@Jenora Feuer
You may be over-focusing on the travel part of the metaphor, rather than the not obviously harmful part. The nasty fish, say; a fish that looks like a good to eat one, but everyone knows not to try, except someone from another pod who’s never seen that kind of fish.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

How is it fair that foids can fuck dogs for a bit of fun and just be considered “Freaky & quirky” but I can’t try solve my severe mental issues and depression by doing this.

Who? Who is he quoting? How has this incel fantasy become so cemented in their minds as reality that they’re now imagining that everyone is saying it’s cool for women to rape dogs? I’d really like a citation here that is not just some other incel.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
11 months ago

I feel like it was a huge over sight with all the of adults in my life, that none of you have told me how unbelievable difficult it is to get a new fucking fridge. I thought I just went to the store, look at the fridge, looks at the prices, told the guy I wanted that one in black, and set a date for them to come buy and deliver it. Why oh why as I so naïve.

.45
.45
11 months ago

I’m not sure I quite understand his plan. Does he think the dolphin will cooperate and roll over for him on the surface or beach herself?

For that matter, does he realize the kind of money you’d need to safely transport and support a captive dolphin? I mean, we are talking big time beta bucks territory, so why not offer the latest Mercedes and a couple hundred thousand to any woman who wants to sleep with ya, dude?

On a less tongue in cheek note, it is sad that the only thing he is focusing on is “pussy”. Like there is nothing else a human woman can offer that a female dolphin doesn’t have?

Lastly, I am still tempted to make a profile on one of these types of forums with a homemade little essay on how women actually groom and create Chads in high school and see how many of them eat it up, but I’m afraid even if I were to turn around and tell them it was complete bullshit I made up, they will still take it and run with it.

(See, there was a study that showed that when a guy loses a fight his testosterone levels drop, and when he wins, it goes up. So Stacies in high school choose who they want to win and be Chads by sleeping with them, their resulting higher testosterone levels mean they grow muscles and big dicks, while the losers who didn’t “win” a teen lover stay little dicked wimps. It’s science, bro.)

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
11 months ago

@ .45

does he realize the kind of money you’d need to safely transport and support a captive dolphin?

Yup. “Good looking” dolphins (i.e. the ones they want for sea parks and the like) go for around $250,000. What happens to the ones that don’t make the grade is pretty grim. I recommend the film “The Cove” for more details.

More here on that. No graphic images in the link; but the subject matter is rather horrendous.

https://www.opsociety.org/our-work/films/the-cove/

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
11 months ago

@Elaine the Witch: LOL! I think there are problems with importing all sorts of things right now. Some of it might be due to the COVID pandemic. My mother ordered a generator for her summer house in Connecticut, months ago. She still hasn’t gotten it. It’s a problem, because she heads down to Florida in the fall.

I know, First World Problems.

When I bought my last fridge, about 15 years ago, I bought the simplest, no frills one I could find. I think the salesman was puzzled. My reasoning was, there were fewer bells and whistles to break down.

Full Metal Ox
11 months ago

.45:

Lastly, I am still tempted to make a profile on one of these types of forums with a homemade little essay on how women actually groom and create Chads in high school and see how many of them eat it up, but I’m afraid even if I were to turn around and tell them it was complete bullshit I made up, they will still take it and run with it.

Don’t. Just don’t, okay? You can’t out-satire them—experimental trollery has a long history of turning into asshole conventional wisdom.

A tangible example: as a parody of the trend toward hostile public architecture, German sculptor Fabian Brunsing invented the Pay Bench, which extrudes sharp metal spikes after the time limit unless you feed it more coins (http://www.fabianbrunsing.de/); park officials in Shandong, China thought, “What an awesome idea!” (https://web.archive.org/web/20111016162244/http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/New_benches_are_a_pain_in_the)

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
11 months ago

@.45

I mean, we are talking big time beta bucks territory, so why not offer the latest Mercedes and a couple hundred thousand to any woman who wants to sleep with ya, dude?

I think I see why that’s not an option.

Also, if you give a woman money to sleep with you, she’s getting something from the transaction, and that can’t be allowed, if sex is something women just automatically owe men, as incels seem to think.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
11 months ago

WWTH:

How has this incel fantasy become so cemented in their minds as reality that they’re now imagining that everyone is saying it’s cool for women to rape dogs?

Oh, you don’t need to explicitly say it’s cool, but silence speaks words. When was the last time you heard someone outside incel community criticize the rampant doggogamy of modern women?

/snark

.45
.45
11 months ago

Ah yes, fridges. The best way as I recall is to roll up with a trailer and purchase one available in store right then and there. Otherwise there is the ordering, the discovery three weeks later the order was never actually made/was canceled by mistake/canceled for out of stock without notification/ordered the wrong one/computer glitch/hung up in shipping/etc, only to finally get it with a hole through the side courtesy of a careless forklift driver.

Last edited 11 months ago by .45
Xennial Dot Warner
Xennial Dot Warner
11 months ago

(There’s got to be a better word than ‘abrasive’ for that, it doesn’t seem strong enough. But I wanted a one word adjective for something that will catch you if you try to go through, and ‘constricted’ gave a different set of wrong implications.)

“Jagged gap.”

44
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x
%d bloggers like this: