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Women “just have some random itch or bowel movement” and think they had an orgasm, sex genius explains

Lady dog having an orgasm, possibly

By David Futrelle

Just a quick little post today to bring you this gem from the Bad Women’s Anatomy subreddit, in which some dude who’s either very inexperienced or simply very bad at sex explains that most women don’t really have orgasms, even if they think they do.

I was unable to track this one to its source but, having read numerous similar theories from MGTOWs and other manosphere dickwaffles, I’m pretty sure this fellow believes his own nonsense.

These guys really like telling on themselves, huh?

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Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
2 years ago

(Or, as I hear, some men are just principally against asking advice in any situation.)

I’ve heard that, too….

TheKND
TheKND
2 years ago

I don’t like to come of bragging or will go into too much detail, but my Ex once had such a strong itch/bowel movement, her hip-thrust almost gave me a bloody nose.
Maybe it really isn’t the women, maybe it’s them… just suggesting…

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
2 years ago

@TheKND Sadly it’s not a suggestion anyone in the Manosphere is willing to take….

numerobis
numerobis
2 years ago

FYI: “numerous” above is my browser autocorrecting my name.

My phone knows me, but I went without internet at home for a few months though and apparently my laptop forgot me in that short while.

Fetch
Fetch
2 years ago

I have had attention from multiple men who could not get their fingers reliably onto the clitoris, and would enthusiastically rub some nearby patch of skin. Things come in different shapes and sizes and perhaps mine was particularly elusive, but – no, it’s not just metaphorical. men literally cannot find the clit.

Genjones
Genjones
2 years ago

I’m relieved my libido has gradually tapered off in recent years to a manageable level. I’m one of the outliers when it comes to ability to achieve orgasms easily, and they’re not small ones either. I actually had to train myself to hold back a bit, because apparently my pelvic floor is strong enough to cause injury.

@ snowberry : Doesn’t bother me, personally I think it’s quite fitting for a forum like this. The taboo that female pleasure, desire and anatomy is shameful even in secrecy is enforced by patriarchy. It’s offensive to misogynists, and giving a middle finger to them is all part of the fun.

Interestingly, my random erogenous zones are only on my dominant left side, so I think there’s some asymmetry in nervous wiring at play. My lower back being grazed is a major one. I’d say it’s even more intense than clitoral stimulation, except there’s no build up, the needle just immediately jumps off the charts.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

Fetch:

I have had attention from multiple men who could not get their fingers reliably onto the clitoris, and would enthusiastically rub some nearby patch of skin. Things come in different shapes and sizes and perhaps mine was particularly elusive, but – no, it’s not just metaphorical. men literally cannot find the clit.

OK, thanks. I guess there’s a widespread culture of not asking advice, pretending to know your way.

LindsayIrene
2 years ago

Being able to find the clitoris doesn’t mean the man will be able to do anything productive with it. I remember a guy on Twitter claiming that what you do with a clit is rub it as hard and fast as you can. When a woman pointed out how that technique would cause chafing, the guy just said so what, he chafes his penis masturbating all the time.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 years ago

@LindsayIrene

the guy just said so what, he chafes his penis masturbating all the time.

That sounds quite painful. Hasn’t he heard of lube? Desensitization wouldn’t be fun in the long run…

Paireon
Paireon
2 years ago

…Well, speaking as a dude, I do tend to have a feeling of relief both after orgasming and after passing a log, but given how different they feel I seriously doubt anyone could mistake either for the other (then again the guy can always claim I can’t know due to not possessing any female genitalia myself… to which I’d simply reply that his position is equally invalidated by his own lack of said body parts).

What worries me about such attitude (besides the obvious implication that “LOL wymins R dum hurr durr” is that, in some insidious, twisted way, it could possibly be used to condone rape. Because since women can’t actually really orgasm, they don’t really feel pleasure from sex, so there’s actually not much difference between consensual and non-consensual sex, amirite?

Ugh. I think I managed to make myself feel really, really dirty with that last one. Anyone looking for me I’ll be in the shower listening to some Linkin Park. Hopefully there aren’t any razor blades or steel wool pads nearby because I just might use them.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 years ago

@Paireon

What worries me about such attitude (besides the obvious implication that “LOL wymins R dum hurr durr” is that, in some insidious, twisted way, it could possibly be used to condone rape.

That does seem to be one of the implications. I’ve seen a lot of manospherians use orgasm denial that way, arguing that male orgasm is necessary for reproduction but female orgasm isn’t so rape is ok. In addition to the obvious awfulness with that statement, it’s also not scientifically accurate at all. (TMI warning) From experience, it is definitely possible to experience ejaculation without orgasm, and female orgasm actually does seem to play a role in drawing sperm in with contractions. Plus orgasms feel good.

General question: should we use terms like female and male orgasm, or should we use anatomical terms like clitoral or penile orgasm? I’m fine with using either but I’m not sure what is the better phrasing to use.

Paireon
Paireon
2 years ago

@Naglfar –

should we use terms like female and male orgasm, or should we use anatomical terms like clitoral or penile orgasm? I’m fine with using either but I’m not sure what is the better phrasing to use.

Hmm. As a cis male, not sure if I’m equipped (har, har) to answer that one. Maybe the rest of the site’s trans users could chime in with their opinions.

Allandrel
Allandrel
2 years ago

So the idea is that there were actual witches at Salem?

Genjones
Genjones
2 years ago

Even from a purely evolutionary standpoint with the goal of reproduction in mind, giving orgasms to one’s partner has obvious benefits. They are more likely to initiate sex if it’s enjoyable, and a word of mouth reputation as a fantastic lay will likely increase your odds of leaving offspring. Also, if someone associates feelings of loathing with you, that might transfer to your child and they may suffer detrimental effects, not a win for anyone.

nightingale
nightingale
2 years ago

Lumipuna, any of your suggestions do occur though from most I`ve heard from other women not experienced that myself.

Interesting fact: many men happen to be haptically less sensitive than women (many parts of their skin are less sensitive, generally) so this might at least partly explain the troubles of a good portion of them to find the clit.

If you suspect he doesn`t know and won`t accept guidance, rather tell him how you loved so much when he did this and that the other day (now slip in an easy how-to-find description) or, when he happens to find it by sheer luck, immediately show him VERY clearly how much you “enjoy” what he`s doing. This is about making him memorize the spot. To teach him what to do with it is the next level after he firmly remembers the whereabouts (and the great art is to guide him while keeping him believing he explored it all by himself).

Unless he doesn`t even know what a clit is (yes, there are such men out there still, I never met one personally but some women I know did – hell, there are women who still don`t know it! And I don`t mean Shirley Valentine!), so unless he isn`t the guy who has no idea it even exists when you react not too subtle it will dawn on him when he found yours.

Most men don`t notice subtle signs and changes in behavior like the normal reaction of a woman when you`ve only just begun to massage her clit vs a woman close to orgasm. So when they stumble over your clit by means of luck they often simply don`t notice.
Don`t be shy. If he has trouble to find it or keep his fingers at the spot guide him with some well visible shift of body (but of course not so that you`ll throw his fingers off the spot now he finally got it right! xD) or some hearty “aaaah ooooh” so even he will realise he found it and stay the hell there with his fingers.

I know how annoying and frustrating this find/lose thing is (particularly when you`re sooo close to come AND THEN THIS IDIOT LOSES TOUCH, FUMBLES AROUND AIMLESSLY AND STARTS TO RUB SOMEWHERE NEARBY!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!!) because I`ve met a couple of such men although they anatomically knew where it is and what to do with it. Gotta say in their defense it`s not just clumsiness but a peculiarity of my anatomy.

The problem is quite common since most grown-up women in real life don`t look like little girls down there as usually seen in porn: completely shaved of course, small, pink minor labia, neatly hidden inside plump, light, soft major labia, all neat and symmetrical, nothing hanging, opening up like a clam shell).

This is often presented as the norm or beauty ideal. Which is a gross misrepresentation of reality pointlessly making countless women feel bad about their bodies.
Actually there are as many variations of the labia as there are women out there. Dicks don`t look the same either, after all!
Some feminist artists tried to make that clear to women being ashamed of their allegedly ugly vulva by making paintings, sculptures and other stuff looking like real women`s genitalia.
Mine happen to cover the clit which is basically good because my clit is very very sensitive and in 95/100 cases I don`t want it to be directly touched, at least not with fingers. Tongues are a completely different thing… 😉
So I normally prefer indirect stimulation through the thin layer of a labium above the clit. Unfortunately, esp when I get increasingly wet and everything becomes slippery it`s easy to miss and not necessarily directly visible. I suppose many women have that problem, too. I`ve encountered it too with two girls who have labia like mine, but I have the advantage to be a woman. For a man it`s often more difficult with this anatomical type.
But you can seize the opportunity to tell him that since yours is different from what he had before you have slightly different needs and directly tell him what you like.
It will make perfect sense for him if you ask him (but please w/o planting the picture of your sucking some other guy`s dick etc. in his head, this will clearly not change your love life for the better unless he`s into cuckolding) so just “ask his opinion” as a man if all men like the same things performed the same way or if they, too, have individual preferences how they want e.g. a bj to be performed on them.

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