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The Semen Retention subreddit is leaking (and not how you think)

By David Futrelle

A cryptocurrency guru who calls himself Crypto de Medici is celebrating the start of #NoNutNovember by bringing the gospel of Semen Retention to his nearly 90 thousand Twitter followers.

Mr. de Medici generally posts about such topics as bitcoin, vaping, and the alleged “Globalist War Against Nationalism.” But today he’s all about precious bodily fluids and energy vibrations.

https://twitter.com/cryptodemedici/status/1190066103529160704
https://twitter.com/cryptodemedici/status/1190066518907932673

I guess he’s probably right about the vibrations. A lot of dudes end up vibrating fron sheer horniness after several days of not whacking the mole.

But Mr. de Medici isn’t just about not masturbating. He also thinks men should refrain from ejaculation during sex most of the time as well — saving their seed for special occasions.

https://twitter.com/cryptodemedici/status/1190114435999977472

And if you play your cards right, penis-havers, you can snatch some sex energy from the ladies without giving up any of your own!

https://twitter.com/cryptodemedici/status/1190115211484827649

Don’t listen to the “Shadow Men” telling you that sex has anything to do with making babies.

https://twitter.com/cryptodemedici/status/1190254155249655812

Similarly, you shouldn’t listen to the doctors who tell you that masturbation can lower your risk of prostate cancer. Because apparently they are all in the pocket of Big Wank.

https://twitter.com/cryptodemedici/status/1190341233891262464

He’s really into the vibrations., BTW.

https://twitter.com/cryptodemedici/status/1190118206385664000
https://twitter.com/cryptodemedici/status/1190356857199702017

I’m pickin’ up good vibrations
Not doin’ the masturbations (oom bop bop)
I’m pickin’ up good vibrations (good vibrations, oom bop bop)
Not doin’ the masturbations (masturbations, oom bop bop)

Good, good, good, good vibrations (oom bop bop)
Not givin’ me excitations (excitations, oom bop bop)
Good, good, good, good vibrations (oom bop bop)
Not givin’ me excitations (excitations)

Oh, and one final thing that’s very important for all of us to know is that he is NOT into cuckold porn. Definitely not, no way!

https://twitter.com/cryptodemedici/status/1190356943916929024

Who could have ever guessed that a cryptocurrency obsessive would have weird opinions on other subjects?

Oh yeah, everybody.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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28 Comments
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Citerior Motive
Citerior Motive
2 years ago

Maybe someone should go to the Semen Retention subreddit and, um, enlighten them to the revelation of snot retention. I wonder how many would buy it.

Sounds like Unggue to me.

vaiyt
2 years ago

Bitcoin, vaping, nofapping and coded anti-Semitism.

All he needed was to be a Flat Earther and he’d be a one person chud bingo.

Allandrel
Allandrel
2 years ago

Also search for what is No Fap and read about the benefits of no PMO. Watching dirty stuffs is a waste of time, energy and minerals from the body. I hope you will think about this very seriously.

“You require more minerals.”

@Citerior Motive

Sounds like Unggue to me.

Indeed. But Discworld goblins are much nicer than these guys.

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