Categories
alpha males chad thundercock creepy entitled babies eww femoids incels men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny pedophiles oh sorry ephebophiles stacies

Fart discrimination: The most insidious form of anti-incel oppression?

Women love it when Chad farts. Not so much with incels!

By David Futrelle

Over on the Incels.is forum, they’re always coming up with new excuses to be angry at women. The most ingenious one I’ve seen in a long time comes from a regular forum commenter calling himself Sparrow’s Song, who seems to have uncovered a heretofore unknown form of discrimination against incels, based on their farts.

Apparently, you see, the contemporary female — or femoid, in the incel patois — actually enjoys it when a handsome Chad farts in her presence, hating farts only when they come from ugly incels and other undesirable men. Sparrow’s Song explains:

When Chad farts around hot babes, they discreetly smell his fart to figure out what food he ate so they can get an estimate of what his semen tastes like.

Yes, this is a totally normal thing that women do, because they’ve all memorized the fart-smell/semen-flavor conversion charts that can be found on the back cover of every women’s magazine.

But when a incel lets it rip in the presence of the very same hot babes, Sparrow’s Song declares, they are likely to launch into a conversation much like this one he has imagined in his head:

Becky: Eww, what a creeper!

Stacy: Like who farts around goddesses like us? What a facially despicable fool!

Clearly Sparrow’s Song is a keen observer of how normal earth humans communicate.

Becky: It’s soo gross! Where is Chad? I need him to come get this creep away from us!

Stacy: He busy being Chad (fucking Roastina).

When Chad isn’t farting, he’s apparently fucking. It’s a simple but fulfilling lifestyle.

Becky: Right! OMG this ugly guy’s fart smell like the corpses of rotten children. I think he’s a he’s a cannibal pedophile.

Honestly, given the horrible things I’ve found on Incels.is — and the significant percentage of incels who seem utterly obsessed with 14-year-old virgins — Becky may be on to something here.

Stacy: LoL, you would know from all those abortions you had girlfriend! hahahah

Becky:Teeheehee

I’m not sure what exactly Sparrow’s Song thinks goes on when women get abortions.

Stacy:You’re right though, he has a pedophile face, you can tell by the asymmetry and lack of a strong jawline.

The only people in the world who talk or think like this are incels and other weirdo manospherans.

Becky:I saw this crime show on TV where these hot detectives captured a creepy guy’s fart in a bottle to test it for human remains, we should alert the authorities before he claims another victim, I can tell by his unattractive face that he’s a psychopath who’s out for blood and craves children.

Law and Order: Special Fart Unit

Stacy: Good idea, us beautiful people sure know how to fight baddies and make the world a better place for everyone! Even if this guy is innocent, he’s ugly as fuck so that’s guilty enough, fuck that asshole, who cares if we ruin his life. Besides, with a face like that, it’s not a matter of if you’re a pedophile but when. We’re doing our community a favor.

And scene!

These guys really need to find a better hobby.

We Hunted the Mammoth relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!

75 replies on “Fart discrimination: The most insidious form of anti-incel oppression?”

You know, usually when you write self-insert fanfiction, all the characters are supposed to think you’re great.

Well, this column was hilarious–at first. But then Sparrow’s Song had to bring incels’ persecution complex (arrested for farting?) and pedophilia obsession (if an ugly guy farts, he’s a child killer?) into it. Manospherians: They can ruin anything, even fart jokes!

Poe’s law notwithstanding, I didn’t actually believe that this could have been a serious post, and that the user must have been trolling. Nope: they’ve got a long and unpleasant posting history on that forum. This truly is what incels really believe.

(also, TIL that anal sex was invented by evil jews to corrupt you, because apparently it isn’t possible to merely hate women these days without also being a goddamn nazi. the illuminati eye–in-the-pyramid thing? represents an asshole, apparently. thanks, incels! surrealest fucking conspiracy theory ever)

(thinks) Weren’t they talking about pussy farts (sic) just a few posts back? Yes. Yes, they were. 🤦‍♂

…I can tell by his unattractive face that he’s a psychopath who’s out for blood and craves children.

I. Can’t. Even.

I was just like “WTF this is ridiculous” up until the stuff about beautiful vs. ugly people. If you think being an ugly man is hard, try being an ugly woman, ya fookin’ asshole. Or a woman of a race/ethnicity whose appearance is fetishized, demonized, or both. These pigs know nothing.

Edit: @Pie holy moly 🙁

See, Chad is a vegetarian, so his farts are wholesome barnyard fare, while asymmetric face guy eats meat, so his nether eructations are like Satan’s own charnel house.

OK, so my translation of this to some form of reality goes as follows:

1) This incel loudly farted in a woman’s presence once, and got a dirty look, possibly because it clearly wasn’t an accidental fart but a rather ghastly form of manspreading;

2) He once witnessed a woman giggle when her boyfriend farted;

3) Being an incel, it did not occur to him that she may have laughed at her boyfriend instead of giving him a dirty look because sometimes, farts are funny, and some people forgive those they love for that sort of thing;

4) Incel logic takes over: the giggle proves discrimination on the part of all women. Plus, because the world is black and white, there are only two possible reactions to anything, liking it or not liking it. Therefore, since she didn’t scowl, the second woman clearly enjoyed her boyfriend’s fart, for its own sake. The giggle demonstrated pleasure in the fart itself, as opposed to amusement at the situation. If she’d been giggling because his shoelaces kept coming untied and he kept tripping over them, it would have proved that all women like men with untied shoes (and therefore are evil bitches who want men to fall flat on their faces).

Or something like that.

I’m surprised they’re ok with using pedophile as an insult considering how many of them are actual pedophiles.

Again with the jawline and facial symmetry fixation.

Also, Roastina sounds like a decent drag name.

I wonder how the incels react to the idea that Steve Buscemi is rich and famous despite the fact that the lower half of his face honestly kinda looks like it’s melting?

This reminds me of the (first) MST3K movie. Except someone watched it and didn’t get the humour.

@Cat Mara: well the thing is, patriarchy/conservatism actually does teach people that you can tell a sex predator by sight. Remember that guy a while ago who made news for going public with spittle-flying fury at being blind-invited to an all-genders, voluntary consent course at college? His tagline was “this is not what a rapist looks like”. That made the media go fucking bananas. So yeah, a lot people, not just incels, do literally think you can spot a rapist or pedophile by the look of their face.

Which is not only absurd, but the connotations are blatantly racist & ableist.

Yet another case for how the manosphere is a springboard for nazism.

@WWTH: Yup, as the sickening lack of enough dislikes on the “poopouri” youtube ad that is literally titled “girls don’t poo”, proves

I wonder how many of those weird incel complaints are really them airing out their fetishes and uh projecting them onto others?

I’d find this significantly funnier if it didn’t veer off into “women will falsely accuse you and ruin your life just for farting ! [subtext] therefore it is justifiable to act preemptively in self defense as all women are literally threats to your life[/subtext]” territory at the end there.

Though I suppose expecting incels not to veer off into ludicrous extremism is like expecting the sun not the rise in the east.

@Button:
With regards to horrible self-inserts, I’m oddly reminded of “Better Than Life” from Red Dwarf; where they are eventually saved by the fact that Rimmer hates himself so much that a virtual world created from his own subconscious desires ends up being such a horrible place they all want to get out.

That said, horrible petty person that he was, Rimmer still had more self-awareness than most of these smegheads.

@ Jenora

Cf the Cat’s attitude.

“Didn’t you wonder why you suddenly had a castle and a life of decadent opulence?”

“I just assumed I deserved it.”

@decagon:

I wonder how many of those weird incel complaints are really them airing out their fetishes and uh projecting them onto others?

Uh…ALL of them? I’m going with that one.

@Robert:

Roastina sounds like a decent drag name.

Or a moderately-priced line of oven-safe cookware.

@Talonknife:
Probably by ignoring the part where Buscemi is a talented and hardworking actor and, from what I’ve heard, a pretty decent person? That, or they decide the fact he’s been married to the same woman since the 1980s is a sign he’s a miserable boring beta-cuck and gloat over his supposed misery?

Another awesome article from David! This one made my day! Hilarious!

About these incels with their “looks” obsession. The fact that a jerk like Elliot Rodger existed would put the kibosh on their “I’m an incel because I’m ugly” gibberish.

Rodger was a “pretty boy” from a wealthy background but STILL couldn’t get a gal. Therefore; Looks alone are meaningless.

These guys never consider that fact.

@Moggie
I just had a vegetarian dinner with a healthy amount of cabbage and eggs. I doubt the resulting farts will be very wholesome.

First it was height, then bone structure, and now gastrointestinal activity.

Incels are just so creative when it comes to inventing imaginary reasons for their misogynistic sexual frustration.

@Button:

You know, usually when you write self-insert fanfiction, all the characters are supposed to think you’re great.

Not when you’re a self-hating nihilistic misanthropist, I guess.

@Bina:

jenkem

I’m unfamiliar with that slang, and I’m certainly not letting it become part of my permanent record of what I’ve googled, given the context, just in case it’s something misogynistic/illegal/etc., so … que?

“He who smelt it, rushed to the computer and wrote a 10,000 word diatribe on why women are wrong, wrong, WRONG and Chad’s farts smell like rainbows and success.”

Also, minor point–Elliott Rodger never tried to get girls. At least, his manifesto doesn’t include any points at which he approached women. He seems to have thought they should be drawn to him like bees to a flower, even though he sincerely wanted to throw us all into concentration/rape camps.

Stop fart-shaming ! Let us rise again fart discrimination ! Join the Bilious Obsessed Whining Execrable Lads Movements !

All in all, i am not sure that it helps being an asshole when it comes to farting… Or is it ?

This is well beyond the point where parody becomes impossible.

I remember a comedy program here had a recurring theme where they’d simply read out actual letters published in one of the tabloids with a straight face.

Maybe I should create a comedy Youtube channels where I just attempt to read out shit that these fuckers say in as neutral a tone as possible without laughing or going WHATTHEFUCK?!?

OT, but some good news: https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/your-ward-news-banned-permanently-1.4907808

There will probably be some tearful frozen peaches, but the bit that stands out is this:

It was the first time in Ontario’s history that a charge of wilful promotion of hatred against women had been laid, according to the Office of the Attorney General.

For those who are fortunate not to have come across the publication before,

Your Ward News publishes quarterly and bills itself as the “world’s largest anti-Marxist publication.” But it’s been widely criticized as a purveyor of hate speech. Its editor and publisher both face charges of wilfully promoting hatred.

The newspaper is the brainchild of editor-in-chief James Sears, who has presented himself on his website as an expert in seduction skills. His licence to practise medicine was revoked after he pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting patients.

And just in case there was any doubt that PUAs and Nazis were connected,

In an editorial posted on the publication’s website, Sears vowed to “continue to print and deliver 305,000 copies of our paper using private companies and our volunteer army.”

In the same editorial, Sears also said that he will soon restart his monthly “Toronto Real Men” meetings to teach men seduction skills and the secrets of masculinity, and is planning to set up “a clubhouse for my Hitler Fan Club.”

Maybe I should create a comedy Youtube channels where I just attempt to read out shit that these fuckers say in as neutral a tone as possible without laughing or going WHATTHEFUCK?!?

What I’d really like to see is the bewilderingly unlikely dialogue written by this guy acted out by quality actors playing it as a serious human drama, trying to play it perfectly straight (without having seen the script beforehand).

In fact, I want this guy to write a whole episode-length script of CSI: Flatulence (mostly just to understand how he imagines the process of “hot detectives capturing a creepy guy’s fart in a bottle to test it for human remains” – like, are they somehow surreptitiously “capturing” his farts in a bottle without him noticing? What is the scientific test for human remains in farts?) and then have it acted out by an utterly serious, straight-faced William Petersen and Marg Helgenberger.

Well, that’s my new catchphrase: “What a facially despicable fool!”

As said by actual living human females all the time, no really, all the time.

Speaking as a guy with inflammatory bowel disease and has had sex, Mr. Song can kindly fuck off with that shit.

@Rei Malebario

This is well beyond the point where parody becomes impossible.

This! One of the more obnoxious things in this social media landscape is that the line between what is an actual tangible belief and what is mere exaggeration for entertainment has been completely obliterated.

“Hahaha, Staceys and Beckys getting together to smell Chad farts. Isn’t that silly? Hahaha.”

“Hahahaha, this thread is hilarious. Now let’s talk about how femoids are denying us their precious roasties that magically give us self-esteem. You know, serious bizniss.”

Anonymity combined with this tribal adversarial attitude have combined to the point where people with the courage of their convictions is a rare thing. Because having convictions means having to defend them, and that presents the opportunity to be “pwned” online. So people hide their real opinions behind a veil of irony for protection. It’s pathetic.

@Rabid Rabbit

How did that not make the front page of today’s Star???

Chad prolly works out. Ya know, being buff and a gym bro. Chad prolly eats protien shakes and takes glutamine supplements.

PROTIEN FARTS ARE THE WOOORST

I know cuz im fucking a chad. And that shit is rank. Hes not allowed to sleep near me when hes got the protien farts.

No person, unless they have a fetish, would want to smell that literal shit.

It just goes on and on. He’s made his point, such as it is, but he keeps going and going. Either he sees himself as a brilliant wordsmith (Dunning-Kruger thus has a lot to answer for) or he just really got into it, carried away on a hurricane of hate.

I can get that much. (Understand it, that is, not approve.) But then he looked it over… and hit “post”.

How do you get to the point where that’s a good idea?

@ Bina

That’s pretty gross, but reminds me of Discworld’s Troll drug scrape (though the organic component there is pigeon guano…)

@Rabid Rabbit:

Sears […] is planning to set up “a clubhouse for my Hitler Fan Club.”

Maybe not so much a clubhouse as a bunker?

@ Alexisagirlsname:

There was once a delightful YouTube series called something like “YouTube Comment Reconstruction.” Did what it said on the tin – but with black-and-white cinematography, location shooting, and distinguished-sounding-if-not-actually-recognizable British actors. Basically you had older gents in a Gothic manor haughtily declaiming things at each other like “Don’t be such a hater. You can be a Justin Bieber fan and a One Direction fan.” (pause) “lol.”

There was one later episode that was just one or two minutes of a man frantically riding a horse across a landscape up to the exterior of the house, dismounting by the front door, racing in, and announcing to the inhabitants:
“FIRST POST.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.