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Incel demands that depressed women “stop appropriating male culture” because women can’t really be depressed

Sylvia Plath: Definitely faking it

By David Futrelle

Incels insist that no one else can understand their particular brand of loneliness and misery — and that goes double for women. Indeed, they insist, women can’t be “involuntarily celibate” like them because, unlike true incels, women can always find themselves a Chad (or at least some beta cuck) to have sex with.

And because of this, many incels go on to argue, women can’t really suffer from depression either. When women claim to be depressed, they’re just doing it for attention, or as a way to add some drama to their lives.

In a recent post on the Braincels subreddit, a fellow calling himself NoobSoyboy set forth what he sees as the crucial differences between male (real) and female (fake) depression. He started with the ladies:

Female depression teehee: – My boyfriend is not texting back after 5 min – Chad doesn’t want to fuck me – I wasn’t invited at that party – Listening to sad songs – All my friends are busy – Posting on Tumblr – Cutting herself for attention whoring – Eating Ice Cream – Everyone checks out on you and supports you

“Teehee.”

On to the men:

Male depression: – Spend years rotting
– Has never felt intimate human touch – No girlfriend – No friends – Insomnia – Suicidal and homicidal – Alcohol, drugs – PTSD and chased by demons – Nobody gives a fuck and you’re told to fix yourself if you seek help, no support at all

Never mind all those people who have tried over the years to offer incels help, only to have their reasonable suggestions rejected outright.

I wish those roastie would stop making depression look like a fucking joke, females can’t be depressed , stop appropriating male culture you fucking whores.

Yep, in his mind depression belongs to men and men alone. In the past, we’ve seen assorted groups of angry dudes declare all sorts of things — from video gaming to Ghostbuster movies — to be sacred male spaces that women should not be allowed to “invade.” But I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of these angry dudes stake a claim to a mental illness.

Depression, I need hardly remind you, is actually far more likely to strike women than men. According to the Mayo clinic, women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression than men and far more likely to try to commit suicide. (Men succeed at suicide more often because they are far more likely to use more lethal methods.)

One reason that men are so much less likely to be diagnosed with depression is that they’re less willing to seek help for it; they’ve been taught to hide their sadness because showing this sort of “weakness” is seen as unmanly.

But that’s not the whole story. Cis women deal with a host of biological and social factors that cis men don’t face. Cis men don’t suffer from the extreme form of PMS called premenstrual dysphoric disorder, a form of depression; they don’t suffer postpartum depression.  (Trans folks of all genders, I should note, are many times more likely to suffer depression than their cis counterparts, mostly because of the bigotry and abuse they face on a regular basis; roughly 40 percent attempt suicide.)

I’ve been dealing with chronic (and sometimes quite severe) depression for decades, and I’ve known numerous others — both male and female — who have also suffered from this debilitating disease. From my own personal experience — as someone who has suffered it and who has watched others suffer from it — I know that depression is every bit as real for women as it is for men.

In the discussion spawned by NoobSoyboy’s absurd post, several women offered similar rebuttals to his, er, theory — describing in detail their own struggles with severe depression and anxiety. But most of the Braincels regulars weren’t much interested; even acknowledging the basic fact that women can suffer depression like men is too much for them, as it undercuts their contention that incels are the most pitiable creatures on the planet.

Commenter after commenter echoed NoobSoybot’s delusional “argument.” As one put it:

Women have no idea how it’s like to be depressed.

Female Depression: “I’m doing bad in school and I didn’t get invited to that party, it’s okay I’m calling my boyfriend and my 3 best friends over to try to comfort me”.

They equate basic sadness to depression. Honestly nothing works out for me so getting bad grades for something I studied for and not getting invited to something is just a normal day.

Their depression is my everyday existence.

Another commenter attacked one of the women who posted about her depression.

I wouldn’t be depressed if I could easily have sex with those of the opposite gender despite being ugly and low value just because of my genitalia. If I woke up a foid tomorrow, I would he able to easily cure my ailments and quickly. Women being depressed is hilarious. You have so much advantages over men and yet you still bitch. …

Fuck me you women seriously cannot put yourselves in our shoes. You won’t ever admit that you have it easy compared to us.

The comment with the most upvotes? A wall of text by someone called tallchad devoted to the proposition that “females just don’t understand what the general feeling of depression is really like,” especially for

males who struggle romantically, like when you try and explain to them what’s the matter for instance they simply cannot fathom what its like to experience such an awful feeling.

Never mind that several women in that very discussion made abundantly clear that they understand depression all too well.

It’s completely alien to them, they haven’t felt anything like it, and why would they? Their lives are literally scripted out for them like something out of the truman show, the female will experience way much more that the average male may never get to experience, just because of the privilege of being born female (you don’t even need to be an attractive female anymore).

Not only is none of this true, but even if it were true it wouldn’t leave women immune to depression. Having your life “scripted out … like something out of the truman show” actually sounds like a nightmare; indeed, the plot of The Truman Show revolved around Truman’s horrific discovery that he’d been imprisoned from birth in a fake, scripted world — and his attempt to escape it.

More to the point, though, depression can strike anyone, regardless of how perfect their life seems. Yes, depression affects poor people more than rich — because they tend to have more stresses and fewer resources — but hot young heiresses can be as miserable as any incel, because depression is a disease. Chads and Staceys can get cancer, too.

The female experiences everything, from … males way out of their league all the way to having a nice house and having a betabux provider that buys them the new shoes she wants whilst she stays at home or works a comfortable office job.

Incels live in a fantasy land. It’s not possible for most mothers to stay at home to raise the kids any more; they’re far more likely to run themselves ragged working and doing the bulk of the childcare (if they’re not raising the kids on their own). Many of these women work on their feet all day; women make up the vast majority of nurses and health aides.

Meanwhile your average male has failed at every hurdle, all the support is on women because of the gyrocentric nature of society, and frankly, he feels like he’s been left behind, then for the next 50-60 years he’s working a low wage job being barked orders by sociopaths … . 

This just in: all men have shitty jobs; no women ever have shitty jobs.

What does the most damage is that [men] can’t find a life long partner, this is what hypergamy has done, the average male’s looksmatch equivalent has had so much positive reinforcement growing up that she thinks nothing can stop her from marrying someone way above her looks level, she ends up in a perpetual cycle, getting pumped and dumped by chad because he doesn’t want to commit (and why would he lol) then onto the next one, then onto the next, etc. etc. until she hits the wall and has to settle for a betabux provider.

None of this is true. According to one recent survey, the median number of lifetime opposite-sex sex partners for straight men between the ages of 25-44 was 6.1; for their female counterparts it was 4.2. (I’m guessing the difference between those two numbers has to do with the tendency of men to exaggerate and women to downplay their sexual activity, and also due to the small percentage of the female population that engages in sex work.) The “cock carousel” is a myth.

So the average male is left with limited options, he can either rope or keep coping and trying until he’s cold, dead, rotting away and underneath the ground, but to do this he must continue working 60 hour weeks, and these weeks continue to grind him down… effectively like a huge axe cutting away his mental state, he gets left utterly devastated by years of emotional neglect, his goodness being sucked out of him, he sees no goodness in the world anymore. It just keeps getting worse and worse, until the rope finally looks more appealing.

This is what the world looks like to someone who is seriously depressed. It’s not reality. Depression distorts your thinking; incel ideology compounds this distortion, making depression worse. Incel ideology functions much like a disease, harming everyone who takes it seriously. If you’re a young man dealing with depression, incel sites are the absolute worst places in the world to seek help.

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Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

Women have no idea how it’s like to be depressed.

Female Depression: “I’m doing bad in school and I didn’t get invited to that party, it’s okay I’m calling my boyfriend and my 3 best friends over to try to comfort me”.

All women are in high school and have high school problems.

The female experiences everything, from … males way out of their league all the way to having a nice house and having a betabux provider that buys them the new shoes she wants whilst she stays at home or works a comfortable office job.

All women are upper middle class.

I wouldn’t be depressed if I could easily have sex with those of the opposite gender

And there it is: the belief that women are the gatekeepers of sex and therefore have unlimited access to it.

They act like sex is a big pile of precious gold being hoarded beneath a mountain by dragon-women, and they’re questing knights who have to perform all these outlandish tasks (such as going to work and wiping their butts) in order to slay the dragon and be worthy of the gold, the only thing in the entire world worth possessing. Meanwhile the dragon can just go swimming in it whenever she wants, because she’s the guardian.

Such a pernicious narrative. If you look at it objectively, sex is just an activity, like Cards Against Humanity or tennis, that arises organically between (hopefully) consenting participants. The problem is that not only do incels view women as obstacles to be defeated instead of willing partners, they only want to play with the top-level HB10s, or else they won’t play at all.

Roger Federer is denying them tennis, the stuck-up jerk!

he must continue working 60 hour weeks, and these weeks continue to grind him down

Congratulations, OP, you’ve discovered that the world is not as starry-eyed over your every little accomplishment as your parents. Adulthood involves an awful lot of unrewarding, unrelenting toil and anxiety. It comes with the territory. That’s not an original or unique discovery. Every kid thinks they’re going to be the one exception that rises above the system. Then comes the crushing realization that unless you’re a trust fund baby, it takes a lot of work to support yourself and be a responsible adult. The world does not give you stickers, or sex, for this. It’s a chaotic and random place.

This idea that incel men have the monopoly on human experience and are therefore emotionally stronger than everyone else is absurd. Billions of people on this planet, men and women and nonbinary alike, deal with things every day that would make incels curl into a fetal position and whimper.

They all need to have a minute or two inside the Total Perspective Vortex.

Hambeast
Hambeast
4 years ago

Jenora Feuer – I’ve been heavy (fat) for a few decades now but never (to my knowledge) had my complaints blown off with the ‘fat’ diagnosis until a few years ago. I worked retail and had mid-back pain that I’d never had before my retail job and was told to exercise more (while in pain and after being on my feet all damn day!) by a physician’s assistant. A woman PA, to boot.

Luckily, Husbeast’s girlfriend turned me on to medical marijuana and my life changed instantly! I had been stuck in a cycle of pain/sleeplessness from pain that a good high would break (overuse of OTC pain meds factored in this as well.) It was like magic, and the side-effects were very pleasant! I medicate once a week (if I’m not socializing with my cannabis-enthusiast friends, in which case, it’s more) and I hardly use OTC pain meds at all anymore.

To the incels of the OP, I would like to suggest that they look into 2 tone ska (the discussion here a few days ago led me to revisit the self-titled Specials album.) Especially this song:

Just because you’re nobody
It doesn’t mean that you’re no good
Just because there’s a reason
It doesn’t mean it’s understood

It doesn’t make it alright
It doesn’t make it alright
It’s the worst excuse in the world
And it, it doesn’t make it alright

Some people think they’re really clever
To smash your head against the wall
Then they say “you got it my way”
They really think they know it all

It doesn’t make it alright
It doesn’t make it alright
It’s the worst excuse in the world
And it, it doesn’t make it alright

Just because you’re a black boy
Just because you’re a white
It doesn’t mean you’ve got to hate him
It doesn’t mean you’ve got to fight

It doesn’t make it alright
It doesn’t make it alright
It’s the worst excuse in the world
And it, it doesn’t make it alright

Just because you’re nobody

Yutolia
Yutolia
4 years ago

Dude – I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 8. It started because of abuse (which you mistakenly think is beneficial to women*) and bullying (which you think women don’t experience).

*or maybe anyone, even. Some incels seem to think that being sexually assaulted would be enjoyable.

Yutolia
Yutolia
4 years ago

BTW, can anyone tell me how to add an avatar pic? Help would be much appreciated.

Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
4 years ago

*Please

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

If you make a gravatar account and upload a picture, it’ll show up here.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
4 years ago

Weird Eddie’s “Off-Topic Wednesday”… features a piece from Feministing describing some (a few…) Silicon Valley techies with a rebellious streak

Tech Workers Protest ICE

Today’s oh-so-modern anti-immigrant sentiment does not run on racism alone: it also needs technology. Companies like Google and Microsoft are already rather well-positioned to build the technological foundations of a white ethnostate, first of all ’cause they’re pretty white themselves, and second of all because they already know everything about all of us (oh yeah, and they have the technology).

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
4 years ago

I’ve fucked up. I take two .5 mg. of Xanax (generic name is alprazolam) every day for anxiety. Well, I have 23 .5 mg tablets left, and I can’t get a refill until September 3. I know, it serves me right for overusing them. I hope I can get by with just one tablet a day, and after that, well, I’ll just have to suffer.

I work from home 3 days a week. All alone, in the middle of nowhere. The other two days, I drive to work, enduring a one hour and 15 minute commute – that’s from my driveway until I sit down at my desk. Sit down at a desk surrounded by rows of other cubicles, mostly empty, the few that aren’t are occupied by people I don’t know from Adam.

tl; dr – I’m as alone at my physical place of work, as I am when working at home. The isolation gets to me.

I know, comfortably well-off white people problems.

@the real cie: I’m glad you got away from that SOB. When I was much younger and naive, my first boyfriend pulled that shit with me. Dread Game, these assholes call it.

He dumped me, then tried to get back together with me months later. I refused. I had the satisfaction of seeing him homeless, living in his pickup truck.

MoodySunflower
MoodySunflower
4 years ago

This jerk is so offensive. I have been depressed for YEARS. YEARS. Going back to my adolescence. I have been officially diagnosed with depression, take meds, etc. I can’t believe these incels (imbeciles?) sometimes.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

They act like sex is a big pile of precious gold being hoarded beneath a mountain by dragon-women

Uhh… hides pile of sex behind back

whistles innocently

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
4 years ago

@ Dormousing_it:

This might be out of line, but please take it as personal experience, NOT medical advice. I was on Alprazolam for a long time, and I ran out of it once. It was a Thursday before a 4-day weekend. By the end of the weekend, I was very, very angry, not at anything, just angry. My doctor said it was withdrawal. A good friend who is a P.A. suggested that a better course would have been to take 1/2 dose every other day or every third day rather than cold-turkey off of it.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
4 years ago

@Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie:

I’ve ran out of it before. The way I plan to taper, I should have a few sleepless nights, and free-floating anxiety. I’m probably just being a wimp about it. I have anxiety, about having anxiety☺

I have kava kava to fall back on. It helps, a little.

Yutolia
Yutolia
4 years ago

@wwth: thank you!!!

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

@kupo: Have you considered stashing your sex in an offshore shell corporation?

Lithp
Lithp
4 years ago

So, in Incelland, depression is entirely a function of how much sex you’re having, & also a justification for being a spiteful, vindictive person. There is literally nothing else in the world that matters. Sounds like a good way to set themselves up for disappointment.

Y’know, I don’t doubt that a lot of them are depressed. You’d have to be pretty miserable to wallow 24/7 in how you allegedly have the worst life ever & strongly resent everyone else, but especially women. But it might help if Inceldom didn’t encourage making misery a core part of their identity. I’d imagine another reason they don’t want to do it is because they know they’ll be told that while the depression is a disease that can be treated, their attitude toward people is something they have to work on.

ellesar
ellesar
4 years ago

Sex, any sex at all, with anyone, even if you do not like them and do not want to be anywhere near them cures depression?

If I could be arsed I would ask these guys if they are prepared to have sex with a woman 2 or 3 times their age who they do not find the slightest bit attractive?

Because that was who was on offer when I was a young, lonely and unhappy woman. LOTS AND LOTS of offers from sleazy, rude and creepy men!

Domestic abuse is a major cause of depression, and as those who are suffering it are majority women (and esp during pregnancy, sexual abuse, financial abuse, restricted freedom and forced marriage) this is another group where women suffer depression more than men.

I know that statistically more men suicide than women, but I have known 3 women who ended their own lives after years of depression.

Hambeast
Hambeast
4 years ago

kupo and Buttercup – I don’t use my sex hoard anymore (menopause turned me ace) so I give mine to Husbeast’s girlfriend* so that he can still get the benefit. It’s just a bonus that no incels, MRAs, or PUAs get any. Even better, girlfriend is a hambeast too, ha!

*Not the one that helped me get my weed card, they broke up and still get along fine. Ex likes to joke that she got me in the “divorce.”

Diptych
Diptych
4 years ago

@Diego Duarte

– Attempts at isolating both their victims and their defenders (by mocking the people who rightfully call them out on their coded insults, and suggesting they’re paranoid)

Oh, geeze, I had a weird case of that this week. I ran into someone claiming there was no such thing as a dogwhistle – it was just conspiracy theorising and a way to defame people by deliberately misinterpreting their words.

When I argued that, as dogwhistles are used and re-used fairly consistently, it’s really not that hard to see what sort of message they’re sending, they got incredibly nasty about it, and said I might as well be accusing people of communing with Satan.

Oh, and someone else chimed in, agreeing with them, and said that we should take politicians literally – for instance, “family values” doesn’t have anything to do with homophobia; they’re just decent and honourable!

Diego Duarte
Diego Duarte
4 years ago

@Diptych

Oh, geeze, I had a weird case of that this week. I ran into someone claiming there was no such thing as a dogwhistle – it was just conspiracy theorising and a way to defame people by deliberately misinterpreting their words.

When I argued that, as dogwhistles are used and re-used fairly consistently, it’s really not that hard to see what sort of message they’re sending, they got incredibly nasty about it, and said I might as well be accusing people of communing with Satan.

Oh yes, I’ve run into many of these people both online and IRL. More often than not, once you properly deconstruct their arguments and show to the rest of the audience that they are just sea-lioning and trying to gaslight, they will turn downright nasty and start labeling everyone “cucks” and spaming any form of “lol”.

I have now taken up the custom of just trashing them the very minute they attempt this IRL. Just be careful not to do it in front of the police and you should be fine. Violence shuts down Nazis hardcore, each and every single time.

A. Noyd
A. Noyd
4 years ago

Dormousing_it

I know, it serves me right for overusing them. I hope I can get by with just one tablet a day, and after that, well, I’ll just have to suffer.

That’s not overuse. My doc prescribes 0.4mg tablets to be taken 3x per day, and she’s pretty conservative with meds. She actually recommends taking more as needed, since a huge part of treating anxiety effectively is about breaking out of the patterns anxiety impresses on your mind. Trying to tough out the rough patches is counterproductive. (As part of a treatment method, that is. Individuals might resort to that, but docs shouldn’t be putting them in that situation.)

I’m probably just being a wimp about it. I have anxiety, about having anxiety

Nope, not being a wimp. Anxiety’s effects are real and devastating. It’s as if someone is about to force you to cross a busy highway blindfolded. Who wouldn’t be afraid of an ordeal like that? You’re entitled to be upset.

My only advice is that if you’re a regular caffeine consumer, don’t forget to start adjusting your intake now so that you’re not getting any caffeine spikes by the time you’re going off the Xanax. Caffeine spikes simulate the symptoms of anxiety attacks, which can trigger actual anxiety attacks if you don’t have some counter-agent to anxiety in your system.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

It takes a lot of work to support yourself and be a responsible adult. The world does not give you stickers . . .for this.

What. My understanding is that I will be rewarded with stickers for being good.

I got them in first grade for being good. They were kickass. I thought that if I just kept being good, eventually the stickers would show up again. On my forehead.

I’m just gonna keep hoping.

Diptych
Diptych
4 years ago
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

@kupo, @Diptych
Snort.

Some people like to mock stickers: wanting stickers, not having stickers, or even having stickers (the highest state of existence, IMO).

As for me, I’ll keep on believing in them. They’re going to arrive someday, and on my forehead. I’m hoping for stars, either silver or gold, but holiday-themed stickers would be nice too.

Crosses fingers.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

Stickers are the best. We were talking about it on Discord the other day. Nothing wrong with liking or wanting stickers. ?

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