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Wishing my beautiful daughter a great time at prom after I shoot her date in the dick

Keep your paws off of my daughter!

By David Futrelle

On Saturday, former NFL star Jay Feely posted this pic on twitter:

Feely later clarified that the picture was meant as a joke, so I guess it’s a bit of a relief to know that he wasn’t literally planning to gun down his daughter’s boyfriend if he found out that the two had engaged in some variety of sex-having.

As jokes go, though, this isn’t exactly an original one. A quick search on the Google will turn up countless variants on Feely’s joke, many of them available for purchase in the form of signs and t-shirts.

Not everyone on the internet thought Feely’s variation on this old joke was all that funny.

https://twitter.com/mayaDeNile/status/988413509875781632

https://twitter.com/nachdermas/status/988128179821916160

Some made their own jokes:

https://twitter.com/gothstepdad/status/988118581572526080

https://twitter.com/LilRevive/status/988156277179256832

And then, of course, there were the cute animals.

https://twitter.com/bkerogers/status/988260730725126150

https://twitter.com/Slennon_/status/988127131451314176

Ok, maybe cute isn’t the right word for that last tweet.

But my favorite response was the angry email that gun control activist Shannon Watts got from someone insisting that the dad was perfectly correct to pull out his gun to “protect” his daughter’s “chastity” because once a woman has been with too many dicks she loses the ability to love.

Huh. Seems like I’ve heard that argument before. Evidently, the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit is leaking again.

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Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
4 years ago

@Dvarghundspossen:

That’s interesting. I didn’t realize it’s a specifically American tradition. I thought it was sort of a western Christianity tradition, if that makes any sense.

I went to a wedding in Ottawa, Canada many years ago. Come to think of it, I don’t remember the bride’s father giving her away.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
4 years ago

Registry office, and because we totally coincidentally had a sort-of-matching pair of very tall, bearded blokes as friends, we decided on the spur of the moment to ask them to be our dames d’horreur which they were very happy to do :-). No aisle, no walking, and definitely no “giving away” of anybody (ugh). (oh, and no dress. Never did like dresses, personally. Trousers ftw)

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
4 years ago

Me and Husband decided to get married after we’d been a couple for only like six months or so, and we were pretty young too, so at first our parents were all sceptical. Then my mum did a complete 180 and managed to drag the rest of the parents with her; she got so wedding enthusiastic, I wanna call her a bridezilla, but since she wasn’t actually the bride I guess she was a mother-of-the-bride-zilla.

I’m from a working class background and grew up without that much money, but at this point in time my dad had managed to work his way up and become a manager. So my parents had money at this point, and mum announced (I think without asking dad first) that they were gonna pay for the wedding “since that’s tradition”. In the end, Husband’s parents also chipped in, but we didn’t pay squat; good for us since we really didn’t have much money at that point.
So basically it was the whole deal; I had a dress sewn up for me, my sisters who were maids had dresses specially made too, Husband wore a coat of tails etc, and we were driven from the church to the reception in a 19th century coach with horses.

Then late in the evening, when everyone was drunk, including mum, she went up to me and looked at me very sternly and said:
– You know, in the end, we had to take out a loan to pay for all this. So you can never get divorced now!
I guess I just nodded?

Anyway, 17 years later and no divorce on the horizon, so it’s all good…

Moggie
Moggie
4 years ago

Lumipuna:

Finally, I recall that years ago the Nordic dairy company Arla had this advertising slogan, “There’s a small cow living inside each of us”.

Know what that brings to my mind?

laserqueen
laserqueen
4 years ago

One of five daughters here, dad never displayed anything like this crap. At one point when two of us were married, he told us that the first three would get weddings and the last two would get $5,000 and a ladder. In retrospect- I really should have taken the $5,000 and a ladder!

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
4 years ago

$5000 sounds very useful, but I’m confused about the ladder … ???

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

Whereby to climb out the window and elope.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I have no plans in the immediate future to marry, but if I ever do, I want to do it at the courthouse and then have a low key party in someone’s house to celebrate. I have never had a desire for a church, a march down the aisle, a wedding dress, bridesmaids, sappiness, any of that. Not that I’m disparaging people who do want all that. It’s just so not me.

Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

I want to do it at the courthouse

I forgot judges could marry people over there. You could have great fun with a Bonnie & Clyde type escapade; then save money at the same time.

“Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence?”

“Er, I do?”

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Well, in my city at least, it’s more of a large government center with various departments than a traditional looking courthouse. What do you do in the UK if you want a no fuss quick marriage?

Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

We have what’s called Registry Offices. So the registrar (who’s the person responsible for recording births, deaths, and marriages) can do a quick ceremony.

ETA: I think it’s different in Scotland; hence the tradition of eloping couples marrying at Gretna Green. That’s the first town across the border. Dalillama knows a bit about this I seem to recall.

Dalillama
Dalillama
4 years ago

The Gretna Green thing predates the registry office; mid 1700s England passed a law saying nobody under 21 could marry without parental permission, while Scotland allowed boys 16+ and girls 14+ to marry with two witnesses and a third party to officiate. A blacksmith, or ‘anvil priest’ often served. The openeing of a coach line across the border allowed young English couples easy access to cross-border villages like the Green. The registry office was created a century later; around the same time, Scotland passed a law saying you needed 3 weeks residency to marry.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

That doesn’t sound too different from the US. It’s just that there’s courts in the same giant county government building as the driver’s licenses, marriages, birth certificates etc. There’s also various social services there.

There are smaller satelites with fewer services in the suburbs, but this is the downtown Minneapolis location

http://stmedia.startribune.com/images/1abeat102116.jpg

So yeah, a lot of stuff in there.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

I refused to have parents walk either of us down the aisle. At first my husband was upset because he wanted his mom to walk him down the aisle to upend the tradition but I wasn’t comfortable with any of that, so he and I walked down the aisle together.

Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

I like that building. Presumably that’s a copper roof? I’d like to see it with, what I’m guessing is a fountain, in use.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
4 years ago

Ted Bundy married his girlfriend when he was on trial for the murder of the 12 year old Kimberly Leach. Supposedly, he and his girlfriend took advantage of an old law on the books in Florida, that a marriage was valid as long as it occurred when a judge was present. There was a notary in the courtroom audience to validate it, and a writer who’d been interviewing Bundy for an upcoming book even provided wedding rings.

I’m sure Bundy’s proposal is immortalized somewhere on YouTube.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I’m actually surprised I haven’t seen manosphere apologia for Ted Bundy before. He was a political conservative who was manly enough to bust out of prison and he killed women that looked like an ex-girlfriend who’d dumped his loser ass. You’d think he’d be their hero.

ETA: By bust out of prison, I mean slipped out of the courthouse because the guards were way too fucking lax. But hey, details, details.

Jurgan
4 years ago

Maybe someone beat me to it, but there’s only one correct response to this sort of thing:

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/oymy/her+body+her+rules+mens+sleeveless-A16260684

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
4 years ago

@Dormousing_it:

The most unbelievable thing in the whole Bernardo/Homolka case (warning: if you don’t know about it, it’s pretty unpleasant, so be careful when looking it up) is that the body of their first victim was dredged up from the river on their wedding day. If you pitched that to a studio, they’d tell you to go home and rewrite it because no one would believe it.

@Jurgan:

That shirt is brilliant. I have to admit that I actually find the photo in the OP funny, because it’s so clearly being silly. It’s mostly to do with the look on the daughter’s face. Admittedly, it’s not goofy enough for anyone to think that they’re actually taking the piss out of the stereotype, but still. At least they’re aware they’re playing with a stereotype. However, that shirt beats it by far. Hell, if I had a daughter, I’d buy it for her. I sorta wish they had a “Rules for dating me” version, though. That would be something you could uy for anyone.

@WWTH:

I’ve found that the best way to judge people who write about serial killers is how they talk about Bundy’s taste in victims. Most say that he had a girlfriend with long dark hair parted in the middle, and after a bad breakup he started preying on young women with the same features. Others say that he targetted young women with long dark hair parted in the middle, and his first girlfriend was damned lucky he didn’t kill her. You can imagine which ones are worth listening to.

rugbyyogi
rugbyyogi
4 years ago

@dourmousing_it – it isn’t simply an American tradition, but one of the anglophonie – and I reckon that it probably has origins in the Church of England common orders of service, but in quick Googling around I couldn’t confirm that.

At any rate, I am planning to get married again and there won’t be any of that. One of the ‘weird’ (to me as an American) traditions of English weddings is that there are two (or more) tiers of guests. People who come to the wedding, sit down meal, and people who are only invited to the piss up (or some variation thereof). I hate the whole second class guest thing – although I’m always pleased to be a 2nd class guest and not have to sit through the order of service. (They don’t call you 2nd class, of course)

We have decided that when we get married – EVERYONE will be a 2nd class guest – we’ll just do a registry office thang with witnesses only and then a reception. I might even make a theme out of the 2nd class thing – as it will be 2nd weddings for both of us and only use 2nd hand clothes, decorations, etc. 🙂

Human Person
Human Person
4 years ago

To be fair, several of my close female acquaintances were literally forcefully raped by someone they went on a date with when they were young. These were men who claimed they had affection towards the women, and who seemed polite. There really are some pretty predatory men out there.

It is unlikely that I would kill or shoot someone who raped my child, but if I didn’t trust someone completely and I thought someone would be deterred by the threat, it might be worth making it. It’s not a very civil thing to say, obviously. But is it accurate to put this in the context of consensual sex rather than rape or abuse ? I can see people meaning or taking it both ways.

But in this thread, a lot of people jump to this:

“This woman is my property don’t mess with her virginity or I’ll kill you”

But maybe the fathers mean this:

“My daughter is young and might be tricked or intimidated but I am old and experienced and if you force yourself on her or hurt her I will find out and I will punish you.”

Again, I don’t go around threatening people. I am by no means justifying the gun meme, just wondering why everybody immediately jumps to the conclusion that this is about controlling the girl’s choices and not about protecting a child.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
4 years ago

That two-tier thing seems really weird! We had everyone at the church as well as dinner and party.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
4 years ago

We have the two-tier thing in South Africa as well, at least among Afrikaans-speaking White communities. It’s because it’s something of an insult to fail to invite someone to your child’s wedding, and Afrikaners can get fairly obsessive about maintaining their social networks, so the wedding itself is dominated by the couple’s parents’ friends, family and business associates.

The party afterwards, by contrast, is for the couple’s friends.

idli sambar revolution
idli sambar revolution
4 years ago

i don’t interpret those tropes as “daughter property, shoot bf if they have sex” but rather “shoot bf if he rapes my kid”.

remember that movie about the Judd’s where the single mom Judd shows the older guy trying to date her teenage daughter her gun? it kept his creepy ephebophile paws off “jail bait”. sometimes that’s all it takes to keep a creepy stalker older guy away. (and sometimes it isn’t, unfortunately).

About Bundy, didn’t he escape a library? Convinced the court to let him go to a library (while guarded by cops) and then jumped out of the library’s windows?

he also claimed porn influenced his killing sprees

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

I’m American and the culture as I understand it is that young men will try to have sex with young women, and the fathers need to protect their daughter’s virginity and honor. Not rape. Sex. The other time they hold a gun up to a romantic interest of their daughter is if she becomes pregnant and he’s trying to avoid marrying her (again, protecting her honor). This is the meaning behind “shotgun weddings.” Nowhere is the young woman’s agency taken into consideration; sex happens to a woman, after all.

Here are some articles that may clear up what purity culture is about.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/the-purity-culture

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2011/09/your-virginity-is-yours-not-your-daddys.html

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2012/03/how-the-purity-culture-made-me-afraid-of-men.html

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