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Wishing my beautiful daughter a great time at prom after I shoot her date in the dick

Keep your paws off of my daughter!

By David Futrelle

On Saturday, former NFL star Jay Feely posted this pic on twitter:

Feely later clarified that the picture was meant as a joke, so I guess it’s a bit of a relief to know that he wasn’t literally planning to gun down his daughter’s boyfriend if he found out that the two had engaged in some variety of sex-having.

As jokes go, though, this isn’t exactly an original one. A quick search on the Google will turn up countless variants on Feely’s joke, many of them available for purchase in the form of signs and t-shirts.

Not everyone on the internet thought Feely’s variation on this old joke was all that funny.

https://twitter.com/mayaDeNile/status/988413509875781632

https://twitter.com/nachdermas/status/988128179821916160

Some made their own jokes:

https://twitter.com/gothstepdad/status/988118581572526080

https://twitter.com/LilRevive/status/988156277179256832

And then, of course, there were the cute animals.

https://twitter.com/bkerogers/status/988260730725126150

https://twitter.com/Slennon_/status/988127131451314176

Ok, maybe cute isn’t the right word for that last tweet.

But my favorite response was the angry email that gun control activist Shannon Watts got from someone insisting that the dad was perfectly correct to pull out his gun to “protect” his daughter’s “chastity” because once a woman has been with too many dicks she loses the ability to love.

Huh. Seems like I’ve heard that argument before. Evidently, the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit is leaking again.

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jrochest
jrochest
4 years ago

I came here to post this too: As It Happens, the CBC radio evening show, said that a person with his name was reportedly posting on an incel board. He’s also Armenian (ie, probably Christian, since the country is 97% Christian), and apparently it’s Armenian Genocide day.

But it just seems to be a ‘kill em all’ incident, since he was driving at old ladies, young couples…bus shelters. 10 dead, 15 injured. Toronto shattered.

F is for Fro
F is for Fro
4 years ago

…The Toronto Van guy’s an Incel?

…The heck? What was driving a van into a crowd going to do about that?

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I think at this point, they consider all women Stacies and all men who don’t identify as incel to be Chads. Although, since incel is an online thing and not an organization that holds meatspace meetings as far as I know, isn’t is possible that one day an incel will commit a mass murder and one of the victims will unbeknownst to him, be another incel?

Flora
Flora
4 years ago

@wwth

Since incels seem to internalize “I am so hideous that I am unlovable” maybe the plan would be to spare any horrifyingly ugly people. Never mind that physical attraction is subjective and that their personalities are the ugly bits.

Or maybe the sort of folks that do this are the same sort to not think too deeply about their actions and the implications of them.

Podkayne Lives
Podkayne Lives
4 years ago

isn’t is possible that one day an incel will commit a mass murder and one of the victims will unbeknownst to him, be another incel?

Undoubtedly, although from the attitude I see from many of them, they’d consider it an honor to die helping another of their motley crew strike out at the world that has denied them strings-free sex with gorgeous virgins.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
4 years ago

Before I used to think this is funny and just thought these fathers are trying to protect their daughters but now I realize how very creepy and downright dangerous this is.

People only seem to care about women/girls when they are related or friends. Or they just care about their virginities.

Z&T
For those of us who don’t have a father, what do we do?

Enough of men see us as “easy prey” too. They talk about women with “Daddy Issues”.

Ugh, I lived in a single mother household too. Guys like that are very disgusting.

EJ (The Other One)
4 years ago

Holy shit, that article Flora posted.

There’s not much difference between incels and the merely love-shy.

If you don’t know what “love-shy” refers to, here’s a reminder. The article writer is either sympathetic to them or else is entirely unaware of just how toxic they are.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
4 years ago

Yeah I hate that saying “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free” with a passion. It suggests the only reason someone would marry me is if they’re desperate to bang me but I won’t let them unless they enter into a pesky, pesky marriage.
I’ve given away a shitload of free milk if you go by this allegory, including to Husband, and then Husband still proposed to me, possibly because he actually wants to be in a lifelong relationship with me.

Jaygee
Jaygee
4 years ago

This post articulates why it makes me uncomfortable when guys talk about not trusting their hypothetical daughters with boys. As if girls can’t be trusted to make good choices or that their choices don’t matter because somehow hormonal boys are a force of nature whose choices override girls’ choices.

I have some male friends (pretty liberal), and they make comments about protecting their daughters from boys. Their daughters range from 2 to 4 years old. Sometimes I want to say something when comments like this come up, but I don’t want to lecture or make it into a huge deal.

I was at a birthday celebration where two 2-year olds were chasing each other, and the dad, one of my friends, jokingly commented to the boy that he should watch himself (or something along those lines). The mom of the boy, also a friend, said, “they’re just kids.” That seemed like one way to address it, though I just wondered if other people have advice for how to gently broach this subject with friends.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I wouldn’t want to marry a man who thinks it’s okay for him to have premarital sex but not okay for women to have premarital sex, therefore, if I sleep with him after a few dates, he’ll dump me. If a guy is going to dump me for having sex with him, I’d consider that a bullet dodged. So yeah, that threat about the milk and the cows doesn’t function as much of a threat to me at all.

Ghost Robot
Ghost Robot
4 years ago

When I was in my early twenties, my then-girlfriend’s boss – yes, boss – thought it was funny to “playfully” threaten me to make sure I treated her well. This would happen whenever I picked her up from work. We actually got along well, but it always struck me as weird, and after reading this article, it feels even weirder.

Lunetta
Lunetta
4 years ago

I noticed the other day that a few people in the comments here were perplexed as to what was wrong with that photo/joke. Thanks for doing this extra piece on it, that goes a long way to explaining what’s wrong with it, explained in different ways for different people. I hope that helps the confused

Ikarikid the Dumb
Ikarikid the Dumb
4 years ago
rugbyyogi
rugbyyogi
4 years ago

As it happens, I do not trust teenagers to make good choices about sex or indeed a whole range of issues. Teen brains do not assess risk in the same way that adult brains do. In about two years I will be the mother of a teenager. Next year, I will be the step-mother of a teenager. And in about three years, I will have three teen boys in my home (part time).

Any sex other than masturbation* carries physical and emotional risks. I know that my boys’ judgement will improve over time, but it will not be a straightforward journey and they will do some very stupid things on their way to adulthood. If they are in any way like their parents, or other humans on the planet, they will continue to make stupid decisions in adulthood including decisions about sex.

However, threats of violence are not the way to handle this. And a parent’s job is to help their child/teen/young adult to navigate various rites of passage – including prom, learning to drive, etc. etc. Although it icks many people out, parents should be preparing teens to handle sexuality responsibly and that never, ever, ever involves a gun and it certainly doesn’t involve treating another human being as property to be protected, held or transferred. This is difficult, particularly given that there are all kinds messages, not least the traditional wedding ceremony**, that treat women’s passage into adult sexuality as a transaction. Yuck.

___
*even masturbation has risks if not done properly. But not egregious ones, usually.
** I really struggled with this one in my own wedding. I did not want to do this, but my mother talked me into it. Double yuck. I won’t be doing that again, for sure. However, I did just talk my dad into paying the bar bill at my next wedding – so there’s that.

Kevin
Kevin
4 years ago

Have to admit I took something different from the joke – ‘These kids have my backing, give them grief at your peril,’ – but that probably opens yet another can of worms.

Valentin - Emigrantski Ragamuffin
Valentin - Emigrantski Ragamuffin
4 years ago

I noticed the other day that a few people in the comments here were perplexed as to what was wrong with that photo/joke. Thanks for doing this extra piece on it, that goes a long way to explaining what’s wrong with it, explained in different ways for different people. I hope that helps the confused

I am thankful too – but also 2 people explained me yesterday anyway. but I am still not sure what to think. if she is “in on the joke” – then is it okay? or because she also contributed to misogyny because of the joke, then she is also responsible?

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
4 years ago

Weirwoodhugger no shit that would be a bullet dodged.

Ugh, these conversations always remind me of that horrible slut-shaming boyfriend I had at 19. Brief version of the story: I was in a bad place emotionally, he offered me a shoulder to cry on, I got, like emotionally dependent on him or whatever you wanna call it. We became a couple, despite the fact that I had had sex with *gasp* six people before him which, as everyone understands, is way too many according to the perfectly objective and real rules of sex. You’d think he wouldn’t have dated me in the first place with that view, but instead he did date me and kept giving me shit about it. And because I was so emotionally dependent and shit I’d just cry and say I really regretted having all that terrible, terrible sex (it wasn’t really though).
I stayed with Mr Slutshame Asshole for about a year, which seems absolutely bonkers in hindsight, but there you go. Eventually my sense of self preservation began to kick in – I still didn’t see, in my slightly brainwashed state, what an asshole he was, but I started actually admitting to myself that for some reason, whatever that might be, I wasn’t happy in the relationship. Eventually I called Mr Asshole and basically just said “I’m not happy with you! I break up!” and that’s it.
Like two days later I went to this pub I often went too and people were like “what’s up?” and I said “well I broke up with X so I’m single now”. On hearing this, this really hot dude who I knew a bit started hitting on me, and I was thinking to myself “hm, you’re really not supposed to when you just came out of a long-term relationship…” but then I thought “screw that!” and slept with him anyway.
A couple of more days, and Mr Slutshame Asshole heard about this over the grapevine. He got so incredibly pissed off and called me and ranted about what a horrible whore I was and apparently I only broke up with him because I’m so slutty that I just can’t stay with one man only so I just had to sleep around, hadn’t I… And he said that he had been contemplating taking me back but now it’s gonna be none of that! And I just sat there, listening to him ranting, finally thinking to myself: “This guy is a complete and utter asshole. Wow, I’m a million times better off without him.”
Mr Hot Dude kind of saved my life there!

EJ (The Other One)
4 years ago

And he said that he had been contemplating taking me back but now it’s gonna be none of that!

Translation: I am an abusive asshole who will, when I mistreat you, find something you did and try to make you believe that the mistreatment is because of that.

I am so, so thankful that you got away from the asshole safely, DV. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
4 years ago

Yeah. It’s so weird to look back on this and how I stuck around for so long despite the fact that he was so mean to me… Maybe he had mind control powers like Kilgrave in Jessica Jones? That would explain things!

Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ dvarg

Maybe he had mind control powers like Kilgrave in Jessica Jones? That would explain things!

One of the brightest most independent women I know has been in an abusive relationship for a few years now. Intellectually she knows it, and she even knows why she stays. The irony is she’s a lawyer who specialises in DV cases. We’ve done all the “what would you say to a client who walked in and told you what you’re telling us?” bit. In her ‘lucid’ moments (usually after he’s pushed it too far) she can be completely rational about the situation; but then all his tricks work again. She’s compared it to advertising, like she knows she’s being manipulated, but that doesn’t mean you can resist.

So it’s not so much mind control, it is though manipulation. But you can’t help that. Brains are jerks, they fall for all sorts of crap.

Dazed & confused
Dazed & confused
4 years ago

Hi mammoth gang
I am a long time lurker and decided to unlurk to say when I first spent the night at my first boyfriends house 3 men in the pub that evning ( who barely new me) told my mum ahe shouldn’t have let me go I was 17
Ps I am dyslexic so please excuse spelling mistakes

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
4 years ago

Dvärghundspossen:

Yeah I hate that saying “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free” with a passion. It suggests the only reason someone would marry me is if they’re desperate to bang me but I won’t let them unless they enter into a pesky, pesky marriage.

(content warning for me overthinking this analogy)

It’s so confusing overall. Is owning a dairy cow like being married to a woman, or the other way round? As a married woman, are you producing sex and trading it for marriage, or are you a means of sex production? Are unmarried women a property of their breeder, and who then is supposed to trade/use their…nevermind.

I hazard to guess it’s the former, and the analogy actually refers to the commitment of maintaining/supporting a dairy cow/wife, rather than the act of buying/marrying one. But even then, a better analogy for a wife would be a contract farmer rather than a farm animal.

And if you’re a farmer giving away milk for free, is it deliberate, or because you’re accidentally stuck with unsellable production? Then there’s the question why would your milk only have sale value in contract farming, when your potential customers are apparently reluctant to commit to contracts, but might well want to buy milk in consumer sized packages.

Finally, I recall that years ago the Nordic dairy company Arla had this advertising slogan, “There’s a small cow living inside each of us”. If this were literally true, raising awareness of it would clearly undermine the dairy market. Therefore, I can only assume it is a masturbation analogy.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
4 years ago

What Rugbyogi said about the traditional marriage ceremony being a transaction. I agree.

I bowed to tradition at my wedding, and my father walked me down the aisle. I wouldn’t do it that way today…I’d walk myself down the aisle!

As an aside, my parents didn’t pay for my wedding. My father began telling me from the age of 10 or 11 that he wouldn’t be able to afford it.

At the reception, my first dance was with my husband. My father was a little miffed about that, saying the father ALWAYS has the first dance with the new bride. I gently let him know that this would not be the case.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
4 years ago

In Sweden the tradition is different, the bride and groom walk in together and all parents just sit in the benches. However, because people are so influenced by Hollywood movies, more and more people want to do it the American way. That’s incomprehensible to me. The symbolism is so blatant, and it’s not a nice symbolism. I totally get it if an American wants to do it that way simply because it’s tradition. But why someone from a culture which doesn’t have this tradition would want to import it – it baffles me.
I know there are some priests who object to the American ceremony and even a previous arch bishop spoke out against it, but I guess the majority of priests just bow to the wishes of the client.

Starfury
Starfury
4 years ago

The UK is having similar problems with adopting some of the negative aspects of American culture; this ‘protect muh princess’ crap, for one. I never knew anything like it in my life but these days I see some people posting these daft memes as an expression of their masculinity and love for their kid

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