Categories
antifeminism antifeminist women misogyny

Ladies! Make yourself attractive to men with the help of Dante, Elvis and, er, Sting?

Hey ladies! This oily man has some advice for you

By David Futrelle

The Federalist — the tradcon clickbait site with the oddly wonky name — has won itself a vast audience of hate-readers by posting some of the most ridiculously backward crap on gender you’re likely to find outside of Return of Kings. Federalist posts regularly go viral on the sheer strength of their stupidity.

Well, it looks like they’ve got another potential hit on their hands, a post with the lovely title “How Acting Like A Feminist Can Ruin Your Marriage.” The writer, a self-described “homeschooling mother of four [with] a doctorate in philosophy from the Catholic University of America” named Carrie Gress, is worried that feminism is making women too girl-powery to be attractive to men.

“Women today are supposed to ‘be bold and assertive,'” she writes, “but could all this girl-power actually undermine our best efforts at finding marital bliss?”

You can probably guess how she answers this question.

Feminism has ushered in a near-universal trend for women to “just one of the boys” or to be better than the boys. It is reflected in our sarcasm, sexual habits, attire, and goals. A recent study found that women are now dropping the f-bomb more than men.

“Fight like a girl,” “Strong is the new pretty,” and “Find your fierce” may sound nice, but we have to ask if they have led women to happiness or an endless fluctuation between ferocity and victimhood.

It’s fairly familiar stuff so far, but Gress breaks new ground with her suggestions on how women can learn how to be the traditional “country girls” of every man’s alleged dreams. It involves Italian poetry, the Grateful Dead, and … Sting. Yes, that Sting.

You can learn a lot if you listen to men when they don’t know we are listening: poetry and music.

From the dawn of time, men croon about particular attributes especially found in women: loyalty, sweetness, a calming presence, kindness, thoughtfulness. Looking past lyrics dripping with lust, a pattern emerges. Dante, the Beatles, Elvis, James Taylor, Sting, The Grateful Dead, Tim McGraw, and on and on—all speak of loving a truthful, kind, loyal, soulful woman who brings them peace. There has been no love song dedicated to a nagging, angry, self-absorbed woman.

Well, none that I can think of offhand. Can any of you think of some? If not, well, there’s literally nothing stopping anyone from writing songs like this and maybe posting them here hint hint nudge nudge knowhatImean?

Also, I’m not quite sure that Mrs. Gress has been listening all that carefully to Beatles lyrics, because if she had been she surely would have noticed that,  in addition to writing assorted silly love songs, the Beatles also wrote songs about:

So I’m not sure Beatles lyrics are necessarily the best guide on how to live a happy life as a woman.

Oh, and the worst bit in the Beatles’ Run for Your Life — “I’d rather see you dead, little girl/ Than to be with another man” — was ripped off word-for-word from an Elvis song, so I don’t think Elvis is necessarily the best guide either.

I would say something about Sting’s lyrics as well, but, come on, there’s no way I’m going to voluntarily go and read a bunch of Sting lyrics. Every Breath You Take is pretty creepy, though. Don’t base your life on that.

130 replies on “Ladies! Make yourself attractive to men with the help of Dante, Elvis and, er, Sting?”

@ penny

I have a bit of a thing about this motiff:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/eb/f1/93/ebf193035796612f762ed622cc2b4bf2–garden-plaques-rabbit-art.jpg

It crops up in all sorts of places; but there does seem to be a Silk Road connection. One rather prosaic explanation is that it was the trademark of a Chinese silk manufacturer.

But I love all those cross fertilisation vs convergent evolution theories as to belief systems and mythology. Of course we often forget today just how much traveling and intermingling there was in the ancient world.

A useful tip an archaeologist friend gave me was, when looking at maps, to ‘swap’ the sea and the land. Oftentimes sea travel was so much easier than crossing land. Hence Cornwall had a shared culture with Brittany, whereas East Anglia might as well have been on Mars.

@ Buttercup

Oh, yes, there’s definitely tons of superiority and judgment in there. And fear that people who don’t make the same choices won’t get punished for it.

Anyone know of any love poems/songs written for puritanical church ladies?

Yeah, John Donne wrote a few of them.

@frances – Interesting. Any examples you have in mind? I always thought of Donne as cynical about love – the women in his poems tend to be cheating, fickle, and faintly ridiculous. He was the MGTOW answer to Petrarch’s icy, remote mistresses.

@dust bunny – Yes, and it’s always funny how they frame the punishment in their own terms. Careful, ladies – rock stars won’t objectify you in a song if you keep up that behavior!

In early New England, settlements were mostly on the coast or close to navigable rivers, because — unlike today — water travel was so much easier than land travel.

From the dawn of time, men croon about particular attributes especially found in women: loyalty, sweetness, a calming presence, kindness, thoughtfulness.

Nthing everyone else in asking how these things and feminism are somehow mutually exclusive.

Like, I can be loyal, sweet, have a “calming presence”, kind, and thoughtful, and still think that I’m worthy of the same rights and respect as my fellow non-femme humans.

I’m a Hufflepuff, fer fuck’s sake. Loyalty’s our thing.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/86/b0/17/86b0177580300c528f23e986d7e46e67–cyanide-happiness-funny-memes.jpg

I’m sorry for not reading through the comments to see if anyone else posted this but… Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong – Spin Doctors. An epic anthem to an asskicking woman.

later skaters~

WWTH, if MRA assholes haven’t called him out in 18 months, they’re not going to. They simply don’t care.

I’m sure if I followed these rules I would get some kind of boyfriend. Trouble is, it wouldn’t be a boyfriend I would want or like. I’ve been through the dating gauntlet, and trust me – the guy who wants you to be a “calming feminine balm to his soul” (otherwise known as his free on-call therapist, muse, mother, nursemaid, audience, and cheerleader all rolled into one) is a whole lot of no fun. If I wanted to take on all that emotional labor i’d get a second job or something. At least then I’d get paid.

Why do people act like being single is the worst thing that can happen to you anyway? It only took one really shitty boyfriend to cure me of my fear of singlehood. Being single is the best. I do what I want, when I want, and I have emotional energy to spare planning parties and get togethers and staying in touch with friends – people who actually give back and add to my life instead of draining me.

But yeah, no, what would make me truly happy would be to crush down my own ambitions and confidence and play shy so some bro can feel like a big man. No thanks.

Today in comics this came out https://graphicpolicy.com/2017/07/29/the-alt-rights-hero-based-stick-man-is-coming-to-comics/amp/

And also one of the marvel editors has been endlessly harassed by someone calling themselves Diversity and Comics.

I tweeted a goof on this article and some newly acquired fans asked me what about their Christian wife? And I said, well what about her? I’m not married to her, so her beliefs aughtnt affect my marriage. Anyway. This along with some other stuff brewing looks like GG is going to start harassing comics creators again.

@dikdik

I hope my local comic shop doesn’t end up carrying that bird cage liner posing as a comic.

One group of people that seemed to get how creepy “Every Breath You Take” comes across were the creative staff on the American soap opera All My Children back in the mid ’80s. They had a storyline where one of the female characters was being stalked, and her stalker listened to “Every Breathe” incessantly.

Well, Cake had “Short Skirt, Long Jacket”

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond
I want a girl who knows what’s best
I want a girl with shoes that cut
And eyes that burn like cigarettes
I want a girl with the right allocations
Who’s fast, thorough, and sharp as a tack
She’s playing with her jewelry
She’s putting up her hair
She’s touring the facilities
And picking up slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.
I want a girl who gets up early
I want a girl who stays up late
I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity
Who uses a machete, to cut through red tape
With fingernails that shine like justice
And a voice that is dark like tinted glass
She is fast, thorough, and sharp as a tack
She’s touring the facilities and picking up slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long, long jacket
I want a girl with a smooth liquidation
I want a girl with good dividends
At City Bank we will meet accidentally
We’ll start to talk when she borrows my pen
She wants a car with a cup holder armrest
She wants a car that will get her there
She’s changing her name
From Kitty to Karen
She’s trading her MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket

And of course, there’s always Billy Joel:

You see her sitting with her coffee and her paper
With her high top sneakers of Italian design
With a long cool stare she aggravates the tension
Makes up her face while she makes up her mind

Now you’re in trouble, maybe she’s an intellectual
What if she figures out you’re not very smart
Or maybe she’s the quiet type who’s into heavy metal
Boy, you got to get it settled
Cause she’s breaking your heart

Don’t try to put on an act
You can’t do that to a modern woman
And you’re an old fashioned man
She understands the things you’re doin’
She’s a modern woman

She looks sleek and she seems so professional
She’s got a lot of confidence, it’s easy to see
You want to make a move
But you feel so inferior
Cause under that exterior
Is someone who’s free

She’s got style and she’s got her own money
So she’s not another honey you can quickly disarm
She’s got the eyes that make you realize
She won’t be hypnotized by your usual charm

You’ve got your plan of attack
That won’t attract the modern woman
Whe you’re an old fashioned man
She understands the things you’re doin’
She’s a modern woman

Time goes by and you’re sharing an apartment
She says she loves you but she doesn’t know why
In the morning she leaves you with your coffee and your paper
It’s a strange situation for an old fashioned guy

But times have changed
Things are not the same, baby
You overcame such a bad attitude
Rock and roll just used to be for kicks
And nowadays it’s politics
And after 1986 what else could be new

You got to learn to relax
And face the facts of modern woman
And you’re an old fashioned man
She understands the things you’re doin’
She’s a modern woman

>>”There has been no love song dedicated to a nagging, angry, self-absorbed woman.”
EMF’s Unbelievable:

Oh!(What the?)(What the fuck was that?)

You burden me with your questions You’d have me tell no lies
You’re always asking what it’s all about But don’t listen to my replies
You say to me I don’t talk enough But when I do I’m a fool
These times I’ve spent, I’ve realized I’m going to shoot through
And leave you

The things, you say Your purple prose just gives you away
The things, you say You’re unbelievable

Oh! (What the?) (What the fuck was that?)

You burden me with your problems By telling me more than mine
I’m always so concerned With the way you say
You’ve always go to stop To think of us being one
Is more than I ever know
But this time, I realize I’m going to shoot through
And leave you

The things, you say Your purple prose just gives you away
The things, you say You’re unbelievable

Oh! (What the?)(What the?)(What the?)(What the fuck was that?)

Seemingly lastless, don’t mean You can ask us
Pushing down the relative Bringing out your higher self
Think of the fine times Pushing down the better few
Instead of bringing out the clues
To want the world and everything your asked to
Brace yourself with the grace of ease
I know this world ain’t what it seems
(What the fuck was that?) (It’s unbelievable)

You burden me with your questions You’d have me tell no lies
You’re always asking what it’s all about But don’t listen to my replies
You say to me I don’t talk enough But when I do I’m a fool
These times I’ve spent, I’ve realized
I’m going to shoot through
And leave you

The things, you say Your purple prose just gives you away
The things, you say It’s why I love you more
The things, you say Your purple prose just gives you away
The things, you say You’re unbelievable

Oh!
(What the?)(What the)
You’re so unbelievable

(What the?)(What the?)
You’re unbelievable

(It’s unbelievable)Oh!
(What the?)(What the?)(What the?)(What the fuck was that?)
You’re unbelievable

Hello.

Hmm, as i am still forbidden to be able to look any video at my work, i hope nobody has already linked it, but there is maybe the “Self-esteem” from The Offspring with a “nasty (woman) friend” in it.

About the hell thing (and not the Hellsing), there is also the Buddhist hell. I do not know which religion predate the other, so i can not tell which one had influenced the other.

Have a nice day.

GrumpyOld SocialJusticeMangina
July 30, 2017 at 1:39 pm
In early New England, settlements were mostly on the coast or close to navigable rivers, because — unlike today — water travel was so much easier than land travel.

As was pretty much every settlement in every ‘new-found’ land. Populations then spread inland by moving up the rivers and tributaries. Logical really, as they had to stay close to a reliable source of water. Even nomadic desert dwellers plan their routes around oases, wells, and springs.
Rivers have always been the arteries of nations.

Sting as Ffeyd -Rautha Harkonnen. House Harkonnen’s atttitude to women would have hardened GoT characters looking for brain bleach. (Shudders…)

Sting as Ffeyd -Rautha Harkonnen. House Harkonnen’s attitude to women would have hardened GoT characters looking for brain bleach. (Shudders…)

I’m with you on “Run For Your Life” and “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” (as well as Elvis and Sting.) But if you really think “Norwegian Wood” is about “Setting a woman’s house on fire because she says no to sex”, then I think you may be showing signs of having read too many Eliot Rodger wannabes. It’s actually a good counter-example to Gress for other reasons.

The song is about a sexually aggressive woman (*extremely* so for 1965) whose advances are consistently rebuffed by a guy who acts more ace than the pre-Riverdale Jughead Jones. She leads him to her bedroom, and asks him to sit down. There are no chairs is the room, so his choices would be to sit on the bed, or on the floor. He chooses the latter. At two in the morning, she subtly states “It’s time for bed.” He demurs and sleeps in the bathtub.

There’s pretty much a consensus that Lennon wrote “I lit a fire” because he couldn’t just come out and say he smoked a bowl. Again, this was 1965. But even if that’s not true, fireplaces are a thing. There are also some who’ve speculated that he made the male protagonist chaste so as not to piss off his then-wife Cynthia, and that in real life he was less resistant than he would have been willing to express publicly.

Lexicon, Paul McCartney told an interviewer it was about burning a woman’s house down.

Paul McCartney explained that the term “Norwegian Wood” was a sarcastic reference to the cheap pine wall panelling then in vogue (e.g. in guitarist Peter Asher’s bedroom).[4] McCartney commented on the final verse of the song: “In our world the guy had to have some sort of revenge. It could have meant I lit a fire to keep myself warm, and wasn’t the decor of her house wonderful? But it didn’t, it meant I burned the fucking place down as an act of revenge, and then we left it there and went into the instrumental.”[5]

That’s from the wikipedia article I linked.

More detailed quote from McCartney here.

@Nobody Special

As was pretty much every settlement in every ‘new-found’ land. Populations then spread inland by moving up the rivers and tributaries. Logical really, as they had to stay close to a reliable source of water. Even nomadic desert dwellers plan their routes around oases, wells, and springs.
Rivers have always been the arteries of nations.

There’s also the fact that in muscle powered society (human or animal), transportation by water is orders of magnitude easier and more efficient than by land.

I will sound like horrible now but i like sting – English man in new York. Its funny because before i thought he said ‘im a little alien’ – actually he said ‘im illigal alien’. This is what one British officer correct me before ))) But i didn’t listen to his other songs. British music doesn’t​ interesting to me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.