When I began this blog six years ago, the Men’s Rights Movement was little more than a curiosity. I’ve watched, with both amusement and alarm, as this small movement has inspired, and ultimately has been eclipsed by, a broader anti-feminist, anti-woman backlash, online and off, driven largely by the same white male rage.
Each new iteration of this backlash has been more toxic — and, sadly, more influential — than the last, ultimately culminating in the rise of the alt-right. Which is to say, the newest incarnation of fascism.
Now the openly racist, openly misogynistic idol of the alt-right has been elected president. Obviously, not everyone who voted for Trump was white or male. But his candidacy was powered in large part by the same kind of white male rage I have been writing about virtually every day for the last six years.
While Trump’s election is, without question, a catastrophe — in ways I will be chronicling in detail over the next few months and years — Trumpism isn’t built to last. Trump’s victory was a narrow one — indeed, he actually lost the popular vote — and the demographic group that served as the backbone of his movement (white men) is shrinking relative to those groups Trump has railed against.
In many ways, Trumpism seems to be a classic example of an “extinction burst,” a term used by behavior psychologists to describe a weird and seemingly paradoxical pattern of behavior. As Popsugar summed it up in a post earlier this week:
[W]hen a certain type of behavior or action isn’t really getting its desired results any longer — say, a child’s tantrums failing to get Mom or Dad’s attention — there’s often a period when a subject struggles even harder, makes more noise, and generally throws an extremely loud fit. In other words, extinction burst is that last-ditch ramping up before an inevitable flame-out.
Trumpism, like all backlashes, is doomed to fail. Unfortunately, it is likely to do a tremendous amount of damage before it goes, not so gently, into that good night. In the meantime, I will do my best to make sense of the toxic stew of racism and misogyny at the heart of Trumpism, and to provide support for those fighting against it or just trying to get by). And so I’ve changed the tagline of this blog from “the new misogyny, tracked and mocked” to “surviving the Trumpocalypse” to reflect this broader focus.
Don’t worry: I will still be writing about MGTOWs and MRAs and the other strange misogynistic creatures that I’ve been writing about from the beginning. While I recognize they are but a sideshow in the era of Trump, I just can’t quit them, and I suspect that a lot of you can’t either.
@Jack
Me in school:
Almost got me held back. Twice…
I’ll join the “gifted” group we have forming here. I’ll also join the “failure is terrifying” group.
I got held back myself for “maturity” reasons, same reason I didn’t get put ahead. Teacher told my mom that I might have ADHD back in second grade but my mom didn’t want to get me checked out. I have a cousin that was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and she thought it was awful that they drugged her and how it altered her personality and yadda yadda blah blah. My mother said being held back was “good” for me because I finally “calmed down”. (Haha.)
She always yelled at me for forgetting things and not paying attention and often fidgeting when I didn’t realize I was. I guess it just never clicked in her head, but then again she refused to learn about ADHD, let alone consider the possibility. Not that I ever got officially diagnosed but still.
We should get jackets made. And someone should buy me one.
As a long time lurker, hugs to all of you
What would they say? I’m fresh out witty jacket-liners. That’s a word I just made up now.
@Cynical Optimist
The whole thing, the whole convo.
It’ll fit.
But only if you wanna come off as an asshole.
I took some test to get into the gifted and talented program at my school but I guess I didn’t score high enough. Oh well. I did almost have to start kindergarten a year late because even though I was cognitively advanced enough, I was behind in the social skills department.
I had top grades in school until 9th grade. It was like flipping a switch and I suddenly got completely disinterested and couldn’t bring myself to do any work at all in class or at home. I got out of junior high with decent grades, mostly due to past achievements, and took 5 years struggling through a 3-year high school program with very bad grades. After that, I’ve dropped out of university courses numerous times and I never seem to be able to finish anything.
I think I’m a lot smarter now than I was as a young teen, but I’ve entirely lost the ability to focus and keep discipline. Dunno what happened.
Ugh…5th grade. 1980. We were the pilot program.
After lunch, we got back to our classroom and there was a list of names on the teacher’s desk. It didn’t make sense, some people from our room and some from the other (it was a small school 5-12 grade). We thought we were in trouble. Instead they just took us to a different room and let us play “Lemonade” and “Pirate’s Cove.”
And the administrators and teachers, perhaps, did not foresee, or maybe they just didn’t care, that we were all now marked. Those with better social skills and supportive families did fine. Lots of us had lots of problems. Maybe we would have them anyway.
@Axe
Sure was.
@IP
Bill Maher’s scum.
Right here. Admittedly, in retrospect a significant part of the problem was undoubtedly dysphoria, and a major depressive episode for other reasons. But the rest of my history looks a lot like yours, and here I am, working part time as a fry cook.
@Dali
Hugs. I had some psychiatric issues that caused me to drop out, too. I hated food service and how awful people treat each other there (tip to anyone reading who hasn’t worked in food: the movie Waiting was a pretty tame version of my experience). I hope your experience is better than mine was.
@Dalillama
^5
I was definitely deeply depressed throughout high school, but I didn’t realize until years later. Then I was depressed again in my 20s, and now again in my 30s. It’s been useful to understand these cycles, since I can now actually contrast my mood during depression with my mood when I’m not depressed. The first two times I had long-lasting depression, I thought feeling like crap every day was just the new normal.
I’ve probably also had some form of dysphoria, but again I didn’t recognize it as such until many years later.
I finally got a uni level degree this year, and now I’m working for a degree in social work. Hoping to get into a program next semester! 🙂
@IP @Dalillama
Depression and dysphoria for me, too, especially in high school. I thought it was just general “teen angst”, that I was just being a baby. I took up a “you’re not a special snowflake, everyone deals with this” mentality for myself to cope, along with a lot of “edgelord” stuff to cover it up.
If I allow myself to get real here for a second, I did bully some people, maybe not a lot, maybe not always on purpose, but I did say and do things to hurt people. I held some misogynist views but I think that was because I never really wanted to be associated with the feminine stuff I was pushed into, or felt I was pushed into. (There are very few times in my life I’ve ever felt comfortable performing feminine.) I didn’t really have anyone I could turn to to talk about any of this so I kept it to myself, not that I felt comfortable talking about myself or feelings. I still don’t.
I also wore a lot of black hoodies year round.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/02a7d13e61d5b542ba525bc4b960e190/tumblr_njc2d1HOBP1u4sepmo1_540.gif
I’m doing better. I think. I’d hope.
Another gifted one who wound up with PTSD from the expectations of my teachers and the jibes of my classmates.
“We’ll love you
Just the way you are
If you’re perfect”
— Alanis Morissette
I hate how I had to update the playlist.
CN: It might be a little depressing if you listen to happy music when you feel depressed or just sad. A lot of the “depressing” songs actually make me feel better because I feel less alone when I listen to them. There also might be casual ableist language in some songs.
https://play.spotify.com/user/12141123916/playlist/1rGJXDiuuMgBDy6XRsQXah
If you want something more upbeat, I made a protest playlist:
https://play.spotify.com/user/12141123916/playlist/0DFXXx7tZed98v2RCijjZ8
It needs more anti-racist songs, tbh.
@wwth:
Also the Sanctimommy humblebragging about the excellence of the child she made, whose excellence is clearly down to her genes and parenting skillz. But Susan bragged that she doesn’t sock. Would she stoop?
@ Valerie, another former gifted child here. I hope you are taking notes on pitfalls ahead for your gifted biracial female child.
Well good. I didn’t get much bullying from other kids. What eventually wore me down was the bullying, hostility and obstruction I got from adults in authority, particularly teachers.
I only got the gender and comes-from-out-of-town resentment. Your daughter will get the racial dose too.
Skildfreya said:
Your first lesson to your daughter is that she should internalise the blame?
All this talk about school… well my “elementary” school* experience was basically this:
(I’m the Hulk in this scenario, and it went many times a lot worse.)
High school and college was any “no fucks given” meme you could find. I came out of said elementary school with PTSD symptoms and severe misanthropy.
* Hungarian school system is traditionally 8 (“elementary” school) + 4 (high school) + 3~5+ (college/university) years
I just want to post this: http://thebaffler.com/blog/fear-feminist-future-laurie-penny
It has a list of good, thoughtful books to read at the end of the article.
Let’s survive and help others survive, the feminist way.
Apparently the Cheeto may not repeal Obamacare:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-elections/donald-trump-obamacare-repeals-latest-policies-quote-replacement-president-elect-a7412621.html
Personally, i think he’s lying to placate people who are angry at him until he can pull the rug out from under them.
Re:(Early)School
For the longest time now I’ve been thinking I might’ve had ADD or ADHD back when I started school (in the very early 80s) although at that point it was never tested for nor was it well known. Looking back though I’m really starting to wonder though if I might actually might have been aspie or high-functioning autistic (I say ‘might have been’ but that’s probably not something that one grows out of). I’m kind of curious but at the same time quite hesitant to talk to my doctor about it.
Anyway, school was a living hell for the most part.
@Dalillama,
I know, it’s horrid. I told my folks that fact. Told them that the suicide prevention hotline was so busy that they were only getting to 1/3 of the callers. They laughed at how thin skinned them kids are. It’s absolutely nauseating.
The death toll has started in so many ways, for so many reasons. I only picked one, but that’s only because I could spend thousands of words going through all of the different nightmares.
@Croquembouche of patriarchy, in that post I was just painting what the fascists want the world to be like. I want the opposite.
@IP
#School experiences,
I was a “gifted one” too, though was fortunate to be mostly ignored by others in school Did well enough to be praised, was traumatized by bullies for it. The usual. Tanked in my first pass through university, though. Realizing that no one gave a shit about me, my goals, my opinions or my fears (including my family) sort of put me into a spiral that ended on the floor of an apartment in the oil sands a few years ago. I’m on my way out now though!
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/shocked_david_bowie.gif
Yeah, I know, kupo. My parents are sweet and warm and kind. Along a number of axes. They are utterly horrible along a few more. They’re very progressive on LGB issues, as we have a few in the family who are gay. They’re terrible on the TIQ+.
@Scild
I understand. There’s only so much change people can absorb. I don’t think they’re terrible, I just think this reaction they had was terrible. Hopefully they’ll come around.
They did with my cousin when he came out of the closet. They started to understand gays and lesbians, and have actually been pretty fierce defenders of gay rights once they knew. I’m less hopeful for more progress, but, well. Maybe I’m just being too much of a pessimist.