alt-right imaginary oppression irony alert literal nazis men who should not ever be with women ever oppressed white men PUA racism return of kings

Mr. Bigot Goes to the Beach

Remember your sunscreen!
Remember your sunscreen!

Return of Kings, that burning internet dumpster fire of pickup artistry and Trumpian bigotry, has decided to go all grade-school on us this week, posting an essay that is basically an adult, alt-right version of the classic “what I did on my summer vacation” essay assignment.

Like a lot of Americans, whether they’re in 6th grade or in their sixties, RoK contributor Michael Sebastian went to the beach.

And there he saw … a lot of people who weren’t white. In a post with the somber title, “A Summer Beach Trip Shows How Badly America Has Declined” Sebastian reports his dire findings:

The most obvious change is that there has been a dramatic change in the level of diversity. When I was a teenager, the beach was nearly 100% white. The diversity, such as it was, consisted of a handful of blacks. Whites still comprised about two-thirds of the beach goers, but now there were also lots of Hispanics along with smaller numbers of Muslims, Asians, and Indians. Of course, there continued to be a small number of black families.

I can only assume that Sebastian, the author of a self-published book titled Staying Married in a Degenerate Age, showed up at the beach with a little notebook  in which to record the presumed ethnicity of all the other beachgoers.

The Hispanics were notable because it was very apparent that they were poor. Many of the families did not have bathing suits—they were in the ocean in their street clothes. It was especially awkward for the women as a blouse and long skirt are less than ideal beachwear. While I am certain there were poor families in the beach in my youth, I don’t recall anyone so poor that they could not purchase a bathing suit.

Maybe Trump will build you a wall around the beach.

The Muslims were also an interesting addition. I noticed several women walking along the beach covered head to ankle in dark clothing walking on the beach in 95-degree heat. 

At this point I’m pretty sure that Sebastian is just making things up. How many beaches in America boast such a perfect cross-section of All the People the Readers of Return of Kings Hate?

Sebastian never tells us what beach he allegedly went to, only that he lives in a “large city.” I also live in a large city, one in which white people are a minority. But even in the relatively less-segregated neighborhood that I live in, where most of the people you see out and around are likely to be people of color, I don’t normally see a crowd quite this rainbow-hued.

Sebastian goes on to complain about tattooed women, another Return of Kings bugbear, before informing us that some of the people on this Beach of Terror were on the drugs. Because Sebastian can totally tell.

Extreme diversity and abundant tattoos are one thing, but there is nothing that indicates spiritual bankruptcy like drug abuse. The most disturbing thing that I witnessed was the high number of people who were strung out on something. Everyone that I saw looked like they were intoxicated by something other than alcohol or pot. All of them were young. All of them were white.

Oh, no, not the white people!

I saw one young woman slowly rotating in circles with her hands on her temples in the middle of the day. There were small groups of people who seemed to have no awareness of their surroundings.

To be fair, I sometimes rotate in circles in the middle of the day. It’s fun. You should try it!

Adding insult to imaginary injury, Sebastian reports that while driving his family back home from the beach one night,

a car in the right lane suddenly swerved into my lane almost crashing into our car. My wife glanced over to find out what was happening with the driver. It turned out that it was a middle aged woman who was snapping a selfie as she was going through the tunnel—no doubt to post on Facebook. 

This was followed, I imagine, by monkeys flying out of Sebastian’s butt.

Sebastian ends his little screed by comparing present-day America to — yes, you guessed it — the Roman empire in its final days.

With the exception of diversity, which is a weapon used by the elite to divide, conquer, and rule the population, each of the things I saw on my beach vacation indicated that the foundation of America is rotting. Ancient Rome became great because of the vigor and austerity of its people. Once Romans lost their founding virtue, the Empire collapsed. … 

Barring some sort of great upheaval, it is likely that the US is headed for the same fate that befell Rome.


Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Scildfreja Unnýðnes
Scildfreja Unnýðnes
5 years ago

@Dalillama, I totally agree with you that the Communist states as seen in history were entirely disconnected from the goals they claimed to have. Idealistic goals were very quickly hijacked by fascists and dictators, which have absolutely nothing to do with the actual goals of communism – the freedom associated with the goals of communism are directly at odds with the total domination of the individual by the state as seen in the Communist states. Much like North Korea is a Republic.

Sorry if I was unclear! As I said elsewhere, it’s a bit of a mess here right now. I was more talking about the line they talked instead of the way they were actually behaving, the theory of their state communism and not the practice.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

Since you weren’t addressing anything I said earlier, I don’t really see that there’s a difference here.

Hah hah! When you start to ascribe to me opinions on capitalism that I have never expressed and do not believe at all, it’s pretty clear who is not doing any reading here. What you provided to me were three links regarding two non-state-level examples. If you don’t know the difference between a state and a non-state that is not my problem, but I’ll explain it anyway: a state has sovereignty. Your examples are of a town and a region, which are not sovereign and which have to answer to a higher authority.

So you see, I did address what you said, and in return you invented stories in your head about my relationship with capitalism. And this is why I’m not going to even bother with your last comment to me. I can’t have a conversation with someone as hostile as you are being, and for no reason I can tell. I’m not going to try.

5 years ago


So I probably shouldn’t divulge that the previous idiot is still being an idiot, but now he’s blaming women for being single mothers and not getting jobs that pay them enough to be able to afford not having a problem with paying sales tax on tampons and pads.

Sorry. 😛

1 8 9 10
%d bloggers like this: