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#gamergate antifeminism entitled babies gender policing mansplaining matriarchy men who should not ever be with men ever men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny patriarchy that's not funny!

Enjoy These Delicious Patriarchy Sandwiches, With All the Fixins

All the ingredients for a delicious sandwich, rich in fiber and carefully formulated to help you reduce hairballs
All the ingredients for a delicious sandwich, rich in fiber and formulated to help reduce hairballs

On Saturday, esteemed Breitbart “journalist” and Gamergate panderer Milo Yiannopoulos took aim at the matriarchy in which we all apparently live by inventing a new fake holiday (and Twitter hashtag) he called #WorldPatriarchyDay.

In a labored, gratingly unfunny Breitbart post announcing the new fake holiday, he explained that

World Patriarchy Day is the day on which you should feel free to express your masculinity in the most odiously toxic manner imaginable.

He encouraged his male readers to (among other things):

  • Cat-call at least five women.
  • Leave the seat up. 
  • “This isn’t going to suck itself.”
  • Commit #CyberViolence.
  • Find a successful female scientist and explain basic algebra to her slowly and carefully.

And, for those men in his audience who’ve somehow convinced some poor woman to live with them, he suggested that they

leave a sandwich knife, a spread, and a loaf of bread in plain sight in the kitchen. Let her work the rest out.

He rehashed this last joke in a Tweet:

https://twitter.com/Nero/status/655541017580556288

But the photo of his unmade sandwich left a number of Twitterers a bit puzzled. Why did his “sandwich knife” have a handle like a toothbrush? Was that really bread? Were the things at the bottom of the photo his feet? What the hell kind of sandwich was he making, anyway!?

One Twitterer did the best he could to label all Milo’s sandwich fixins.

https://twitter.com/theshrillest/status/655939206015946752

Soon others were posting their potential sandwich ingredients, awaiting only the arrival of a “bitch” to make them into actual sandwiches.

https://twitter.com/NyaKlondyke/status/655953981647245312

https://twitter.com/Voodoo_Ben/status/655955200121917440

https://twitter.com/OhHeyMare/status/655954473366482944

https://twitter.com/MatthewTimmons/status/655953429135687681

Joe Walsh, perhaps the most underappreciated sandwich fixin of all time.

Add your own! Extra points if your photo contains your feet.

I’ve posted a photo of my own potential sandwich above. I’ve been waiting about half an hour, but alas it remains unmade.

 

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sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
6 years ago

I don’t think he is. I think he and his audience know full well that she understands algebra, and that’s the “joke,” such as it is. “Celebrate world patriarchy day by deliberately wasting a woman’s time, and make sure all women are condescended to no matter how accomplished.”

Dammit, I was going to add this to my post. It makes my point even better though.

Milo: “It’s funny because female scientists CAN algebra, let’s just piss them off deliberately!”
Twitter: “It’s funny because Milo CAN make a sandwich, he just expects a woman to – oh wait. XD “

Nequam
Nequam
6 years ago

Boy, that one sentence clause was awkward. Basically, his fresh-ground peanut butter, since he doesn’t add oil to it, has a consistency like drying spackle (but in a good way). I have yet to properly get it on bread without tearing it or having mostly a lump in the middle with little at the edges of the bread.

davidknewton
6 years ago

Use British bread, it can stand up to it 😉

Seriously, a craving has been reawakened in me. It’s so much more solid than American supermarket loaves, which are too small and tear if you look at them the wrong way.

lkeke35
lkeke35
6 years ago

Buttercup: That’s pretty much what I would’ve done. Oooh, look! Time for lunch! (For me.)

Orion
6 years ago

“This isn’t going to suck itself.”

leave a sandwich knife, a spread, and a loaf of bread in plain sight in the kitchen. Let her work the rest out.

The saddest thing is that if “expressing masculinity” in their relationships were truly important to them, it wouldn’t really be that hard to find a relationship where this worked. They’d just have to give up the overt hatred and find within themselves a shred of genuine love. If they could do that, they could date a feminist with an odd sense of humor, or the right kind of kinkster, or a non-feminist woman.

I honestly think I could try either of these moves on my feminist girlfriend and she’d likely play along — once. Then she’d ask me “what was that about?” I’d say “I was just in a weird mood,” and she’d say “I don’t intend to make a habit of this,” and that would probably be the end of it.

Alternatively, there are plenty of non-feminist women in the world who basically expect and are prepared to cope with a certain amount of entitlement and fuckery in a relationship if it’s 90% affectionate. Knowingly taking advantage of that isn’t going to win anyone an award for ethics, but at the same time, seeking a real relationship with a small and limited amount of douchelordery would be a hell of a lot better for their happiness and the world at large than what they’re doing now.

Moggie
Moggie
6 years ago

WWTH:

If somebody left sandwich ingredients out on the counter, my feeemale cat would jump up there and steal them.

Cats don’t steal. How could they, when they know that everything belongs to them already?

zyvlyn
zyvlyn
6 years ago

https://twitter.com/zyvlyn/status/656141096272175104

Even managed to get a shot of my one fish, two fish pajama pants!

loquora
6 years ago

@zyvlyn

Where did you get garlic flavored fried rice mix? That sounds awesome.

entropyjukebox
6 years ago

If I walked into the kitchen and saw this, I’d be, like, “honey, why are you using a carving knife to spread fake butter on bad white bread? You’re gonna slice a finger off!” Poor Milo, SOMEONE needs to make him a decent sandwich. That shit just needs to get tossed out.

brooked
6 years ago

As much as I genuinely dislike Anne Coulter, at least she knows how to construct a joke and has a passing familiarity with what constitutes humor while both these things clearly elude poor Milo.

Milo desperately attempts to manufacture enthusiasm on twitter for his hashtag by creating a toxic manhood chore list that is both endlessly grueling and nonsensically random. A few of them are sort of on target enough to warrant a “that seems offensive, so congrats I guess” but most are headscratchers. Apparently Milo’s birthday present to himself was only wasting about 20 minutes banging out a shit article for Breitbart.

Say no to new shoes.

In fact, head to the nearest shoe store and start barking “no” to every pair sight.

Buy a truck.

Seems like a pricey prank, but OK.

Vote Republican.

Milo’s British and may be unaware that no elections are held here on Oct 18. Also when elections are held, there are parts of the country where 80% – 100% of the white women vote Republican. Finally, we non-Republican American ladies are pretty used to the existence of that party and if you want think you’re fighting the power by voting Republican, I’d be more amused than horrified at this point.

Don’t call her back.

Sure, if you don’t want call her back back then don’t. Or is Milo suggesting that in honor of failed joke day you don’t call her back even if you’d prefer to return that call? Does this apply to business related calls?

Ask if you can touch them.
Ask if they have names.
Ask her to jump up and down.

This involves adults in Milo’s head, correct? I guess this string of suggestions could sort of constitute Toxic Manhood in some form, but they’re really just goofy. I will admit if you do one or more of these things, you probably won’t have to call her back.

Find a successful female scientist and explain basic algebra to her slowly and carefully.

I’m guessing Milo can’t actually verbally explain basic algebra cogently and correctly without notes, but “women are bad at math” is always hilarious no matter how tortured the joke. Good one, Milo.

Invent something.
Solve a math problem.
Write some code.

OK Milo, there’s a neon sign saying “I was a Humanities Major”,or whatever the British equivalent is, pointed directly at your head. Stop pretending to STEM, it’s not working.

Follow me on Twitter. If you’re already following me, make a new account and follow me again.

That’s totally not a pathetic thing to write in article, so back off.

Impregnate something.

comment image

brooked
6 years ago

Buy a truck was meant to be

Buy a truck.

Not the worst blockquote fail, but an odd one.

zyvlyn
zyvlyn
6 years ago

@loquora

That’s been in our kitchen forever, as I’m pretty sure my fiancée forgot she bought it. If I had to guess, I’d say it was from H-Mart, our local Asian grocery store. They’re fairly prevalent in Northern Virginia and Maryland, but I don’t know if there are many outside of that area.

See what’s in your area and support your local Asian grocery store today!

AltoFronto
AltoFronto
6 years ago

I’m kind of baffled that he was able to identify actual sexist asshole behaviours, in a way which suggests that he recognises them as the annoying, condescending, offensive and bullying actions that they are… and then… what? He thinks it’s ok to be that much of a douchebag to women because they complain about douchebaggery?

He almost managed to think the whole thing through, but like his bizarre concept of sandwich preparation, it just doesn’t work.

Does anyone remember the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy book (Restaurant at the End of the Universe?) where Arthur Dent ends up on an alien planet, quietly making a living by preparing the most perfect sandwiches?

It’s like the opposite of that, in that Milo may have just outed himself as an alien species by being the only person on Earth who doesn’t fully understand the universal culture of sandwich-making.

How do we all feel about open sandwiches? I made a really good one a while ago which was:
Brown toast
Avocado paste (blitz 1 avocado, 1 clove garlic, 1tsp coriander/ lemon thyme, 2 tbsp lemon juice)
Poached egg on top
Season with cumin, paprika, and black pepper.

Felt like it needed something extra to give it some more tangy flavour, though. Some tomatoes?

Zeb Berryman
6 years ago

“World Patriarchy Day is the day on which you should feel free to express your masculinity in the most odiously toxic manner imaginable.”

How is this different than how he usually spends his day?

sn0rkmaiden
6 years ago

@Idledillettante,

I am loving your blog series on Milo, he is one complicated little chap.

Someone should warn him those low fat imitation butter spreads are less healthy for you than real butter, and that type of bread tastes like cardboard unless you toast it, no wonder he’s so pasty looking if that’s what he’s living off. Milo is giving everything insights into his home life no one really wants to see.

But I do like his snazzy pink socks.

dhag85
6 years ago

Hahaha. Best thing I’ve seen on twitter in a while.

zyvlyn
zyvlyn
6 years ago

This actually relates nicely to a debate which halted my last DnD session.

Is a hotdog a sandwich?

I’ve consulted the greatest scientific mind of our time, but he didn’t answer (thanks for nothing, Neil deGrasse Tyson…) so maybe you guys can help.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

Forbid Your Woman(tm) from buying shoes, and then buy a truck! Because of course you, a man, control the finances. Haha, misogyny isn’t real.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

Hot dogs are totally sandwiches!

brooked
6 years ago

@sn0rkmaiden

But I do like his snazzy pink socks.

I know, right? Surprisingly adorable. Maybe he should shift from writing to a more strictly sock-related job, play to his strengths.

rusblock
rusblock
6 years ago

honestly-he can take the time to get that shit out-but not another 30 seconds to make his own gd sammich? what a tool

Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

Isn’t leaving the knife, butter, fixings etc. on the counter just the universal sign for “I might have another sandwich”?

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
6 years ago

@Bina

Pro tip for Milo Yeah-NOPE-oulos: World Patriarchy Day is EVERY day.

That’s what I was thinking when I read the name of the hashtag. I was like, is this one of those pretentious ‘ironic’ holidays? What are people supposed to be doing ironically on this day anyway?

Will men be ironically eating sandwiches their wife or some other appointed woman made them ironically? Will women, in turn, be expected to eat at most a salad, or preferably nothing ironically? Are men going to insult, undermine and sexually harass women ironically? Are workplaces going to pay women less than men and extend promotions to men more than women ironically? Are male politicians going to make laws regulating women’s bodies ironically? Are women expected to smile and take all this because it’s all oh so fucking ironic?

You know, all the things that are happening right now? Except it’s okay, because today, we’re going to be doing all that ironically! Yay! Sexism is over!

Gods, I hate the ‘satire’ and ‘ironic’ excuse. As if saying “I don’t actually mean all this even though I do but I’m still saying I don’t because I don’t want to get into trouble” was a valid excuse to say and do shitty things anywhere, at any time.

So… um. Rant over.

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