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#gamergate block that metaphor jordan owen sarkeesian! whaaaaa?

The Reviews are in! The Sarkeesian Effect is a hit with one incomprehensibly pedantic critic!

If you like the Higgs bosun, you're going to LOVE The Sarkeesian Effect!
If you like the Higgs boson, you’re going to LOVE The Sarkeesian Effect!

The reviews are in!

Well, at least one review is in.

In a 5000 word review essay that is perhaps too charitably described as “rambling,” military obsessed blogger Freiherr Karza von Karnstein explains why he loves The Sarkeesian Effect so much.

While his, er, argument is too convoluted for me to summarize in a brief blog post, I have taken the liberty of extracting some sentences from it that I think would work well as blurbs to use on The Sarkeesian Effect’s DVD cover and in other publicity efforts.

I have also taken the liberty of adding exclamation points to all of the possible blurbs below to give them a little extra zing!

Specifically and concisely, I do not see government participation in business and tariffs/sales taxes as irrevocably evil, but rather as tools that can be useful, and I do not share Rand’s disdain for sacrifice, a behaviour common to many aviation and racing pioneers and a behaviour common to winners of the Knight’s Cross, the Grand Cross of Valour, the Victoria Cross and the Medal of Honour!

Yes, that is an actual sentence from the “review.”

On another note, I disagree with Mr. Owen on the biological necessity of “manspreading!” He has argued that “manspreading” is necessitated by the fact of male anatomy! Males have dominated the ranks of airborne troops the world over since the 1930’s! Paratroopers are trained to keep their feet, calves and knees together when they are about to make contact with terra firma, since “manspreading” one’s lower limbs will lead to fracture of at least one lower limb on impact, a situation which tends to be prejudicial to the proper functioning of a paratrooper! Not all males need to manspread! Only airborne-unqualified/airborne-incapable males need to manspread!

That one might be a teensy bit long for a blurb, sorry!

Specifically, while most Englishmen, it seems, have surrendered their right to fly the Union Flag without a fight, this is definitely not true of the Loyal Protestants of Glasgow and the rest of Lowlands of Scotland (the sheep-molesting animists once referred to as “Highlanders” but properly referred to in 2015 as Teuchters are another story altogether) and of Ulster, all of who are consistently putting up a hell of a fight to maintain the Union and the Union Flag!

Ok, while that is an actual sentence from the review, it doesn’t seem to have much to do with the movie, or Jordan Owen, or anything even vaguely related to either. I’ll try to do better with the next blurb.

In this regard, The Sarkeesian Effect is essentially a 2015 cinematic version of Derry, Aughrim, Enniskillen and the Boyne, of the First Day of the Somme!

I don’t know what on earth that means, but it does at least mention the name of the film, which is good, right?

Mr. Owen was right to do onto the manosphere element of the production what King Hussein did to the PLO in 1970’s Black September!

Hmm. That might be a little confusing. Maybe we could shorten it to just:

Mr. Owen was right … !

Let’s try another:

Twenty years ago, I remember Neal Knox trying to instigate a coup against NRA leader Wayne LaPierre, a coup that was halted when Soldier of Fortune editor/publisher Colonel Robert K. Brown, an NRA board member, publicly declared his support for LaPierre and condemned Knox!

Sorry! That one, which is also from the review, doesn’t seem to have any obvious connection to the film, so let’s forget it.

The Manky Bheasts are people who, in the time of Jane Austen’s novels, were quite likely to be hanged for stealing chickens or shoes, who, in Downton Abbey, would be footmen and stable boys like Barrow who knew their place and knew to only be heard saying “Yes, milord, no, milord!”

Crap. That one might not work either. Not even the exclamation point I’ve added can save it.

In objective reality, Canada is one of the lesser of Her Majesty’s Dominions, less important that Belize, the Falklands and Fiji!

Well, that might not work as a blurb for The Sarkeesian Effect. But it could be put to good work by the publicity departments for Belize, the Falklands or Fiji!

Let me try one more:

Long story short, when the Manky Bheasts and other feminists/SJW’s launch their video Alpha Strikes against Mr. Owen and The Sarkeesian Effect, know that they are coming at this with an agenda and a sierra-load of biases, unlike those who confirmed the existence of the Higgs-Boson particle!

I think we’ve got it!

There’s your blurb, Jordan!

You’re welcome!

 

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ColeYote
ColeYote
6 years ago

Man, it has been a while since I’ve seen someone need so many words to say absolutely nothing.

Also, Canada kicks Belize’s, Fiji’s and the Falkland’s asses before breakfast.

Unless we’re talking rugby or surfing. Fiji’s got us beat on those.

redsilkphoenix
6 years ago

‘Allo, short time (~a couple of months) lurker here, and I decloak to ask this:

What the heck is ‘manspreading’? The word puts an image in my mind of a guy being spread on a piece of bread like mayo, or like cheese on a cracker. I’ve not stumbled across this word before, so if someone could enlighten me? Please?

(Though I’m sure I have heard of it before, more than likely. Just under a different name.)

delphi_ote
delphi_ote
6 years ago

This is some kind of prank, right? Nobody really wrote all that intending for people to take it seriously. Right?!

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

I… I read it. I read it all. Every last word washed over me as the twilight waves envelop the sands, leaving them damp and cold in the absence of the sun’s rejuvinating rays. They have taken a part of me I fear I shall never reclaim; and now I dwell in halls of Tartarus. Death and Life are naught but words, and the concepts they embody mingle together in a timeless dance. The dusty bones of the ancients whisper secrets into the fetid air, their aimless stories of forgotten wars pressing down upon me that I may lie down and join their sleep.

Draw back, friends, draw back and seek the dawn’s embrace, lest thy soul be claimed as well. Leave these words to rest, and let the past fade into the mists of time. Leave, before it is too late for thee as well.

Tessa
Tessa
6 years ago

Kirbywarp:

I… I read it. I read it all.

Wow, really? I couldn’t read past the second paragraph David pasted. Congrats!

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

Thanks, Tessa. Honestly, it was kind of hilarious. Like if the old rooster from Chicken Run was brought to life and made terrible. I kept expecting him to start talking about Prussia, so it was kind of jarring when he talked about something that happened after 1980.

Don’t play a drinking game where you take a sip every time he brings up something related to the airforce… you won’t make it.

But, as hilarious as parts of it were, the sheer length and tedium made it very difficult to finish. Like trying to watch the recent Republican debate (3 hours, not including the 2 hour JV debate). I don’t know how David was able to pay close enough attention to excerpt out some good bits.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

Crap. I’m not airborne-trained. Does that mean that I have to manspread? I normally sit with my bag on my lap, a posture made difficult when manspreading; but if that’s what biology requires…

Kootiepatra
6 years ago

@redsilkphoenix:

‘Allo, short time (~a couple of months) lurker here, and I decloak to ask this:

What the heck is ‘manspreading’? The word puts an image in my mind of a guy being spread on a piece of bread like mayo, or like cheese on a cracker. I’ve not stumbled across this word before, so if someone could enlighten me? Please?

(Though I’m sure I have heard of it before, more than likely. Just under a different name.)

Hi, and welcome!

“Manspreading” refers to when dudes sit in a way to unnecessarily take up a lot of space—knees and legs and/or arms splayed—usually on public transit, and often encroaching into the personal space of women. Some feminists have pointed out how it displays a sense of entitlement, and contrast it with the expectation for women to sit “lady like” by minimizing their space, with knees together, hands in lap, etc.

See the Tumblr: http://mentakingup2muchspaceonthetrain.tumblr.com/

MRA’s like to complain about this, since men have balls and therefore OF COURSE have to take up more than one seat on the train, even if the train is super crowded. It’s not rude. It’s biology. Apparently.

Kootiepatra
6 years ago

*I should clarify: “Manspreading” always refers to a public seating arrangement, not to, say, sprawling on the couch at home.

Wetherby
Wetherby
6 years ago

MRA’s like to complain about this, since men have balls and therefore OF COURSE have to take up more than one seat on the train, even if the train is super crowded. It’s not rude. It’s biology. Apparently.

I have never once felt the urge to spread my legs in a crowded train carriage. In fact, I’d have to consciously do it as it’s such an unnatural position for me. And I’ve just experimentally squeezed my legs as tightly together as I could with precisely no impact on the family jewels.

Remember that guy who argued that men couldn’t sit down to use the toilet because their massive gonads might get wet? Unless they’re using one that’s full to the point of overflowing, the risk of this happening is precisely zero.

Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

@ Lux

I hope you find this amusing.

Some years ago I was instructed to do a Court Martial. The MOD agreed to put me up in a hotel (don’t like staying in the Mess). They also agreed to pay for “breakfast and dinner including one bottle of cheap (preferably house) wine”

I did the trial and submitted my expenses claim.

They came back with a query. “For the first three nights your wine bill was £12, then for the rest of your stay it was £15. Please explain.”

And so I did. I pointed out that I had indeed ordered the house wine. It came in a carafe. It was so nice I eventually asked for details. They brought me the original bottle.

It was a lovely Argentine wine as demonstrated by the rear label which featured a map of Argentina including Islas Malvinas” 🙂

I pointed out that I was surrounded by members of the Parachute Regiment, and if they saw me drinking that I’d be down the hospital having the carafe removed. So I switched to the slightly dearer but politically acceptable Chilean wine.

The MOD found that explanation perfectly reasonable and paid up.

Newt
Newt
6 years ago

I have never once felt the urge to spread my legs in a crowded train carriage.
In fact, I’d have to consciously do it as it’s such an unnatural position for me

I sometimes notice that I’ve slumped into a posture a bit like that, but I’ll reposition myself rather than deny somebody else a seat. As far as I can tell, it’s reactions such as Jordan Owen’s — wearily informing all the non-peen-owners how much space a peen deserves — that are why the hashtag keeps going.

There could be a useful discussion about whether public transport seats are too small for a lot of people, but the MRAs only want to talk about their junk, and how the world isn’t catering for it enough any more.

Alpine, RN
Alpine, RN
6 years ago

…that review is a golden example of the abyss gazing back

scalyllama
6 years ago

Did one of you feed the movie line by line to Cleverbot and transcribe the results?

Jo
Jo
6 years ago

As someone who lived several decades in the Scottish lowlands, I have no idea why he believes Union Jacks are commonly flown by protestants there. A minor quibble in a sea of nonsense, I know.

sn0rkmaiden
6 years ago

I just watched the first part of a pretty good parody of The Sarkeesian Effect on YouTube:

Trigger warnings for a load of foul language and some violent game footage, but overall this is a far less painful viewing experience than watching the actual movie. Apparently Jordan Owen has been attempting to censor this guy, insecure much?

kylagb
6 years ago

http://ottawacitizen.com/news/local-news/suspect-has-a-history-of-police-involvement-alleged-domestic-violence

Off topic a bit, but there was just a shooting of three women in Ottawa in the province where I live.

kylagb
6 years ago

I guess time will tell if this mass shooter was fuelled by things he viewed in the MRA movement or not.

Orion
Orion
6 years ago

Goddamn it.

Luzbelitx
6 years ago

@Alan

Hahahhahaahhaaha that made me lugh out loud!! I’m so glad they accepted the reason ????

We do have very good wines (as Chile does, of course), this is one of my favourites, apart from one made by my somewhat distant family:

http://www.tucumanalas7.com.ar/uploads/editorial/2011/03/03/imagenes/25101_justicialista_vino.jpg

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

Alpine, RN wins the thread.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

@kylagb:

Oh no. And today was a good day, too.

Occam's Nightmare
6 years ago

I googled “manky bheasts” and the only results it gave me were this review, and this WHTM entry.

Occam's Nightmare
6 years ago

It also suggested that I meant to type “monkey beats.”

chronically lurki
chronically lurki
6 years ago

@NickNameNick Like my acquaintance who went to a two year college for something that was not economics (nothing wrong with that but read on) and now constantly posts articles and comments about how “Bernie Sanders needs to read just ONE economics book so he knows socialism doesn’t work”

Too bad if he had read just one book about what socialism actually is – rather than just hearing “it doesn’t work” – he’d actually be calling out Bernie for not being a real socialist.

He was also a Paulbot in HS and, despite calling himself and the candidates he supports libertarians, rabidly supports Rand Paul. (Not that Ron was truly a libertarian in some respects but Rand is a lot farther away from that.)

It’d be funny how much of an economic genius he clearly thinks he is, but it is just kind of sad that he’s now an adult and still chasing talking points.

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