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#gamergate block that metaphor jordan owen sarkeesian! whaaaaa?

The Reviews are in! The Sarkeesian Effect is a hit with one incomprehensibly pedantic critic!

If you like the Higgs bosun, you're going to LOVE The Sarkeesian Effect!
If you like the Higgs boson, you’re going to LOVE The Sarkeesian Effect!

The reviews are in!

Well, at least one review is in.

In a 5000 word review essay that is perhaps too charitably described as “rambling,” military obsessed blogger Freiherr Karza von Karnstein explains why he loves The Sarkeesian Effect so much.

While his, er, argument is too convoluted for me to summarize in a brief blog post, I have taken the liberty of extracting some sentences from it that I think would work well as blurbs to use on The Sarkeesian Effect’s DVD cover and in other publicity efforts.

I have also taken the liberty of adding exclamation points to all of the possible blurbs below to give them a little extra zing!

Specifically and concisely, I do not see government participation in business and tariffs/sales taxes as irrevocably evil, but rather as tools that can be useful, and I do not share Rand’s disdain for sacrifice, a behaviour common to many aviation and racing pioneers and a behaviour common to winners of the Knight’s Cross, the Grand Cross of Valour, the Victoria Cross and the Medal of Honour!

Yes, that is an actual sentence from the “review.”

On another note, I disagree with Mr. Owen on the biological necessity of “manspreading!” He has argued that “manspreading” is necessitated by the fact of male anatomy! Males have dominated the ranks of airborne troops the world over since the 1930’s! Paratroopers are trained to keep their feet, calves and knees together when they are about to make contact with terra firma, since “manspreading” one’s lower limbs will lead to fracture of at least one lower limb on impact, a situation which tends to be prejudicial to the proper functioning of a paratrooper! Not all males need to manspread! Only airborne-unqualified/airborne-incapable males need to manspread!

That one might be a teensy bit long for a blurb, sorry!

Specifically, while most Englishmen, it seems, have surrendered their right to fly the Union Flag without a fight, this is definitely not true of the Loyal Protestants of Glasgow and the rest of Lowlands of Scotland (the sheep-molesting animists once referred to as “Highlanders” but properly referred to in 2015 as Teuchters are another story altogether) and of Ulster, all of who are consistently putting up a hell of a fight to maintain the Union and the Union Flag!

Ok, while that is an actual sentence from the review, it doesn’t seem to have much to do with the movie, or Jordan Owen, or anything even vaguely related to either. I’ll try to do better with the next blurb.

In this regard, The Sarkeesian Effect is essentially a 2015 cinematic version of Derry, Aughrim, Enniskillen and the Boyne, of the First Day of the Somme!

I don’t know what on earth that means, but it does at least mention the name of the film, which is good, right?

Mr. Owen was right to do onto the manosphere element of the production what King Hussein did to the PLO in 1970’s Black September!

Hmm. That might be a little confusing. Maybe we could shorten it to just:

Mr. Owen was right … !

Let’s try another:

Twenty years ago, I remember Neal Knox trying to instigate a coup against NRA leader Wayne LaPierre, a coup that was halted when Soldier of Fortune editor/publisher Colonel Robert K. Brown, an NRA board member, publicly declared his support for LaPierre and condemned Knox!

Sorry! That one, which is also from the review, doesn’t seem to have any obvious connection to the film, so let’s forget it.

The Manky Bheasts are people who, in the time of Jane Austen’s novels, were quite likely to be hanged for stealing chickens or shoes, who, in Downton Abbey, would be footmen and stable boys like Barrow who knew their place and knew to only be heard saying “Yes, milord, no, milord!”

Crap. That one might not work either. Not even the exclamation point I’ve added can save it.

In objective reality, Canada is one of the lesser of Her Majesty’s Dominions, less important that Belize, the Falklands and Fiji!

Well, that might not work as a blurb for The Sarkeesian Effect. But it could be put to good work by the publicity departments for Belize, the Falklands or Fiji!

Let me try one more:

Long story short, when the Manky Bheasts and other feminists/SJW’s launch their video Alpha Strikes against Mr. Owen and The Sarkeesian Effect, know that they are coming at this with an agenda and a sierra-load of biases, unlike those who confirmed the existence of the Higgs-Boson particle!

I think we’ve got it!

There’s your blurb, Jordan!

You’re welcome!

 

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GiJoel
GiJoel
6 years ago

Feminist Alpha Strike is my next direct to VHS movie. Casting calls will be coming out soon.

Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
6 years ago

Wow, all that digressive rambling was a looooooooong way to go in order to make “#notallmen are manspreaders” seem on-topic.

ihavenevertriedpancackes
ihavenevertriedpancackes
6 years ago

@David Futrelle: “libertarian blogger Freiherr Karza von Karnstein”
That is not true. He explicitly stated in the linked blogpost, that he is not a libertarian: “As for libertarianism, my appreciation of and support for it ends where it borders and/or clashes with realpolitik”. Judging by the political opinions expressed in the review he is some kind of conservative liberal (they are common in europe).

Hank_Says
6 years ago

Zounds. Such overloaded loquacious pomposity and pretentious irrelevant gabble! It’s the perfect literary companion to a half-arsed lack-witted hit-piece made by one and a half unskilled keyboard labourers.

NickNameNick
NickNameNick
6 years ago

Jesus, and I thought Armond White’s movie reviews were utterly incomprehensible and digressive…

davidknewton
6 years ago

It’s amazing how they all talk like that and think that it’s somehow intelligent – I found this this morning and it’s the most enormous rant about nothing that I’ve ever heard. Perhaps the red string and Post-Its from the Sarkeesian Effect titles can be put to good use illustrating this essay.

Not to worry – here’s a review from someone who was REALLY impressed with it! Yes, really:

http://i.imgur.com/fJr13uP.png

(It went on for several more years)

rick
rick
6 years ago

Its a good thing he clarified his position on manspreading. I wouldn’t have been able to contextualize his position on the film without that being clear.

Luzbelitx
6 years ago

In objective reality, Canada is one of the lesser of Her Majesty’s Dominions, less important that Belize, the Falklands and Fiji

Woooowoooowoooo excuse me, you mean Islas Malvinas.

Also, Canada kicks Belize’s, Fiji’s and the Falkland’s asses before breakfast.

Except Malvinas are not in line to be kicked, capisce? 😛

Now, seriously, of course I can’t side with anyone but Argentina on this conflict.

I don’t know if it will be a popular stand here but I’ll be delighted to exchange light-hearted jokes, anecdotes and such.

And we already have an Islas Malvinas banknote! What’s there to argue against that!!!

http://laestrella.com.pa/media/news/image/4255_750x480_crop_533cc1de7f65f.jpg

tooimpurenangel
6 years ago

I don’t even, what?

Lady Mondegreen
6 years ago

” Specifically, while most Englishmen, it seems, have surrendered their right to fly the Union Flag without a fight, this is definitely not true of the Loyal Protestants of Glasgow and the rest of Lowlands of Scotland (the sheep-molesting animists once referred to as “Highlanders” but properly referred to in 2015 as Teuchters are another story altogether) and of Ulster, all of who are consistently putting up a hell of a fight to maintain the Union and the Union Flag!”

Is he talking about kilts? He’s talking about wearing kilts, isn’t he.

https://youtu.be/4yw0bLHTOb0

NickNameNick
NickNameNick
6 years ago

It’s amazing how they all talk like that and think that it’s somehow intelligent

It’s often to cover up that, regardless of how silver-tongued they are, they are not really intelligent at all. They are able to put up the pretense of intellect and often fool those who do not know better into deferring to their judgement, which is validation they psychologically crave, but eventually reveal their true colors when dealing with someone less receptive to their manipulation.

I have way too many former Facebook friends who all acted like self-taught experts who, in reality, gleamed information and talking points from others and were at least capable enough to express such in a clever fashion. Hell, just look at any troll who comes through here – each and every one of them act as if they’re more aware or smarter than everyone else…except each one sounds just like the last one, simply more disingenuous than before.

Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
6 years ago

That review’s hilarious, davidknewton!

“Okay, so the audio and video quality is rubbish, the editing and captioning look amateurish, you’ve interposed yourself unnecessarily into all the interviews and your attempts to remove yourself were unsuccessful, your own monologues are pretentious and so are the visuals that accompany them, and none of this is going to convince anyone who doesn’t already more-or-less agree with you, but the overall result was really impressive! Take that, Aurini!”

Robert
Robert
6 years ago

As a descendant of truculent and pugnacious Lowlanders, I do NOT endorse this message.

Actually, the bot explanation is the most charitable one I can think of; the idea of an actual human deliberately tossing this word salad makes me a sad panda.

davidknewton
6 years ago

Yes, apart from that it’s perfect 😀 I wonder if he’s just… trying to convince himself that the end product is somehow okay, trying to think of it positively even though he can’t ignore the problems…

NothingClever
NothingClever
6 years ago

Hobbes? Is that you?

gelar
gelar
6 years ago

Specifically and concisely

“Oh no,” I said.

Tessa
Tessa
6 years ago

OK wait… Did Owen talk about “manspreading” in the Sarkeesian Effect? How did that even come up?

bob
bob
6 years ago

Waiter, may I have some vinaigrette with my word salad?

Bina
6 years ago

In objective reality, Canada is one of the lesser of Her Majesty’s Dominions, less important that Belize, the Falklands and Fiji

In objective reality, this Canadian would like to kick your idiotic, sesquipedalian arse for that, because we’re the second-largest country in the world, and it’s only a matter of time before enough of us decide it’s time to kick Her Majesty (or whoever’s next) to the royal curb.

scribbles
scribbles
6 years ago

” the informality of The Sarkeesian Effect was not something I found particularly tasty.”

Some old, rambling codger describing things as “tasty” is totally not creepy at all.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
6 years ago

Zounds. Such overloaded loquacious pomposity and pretentious irrelevant gabble! It’s the perfect literary companion to a half-arsed lack-witted hit-piece made by one and a half unskilled keyboard labourers.

http://38.media.tumblr.com/485dc5661a0afea7c9eaf464b43ff901/tumblr_nr6umbn64u1rb9zhio6_400.gif

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
6 years ago

I had no idea what he is talking about except for man spreading that’s about it.

David
I found some articles and other stuff you can write about but I’m sure you already have lots to write about anyway just sharing info.

http://www.donotlink.com/framed?5362
http://www.donotlink.com/framed?5362
http://www.donotlink.com/framed?5362
http://www.donotlink.com/framed?5362
http://www.donotlink.com/framed?5362

Trigger warning has a black boy being or getting ready for circumsion in the far bottom left corner of the meme you see it immediately.
http://www.donotlink.com/framed?5362

I tried to place the red pill, mgtow and avfm Facebook photos in the donotlink but it didn’t work.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
6 years ago

Ah sorry I think all the links are the same page.

Bananananana dakry
Bananananana dakry
6 years ago

@NickNameNick

Using words without knowing what they really mean or how/ when to use them just makes ’em sound like the pompous nitwits they are. And yes, to cover up the fact they think women are icky and that they themselves should be allowed to do anything (and anyone) they damn well like in a nice thick layer of word salad dressing. Sadly, they aren’t bright enough to realize this and there’s a really dreary sameness to their pomposity.

Or, more concisely, “Son, you can gild a turd and cover it with gems, but it’s still a turd, and it’s still gonna stink like one.”

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