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I Don’t Care if You Donated $10,000. F**k You: Jordan Owen graciously replies to critics of The Sarkeesian Effect trailer

Jordan Owen, interviewing his shoe
Jordan Owen, interviewing his shoe

Alleged filmmaker/bipedal mammal Jordan Owen has a few choice words for critics of the new trailer for The Sarkeesian Effect, the allegedly finished documentary he and white nationalist (on paper) Davis Aurini have been spending other people’s money on for the past who the hell knows how many months.

Wait, did I say “a few choice words?” I meant this gif:

 

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Stung by criticism of the trailer’s jarringly inept musical score, which he “composed” and “performed,” Owen posted a thoughtful response on TwitLonger today.

Fuck you.

Yes, you read that right. Fuck you.

The trailer has been getting a lot of great response and we really, really appreciate that- but if you have a problem with any aspect of the production, fuck you.

I don’t care if you donated $10,000.

I don’t care if you donated $10,000,000.

I don’t care if you donated BONE MARROW.

Fuck you.

As Owen sees it, the music is utterly perfect as is. It’s not the result of dropping a couple of kittens on some old Casio keyboards. It sounds the way it does ON PURPOSE.

Because I write that music and I’m proud of it. It sounds EXACTLY like what I want to get accross, which is why I wrote it that way.

As for one critic who suggested that maybe Owen should just grab some reasonably competent royalty free music off the internet and use that instead, because, holy crap, even that would be better than what’s on there now, Owen respectfully disagrees with this assessment.

Well listen Bobby, I know you think your heart’s in the right place, but the human heart is located in the chest cavity to the left of the esophagus. Not up your ass.

You send me a link to a bunch of shitty 2 chord guitar vamps and dubstep loops and think I’m going to write back and say “Gee willakers Bobby! That’s some great stuff right there! I sure am glad I listened to your opinion instead of thinking I knew what in the fuck I was doing!”

The music I wrote for The Sarkeesian Effect sounds fucking amazing- you know how I know? Because I like the way it sounds.

Sure, Owen admits, to undiscerning ears the music might sound a tad dated, but guess what: he meant to do that.

I keep getting these people writing in and telling me “This looks great, but the music sounds like it was done on a Casio keyboard from the 80’s.” Well there’s two reasons for that:

1. We’re doing a movie about video games, broadly speaking. Didn’t you ever stop to think that maybe it was supposed to sound like that?

2. I sent Davis a remixed, remastered version of the music with more realistic string sounds, realistic bass guitar sounds, and realistic drum sounds. He wouldn’t put it in. I have no idea why. Ask him.

Yes, that’s right: the music sounds perfect as it is, but it is Davis Aurini’s fault that it sounds like ancient Casio crap because he used the ancient Casio crap version.

And for those who have wondered out loud how someone who was actually trained at the Berklee College of Music could possibly produce something like that, Owen has a response to this as well:

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT IN YOUR HEAD WHAT KIND OF MUSIC A BERKLEE GRAD OUGHT TO WRITE DOESN’T MEAN WE FEEL IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM OBLIGATED TO ACCOMMODATE YOU!

And I wrote that preceding paragraph in all caps because I was trying to create the effect of screaming at the top of my fucking lungs. Are you really so goddamn arrogant that you think in your infinitely pedestrian opinion that you know what sort of music Berklee grads ought to be writing?

To be fair, I’m pretty sure that there are a lot of other Berklee grads out there making truly horrible music.

Owens’ little essays ends much as it began, with a giant “fuck you.”

So rest assured the music is going to be written by me and its going to sound exactly like it should sound. Tough shit if you don’t like that- no please go take your good intentions and pave somebody else’s road to hell.

Meanwhile, on YouTube, Owen has been similarly responsive to his critics. And by his critics, I mean Davis Aurini, his erstwhile film buddy:

sandflapjack 1 day ago  Oh my god the editing is just fucking atrocious. Feministfrequency has better transitions. Like really? Was that a fucking windows moviemaker pixel transition? for fucks sake.  Reply  · 2  Hide replies    Davis M.J. Aurini 1 day ago  +sandflapjack Jordan, you really gotta ban these shit-birds from your channel.  They're too cowardly to post on mine; they pick on you because you're a nice guy.  This idiot wouldn't know editing if it bit him in the ass.  Reply  ·    jordanowen42 20 hours ago  +Davis M.J. Aurini We open in six weeks- stop telling me how to run my channel and get back to work.

My only question is what exactly they will be opening in six weeks. Birthday presents? An Arbee’s franchise? Their mouths?

Whatever it is, I’m looking forward to it.

H/T — r/GamerGhazi

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Paradoxical Intention
6 years ago

robteix | June 1, 2015 at 9:11 pm
Oh these two… I’ll miss them and their soap opera after their “film” “opens”.

And to think people actually gave them movie to do this. Oh the comedy!

And after their “movie” opens, they’ll fade back into obscurity where they belong and what little chunk of the world cares about them will slowly stop giving a shit.

yazikus
yazikus
6 years ago

Alleged filmmaker/bipedal mammal Jordan Owen

As another bipedal mammal can I say that I am offended by Owen?
Sincerely,
yazikus- internet commenter and blue cheese enthusiast

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Because I write that music and I’m proud of it. It sounds EXACTLY like what I want to get accross, which is why I wrote it that way.

You actually wanted to come across as an incompetent amateur? Okay. Mission accomplished Jordan. Gold star!
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mei017xLGW1rmwepjo1_400.png

Xanith
Xanith
6 years ago

I’m glad he had enough time in the middle of telling his supporters to f off to play the pass the blame around game.

Kestrel
Kestrel
6 years ago

@Rick – Do you have a link to the Cracked article you mentioned? I would LOVE to read the comments.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
6 years ago

@Kestrel

Here it is.

Shalimar
Shalimar
6 years ago

How can a musician fuck up the sound on simple youtube videos every single fucking time? Seriously, how can that possibly happen? Wouldn’t that be the one part of each one that he actually double checks before posting?

Khane's Mom
6 years ago

How the hell do I block quote?!? I’m gonna have to find that one of these days. THIS:

“JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT IN YOUR HEAD WHAT KIND OF MUSIC A BERKLEE GRAD OUGHT TO WRITE DOESN’T MEAN WE FEEL IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM OBLIGATED TO ACCOMMODATE YOU!”

Lucky for me I did not have a mouthful of liquid while reading that because I’d need a new keyboard. Seriously? Replace a couple words and isn’t that what we are saying to them constantly?!?!

Women are similarly under no obligation to accommodate any of you alphabet soup menz thingymachigs. Please keep that in mind in the future, MTRAROAKs’ses whatevers.

Love (not really),
Maia (Khane’s mom)
Haver of stuff and ideas and things. Almost a whole degree!! 🙂

GiJoel
GiJoel
6 years ago

To be fair the soundtrack sounds like it came from a no-budget 80s porno.

yazikus
yazikus
6 years ago

Khane’s Mom,
to blockquote: do a Words Here
With no spaces. Like magic!

yazikus
yazikus
6 years ago

SNAP- it did it anyways! use the on either side of the world ‘blockquote’ with the closing one with a / in front. . Surely someone can do this better than me.

PussyPowerTantrum, the Lousy Flouncer
PussyPowerTantrum, the Lousy Flouncer
6 years ago

<blockquote>Quoted text here</blockquote>

Or I could have just linked, but I wanted to show off my geekassery in using escape characters. 😉

Also, don’t try to use the “cite” attribute of the tag as shown in the W3C page. I’ve tried and it’s not recognized.

Hoosier X
6 years ago

What their trailer needs is a generous smattering of diskless Queequegs.

ryohji
ryohji
6 years ago

There will be never enough popcorn on earth to eat during the internet kerfuffle that will follow Captain bath tube’s rant. And those nincompoops say that women are too emotional.

Bina
6 years ago

So, basically, the whole premise of this, er, PROJECT was “Fuck you, just send us money and don’t you dare criticize our sexist videogames…OR our sexist and poorly made defence thereof”?

Mission accomplished! (Except the criticism is still gonna happen, and the flaky fallout from their two chapped asses is gonna be frickin’ hee-larious.)

http://replygif.net/thumbnail/1112.gif

DominT (@DominTil)
6 years ago

Just a reminder. How this all started: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROHvvtUcp8I

“We are going to create a high level product that will go down in the annals of history as a high quality documentary that, with any luck, changes the world.”

Film Runner
Film Runner
6 years ago

Alleged filmmaker/bipedal mammal Jordan Owen

As another bipedal mammal can I say that I am offended by Owen?
Sincerely,
yazikus- internet commenter and blue cheese enthusiast

Don’t worry, he’s only an alleged bipedal mammal.

Penny Psmith
Penny Psmith
6 years ago

#NotAllBipedalMammals

Film Runner
Film Runner
6 years ago

Actually it’s about ethics in taxonomy.

Shadow_Bee
Shadow_Bee
6 years ago

“A critic that can’t be criticized” indeed. He actually studied music? At a university level? How did he graduate with such a thin skin? And I actually felt kind of bad criticizing the music. I was holding back because I thought he was an amateur.

bvh
bvh
6 years ago

And this, ladies and gentlemen and neither and both, is why so many MRAs (and their penumbra) can’t do art or even decent craft for shit. You need to listen to feedback and be willing to improve, something that does not happen if your knee-jerk response is HOW DARE U ATTACK ME.

Ironically this is how we got here: GGers/MRAs etc unwilling or incapable of hearing Sarkiesian’s critiques as anything other that attacks on their personal being. Owen and Bargain Basement Lavey Fedora Guy are demonstrating this is a genuine cognitive defect held by a subculture. Or it’s the other way around: anyone who is so socially limited as to think the MRA subculture is a viable, healthy and balanced option has this cognitive defect. The effect is the same: rigid thinking, underdeveloped coping and problem solving skills and a search for simple answers out of frustration. And explosive rage at the slightest criticism.

Tl;dr…. just reach for the popcorn and enjoy the show.

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

White Skull and Bath Master

You gave the world a thing of beauty with those words. I will never achieve as much in my lifetime as you did with those five words.

Moggie
Moggie
6 years ago

Wow. Agreed, it’s not surprising that bath user and belt owner Jordan Owen feels this way, given that the whole project is a massive tantrum against criticism, but I thought that even he would have the sense to see that this behaviour is counter-productive. Someone ought to send him a soothing Lush bath bomb to help him relax.

tinyorc
6 years ago

Jordan Owen: “Anita Sarkeesian refuses to accept criticism of her work!”

Jordan Owen: *throws literal tantrum because people suggested his music is less than perfect*

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