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no trolls allowed off topic open thread

Open thread for personal stuff, March 2015 totally real elephants edition

Totally real elephants.
Seems legit.

This month’s open thread for personal stuff is brought to you by a totally real family of elephants.

As usual for these threads: no trolls, no MRAs, no I’m-not-really-an-MRA-buts, no being jerky.

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LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Ugh, I need to do my taxes. Perferably before I move, but I need to be on IM with a friend who helps me, and without internet… gah.

I’ll get it done somehow, somewhen.

Andrew Johnston
7 years ago

@contrapangloss:

She’s not totally alone, I helped her find a lawyer and there are apparently some people from her cultural background who’ve been helping her out. When this started I did consider that she was using me, but once I calmed down and got all the facts, it seemed unlikely. She doesn’t want me disrupting my life but is open to the possibility of a relationship, so I’m trying to take a “Wait and see” approach to the situation.

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

Dhag,
I’m jealous that your kitties became friends. I’ve had Dracarys for over two years now and she and Darrow still don’t get along. I guess they never will.

Fabe
Fabe
7 years ago

This might be of interest to some. The upcoming video game ‘Overwatch’ has a combat oriented woman who doesn’t look like a super model,
http://www.themarysue.com/overwatch-zarya-yes-good/

Sure the fact she’s Russian is bit of a stereotype but this could be a good first step towards some more diversity in Woman characters.

contrapangloss
7 years ago

Sorry about whining about having received scholarship funds, because I know some of you are way worse off and for a lot of folks even having to argue with the IRS would be a huge step up…

… but it’s really, really obnoxious and kind of scary when the IRS sends you nasty notes about things you thought you did correctly, and then you find out you did do them correctly, and they send you a nice note of thanks for fixing that followed almost immediately by a “No you didn’t fix this and we’re increasing the amount we want you to pay by a bunch” notice of scariness.

Like, yeah.

I did not sign up for this when I wrote that scholarship essay. Well, I did, but I did not intend to sign up for this.

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

For some reason my phone doesn’t think ill is a word and changed it to I’ll. Wtf?

ej
ej
7 years ago

@suffrajitsu
The best dating advice I have is to join a club or two. It’s much easier to start a relationship if you have some common interests. My boyfriend and I met because we both swing dance and it’s still something we do together.

Dating is really hard. I think the biggest mistake I made in previous relationships was that I set my expectations way too high. In the thrill that comes with the start of the relationship (or even a first date), I would imagine things turning out perfectly and was (of course) always disappointed. I ended up in some not-so-good relationships because of this. I got so caught up in the happy, fuzzy feelings at the start that I didn’t realize we weren’t really a good fit.

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
7 years ago

WWTH: I’m really sorry to hear about your dad’s fiancee 🙁 I hope your family is doing okay.

Andrew Johnston
7 years ago

@suffrajitsu:

Writing career? Welcome to an exciting world of rejection. Don’t put yourself out too far – you want to move slow and build a portfolio while continuing to live your life.

ej’s advice on dating is pretty good. College is a good time to date, as you have lots of opportunities to meet people and a breakup isn’t as awkward as it can be in high school or later in life. Just try to keep it light – coming out of high school I still had this expectation that every relationship was going to be perfect, and things improved dramatically once I concluded that I could go on a friendly date with a woman with no expectations.

Ellesar
7 years ago

I would like to ask a question – long or short answers – anything is useful.

Could it be said that (broadly speaking) boys are socialised to not be afraid, and girls are socialised to be afraid?

I am not talking about outcome, as obviously there are many afraid men and unafraid women, but as a sexist parenting practice – eg around ‘stranger danger’, taking physical risks, boys being less supervised and from a younger age etc etc.

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
7 years ago

@ej and Andrew Johnston: thanks to you both, I really appreciate your advice <3 Heh, I know about the writing thing. That was the reason I was in a major I didn't really like instead of in English–everyone told me, ya know, "you won't get a job". I have a lot of time before I'm even going to be anywhere close to ready to publish a novel, but I want to start taking writing classes and actually being serious about taking the time to write actual words.

@Ellesar: I grew up in a very safe suburban neighborhood and my mom wouldn't let me walk home from school alone. She was fine with my brother doing it. I know another girl whose parents wouldn't let her walk herself to the communal laundromat in their apartment complex. Her brother was allowed to go out driving at night himself. Part of it is cultural (both our families were Asian immigrants–in my mom's home country, girls weren't really allowed to walk out alone) and admittedly, part of it does reflect the real heightened danger of sexual assault women will have to grow up to face, but I think I've seen studies suggesting that parents will subconsciously persist in encouraging boys to take on challenges more than girls.

Ellesar
7 years ago

suffrajitsu – thank you for your answer. Yes, I believe that the fact that about 3X as many boys as girls will die in accidents is directly related to this type of parenting – subconscious or not.

Steve Athens
Steve Athens
7 years ago

Hi all. Longtime reader, first time poster. (David if a post like this is against any rules, I apologize and understand, and I will never make a post like this again.)

Since this is an open thread for stuffs, I wanted to ask for help on behalf of my friend Leah–or, as we know her in the Fighting Game Communty: @gllty. She’s a longtime gamer, very famous within the FGC for being one of the few women to make it to top level competition. She has been staunchly anti-GamerGate and (as one can expect) has received signifcant harassment because of it. She has also been harassed because she is transgender.

She wants to continue her transition, but is having trouble getting the funds. If you can please find it in your hearts to donate, please do so at http;//gofundme.com/Hypermagic. If not, thank you anyway.

Thanks for being such a great group. And thank you David, for all that you do!

ParadoxicalIntention
7 years ago

Can everyone else post? WordPress is being weird for me and won’t let me do anything. ; n ;

Tracy
7 years ago

@WWTH really sorry to hear that. My mum is preparing for her husband’s death (well, they both are). He developed leukemia from his chemo treatments 2 years ago for lymphoma, and there’s no cure, as treating it is more difficult when it was brought on by chemo and he’s past the age where they’ll do stem cells as it’s really, really harsh. Treatment to extend his life is basically wait and see – we may have 2 more years with him so that’s a positive thing. It’s slightly easier, I think, when you’ve got some notice and I’m sorry your dad didn’t have that.

So my now oldest cat has cancer, and it affects his breathing. We thought he had asthma, but turns out there’s a tumour partially blocking his airway, and more nodules in his lungs. The sad bit is he can’t purr for too long or he starts to choke, so we can’t pet him much. We’re giving him steroids to help keep inflammation down, but it’s palliative and soon we’ll have to make a hard decision. Of course, he refuses pill pockets – those soft treats you can hide a pill in – because he had one, discovered the pill, and now thinks the treats are evil. So we have to grind them up, and I swear they’re made of lead. Never seen a pill so hard to grind up, we had to put quarters in the bottom of the grinder to add more traction.

On a lighter note, I got my mum into watching QI on YouTube and it’s been making her very happy 🙂 And we hooked her and stepdad up with Netflix so he can binge-watch Mad Men on his shiny new iPad, even if he goes to hospital. My 15-yr-old niece is dating a REALLY great boy – I mean, really really great. And the sun was finally out today!

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
7 years ago

@ParadoxicalIntention: occasionally I’m not able to post, not really sure why.

PussyPowerTantrum
PussyPowerTantrum
7 years ago

I did a writeup about my comments-section kerfuffle with MRA Alison Tieman: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/60555.html I need a shower after reading through and recording all that.

mildlymagnificent
mildlymagnificent
7 years ago

wwth — So sorry for you and your family.

————————————————————
contrapangloss —

Dating is really hard. I think the biggest mistake I made in previous relationships was that I set my expectations way too high.

My waybackthen experience isn’t really equivalent, but it’s worth adding to the various experiences that you know about from friends and relatives. When mrmagnificent and I first got together, we’d been friends for nearly 10 years, had been to each other’s weddings and all that. We’d both just split from our spouses and neither of us was in a very wonderful state. Despite being madly, deliriously in love, I really honestly thought that that was really a consequence of our heightened emotional vulnerability rather than troo lurve at last.

My expectations were no expectations. I expected that we would, sorta naturally, get over all this as time passed and then move on our separate paths. And I attribute our initial “success” in forming a relationship to that ‘no expectations’ starting point. We literally lived each day, each week, at a time.

And now, two children and almost 40 years later, we’re still happy.

(Of course, we were a bit older than you at the time. I was nearing 30 and he was nearing 35, that makes a bit of difference for many people.)

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago
misseb47
misseb47
7 years ago

dhag85-Thanx for sharing those kitty photos, they are really adorable! <3

Zephyrus
Zephyrus
7 years ago

A number of months ago, I posted in another open thread about the depression/negative feelings I felt back then. I have not progressed much since then but I am rather struck by how much in flux those thoughts and feelings are: There are days when I feel pretty good and then suddenly, at the drop of a hat, I can feel very down and remain so for a few days.
Living alone and having been single for nearly two years now is taking quite a toll on me, because it mostly leaves me alone with my feelings. I have a limited social life as I have always find social interactions draining. Fun, but draining, and for some reason I always need to get myself over a hurdle if I want to call, text, message and especially meet someone. On the other hand, I do feel a desire for social interaction, making for a paradoxical situation. Talking about my personal feelings tends to come difficultly to me too.
Yesterday night I went out with two co-workers and was able to open up quite a bit (at least for my standards) and that was quite pleasant and something I feel that I had actually been longing for for quite some time. What struck me is that they told me they really admire how I always seem to be in total control of myself whatever I do and seem able to juggle quite a few balls and that they very much like having me around. That was pleasant, though certainly the former part is mostly due to me finding it very hard to let myself go. I would like to be more outgoing but it seems impossible to do and it often feels like I am confining myself to a self-forged harnass that feels (and apparently looks) very safe and strong but greatly restricts my movements. I feel it might serve me well professionally as it allows me to be a strong, calm, reasonable and helpful presence, but greatly limits me personally. It also seems difficult for most people to relate to me or engage with me in a matter that’s satisfying for me personally, because my interests are probably rather atypical and I tend to go deep with my interests, meaning that I feel that others generally only scratch the surface of those subjects that we might share interest in. Perhaps that’s not truly the case, but it is certainly how I experience it.
In the end, I feel bored because I can not really engage with anyone I know on the level that I want and find so many things shallow, predictable and tedious, I feel lonely because I feel as if I am perpetually stranded on this island and am unable to find a partner and I feel frustrated because everything I do seems to be so futile and ultimately unsatisfying which gels poorly with the high standards I set for myself, leading to me holding myself responsible for all this. Recently, I have caught myself thinking ‘I am 28 now and can statistically expect to become 80. That leaves me 52 years. What a horribly long time if this is how I have to live them. I do not want to be dead but I certainly don’t enjoy living as I do now’ I find thinking that horrible in itself, but it is how I have sometime started to feel.and it worries me.

dhag85
7 years ago

@misseb47

Thank you! 🙂

@wwth

Oh, there are still vicious fights sometimes. But at least they get along in general, and if you put one of them close to the other one, they will clean each other. The most heartmelting moment is when one of them makes the other one purr.

Also, I’m very sorry to hear about your dad’s fiancée.

GhostBird
GhostBird
7 years ago

Yay, first personal thread!

By way of more personal introduction, I’m a young woman working in the wine and spirits industry who’s gearing up to take the first sommelier exam. Which is stressful as all hell. *goes to breathe heavily into a paper bag*

On a more positive note, things are finally starting to thaw in my neck of the woods and I’m planning my garden! I also really need to prune back my basil, but it’s gotten really leggy over the winter and doesn’t have too many leaves, so I’m scared if I clip it back it’ll just die on me.

Also I really want to start crocheting a lace shawl. But that requires me to finish the möbius scarf I’ve been working on.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago
lith
lith
7 years ago

@LBT:

Yay! That all sounds really exciting.
We’re in the process of buying a house at the moment, fingers crossed that comes through!

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