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no trolls allowed off topic open thread

Open thread for personal stuff, March 2015 totally real elephants edition

Totally real elephants.
Seems legit.

This month’s open thread for personal stuff is brought to you by a totally real family of elephants.

As usual for these threads: no trolls, no MRAs, no I’m-not-really-an-MRA-buts, no being jerky.

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LBT (with open writeathon!)

We will be in and out the next month, because we’re house-sitting all month and have sporadic internet. But our lease is signed, we might have a gig with a trans youth group making a comic about Leelah Alcorn, I submitted a story to a magazine katz told me about, and I’m a flailing ball of overstimulated excitement.

HOORAY!

LBT (with open writeathon!)

WordPress really, REALLY doesn’t like me linking directly to my writeathon apparently. -_-

Anyway, a lot of good things happening here! Just signed our lease to return to New England, might be helping out a trans youth group make a comic tomorrow, and I’m just a flailing overstimulated ball of excitement right now. Kinda frustrated because our Internet is limited which kinda puts a damper on things but still! So much going on!

ginnyn56
ginnyn56
7 years ago

Ok, feel free to delete this comment if everybody consider it spam:

I opened an Etsy Store for Geeky Jewelry! Here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/CoffeeJewelry (For the moment “geek” means Mario and Kingdom Hearts. 😀 )

I’m open for requests too (As long as those are similar to something I have in the store). Just send me a question.

Ok, done.

K
K
7 years ago

After a talk with one of my academic advisers about struggling with grades and attendance, I’ve decided to take a year out of uni. I’ve cried a lot about this decision. I have depression, social anxiety and autism which can make attending very hard, and the problem as my course has gone along is that more and more emphasis is placed on turning up to every class. If I miss one class on a bad head day, the ensuing anxiety about the earful I’ll get at class the next day = another bad head day = an endless cycle of hiding under my duvet feeling like the world’s worst person. The only thing I can do now is take some time to get better. I’m not sure if I’ll go back after the year, it’s Plan X but if I stumble upon some kind of Plan Y then we’ll see…

Financially, once we have benefits sorted out, we will be better off than we were with my loan to be fair. And at least now I have more flexible options for work. I’m going to look into being a stablehand at one of my many, many local equestrian centres and riding schools. I chipped in at the stable where I rode for eight years, so even though I look a bit ‘fluffy’ for the purpose, I am plodding and tough and I know I have the stamina for the work. And I love it! My hope is to get relatively steady work doing that as I don’t need a good wage particularly, and then I can look into volunteering, vocational qualifications, or similar in the fields I am interested in (social work, advocacy, therapy, befriending etc.). I’m excited about the possibility to get back involved with horses, because I love them and I’ve achingly missed it since I had to give it up.

I’m trying to keep positive but I’m feeling super drained about it all.

Lordcrowstaff
Lordcrowstaff
7 years ago

So I work in a German company that handles export to Russia. My coworkers are all several shades of Russian immigrants, and while they all have a German passport, their heart, so to say, remains in the motherland. Where they lie on the whole Ukraine war you can probably guess, and it’s not pretty. EU is just a vassal of the USA, NATO aggression, right-wing radicals, killing of innocents, fascists in Kiev, the whole deal. Whiel I have argued with them often, what happened last week really made me look for another job.
Now, you probably heard of the killing of opposition politician Boris Nemzov. While so far nothing is clear (aside from the fact that it was clearly an EU trained CIA member of the Russian opposition sent by the Ukrainian right wing battalions), my co-worker commented the fact of the killing with, and I quote verbatim: “Another piece of shit less in Russia. The opposition killed him to drum up support for their cause. A shame they didn’t kill him earlier.”

I admit I flipped. Totally, I called him names, shouted at him for maybe 5 minutes. It was crazy. The arrogance and total lack of empathy just got right to me. I don’t really know why I’m even writing this, but damn, that was a blow. I knew my coworker was, shall we say, Now, he seemingly didn’t even take me seriously, and our relationship is back to “normal”, but first opportunity I get, I get the hell out of there and never look back. Abhorrent creatures.

Andrew Johnston
7 years ago

So I’ve been counseling this woman through a fairly nasty divorce. I dated her when I was working overseas, and I’ve always had a lot of regret over how it ended. I never expected to see her again, as she had close ties to her home and family, and her parents clearly didn’t want her seeing a foreigner.

In the interim, she was pressured into a quick marriage with the son of one of her parent’s friends. The new husband was from her hometown but worked in the United States, so two years after the wedding she moved over here to be with him. Then he dumped her almost immediately as he’d met someone else in the States whom he actually loved. She reached out to me because I’m the only person here she knows, and I’ve been helping her work through the divorce and custody of their infant son.

While we’ve been working through all of this, it’s become clear that we both still have feelings for each other. We haven’t had much opportunity to explore this as we live in different states and she doesn’t want to get romantic until the divorce is final. However, there’s still a real chance of us getting back together once this is all tied up.

This isn’t easy for me, though. Originally, I thought her life experience would make me feel different, but it really doesn’t – if anything, she seems a lot more mature now than when I knew her. If I had the chance, I think I’d marry her tomorrow and adopt her son. But at the same time, I’m having a really hard time shaking off this unrealistically perfect image of our future that I had in my head when we were first dating. I just never saw myself as the second husband of a single mother, and as much as none of that is new to me (there’s been plenty of divorce/remarriage in my family and I was myself adopted), it’s still kind of hard for me to deal with at this phase of my life.

I feel awful about thinking like this, but it’s a lot to process in not much time – all of this came out in the last two weeks.

Lordcrowstaff
Lordcrowstaff
7 years ago

I guess it is hard for almost everybody, and people think a lot even about “normal” marriages. I wish you all the best. Keep thinking, try to figure out what you really feel and want. Also, as soon as you think she’s ready, try talking to her, see what she feels. And I’m sure you’ll do fine!

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: Andrew Johnston

I’d say that help her out, but don’t even THINK about the relationship until things are less hectic. You’ll need time for your expectations to become more modulated and realistic, and you both have enough shit going on without a possible new relationship going.

bekabot
bekabot
7 years ago

W/r/t the picture:

They’ve certainly got their trunks packed.

(No further comments.)

dhag85
7 years ago

I mentioned this in another thread, but I recently raided my old hard drive for photos and found a lot of forgotten cat pictures. I feel like showing someone, so here goes. I’ll split it up into two comments. If they’re too long and too many pictures just feel free to remove them, I guess. 🙂

So, we decided to get a second cat. The owners of the mother sent us this baby picture.

http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/5da848fb-e918-41dc-8f8f-907d914f9119_zpsbosvqiko.jpg

After a few weeks he was even cuter.

http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/0b49c675-9719-42f5-913c-02c8c5ffbcac_zpsm7ofvyta.jpg

He was one of three, and his mother, Frida, is a calico.

http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/fc3feba7-1e4c-4efc-a45b-5890abd62fa1_zpszkw59via.jpg

We named him Fingie. Here’s my mom holding Fingie and his sister, Lisa.

http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/b20e2628-4dec-497c-82af-a4e474ba3fab_zpsc9kr3gty.jpg

Here’s Fingie with his brother, Messi. The brother passed away early. 🙁

http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/16f844b3-14bc-4cfb-abfd-1dc809a19ab0_zpsie3pd8zt.jpg

We already had a girl cat named Desmond. She likes radiators.

http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/a5322943-be56-4cea-ae35-eeecdd7c4ad2_zps6mcqvapx.jpg

http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/fab3dbe6-c831-4279-8ece-6e604a72f3da_zpsdkjytlhc.jpg

Like, seriously, loves radiators.

http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/3fc1b3b4-f53e-41a6-bb5c-46be8df8e9a6_zpsr8cobcln.jpg

She also does other cat stuff.

http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/65ccb3e2-0429-4554-90de-f03d872b93fa_zpsdc7jwteb.jpg

dhag85
7 years ago

Oops. That was a two parter, but the first one went into moderation. 🙂

dhag85
7 years ago

@K

I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with all that stuff. I too have struggled for years getting through university studies while dealing with depression. I hope the hiatus helps.

Mars
Mars
7 years ago

Regarding the picture, they’re dressed up as Babar and family (I love the little gold crowns). A tad obscure, but not totally random.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babar_the_Elephant

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

I thought they might be Babar and Co! I read those books when I was a kid. (Relative obsessed with elephants.)

Bernardo Soares
Bernardo Soares
7 years ago

@K:
So they didn’t take your conditions into account and support you? That’s awful. I teach, and I recently had a student with Asperger’s. He notified me beforehand and gave me the e-mail address of his advisor, should I have any questions. I would never have dreamt of “giving him an earful”, if he hadn’t shown up for a class or two. I’ve also had students who dealt with depression. Although they had no advisor (and one didn’t tell me – I heard from someone else), I took that into account when they missed a deadline or something like that.

@Lordcrowstaff:
Ugh. And a lot of Germans actually like Putin, too. Like the conspiracy theorists who demonstrate for “peace”, or the racist shitheads who feared that 0.2% muslim population in their state would “islamise” them. This is from one of the “Pegida” (Patriotic Europeans against the Islamisation of the Occident) demonstrations:
http://jungle-world.com/b2evo/media/users/thomas/putin.jpg?mtime=1421700053

(Poster says: Putin, save us from the corrupt enemy of the Volk, the FRG-Government, from America and Israel)

ej
ej
7 years ago

@K
I’m sorry you’re struggling. I know it can be really discouraging to not take the “correct” path through life (ie, going to university). Life almost never turns out like you expect it to. You sound pretty excited to get back to the work with horses and that’s great. Do what makes you happy, even if its not necessarily what is “expected”. It took me a long time to sort that out, but things got much better when I started doing things for me, not because they were things that other people told me I should be doing.

I hope your time away from university helps and that you can figure out what you want to do. It sounds like you have some ideas already and that’s a fantastic start.

Internet hugs if you want them.

ej
ej
7 years ago

Also, an update from the previous thread. My cousin’s baby (born at 24 weeks) is doing pretty well. He is still on a ventilator, but it being fed (as opposed to IV nutrition). He’s one month old now and seems to be quite a fighter. My cousin has gone back to work, but she and her fiance are, of course, still spending as much time as possible at the hospital.

Finally, some good news from me. I passed my transfer meeting today, so I can be officially registered as a PhD student, instead of an MPhil, and I got a travel scholarship to a conference next month!

Andrew Johnston
7 years ago

@Lordcrowstaff:

You’d think I’d be used to it, given the dysfunction and unusual relationships in certain parts of my family. I guess I just feel bad that I keep thinking of her problems in terms of how they affect me.

@LBT:

It’s for the best that we don’t date right now, anyway – Her case is based on infidelity, so the last thing she needs is to be seen in the company of an ex-boyfriend. If I’m coming across as eager, it’s because of how surreal the situation is. Our relationship was very intense, and I never expected her to move here. That brought up a lot of old issues, and the stress of dealing with them has been kicking my ass for the last few weeks.

contrapangloss
7 years ago

@K,

You’re totally not alone in needing a year off. I just recently finished my undergrad and still work on campus, and there are a literal ton of students who have had to take a semester to a year break. No, seriously. if you put all of them on a scale, we’d have more than a ton, and I’m working at a tiny campus.

College is stressful and scary, and you’re not alone. Sometimes taking a break is the best thing that you can do.

Enjoy your break, and good luck with the equestrian center! Horses are fluffy and wonderful, and can be such incredible goofs.

@Andrew

I’m also totally backing up LBT here. Another thing to think about is that right now you’re kind of her only support. Even though it might seem like a relationship is something you both want, it could be more of a subconscious holding on desperately to a safety net thing, and not a conscious “I actually kind of love this person” thing.

Like, not that either of you would be trying to manipulate the other, but emotions are tricky things, and things are hectic for both of you, and it’s really, really natural to cling to security, and you kind of represent security to her at the moment.

Hold off until you both get a little stability, and once things are on more of even keel, then maybe you can go there.

contrapangloss
7 years ago

…ninja’d by Andrew himself! Good luck with the situation, regardless.

I’m recovering from a bit of a flu. So far, 24 hours in the two digit temp range (F) instead of the three digits! Whoot!

Still have the energy of a slug and have taken myself out of service for EMS calls, but I feel tons better compared to yesterday and the day before. Also, feel better and not infectious enough to actually go to my desk job. The one that actually pays for my bills. Yep.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Yeah, K, I slammed through undergrad in two years, took a year off, and ended up dropping out of grad school. No shame in taking care of yourself! (And I can not ever recommend doing what I did in undergrad. I did it because it was the least shitty of my options, and I probably shouldn’t have done it.)

Sorry you got the flu, contrapangloss!

Oh man, I just signed my lease and bought my train ticket, I’m so excited to be GOING HOME! Even if the post office DID destroy one of our boxes and lose every single one of Sneak’s video games! (And Gigi’s one solitary game, which she is FURIOUS about.)

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
7 years ago

I’m relatively new to the Mammoth community so this is my first open thread. Guess this would be a good time to introduce myself. Hi, everyone 🙂 I’m a college freshman and after some soul-searching, I’ve decided to take a risk and pursue a potential writing career. I’ve also recently had the realization that I want to give dating a try (I’m pretty secure in myself sexually, but for a long time I had issues of trust and paranoia to get over). I’m not sure where to start though, but I want to try. Finals are coming up in two weeks. I haven’t been doing as well as I hoped, but it’s not too bad.

Yeah. It’s not much, but it’s very liberating and exciting for me.

contrapangloss
7 years ago

…Oh, and the IRS is obnoxious. They read a $ on one of the income forms they got as a 5, and sent me a statement saying I owed them 500 in late taxes.

I sent them a letter with a copy of all the forms saying, no, I didn’t get $5300 in income from a scholarship account last year, I got $300. Which covered about 3 textbooks, thanks. Can I not pay you almost double the amount I received from that?

They sent me a letter saying they revised my account and accepted my corrections.

They just sent me another letter saying you still owe us $500 and an additional $20 in interest.

Yep. I need to call them monday and go “Um, guys?”

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

My dad’s fiancee just died the other day. I feel so bad for him and for her daughter. She had been seriously I’ll for a few weeks and had looked like she was going to get better but then she suddenly took a turn for the worse. Nature’s an asshole like that. It just seems so much worse that she was getting better and we were all hopeful and then…

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