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The Door Pattern: Creepiest bit of Pickup Artist BS ever?

The Only Pua you want near your door. Seriously, "Pua" is the name of the anteater.
The Only Pua you want near your door. Seriously, “Pua” is the name of the anteater. Google it if you don’t believe me.

So there’s an old school type of Pickup Artistry called Speed Seduction in which, instead of simply trying to manipulate the ladies into bed, our would-be seducers try to literally hypnotize their prey by repeating prefabricated “patterns” that supposedly work on people’s subconscious minds without them realizing it. The whole thing is based on something called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), which most scientists seem to think is quackery. Most of the pickup techniques inspired by NLP are beyond ridiculous.

One NLP-inspired PUA “pattern,” for example, involves using the phrase “below me” when talking to the Hot Babes. Since “below me” sounds vaguely like “blow me,” you see, the Hot Babe you’re talking to will be subconsciously primed to want to give you a blow job. And no, I’m not making this up.

The creepiest PUA “pattern” I’ve run across so far is something called the “Door Pattern,” invented by some dude named Alex Domnikov, and recently brought to my attention by Mike Booth, the guy behind the hilarious Some Grey Bloke videos on Youtube.

One PUA has described the Door Pattern as “the “bad boy” of all patterns. … evil and cruel, playing on the fears and deep insecurities of women.”

Essentially, the idea behind this little routine is to manipulate any Hot Babe you’ve somehow convinced to sleep with you into desperately worrying that you’ll abandon her. Why she would consider this a bad thing, I’m not sure, as PUAs are not known for being especially sensitive lovers. But we’ll just suspend our disbelief and continue.

[TRIGGER WARNING for emotional abuse in what follows]

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So how does this dastardly Door Pattern work? Well, after you’ve had sex with a woman, and she’s feeling all glowy, you point to the door and ask her “sweetheart, what’s that over there?”

And she’ll say, “well you know, that’s a door, silly.” And you say, “yeah, you know.. I’m a real positive person, but.. I mean, can you imagine.. I mean, you don’t know what can happen from day to day, when you think about it in your mind. I mean, what would happen if I walked out that door and the door closed and as the door closed, it slammed shut, and no matter what you did, you could not open the door and you knew that you would never be able to look into my eyes again and you’d never be able to hear my voice again and you’d never be able to feel my touch again.” Ok, right here is where she starts going, “I don’t like this door business at all.”

So you reassure her a little, and then it’s back to the “door business” again:

Have some more fun with her, bring her to another orgasm or whatever and say, “you know, a terrible thing happened the other day. My friend was hit by a truck. I mean, it was awful, by the time they got him to hospital he was dead. I can’t believe it, you know? It’s almost as if, it would be a horrible thing you know when you think about..” (point towards the door) “..that no matter even if you were to get that door opened and you were to search, that you could never find me again..” Then she starts freaking out. You calibrate more on that part of, “you will never be able to see me again, you’ll never be able to hear my voice again.”

Repeat as necessary, and pretty soon any time she starts to get uppity, all you have to do is point to a door, and – ta da! – no more “bullshit” from her!

Having anchored that sense of loss and pain to the door, you can trigger it whenever needed. Whatever negative behavior may come up that you want to stop, the first time you just get up and slam the door. Whether you walk out the door depends on the level of bullshit. On later occasions you can just indicate tbe door in some manner. The example Alex gives: If he’s talking on the phone and getting any crap from her, and he knows the relation of where the door is to her desk, he says, “sweetheart, could you please turn right and take a look at what’s over there..” and that was the end of the bullshit.”

Assuming the Hot Babe doesn’t either laugh in your face and/or throw you out the first time you pull this creepy shit with her, what we’ve got here is a template for ongoing emotional abuse.

Happily, one enterprising soul has turned the Door Pattern into an ExtraNormal video. I find that the robot voice in the video meshes well with the psychopathic creepiness of the content.

The Door Pattern is not to be confused with the Doors Pattern, in which you get drunk and babble on about Nietzsche and everyone around you tells you you’re a genius.

There’s a video for that one too:

Oh, and here’s a cat singing the theme song to Game of Thrones. For some reason this popped up on YouTube when I was looking for drunk Jim Morrison videos.

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Eurosabra
Eurosabra
9 years ago

I was there at the creation, having an original recording from sometime at the turn of 1989/90. It is formally exquisite hypnosis, but it is also terrorism, and its effectiveness is the effectiveness of terrorism. Ross Jeffries himself disavowed it on many occasions, withdrew the tapes from circulation, made shipment of newer, modified editions to customers contingent on their’ return of the original tapes. It appeals to those like Roissy/Heartiste, who want to motivate by inspiring dread. Dread is sexy within the calculus of the Château de Roissy, but not all of us are (or even read) Pauline Réage.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

“What if I walked through that door and you nev–”
“SQUIRREL!”

Even dogs wouldn’t fall for that shit. 😀

Falconer
Falconer
9 years ago

My favorite strip is this one (SFW).

My last game had a bit of that going on. The assassin wasn’t the most relatable, but we needed his death strike. And the flashy rogue managed to irritate my cleric.

lowquacks
lowquacks
9 years ago

You truly are part of an awe-inspiring international misogynistic cabal, Eurosabra. Impressive. What are the hors d’oeuvres at the meetings like?

Reminds me a bit of the Illuminati, in that members seem very lax about revealing their secret mind-blowing knowledge even to people who don’t really care and only the bitterest part of the tinfoil hat brigade pay any serious attention to them.

Falconer
Falconer
9 years ago

I was there at the creation, having an original recording from sometime at the turn of 1989/90.</blockquote.

MIDI, man, you know MIDI? I was there!!

lowquacks
lowquacks
9 years ago

The creation of the door pattern: the “first ever Sex Pistols gig” for misogynsts?

Marie
9 years ago

I can’t understand Eurosabra at all. I mean, we’re speaking the same language, but I’m not putting the words together. Either my brains slow today or he’s not making any sense. /rambles.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Now if we could get Eurosabra to admit he’s one of the Illuminati, and get him into a fight with Owly …

Creative Writing Student

… Eurosabra reads like some kind of wandering prophet. I got a similar vibe from that FSTDT piece about the angels meeting them in McDonalds to murder a leviathan in their bathtub.

(Why do I remember all this random crap?!)

starskita
9 years ago

my sweetiepie showed me again why I think he’s such a sweetie today.

I had him read this post and amused’s first comment, since I thought that was funny, and how I would have responded had this ever happened to me.

He said, “that’s horrible! How could anybody do that to someone else? You’d have to think they’re subhuman.”

Now I will go read the rest of the comments.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

… Eurosabra reads like some kind of wandering prophet.

That’s like my first boss. Even the born-agains in the office joked that he was a prophet speaking (or writing) in tongues, because nobody could understand a damn thing he came out with. All English words, not a single coherent sentence.

Creative Writing Student

It’s the style that strikes me. It’s incredibly purple and sort-of wonderous, and it’s full of rhetorical tricks, especially repetition.

Eurosabra
Eurosabra
9 years ago

Fond memories of MIDI, yes, and the 180bpm cocaine habit of the fellow who sold the keyboard to me, and looking at the ickyness of needle tracks as a teenager. I would say The Doors at The Fillmore, really. Not gritty enough to be The Sex Pistols. The hors d’oeuvres suck, stick with the quail.

Bavaria, really? The Illuminati have already convinced everyone they don’t exist, which is why I fear them. As a Zionist I favor the Rothschilds’ latest incarnation, the Dankners. I honestly worry because some of my family are Algerian Jews and given their experience I can see the dissolution of Israeli society from here.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Behold the prophet Eurosabra!

(Why won’t he go away?)

Marie
9 years ago

Oh well. Seeing as he’s a troll (he is, right?) I won’t try to hard to decipher him. :p

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Just who I was thinking of, Cassandra! 😀

“Bavaria”? WTF is he on about now?

Marie
9 years ago

I honestly worry because some of my family are Algerian Jews and given their experience I can see the dissolution of Israeli society from here.

So, Eurosoba is really anti-semantic, or am I misinterpreting him? I mean, I’m probably not thinking enough to understand, but that’s how that line sounded in half deciphered Eurosoba speak.

Creative Writing Student

Leviathon is a spirit I have battled as well. It was a hard battle but was won. It was about four months or more ago. My wife and I were in McDonalds and were having a conversation with an angel and Leviathon had come up. I told the angel that i wanted to fight this demon and he said I could. On the way back to the hotel I asked the angel if he could bring the demon to a predestinated place and he said yes. I figured that since Leviathon was from the depths of the sea he would be used to the cold water so I filled the tub up with scalding hot water and blessed the water. The angels (there were two now) brought Leviathon bound to the tub and fought with me. We all pulled our swords from our hips and began running this demon through with all my strength and everything I had. I would say it took atleast half an hour or more. We were all spent but the battle was won.

http://fstdt.com/QuoteComment.aspx?QID=60847

Eurosabra has a better grasp of grammar but the tone and use of repitition are very similar.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Well, he is in a cult, so it makes sense.

Falconer
Falconer
9 years ago

You’re some kind of fascist-delusional Garrison Keillor sometimes, aren’t you, Eurosabra? Go jump in the Med.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

“Leviathon”? What’s that, a marathon for whales?

Eurosabra
Eurosabra
9 years ago

Hebrew is a troublesome native language to have if you learn from the wrong people. Even worse to have it as a native language but also English *and* English instruction from the wrong people…you wind up with me. (And 1 Kings 20:11…”Let he who girdeth on his armor not boast as he who putteth it off.”)
דברו אל יתהלל חגר כמפתח

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

After reading Eurosabra’s comments you feel like you’ve just run a Leviathon, which is why I don’t bother any more.

cloudiah
9 years ago

Marie, don’t try to make sense of Eurosabra. He likes to “gaslight” women to get them to sleep with him.

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