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Having sex with Pickup Artists will leave you feeling crappy afterwards, says Pickup Artist

All PUAs are equally douchey, but some PUAs are more equally douchey than others.
All PUAs are equally douchey, but some PUAs are more equally douchey than others. Wait, wrong Orwell book.

Over on PUA dirtbag Roosh V’s Return of Kings blog, a guest poster calling himself Emmanuel Goldstein (oh, how clever) offers a rather revealing take on the psychology of “players” and pickup artists like himself.

After justifiably mocking “nice guys” for assuming that “girls choose men like people buy houses” – that is, by carefully weighing pros and cons and looking for the best deal – he suggests that

[p]layers … are more like that sweet old lady with saggy arms wearing a hairnet at your local supermarket, handing out free, tasty samples.

Stay with him; it will all make sense, sort of, in a moment.

You’re not even looking at her, and she beckons you over to have a taste. Even though it’s junk food, you can’t resist. You avoid sweets, and here you are eating a tiny cinnabon. And really, she won’t mind if you take just the tip taste.

Regardless, minutes later, you’re going home with a 96-pack of cinnabons – and you don’t even eat pastries! To be completely honest, the first time it happens, you’re a little jarred and confused about how the whole thing went down so fast. …

Now, imagine that that sweet old lady is actually a funny, strapping young man, and you buying those cinnabons is a woman agreeing to sex with him the night she met him. That confusion you felt after you bought a huge package of junk food? That’s how a girl might feel after her first one-night stand.

Yes, that’s right: Mr. Goldstein is comparing himself and his fellow “players” to supermarket pastry-pushers who cajole people into eating things they know they shouldn’t eat, and that they later regret eating.

And, oh yes, that are really bad for them:

If you remain unconvinced, just remember that our economy is in shambles because tens of millions of people bought homes they cannot afford, and that half of us are comically obese from eating too much junk food. That granny sample lady is looking pretty formidable right now.

Now, there are all sorts of things wrong with Mr. Goldstein’s analogy here. Sex isn’t pastry, for one thing, and for another, women (and everyone else) should be able to indulge in either of these pleasures without having assholes on the internet getting up in their business. (And, yes, PUAs, I’m saying that as a fat fatty.) I’m just trying to point out that by the terms of his own analogy, Mr. Goldstein is saying that sex with him is a shitty thing that’s bad for you.

This isn’t someone attacking PUAs for being miserable, self-centered sexual users who are only able to convince women to have sex with them through manipulation, leaving these women feeling shitty afterwards.

This is a PUA who ASPIRES to be such a miserable, self-centered sexual user he’s only able to convince women to have sex with him through manipulation, leaving these women feeling shitty afterwards.

In other words, PUAs are devoting their lives to making women feel bad about themselves. As a life goal, this seems a bit lacking.

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freitag235
freitag235
9 years ago

Somehow Oglaf seems appropriate right now.

http://www.oglaf.com/naiads/1/

Or not, depending on your P.O.V. At least Oglaf is funny, unlike PUAs. And leave Eddie G. out of it, assholes.

gelar
gelar
9 years ago

This doesn’t speak to my experience at the local supermarket.

Joanna
9 years ago

Hmm…I certainly feel that way about McDonalds food…but no one ever tricks me into eating it, I know what I’m getting myself into…

themisanthropicmuse
9 years ago

Somehow making your life goal “emulating the sample lady” doesn’t sound too good. In fact, it sounds pretty damn sad.

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
9 years ago

I dunno, at least the ‘sample lady’ is getting something out of it other than excessively complicated masturbation and the contempt of decent people everywhere…

Some Gal Not Bored at All

I like Cinnabon, but I always end up feeling a little sick after eating one, which I assume would be how I’d feel after sex with Emmanuel: start out liking it, start getting sick of it, finish anyway, feel ill.

Monster
9 years ago

Wait, wait. I work, on occasion, as a ‘sample lady’ and I don’t need to trick or manipulate anyone into trying or buying things. I just need to stand around looking cheerful and…ASK THEM NICELY! I know, I know, it isn’t as impressive as pretending I’ve tapped into the deepest subconsious urges and used my cunning to overwhelm my prey but it is a proven system. Available on my website to download for just $11.67.

ALTHOUGH, maybe the saggy arms have something to do with it somehow?

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

I would rather not have sex ever again if it meant sex with a PUA.

Karalora
Karalora
9 years ago

David, you liar, that didn’t make any more sense after the jump than it did before.

ostara321
ostara321
9 years ago

How do these guys imagine any women will ever sleep with them if they keep on trying to tell women how horrible sex with them is? I mean, I know that misogyny is not rational, but I mean, this takes the cake in non-sensical to me.

This isn’t the little sample lady at the supermarket roping you into buying some mini hot dogs (which are totally delicious) this is the guy outside the store holding the weird sign that says something like “X Market beef is made out of Martian flesh!” It’s off-putting and slightly comical and partly detrimental to their own goal, but ultimately forgettable because there are people with weird signs everywhere.

Neovenator
Neovenator
9 years ago

So wasn’t the whole shtick with Emmanuel Goldstein that you were never sure if he was an invention of The Party in order to entrap ungoodthinkers and provide an easily charactertured hate figure? That would also work in this case.

Moona
Moona
9 years ago

The other appalling fact here is that Goldstein has forever sullied my perception of those sweet old sample ladies and their morsels. They don’t deserve to be roped into a slimy PUA’s self-defeating metaphor anyway, that’s for sure.

La Strega
9 years ago

Because they believe that sex degrades women, it IS a way to punish them. That’s why Roosh and his ilk actually view PUA as “political activism.”

I thought the Madonna / whore dichotomy had disappeared in my parents’ generation in U.S. culture, but it’s alive and well in a whole new generation…

Re/ the Costco sample lady analogy: it reminds me of the Chris Rock joke that there isn’t such a thing as a “pusher” cuz crack sells itself.

blitzgal
9 years ago

In before trolls: you are fat. The end.

An Inconvenient Truth
An Inconvenient Truth
9 years ago

As usual, the point sails over your meaty head. Later in the article, EG writes (emphasis added):

The bigger a purchase is, and the more rarely we make it, the more cautious we’ll be about choosing it. We’ll spend more time looking over the options, and think about which one is really best for our long term health and happiness. For women in America, deciding who to have sex with has gone from being a big infrequent ‘purchase’ to a frequent small one. Before, it might have coincided with the man she would marry or at least seriously date. Having sex meant she was agreeing to be with him for the long haul, so she wouldn’t choose just anyone. If she slept with him outside of a relationship, and people found out, her whore score would rocket upwards.

Nowadays, it’s just about the man who can tickle her taste buds, right now. And women definitely do not want what the nice guy is selling. While a woman was often tempted to have sex outside the confine of a serious relationship, a patriarchal social order made the restraint of female sexuality its highest priority. Single men and women had fewer opportunities to interact as platonic friends, and women would spend less time single and get married sooner. A woman hanging out with a man when she already had a boyfriend or husband was more likely to attract scrutiny. The men who would be ‘nice guys’ had much less opportunity to get into the rut they do now, where they pathetically cling to women who hardly notice them. With the lifting of all those restraints, a woman’s choice of who to sleep with became as trivial as her choice of meat for dinner.

Simply put, feminism’s deregulation of the sexual marketplace has unleashed female hypergamy to the point where the greatest manipulators get rewarded with the best sex (read: with the most attractive women).

katz
9 years ago

I love what he is saying about himself, that he has such comically poor self control that he can’t go to the store without coming home with tons of stuff he doesn’t want.

An Inconvenient Truth
An Inconvenient Truth
9 years ago

“In before trolls: you are fat. The end.”

No, no, no… he’s not automatically wrong just because he’s a porker. That’s just a happy coincidence.

cloudiah
9 years ago

This is one of the strangest analogies I have ever read. And now I want a pastry, but not a Cinnabon — I hate those things, because they smell so good and then taste kind of crappy. There’s a Danish pastry place in Culver City that makes lovely pastries but I am stuck at work and can’t go there. [grumble grumble]

Also, off topic, but the ex-cop currently rampaging around the southland shooting police officers and their relatives — I just saw that his manifesto refers to misandry, in a really confusing way. (He also is making lesbian officers one of his targets.)

Those lesbian officers in supervising positions who go to work, day in day out, with the sole intent of attempting to prove your misandrist authority (not feminism) to degrade male officers. You are a high value target.

So the misandrist authority is not feminism?

Source.

Sorry if someone has already reported this on another thread; I’m behind on reading comments.

Ellex
Ellex
9 years ago

I see a number of problems with this:

Food =/= sex

Sample person (they are not all female) at grocery store =/= manipulative asshole

one cinnamon roll or a consensual one night stand =/= eating disorder or sexual disorder

As a life goal, this seems a bit lacking.

I think the word you wanted there was “pathetic”.

Tina
Tina
9 years ago

Wow, he really needs to spend less time worrying about what women do and more time working on himself. He’s basicaly equating himself (and his sexual performance) with crappy, lousy, bad-for-you food.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Haha, Truthy thinks hypergamy is a thing. Poor dumb Truthy.

howardbann1ster
9 years ago

Not only that, Truthy thinks that it’s terrible women get to have sex with who they want to.

He just wants to CONTROL them… what’s wrong with that?

Ugh.

Ellex
Ellex
9 years ago

@Inconvenient

deregulation of the sexual marketplace

Sex is not equivalent to activities in video games for which a player is awarded points. There is no prize for winning; you do not get to unlock a new playing level or buy additional items.

You don’t even get a better price on your electricity.

WeeBoy
WeeBoy
9 years ago

I raise a sceptical eyebrow at the idea that most PUAs are “strapping” or indeed young.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

deregulation of the sexual marketplace

We’re not talking about the airlines, Truth twit. That’s because, much like hypergamy, there’s no such thing as a sexual marketplace.

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