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Heartiste: Chris Brown is a great role model for wannabe alpha males

Chris Brown, who’s convinced that he’s apologized enough for what he calls his “mishap.”

Over on his little chateau, otherwise known as a blog, the pick-up Heartiste Formerly Known as Roissy suggests a rather unusual role model for young and not-so-young men hoping to impress women with their alphaness: Chris Brown. Not for being a charismatic singer, but for that time he nearly beat Rihanna to death.

Oh, you don’t have to literally beat up women to be an alpha. Just work on making them uncomfortable and insecure.

Maxim #19: Making a woman feel a little emotional pain will reward you a thousandfold in returned physical pleasure.

You don’t have to be fists-of-fury Chris Brown to pick up a Rihanna and make her fall in deep, profound love with you, but don’t let the lesson of their relationship be lost on you. If you are a beta male — and odds are you are — you can superglue your relationship bond by instilling in your woman a calculated level of discomfort and insecurity. You won’t feel bad about this, because you will know that the discomfort you create is subconsciously DESIRED by your girl. Despite her outward appearance of frustration and timorous appeasement, you will know that inside, she is lit up like a vagina tree, with a squirting orgasm shooting out of the star on top.

In addition to everything else that is horribly wrong with this quote, let me just say that “lit up like a vagina tree” is not a phrase that I hope works its way into the vernacular.

So far, so good.


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Amanda Marcotte (@AmandaMarcotte)

I’m not sure why he doesn’t just tell his followers to hit women. It’s not against the law, and he must be struggling under the burden of coming up to the line but not having the courage to cross it.

9 years ago

Yes, I just pity his pathetic struggles to hit women so much. Not.

Nothing is against the law, provided that you don’t get caught. What’s sick is that in cases where other people know an adult is being abused,unless they’re a medical doctor there’s nothing that can be done legally to remove the abuser. What’s more, when the person being abused does leave, its often to flee their home like they’re the fugitive. If the shelter in your town or city is full, you may have to leave behind everything. I know some of the local shelters here prevent women from contacting friends or family for a short period. Its to ascertain who is safe (will not go running to the abuser to tell them where you are).

2-D Man
2-D Man
9 years ago

Now fair’s fair: they were probably all kept out of writing classes by misandrist English teachers.

That process has actually been automated, now that we have hard chairs.

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