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domestic violence drama evil women hypocrisy idiocy misogyny MRA oppressed men paranoia precious bodily fluids reddit shit that never happened spermjacking TROOOLLLL!!

Guess who got trolled on April Fool’s Day? Hint: It rhymes with “Glen’s Brights Pubreddit”

So it turns out that the heartbreaking yet highly implausible story of attempted spermburgling that got the Men’s Rights subreddit so riled up on the first of the month … was in fact fake.

Mr. ineedhelpnow1234 himself wrote me a note today alerting me to a post on his blog explaining the whole thing, and why he did it. Some highlights:

I wanted to reveal just how twisted these men can be in the pursuit of their agenda so I came up with a story they could not resist. …

The spermjacker trope is irresistible to “men’s rights” activists because they believe they are perfect Darwinian examples of masculinity and as a result are irresistible to the hormonally irrational schemers that make up womankind. Narcissism and misogyny collide to make a toxic brew.

Oh, and I added the twist that this man punched his girlfriend so hard in the stomach that she bruised. Surely such fierce proponents of “gender equality” would not support violence against women. Right?

Well, we all know how that turned out. Ineedhelpnow1234/the blogger Eschatology continued:

The “men’s rights” movement is morally bankrupt. It is made up of people who support hitting women. It is made up of people who refuse to say it is wrong to hit women. It is made up of people who are so paranoid of women that they think people actually talk like this:

You fucking bastard, how dare you punch me for what I’m entitled to! Call me the minute you get this god damn message or I’ll call the fucking police and end your future. CALL MEEEE.

Attention MRA’s: You have all exposed yourselves as rotten human beings and you have discredited your movement (again). …

I wrote this story by stitching together nearly every cliche I have ever come across in the “men’s rights” movement. I tried to see if the MRAs had any line they would not cross. Apparently they do not. Looks like the SPLC made a good call.

Heck, even after they got called out for supporting the (imaginary) puncher,  both here and on Jezebel, and were roundly mocked for believing such an utterly ridiculous tall tale, this is about as close as any Men’s Rights redditor got to criticizing the punch that never was:

He panicked and hit her. Sure he should have just have restrained her and took the condom out of her hands but we’re human and its not like he continually beat her into a pulp.

Yep, no big deal, “its not like he continually beat her into a pulp.”

The comment containing that line got 11 upvotes, and zero downvotes.

The Men’s Rights Movement, beyond the pale — but also beyond parody.

EDITED TO ADD: The Men’s Rights regulars respond to the big reveal here. They are apparently determined to learn absolutely nothing from the whole episode. At the moment this is the most highly upvoted comment:

 

EDITED TO ADD AGAIN: Ineedhelpnow1234/Eschatology posted about this in the TwoXChromosomes subreddit, Naturally, a small horde of r/mensrightsers invaded the thread and pooped all over it.

 

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talacaris
10 years ago

Sorry Bostonian, I forgot about you. Maybe I should have written “How many banned commenters…”

Rutee Katreya
10 years ago

It’s like when MRAL pretended to have heard of himself, but even more pathetic.

katz
10 years ago

talacaris, you just showed up and B_n has been gone for months. The obvious guess would be “Ben.”

Estimated time to meltdown: 1/2 hour. I’m optimistic about this one.

katz
10 years ago

“I didn’t stab her!”

“I said she was killed. I never said she was stabbed.”

Bostonian
Bostonian
10 years ago

I have never been banned at all actually, and am smarter than Brandon.

That is easy, because pocket lint is smarter than Brandon.

talacaris
10 years ago

katz: When have you seen a commenter here who called zirself Ben?

But you shorten his name for fear he may manifest.

Let’s try with this: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Brandon R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

princessbonbon
10 years ago

Talacris is an old commentator from way back from what I remember. Forget if zie is a troll or not (probably.)

talacaris
10 years ago

““I didn’t stab her!”

“I said she was killed. I never said she was stabbed.”

And the fact it was reported as a stabbing in every major newspaper is certainly not relevant.

Rutee Katreya
10 years ago

So… now Brandon is so important that every reader on the intermanets is aware of him?

You’re not helping yourself here; I’m pretty sure Ithiliana was /joking/, but now you’re making her look correct.

katz
10 years ago

No, talacaris, it’s my imaginary story. You don’t get to add details to it. Only I am allowed to do that.

For instance, I bet you didn’t realize that the stabbing victim was a dog.

talacaris
10 years ago

Douze points to princessbonbon. And yes, troll it is, like i said before, because other peeps are not trolling for my eneertainment the way I like them to do ( they make personal attacks and threats which a Troll in my opinion should never do).

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

This one’s not quite solipsistic enough to be B_n. Plus, B_n would never even try to use a gender neutral pronoun.

Rutee Katreya
10 years ago

Making yourself look like a fool (A formerly banned fool, for bonus points) isn’t skillful trolling.

talacaris
10 years ago

No, it isn’t,, but when people are so quick to jump to conclusions, well why not give a try.. (MRADP)

talacaris
10 years ago

When it is published it doesn’t just belong to the author anymore.

katz
10 years ago

talacaris believes in death of the author. Well, that’s unsurprising.

I’m going to take your fictional “I am not B_n” story and change it so that you’re saying “I am B_n.”

talacaris
10 years ago

Only that I “forgot” that MRA’s are not the only ones who are against women’s rights

talacaris
10 years ago

I’m going to take your fictional “I’m going to take your fictional “I am not B_n” story and change it so that you’re saying “I am B_n.””and change it so that you’re saying “I am not B_n.

katz
10 years ago

talacaris has completely lost track of what he’s trying to say by this point.

jumbofish
10 years ago

haahaha hi brandon its been awhile XD

how is ashley?

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

Things still good with the fuckdoll, Brandon?

katz
10 years ago

Besides, you can’t take the fictional story back because you posted it here and now it’s not yours anymore.

talacaris
10 years ago

“talacaris has completely lost track of what he’s trying to say by this point.”

I’m not sure, but I think I agree.

But I will say this: Learning to troll is not easy. It is a long hard process which demands commitment (which I lack) and creativity and intelligence ( which I will not comment further upon). But what should one do when the existing trolls don’t perform to one specifications?

talacaris
10 years ago

“Besides, you can’t take the fictional story back because you posted it here and now it’s not yours anymore.”

No it is your story that is modified somewhat.

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