By David Futrelle
It’s hard to believe that it’s only been six months since the release of what might have been the world’s worst video game involving advice on how to pester women in public so you can get in their pants.
Now Super Seducer, the full-motion-video choose-your-own-adventure pickup artist game, has a sequel, the imaginatively titled Super Seducer 2, released yesterday on Steam. As improbable as it sounds, the new game is much slicker than the laughably amateurish original, with a budget reportedly ten times larger.
It features MORE LADIES paid to act as if game creator Richard La Ruina’s weird and creepy come-ons are actually super seductive, a wider assortment of ethnicities (the original game was a bit heavy on very white Slavic ladies), and … a sequence in which La Ruina gleefully murders some of the more prominent critics of his original game by blowing them up with missiles. Or at least with stock footage of explosions.
According to its promo copy on Steam, the new game
takes seduction to all new levels of realism. With 10 times the budget of the first game, Super Seducer 2 is much bigger, better, and more seductive.
SS 2 features an assortment of squicky dating scenarios that will evidently teach you how to override your ethical standards in pursuit of the game’s new, better-lighted hotties. These include:
Boss & Secretary
It’s dangerous territory but the workplace is still a common place for relationships to begin. How do you successfully navigate and avoid getting fired (or sent to jail).
Girl in a Group of Guys
One of the toughest seduction situations imaginable. She is a feminist and her friends are tough guys who’d like to squash you. …
Older Mahmoud, Younger Woman
The man, the myth, the legend. Mahmoud is in town, and he has some dates. Can he seduce his Habibi? Will the 25 year age-gap help or hinder him?
In a brief video introducing the game, La Ruina notes that you can also play some of Super Seducer 2 “from a chick’s perspective.” And that it also features a dude from Scotland. This, by the way, is his idea of a hilarious joke. The new game devotes a lot more energy to the (intentional) comedy, though it’s clear from the segments I’ve seen that the unintentional comedy is still much, much funnier.
I would offer my own review of the game here, but I have literally not played even a single second of it, so instead I thought I would link you to this video from YouTube’s ProJared, one of the critics of the original game who is murdered in the new one. As you’ll see, La Ruina not only went to the trouble of buying stock footage of missiles for his fantasy revenge sequence; he also RENTED A REAL TANK to drive around in.
Evidently I am in the wrong line of work. Clearly I need to start making terrible choose-you-own-adventure dating sims so that some weird financier will shower me with enough money so I can live out my revenge fantasies with a REAL TANK.
I looked around to see if there were other short videos featuring laughable and/or horrible sequences from the game. And it turns out that there are already a whole bunch of videos up from people who’ve played the game. But most of them range in length from 30 minutes to more than THREE HOURS.
Which is a pity, because I’d really like to see what he thinks are the correct choices to make when one tries to, er, “seduce” one’s secretary. But I’m also too lazy to either play the game myself or wade through three-hour gameplay videos looking for the appropriate segments. So I guess we’re all out of luck, then. Sorry.
Did I mention the GRAPES? There are grapes.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: Ok, so I just watched a 37-minute video of the “Boss and Secretary” segment and his advice is basically to 1) act professionally for a while after hiring your secretary/target so she and the other employees won’t get suspicious, then 2) start “mentoring” her while doing your best to hide your ulterior motives (though they would be obvious to anyone in the real world outside of this game) and finally 3) just flat up ask her out on a date.
Apparently, if you’re not literally locking the office door and demanding a blowjob — one of the game’s actual incorrect choices — it’s perfectly fine to bosses to hit on their employees, and they’ll probably say yes!
It’s also clear from this segment that La Ruisa has never worked in an office and has no fucking clue as to what it is that people do in them all day or even a rudimentary notion of how businesses and capitalism in general function.
Also, as was the case in the previous game, everyone in this segment except Le Ruina himself seems to be Slavic. Not sure where all the exciting new ethnic characters are.
EDIT TO ADD: H/T to reader Wojtek Taraciński for tipping me off about this game.