Well, the votes are in, and the People’s Choice is clear: NWOslave is the 2011 Man Boobz Troll of the Year! Not only that, but he won in a landslide, racking up more votes than both of his opponents combined!
He wins a little tiara, though he need to buy it and pay for it himself.
But fans of David K. Meller and Arks, do not be disappointed — there are more awards to come, and the winners will be announced over the next couple of days. Do not be surprised to see one or both of these trolls winning something quite special indeed.
In the meantime, in celebration of NWOslave’s awesome win, I present to you the latest edition of the NWOslave Book of Learnin’, as created and maintained by the redoubtable Shaenon! The entries below all reflect things that NWOslave has taught us all in his many, now award-winning, comments on Man Boobz. Read and learn!
The Book of Learnin’
Indispensable Facts About the Universe from NWO
Awards Season Edition (Not for Resale)
Evolution is impossible, because otherwise we’d be able to watch dogs evolve into super-dogs. Unless anyone can produce evidence of dogs with super-powers, evolution is a myth.
The theory of evolution claims that life came from rocks. It also states that evolution doesn’t occur anymore because rocks are no longer in make-life mode.
The theory of evolution is the same as the Big Bang theory, which is also impossible.
In the animal kingdom, females entice males with their spectacular plumage and elaborate mating displays.
Female animals cannot feed themselves and rely on males to support them. Even in cases where this seems untrue, the males are still tougher. For example, female lions do all the hunting in the pride, but if they come across a really tough enemy, like a hyena, they run and get the male lion to fight for them.
Feminists claim that one in four women is raped in college. But since college lasts for four years, you have to multiply that by four. Therefore, feminists are really saying that 100% of women are raped in college, which is obviously untrue, not to mention proof that women are bad at math.
There are only three percentages in statistics: 0%, 99%, and 100%. In statistical analysis, all numbers should be rounded to one of these three. COROLLARY: If people notice this and start suggesting that you’re just making your statistics up, it is mathematically acceptable to add some other really high numbers at random.
“Zero-sum game” is a fancy term for a game that ends in a tie.
There are two kinds of numbers, quantative and qualative.
Children are lined up and injected with a dangerous chemical called flouride to make them stupid.
Mammograms cause breast cancer. Doctors advise women to get mammograms at least once a week until they develop cancer from it.
Many hospitals are open only to women and children. They’re not maternity/pediatric hospitals, just regular hospitals run by people who refuse to treat men for no reason.
All drugs and medication are unsafe except marijuana.
Male suicide is caused by society trying to feminize men, which makes them so depressed they kill themselves. Before modern feminism, suicide was practically non-existent.
After an abortion, the fetus is chopped into pieces and thrown into the nearest river or lake to feed the fish.
If the FDA worked, we’d have cures for cancer, diabetes, and every disease and ailment. Since we don’t, it’s not doing anything useful and should be abolished.
All therapists are women and feminists.
Reading is not taught in American public schools.
Public schools offer two kinds of math: traditional arithmetic and New Math. Children are allowed to choose which one to learn.
Before feminism, male children were not required to do homework or pay attention in class. Homework and paying attention were invented in the 1970s to get boys in trouble.
Before feminism, schools did not have hall monitors.
How-to courses on homosexuality are taught in public schools. This is how people become gay.
Men are not permitted to work as teachers in the U.S.
The University of Cincinnati and all University of California schools have gotten rid of their engineering and computer science departments and replaced them with women’s studies and gender studies.
Thanks to the power of Title IX (see Law), all but two colleges in the U.S. are assembling organized Sex Police Forces made up of female students and faculty. There are plans to extend this program to grade schools.
There are twice as many teachers and half as many students in U.S. schools as there were 20 years ago. These teachers spend class time walking around in their underwear to arouse elementary-school boys.
Ancient Greece, Rome, Persia, and China under the Ming Dynasty were extremely progressive, feminist societies. That’s why they collapsed.
Before modern feminism, rape was a rare occurrence and almost unheard-of.
All wars in history were started by women nagging their husbands to invade other countries to get pretty dresses.
The Americas were discovered by Queen Isabella, who ordered every man in Europe to sail westward to get exotic jewels, perfumes and silks for her. It was a stroke of luck that Columbus found land before the entire male population of Europe perished in a watery grave.
Lynchings in the American South consisted of women accusing men of rape because they were man-hating feminists. Race had nothing to do with it; it was just as easy for a black woman to get a white man lynched as vice versa. In cases where the man was lynched on an accusation from another man, the lynchings were justified.
In 1919, women took control of all levels of government and law enforcement. Since then, every law in the U.S. has been written and enacted by women. There have been no male politicians, judges, or police officers for over 90 years.
The CIA imported feminism from the Soviet Union by publishing Ms. magazine and Miss Mag and channeling funds to a woman named Gloria Steinen.
Any history text written after the early 1500s is an unreliable source.
The word “suffrage” is derived from the verb “to suffer,” because voting is hard.
Spanish and Russian use the same alphabet. The Russians just have a funny kind of handwriting called cryillic script.
Arts and Literature
The Iliad is the story of how Queen Helen of Troy ordered two armies to fight over her. It is based on a true story.
The classical Greek play The Bacchae is a celebration of the roving lesbian gang that murdered the musician Orpheus. It is based on a true story.
The musical Chicago is a polemic about how men should be shot to death. It was written by a female college student last year.
All horror movies are about a pretty girl being stalked and assaulted by an evil man. In the end, she kills him and walks away alive.
All TV shows have the same plot as horror movies, except that the pretty girl is assisted by an all-female investigative team, with a single man in charge. At the end of every episode, the victim sits in a one-way mirrored room, watching the chained-up man with a smug look on her face. Then one of the women from the investigative team squeezes her arm.
Most girls and women over the age of twelve wear see-through tops and micro-miniskirts on all occasions. Although their skirts are so short their genitals hang out, they do not wear underwear.
Women only dress to attract men—all men. If a woman leaves the house in clothes, she wants to have sex with any man she meets. Men, on the other hand, never dress to look attractive.
Women become sexually aroused by wearing clothes.
All U.S. law, from the Constitution down, has been supplanted by the extremely powerful Title IX, a law requiring that all educational, government, and private institutions be 100% female. Title IX has its own police force, which is exactly like the Nazi SS. This takeover of the government was orchestrated by Russlynn Ali, Assistant Secretary for Civil Rights in the U.S. Department of Education, who now rules the U.S. as supreme dictator.
Laws in the U.S. and Britain are made by a panel of unelected advisors, who commission an independent legal review. Once the review is published anywhere, it becomes a law.
If the names on a contract are in all caps, those people are legally corporations. If they’re in mixed case, the contract is invalid.
Requiring people to take a vision test to get a driver’s license is an atrocity on the level of the Holocaust, Pol Pot’s genocide, and the famous Communist massacre of Christians.
The United States is a communist dictatorship. If it were a free country, people wouldn’t have to pay taxes or get licenses to drive.
Each law has its own police force and legal system. For example, if you urinate in public, the special Urination Police will arrest you.
False reporting of rape is the most serious and common crime in the U.S. The most common reasons for a woman to make up a rape accusation are cheating, revenge, excuse for missed homework, lateness, work absence, and attention-getting.
The average man is falsely accused of rape and thrown into prison without trial on a daily basis. Available statistics say otherwise because the true numbers are kept under wraps by the CIA.
Gay people are fifteen times more likely than straight people to be violent criminals. All the worst serial killers in history were gay.
California has replaced its women’s prisons with spas to reward female criminals for committing crimes.
All financial crises are caused by the Federal Reserve, which is run by the Rothchild family.
All the real-estate speculators who caused the housing bubble were women.
Maternity/paternity leave is the single biggest drain on the economy. If companies got rid of parental leave, it would create enough wealth that all women would be able to quit their jobs and be full-time mothers, like they’re supposed to.
There are no poor women. Whenever a woman needs anything, she sits in the middle of the street and cries, and passerby throw food and money at her for free.
Women control 80% of the world’s wealth, thanks to all the crying.
Because of Title IX (see Law), businesses with government contracts are required to hire only women to meet gender quotas.
The few businesses owned or run by women are nonprofit organizations dedicated to hurting men.
For every dollar women donate to charities to help men, men donate ten billion dollars to help women.
There are only two kinds of charities in existence: charities that only help women, and charities that only help women and children.
Women give a trillion dollars a year to charities, but these “charities” actually fronts for the huge corporations these women own. Economists are still trying to determine how women can simultaneously run all big corporations and only run small man-hating nonprofits.
Nonprofit organizations operate by photocopying fliers, posting them on walls around town, then sitting back and waiting for the money to roll in. Even though the average nonprofit doesn’t do anything else, it’s much too hard for a man to start one, because men are so oppressed.
Everyone takes orders from the U.N. and the Jews.
Without government, homosexuality would not exist.
In war, women act as “cheerleaders” for both sides at once, goading otherwise peaceful men to fight. These women have no political goals or opinions; they just like watching men die.
Russia is the “deathplace capital of the world” for men because feminism was invented there (see Feminism). It is the most feminist country on earth.
All taxes in Scandinavian countries go toward women’s causes. Scandinavian grade schools have a holiday where girls are given cookies and ice cream, while boys are given stale matzo. Men in Scandinavian countries are imprisoned for farting.
Portugal and Spain are populated mostly by brown people.
Judaism is a nationality.
Marriage and Family
Somewhere in the U.S. is a place called The Ghetto, where between 70% and 99% of households consist of unemployed single mothers living entirely off welfare. Also, everyone in The Ghetto is black. Sociologists are still struggling to determine why women in The Ghetto don’t support themselves as other women do, by sitting in the street and crying until people throw stuff at them (see Economics).
99% of feminist marriages end in divorce.
The vast majority of violent rapists come from female-led households, because the feminist indoctrination boys receive in such households makes them so angry they have to go out and rape people to let off steam.
When you get married, the government owns you through your marriage contract. This is why the government can make divorced people pay alimony and/or child support.
Fatherhood is illegal in Britain and there are plans to outlaw it in the U.S. soon.
Judaism is the most aggressively evangelical religion on earth. Less than 5% of Jews are ethnically Jewish, while the rest are recruited from the tireless Jewish recruitment efforts.
Catholics worship the Virgin Mary.
In the story of Jesus saving the adulteress from stoning, the moral is that sinners deserve to be stoned.
All child molesters are either women or gay men. Straight men are never pedophiles.
Prepubescent girls desperately want to have sex with middle-aged milking-machine technicians. They advertise this desire by wearing swimsuits to the beach.
Feminism is a highly organized international movement created in the Soviet Union and currently funded by the United Nations.
Phyllis Schlafly has worked tirelessly throughout her life to promote feminist causes.
Predictions of the Future
Someday a straight white man will beat up a lesbian for molesting a five-year-old. Everyone in the world will sympathize with the lesbian and immediately legalize child molestation.
In 100 years, white people will have gone extinct because white women didn’t reproduce enough. Archeologists discovering the remains of Western culture will laugh at us for letting women have rights.
Thus concludeth the Book of Learnin
Also, here’s a cat in a tiara: