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Fear and loathing on a date

 June 3, 2011
  · 426 Comments

Let me tell you more about the Pussy Pass ...

The Men’s Rights subreddit on Reddit is awash in mini-manifestos. My favorite of the most recent batch, a rousing 3-part rant running under the title “Do not fear them!” 

Who is “them,” you ask?

Women who might just decide that they don’t really want to have sex with some dude who keeps going on about how men are the most oppressed group in the world.

Responding, apparently, to a comment in an earlier thread suggesting “that being publicly vocal about the way men’s rights are trampled on and ignored is a great way to lose the opportunity of getting laid,” manifesto writer Kuppers argues that it just ain’t so —  but when it is, just bite your tongue for as long as it takes to get into her pants.

He starts off with a strange variant on the notion that there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you feel that women won’t want to have sex with your Men’s-Rights-espousing self, Kuppers suggests,  it’s

because your brain was conditioned in a small communal/tribal setting. A group of angry women was a serious threat to your prospects of reproduction. As you know, women often act like herd animals, and view acceptance and appreciation from their peers of their choice of man to be important. This is completely moot today. There are millions of fish in the sea.

Aside from that final truism I have no fucking idea what he’s talking about.  I don’t recall growing up in anything that might possibly be considered – literally or figuratively – a “tribal setting” ruled over by a group – sorry, a herd – of “angry women” hell-bent on keeping me from reproducing.  Is this a common experience? Also, I have precisely zero interest in “reproduction.”  Indeed, I sort of make it a policy to only have sex with women who are at least as interested in preventing reproduction as I am.

On to point two in this curious document, which is that ladies love dudes with strong opinions:

Women, while they do not always explicitly say so and sometimes contradict so, sincerely do appreciate a man who has strong internal beliefs and principles, and does not compromise that for the sake of assuaging someone else’s sensitivities, including theirs. A man who is willing to pretend he is something he is not, isn’t attractive on a deep masculine level to women.

True, up to a point, but you might want to keep all that shit about women being angry reproduction-threatening herd animals to yourself. That might not go over so well on your first Starbucks coffee date. Or ever. Protip: Misogyny aside, very few people want to get with people who refer to sex as “reproduction.”

But if your desire for sex outweighs your manly desire to be truthful about your obnoxious beliefs, well, that’s all good too – if by “all good” you mean “you can still have angry sex with women you despise if you just keep your pie hole shut for a few hours.” Or, as Kuppers puts it in his third and final point, which he apparently doesn’t realize completely contradicts point number two:

The kind of woman who a) wants you to be subordinate to her crazy foaming feminist nonsense, and b) has no tolerance or patience for your concerns, is not worth anything more than a cheap, well-protected fuck anyway. Fine, keep your mouth shut for the couple of hours it takes to get her into bed, but you’d be mad to pursue anything more serious with a woman like that.

Men’s Rightsers – such romantics at heart!

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Posted in: antifeminism, evil women, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, oppressed men, sex
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  1. Amnesia says:
    June 4, 2011 at 11:44 am

    @tawaen

    I second the kilts.

    Reply
  2. amandajane5 says:
    June 4, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    OMG men in kilts! *love*

    Reply
  3. PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth says:
    June 4, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Yes, men in kilts

    Hahahahaha

    Reply
  4. Nobby says:
    June 4, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    As a scotsman, I find my lack of kilts disturbing. I need to get a few at some point.

    Reply
  5. PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth says:
    June 4, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    http://www.kilts.com there you go!

    Reply
  6. Nobby says:
    June 4, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    Oof. >$100 each is a bit much for me right now. Something to remember, though.

    Reply
  7. malcontent says:
    June 4, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    1) Have any of you women ever gotten free stuff from men? Drink, movie, meal, jewelry, anything?

    I presume we are leaving relatives out of the equation. Or must I report to you if my dad buys me a birthday gift? What about when your mommy buys you a new air freshener for your dank basement dwelling?

    But, more seriously, I believe the last man who bought me a drink was gay. Rather punctures your tit for tat argument (or tat for tit, right?), since the young man in question was certainly not interested in fucking me.

    Of course, your cretin mind really just wants to know if some man has ever spent as little as $3 on me, you know, bought me a coffee or a drink at a dive bar or whatever, and then been denied my spread legs as his reward. Well, yes. But what makes you assume that I purposefully elicit offers of “free stuff”? If I am out somewhere and a man sends a drink over to my table or the bartender declines to charge me, do I now owe him sex? I might owe him a “thank you”, but I can’t see how I owe him any more. First, if he is sane, he must realize that there is a possibility that I could be engaged or married or otherwise disinclined to begin a sexual relationship with him. So, while he may be hoping for more than a “thank you”, it’s certainly not owed to him. You’ve also failed to consider that I have been turning away offers of “free stuff” from creepy men since I reached sexual maturity. For example, taxi drivers have stopped and offered me “free” rides, weirdos have stopped and offered to take me shopping, and I’ve turned down countless dates that likely would have included free dinners or movie tickets. I don’t go around hoping to trade on my sexuality to obtain “free stuff” because that stuff you are referencing is not free. Do you honestly think I’d have been willing to get raped or molested or murdered to save twenty dollars on cab fare?

    I suppose you also expect me to sob and confess I’ve somehow wiled my husband into buying me jewelry and gifts, yet never mention the things I have bought for him. I must be a crafty little thing to have tricked him to buying me diamond and platinum rings from Tiffany & Co., even though I bought him a heavey clunker of a platinum ring from Tiffany & Co. as well.

    2) Have any of you ever worn skimpy clothing, make up, perfume, ect? If so why? And don’t tell me to feel good aboout yourselves unless you do these things when you’re alone in equal proportions.

    I wear skimpy clothing at the beach or pool, if by skimpy you mean an ordinary bathing suit. Are men not also wearing “skimpy” clothing at the beach? I don’t follow your point.

    I have worn brief clothing on occasions when it was appropriate to the weather. However, generally, my clothes expose nothing that would be objectionable to even relatively conservative Western individuals. I buy most of my dresses from a Mormon-run company that designs garments to keep cleavage and thighs fully covered. I still look sexy in those dresses and have men tell me so, but that’s more the fault of having a body that’s extremely hourglass in shape. What am I supposed to do about that, pray tell? And I’m sitting at home right now, wearing (some) makeup, a stylish blouse, and a cute little pencil skirt. Deal with it.

    Do I wear makeup and perfume? Why, yes. Yes I do. I wear it because I like the way it makes me look and feel. One of the ways is can make me look and feel is alluring, and that’s fine with me. After having been followed, grabbed, propositioned, molested, insulted, flattered, hit on, and threatened by men for my entire life past adolescence, I know good and well there is little correlation between how I look and how often these things occur. If some guy can plead for a date in the grocery store at midnight, while I’m wearing a shapeless sweater, jeans, and no makeup, then I don’t think my sexiness quotient is the problem. But, again, I’m not going to apologize for knowing how to look sexy and for making myself look tastefully so when I want to. I am in control of my sexuality, not you and your knuckle-dragging ilk, and if I want to look as society has told me I must look, that is, dewy and nubile and fuck-worthy, then I’ll look that way. It doesn’t mean I owe you a fuck though. See how that works?

    3) If you’ve had/have a steady boyfriend/husband and he like to talk to other women and flirt would that be ok? If said boyfriend/husband said I don’t want you wearing revealing clothing/make up, ect because it attracts other mens attention, what would you tell him?

    My husband can talk to other women all he wants to. I’m confident that our relationship is not going to be undermined if he has a conversation with someone who possesses a vagina. It’s not going to be undermined even if he finds this woman attractive because I know he finds me more attractive. If he propositions them, that’s another matter. But talking, which I suspect is synonymous with flirting to you, is not a threat to my marriage.

    If my husband “forbid” me from “attracting the attention of other men”, I’d think he was either an insecure nutjob or a controlling misogynist. As I’ve already outlined, neither makeup nor skimpy clothing is necessary to attract male attention. Some men pay attention to me for my mind and talents, believe it or not. As far as those who are just interested sexually, the feminine allurements you are so concerned with are just extras. I get plenty of male at the gym, in my baggy gi, my face red, my hair sweaty, and wearing absolutely no makeup.

    I wear makeup to look more polished and sometimes to highlight how heart-stoppingly pretty I can be. ; ) So fucking what? Any women who is good-looking is going to have way more men interested in her than she can reciprocate interest in. A man’s interest obligates me to precisely nothing.

    Reply
  8. PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth says:
    June 4, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    You can always sew one yourself.

    Reply
  9. Ami Angelwings says:
    June 4, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    I’m unsure what the point of answering is since he’s the guy who alrdy knows the answer and what our lives are like xD I think he should tell US what our lives are like since he has his unifying theory of everything and we’re all lying if we violate it neways xD plz tell us, what do we wear inside, what do we wear outside? :3 what do we sleep in? did we have a goth period? do goths even exist in the unifying theory of everything? xD who are we? what do we want? will we pass beyond the rim? are you the man in the smiling bag?

    The MRALs are not what they seem!

    xD

    Reply
  10. Amnesia says:
    June 4, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Yeah, NWOslave, since you apparently know us and our motivations better than we know our own, tell me, what’s my favorite color? What’s my favorite food? What was the last book I bought? How many siblings do I have? I have an autographed hat, who was it signed by? What breed is my dog?

    Reply
  11. katz says:
    June 4, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    Ummm…(guesses wildly)

    Green, spaghetti, the new Name of the Wind book, two, Neil Patrick Harris, lab.

    Reply
  12. M Dubz says:
    June 4, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    Long time lurker, first time poster:


    Men in Kilt with Leafblower

    You’re welcome.

    Reply
  13. Amnesia says:
    June 4, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    @katz
    You actually got one right. My favorite color is green.

    Reply
  14. Pecunium says:
    June 4, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Nobby: You don’t even want to know what a great kilt runs. The “middle of the road” ones I was pricing in Scotland were about 750… GBP.

    Reply
  15. katz says:
    June 4, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Truly I am a worthless guesser. (Admittedly I only said The Name of the Wind because my husband just bought it.)

    Reply
  16. mythago says:
    June 4, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    Men don’t dress to attract women? Are you serious?

    Isn’t that an MRA complaint, anyway – that men have to dress expensively so those gold-digging bitches will flock to them?

    But I guess we are talking about somebody so benighted that he’s never gotten a gift from a woman. Ever. I imagine that if my opposite-sex parent hated me so much that I never got a birthday gift out of him I might have issues with men too.

    Reply
  17. amandajane5 says:
    June 4, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    My favorite color is blue, favorite food is artichokes, just had to re-buy The Subtle Knife by Philip Pullman because Mark’s reading it on markreads.net (or will be, I always end up reading ahead), have three siblings, have a hat autographed by Erica Durance, and have no dog, but my cat is an orange and white tabby.

    All women are the same! Plus have a hive mind! See!

    Reply
  18. Pam says:
    June 5, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Have any of you ever been given a gift or treated to dinner and a movie and sex with a man? Well than you’re a prostitute. Has a man ever bought you a drink or dinner, movie, ect and you haven’t given up any sex. Well you used him, and you know it. You took his money as sure as a mugger would take yours. You’re a vile creature who used someone. Unless you’ve never took any money/gift from a man you’ve used them.

    and

    If you use a mans money and give him sex you are a prostitute, If you use a mans money and offer nothing you a vile creature who has stolen a mans money.

    Pay your own way thru life.

    These “truths” from someone who lauds the 50s era.

    Reply
  19. Plymouth says:
    June 5, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Ami said: did we have a goth period?

    Ohh! Ohh! Me! Me! It’s lasted since I was about 13 (well I started wearing all black then but I didn’t call myself goth until several years later) until the present, which is age 35 and shows no signs of letting up. My mom still occasionally remarks that she thought it was “just a phase”. If so it’s the longest phase of my life! I think it would be more accurate to call the me who liked bright colors and flower patterns “a phase” 🙂

    In fact in partial answer to idiot-slave’s question list… pretty much the only makeup I wear is goth makeup (mostly when going to goth clubs but occasionally just for no reason when I feel like it). Like this morning I put in blue lipstick to kick around the house. Because I felt like it.

    The only real exception to this is that I have worn normal makeup when I was a bridesmaid in a couple of weddings (they had my makeup done for me, I couldn’t really object) and when I interview for jobs I will put some concealer on my acne (yeah, I frikking still have acne at 35, funtimes!) and a really neutral shade of lipstick to cover up the dryness on my lips. My theory here is just that I don’t want interviewers to be distracted by this stuff, it makes me look a little more put together and professional. I don’t bother with any of it on a regular basis for work though.

    Reply
  20. Amnesia says:
    June 5, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    Figure I’ll actually reveal the answers to my questions. Fave color is green, fave food is mochi ice cream, the last book I bought was volume 2 of the Trinity paperback comic book, my hat was signed by Linkara of ‘Atop the Fourth Wall’ (who, by the way, is a man *punch*), and my dog is a beagle.

    But, of course, NWOslave must have known all that.

    Reply
  21. mythago says:
    June 5, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    These “truths” from someone who lauds the 50s era.

    Even sadder, who thinks of sex as something that women don’t enjoy or need or have because they want to.

    Reply
  22. Ami Angelwings says:
    June 5, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    @Plymouth the wonderful woman who helps facilitate the trauma therapy program I go to is like you xD Or at least I think so… and I think she’s older than you, but her style is what I call “office goth” xD It’s SO AWESOME xD It’s like respectable, but also dark and cool :3 I’ve never seen nething like it but I am impressed :]

    (I had a goth phase too >_> )

    Reply
  23. Doctress Julia says:
    June 5, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    what’s my favorite color? PURPLE! My favorite shade is BLACK.

    What’s my favorite food? SUSHI!

    What was the last book I bought? The newest 3 Walking Dead comic compilations.

    How many siblings do I have? 3 sisters- two older and one younger.

    I have an autographed PAPER PLATE, who was it signed by? GWAR! I also have autographs from Dr. John and Negativland. 😀

    What breed is my dog? I have no dog but 2 cats, Destructo-Zynx and Gyoza!

    I just made 36 and I still wear mostly black. I will always love wearing combat boots and mesh anything. :3

    Reply
  24. Amnesia says:
    June 5, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Oh, and I forgot to answer one of my questions. I have one sister.

    Reply
  25. slingshot says:
    June 6, 2011 at 2:18 am

    1) Have any of you women ever gotten free stuff from men? Drink, movie, meal, jewelry, anything?

    2) Have any of you ever worn skimpy clothing, make up, perfume, ect? If so why? And don’t tell me to feel good aboout yourselves unless you do these things when you’re alone in equal proportions.

    3) If you’ve had/have a steady boyfriend/husband and he like to talk to other women and flirt would that be ok? If said boyfriend/husband said I don’t want you wearing revealing clothing/make up, ect because it attracts other mens attention, what would you tell him?

    1) Sure, I’ve gotten gifts from men. I also give presents to my male friends, my brother, my dad, and my boyfriend. Have you never gotten a gift from a woman? I’m sorry. Maybe if you were nicer to them?

    2) I’m not sure what “skimpy” clothing means exactly. Is there a definition? And I usually am naked at home, so your crap about not wearing “skimpy” clothes at home makes no sense. I am not a fan of most makeup but I do wear some foundation to cover some scars on my face. I mainly do it because I am embarrassed by the scars, and I want to look presentable at work. I will wear more makeup on special occasions, like weddings, mainly because it’s EXPECTED of women too. I’ve been told by friends inviting me to their wedding to “please wear makeup and heels”.

    3) I don’t have a leash on my boyfriend, he can talk to whomever he wants. Why would I care? And I have never been with a guy in my life that didn’t like it if I dressed up for him, and though I was dressing up for OTHER GUYS. talk about insecure!! My bf likes me naked best and doesn’t seem to care about clothes. But I dated one guy who loved a pair of shoes I owned, and I would wear them when we went out for some good sex when we got back. If I was with a guy who asked me not to wear something because of some stupid reason like “it attracts mens attention” I’d dump him.

    Reply
  26. Lyn says:
    June 6, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    1. I seriously supported my (now ex) bf through undergrad. He lived at my place without paying rent and he couldn’t afford to go out to dinner so, when I felt like a date, I paid. That was for, like, 4 years! (And now I resent it b/c we broke up pretty much as soon as he had enough money to pull his own weight. In fact, he seems to qualify as a user.)

    2. The reasons for my clothing choices varies! According to where I’m going and how I feel that day! Crazy stuff. So, when I’m teaching at uni (I’m quite young compared to other teachers) I try to dress up (knee-length skirts, tights, t-shirt) so as to differentiate myself a little from my students. Most of the time when I go clubbing, I dress to fit in with the club’s vibe or to deliberately subvert it, depending on how I’m feeling. When I’ve gone to a club to pick up, I’ve certainly worn clothes to attract men’s attention. Cos, y’know, I wanted to screw someone I was attracted to (this has never worked out – all the people I’ve randomly picked up have been terrible kissers…and they never bought me drinks).

    3. My bf flirts ALL THE TIME. He is one of those people who manages to make it very clear to everyone that he’s flirting but that it’s not serious. It’s how he communicates. I had a problem with a previous bf who flirted because it was more serious…turns out I was right to be upset cos he cheated on me twice. And all the people I’ve been with have wanted me to wear skimpier clothing. Current bf’s go-to answer to ‘what should I wear, this skirt or this skirt?’ is, ‘no skirt – in fact, what do you mean you’re putting on clothes?’

    Reply
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