Late last week, word spread in the pickup artist community that one of their own, British “daygame” coach Tom Torero, had taken his own life.
No details of the apparent death have been revealed publicly; so far the only media coverage, such as it is, has come from blog posts on PUA sites with names like Girls Chase and Seven Daygame. From what I can gather from the article, as well as from some of the effusive memorials for him posted around the web, Torero seems to have had several rough years, financially and otherwise, and would disappear entirely for months at a time, with no one knowing where in the world — literally, what country — Torero was even in. So what actually has happened to him this time isn’t completely or even incompletely clear.
Despite the dearth of information, the PUAs know who they blame for the apparent death: muckraking journalist Danya Hajjaji, who back in November published an extensive story on Torero and his sleazy tactics with women, many of which skirted the laws only barely.
As the article shows in some detail, based on extensive use of leaked course materials, Torero was sleazy in the way a lot of so-called PUAs are sleazy: he preached an openly manipulative approach to women that he called “stealth seduction,” he spoke proudly of “bamboozling” girls into going home with him, and boasted repeatedly about “laying” girls as young as 17 — less than half his age. (The age of consent in the UK is 16.)
But in some ways the sleaziest thing he did was to make audio recordings of his sexual activity — with women unaware he was recording them — which he then posted online to illustrate his sex-getting “teachings” and to prove that yes, he was really getting laid.
Talking to a number of legal experts on UK law, Hajjaji learned that the laws against revenge porn there don’t deal explicitly with sound recordings, just pictures and videos, so it would be unlikely that law enforcement could really do much about them. But they certainly don’t make Torero look like he was the kind and “beloved” character the memorials paint him as.
What has enraged many of Terero’s fans online the most is that Hajjaji didn’t just report on Torero’s sketchy but possibly not illegal behavior; she also contacted a number of the internet companies that enabled Torero to make a living online, from web hosts to payment processers. After hearing from Newsweek both PayPal and Mailchimp decided to cut their ties with Torero, who (conveniently for them) seemed to be breaking any number of rules in their terms of service. Amazon, with laxer rules about content, is still selling several of his books.
Torero’s fans blame Hajjaji’s article for his death, which some are calling a “murder.”
We’ll have to see how this develops.
H/T — I was made aware of this story through Tweets from TakedownMRAs.
Note: If you are feeling overwhelmed, the National (US) Suicide Lifeline can be reached 24-hours a day at 800-273-8255. Or click here to contact someone online,
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