Everyone’s favorite fallen angel has been busy!
Satan’s week started out with the dark lord getting called out by Newsmax host Emerald Robinson for his dastardly plan to inject hapless brainwashed citizens with a vaccine loaded with a tracking substance called Luciferase, which actually is a thing that exists — some kind of bio-luminescent goop, derived from fireflies, that allows doctors and scientists to see how shit spreads in the body, hence the name, which incorporates the Latin word for “light.” (Lucifer means “light bringer” in Latin. But no one remembers that, and whoever invented Luciferase should have maybe thought that name through a little more carefully.)
Anyway, there’s actually no Luciferase in the vaccines, but that didn’t stop Robinson and others for denouncing it as a “Satanic tracker” that would enable the evil government to see where you are at all times. (Which your phone already does, by the way.)
Robinson got suspended from Twitter (and from her job at Newsmax) for spreading false information. But that didn’t stop her from spreading it around a bit more on her Substack, where she declared that
Under the cover of vaccinating people, we are really preparing to tag and track people. The once free nations of the West are testing a new authoritarian system of total control under the guise of public health. …
This will inevitably lead very soon to biometric ID embedded into your body. You won’t be able to enter restaurants or buy groceries or go to work without it. As the Bible says: no one will be able to buy or sell anything except those that have the mark. You will know the mark by its name, which is the name of the beast: the enemy of all mankind who, before he fell, was an angel of light named …
… Lucifer. That’s why “Luciferase” should send a chill down your spine.
Now, I’m no theologian, just a longtime reader of Chick Tracts, but I’m pretty, pretty sure that Lucifer and The Beast are two separate guys. Might want to fix that in your blog before the End of Days commences.
Now we move from the absurd to the truly tragic: the deaths of eight concertgoers at Travis Scott’s AstroWorld festival, asphyxiated by the crush of an unrestrained crowd packed into too small a space. It’s appalling, and was entirely avoidable had those running the concert looked into similar tragedies before like the Who concert tragedy in 1979 that left 11 dead or any of the similar crowd-crush tragedies that have happened since them.
Instead of trying to understand the dangerous mistakes planners made in setting up this concert, so tragedies like this can be avoided in the future, assorted dipshits, including the folks at Infowars and The Gateway Pundit have decided to blame it on … Satan, or at least his earthly minions.
While The Gateway Pundit described the events as being “like a Satanic ritual,” others left out the “like” and asserted that it WAS a Satanic ritual.
“It was demonic,” claimed one attendee in a video quoted by the Gateway Pundit.
It just felt like we [were] like, literally, like in f***ing hell, bro. … You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t see. … It was so many bodies who [were] laid out. … That was demonic shit. … The whole crowd was going, ‘Help! Help!’ and he just kept going, bro. It was scary – it was so demonic.”
Some, as the Daily Dot pointed out, described the whole thing as an “energy harvesting event,” others as “a public voodoo sacrifice ritual advertised as a music festival.”
And then on a somewhat lighter note there was Big Bird, who announced Friday on Twitter that he got his vaccine jab and real life kids should get it too. Ted Cruz called the tweet “government propaganda for your 5 year old” but others thought they saw the hand of … could it be? … SATAN.
Damn. Big Bird was never my favorite Sesame Street character but that seems harsh.
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