Just another lazy Saturday on the Semen Retention subreddit

By David Futrelle

Fellow penis-havers and potential semen retainers! The resaon you find it so difficult to refrain from cranking your hog is *checks notes* WITCHES!

jumperf221 1 point 7 hours ago 
You have to understand this society is ran by witches. (Kardashians for example) (in Jewish culture they do lineage by your mother while in the Bible and many other societies lineage is determined by your father) . The mother goddess , whore of Babylon spirit runs deep in this society which is modern day Babylon. In wicken culture they deem the woman higher than man. They don’t want men to be strong and they know the biggest distraction between God and man is woman/lust.

Damn those Kardashians and their witchy ways!

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58 replies on “Just another lazy Saturday on the Semen Retention subreddit”

My older son was fulminating about the Abrahamic faiths a while back. He stopped himself and added, ‘Except the Jews. Jews are all right.’ His argument was that many Christians and Muslims are real assholes about wanting everyone else to be Christian or Muslim, but Jews don’t seem to mind other people *not* being Jews.

I felt rather proud of him for that.

It is true that Jews don’t typically proselytize, probably due to being persecuted historically makes us a bit nervous about being open about faith.

@Policy of Madness – You’re absolutely right! I meant in my own experience. Sorry that wasn’t clear.

@Jenora Feuer – That’s interesting, thanks! I knew where the United Church came from, and roughly when, but I didn’t know it was thought of as more liberal back then. The present U.C. seems more socially progressive, too – my Ontario aunt goes to that one.

(For ease of reference, when not disclosing first names, my aunts are automatically Ontario Aunt and Quebec Aunt, I guess 🙂 )

@epitome of incomprehensibility:
Well, the original United Church of Canada kind of had to be relatively open and ecumenical, because the entire point was getting multiple previously unaffiliated churches to work together under one umbrella, since none of them had the raw numbers of the Catholics or Anglicans. (Not to mention that one of the four original groups was basically a loose association of mostly non-denominational churches on the Prairies to start with.) Anybody who was particularly fundamentalist wouldn’t have joined.

(Though frankly a fundamentalist Presbyterian should be a contradiction in terms.)

One of my great-grandfathers was a Presbyterian who ended up priest in a United Church around that time. One of my other great-grandfathers taught at an Anglican seminary. Me, I was brought up Anglican but never finished confirmation classes and I’m mostly agnostic. (Never finished because the priest who was supposed to give them had a heart attack.)

I went to Victoria College, U of Toronto, in the 1990s. The chaplain was United Church, and he ran the LGBT students’ club. I know this because he used to awkwardly mention “student group” meetings when he phoned for my housemate, and she laughed and explained he was afraid of accidentally outing anybody.


(Not to mention that one of the four original groups was basically a loose association of mostly non-denominational churches on the Prairies to start with.)

That’s basically what my grandfather was raised in, I think (he grew up to be a United Church minister.)

Huh, I had no idea that the United Church was a Canadian thing. That was the branch I went to, when I was a practicing Christian. I recall my church being fairly progressive, though I’m still far too wary about all the shit Christianity has pulled to be comfortable identifying with organized religion any longer.

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