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Just another lazy Saturday on the Semen Retention subreddit

By David Futrelle

Fellow penis-havers and potential semen retainers! The resaon you find it so difficult to refrain from cranking your hog is *checks notes* WITCHES!

jumperf221 1 point 7 hours ago 
You have to understand this society is ran by witches. (Kardashians for example) (in Jewish culture they do lineage by your mother while in the Bible and many other societies lineage is determined by your father) . The mother goddess , whore of Babylon spirit runs deep in this society which is modern day Babylon. In wicken culture they deem the woman higher than man. They don’t want men to be strong and they know the biggest distraction between God and man is woman/lust.

Damn those Kardashians and their witchy ways!

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Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

wicken culture

As in, Gwyneth Paltrow candles?

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
1 year ago

Witches, they’re everywhere, on the streets, in the cupboards and even on the internet. Some say they are even witches amongst us.

Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

(This might be a bit Brit-centric)

comment image

Hexum7
Hexum7
1 year ago

It’s that darned Mrs. Stephens up to something strange again!

Miri
Miri
1 year ago

Ah yes. The Bible. Which has absolutely nothing to do with Judaism.

epronovost
epronovost
1 year ago

A lot of mistakes in very few sentences.

1) The Ancient Hebrews were patriarchal.
2) The Bible is the Hebrew holy book.
3) It’s Wiccan not Wicken.
4) Gardnerian Wiccan, the eldest coven and founder of the movement, is patriarchal. Other forms of Wiccan arre gender equal and Dianic Wiccan is indeed misandrist (and also transmysoginist).
5) According to most theologians of abrahamic faiths, the greatest obstacle between man and God is pride not lust.
6) lust is a sin commited in the mind as much as in the body. If one obsesses over sexual denial and over the power of that denial, that person is making a sin of lust.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

This reads like someone skimmed a Kabbalah primer and then skimmed the Book of Revelations and tried to combine the two while totally missing the point of either.

I can’t tell if he’s trying to say that Jewish witches are the problem or if Jews and witches are separate but both matrilineal. If the former, I’m a Jewish woman and I have a penis, so I’m not sure what this means for my prospects as a witch.
I’m also pretty sure the Kardashians aren’t Jewish, so that’s just odd.

Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ naglfar

I’m also pretty sure the Kardashians aren’t Jewish, so that’s just odd.

I don’t know about any individual family members’ religious beliefs, or even if they have any such beliefs at all, but the Kardashian family in Armenia were Spiritual Christians.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
1 year ago

I’m also pretty sure the Kardashians aren’t Jewish, so that’s just odd.

Armenians aren’t super-Aryan looking (see also Anita Sarkeesian) therefore, they are Jewish. That’s just science!

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@WWTH
Anita Sarkeesian has been called out by GamerGaters as secretly Jewish and caricatured as such, so that wouldn’t be the first time fascists have compared the two.
In reality there are a few similarities I can think of between Jews and Armenians, like that both have historically been persecuted in many countries, were the victims of genocides, and have historically lives as diasporas. Not that that makes the Kardashians Jewish or justifies the antisemitism, but interesting to note.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

Sounds like somebody mistook this for a documentary again:

Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ naglfar

were the victims of genocides

Indeed, and Hitler specifically cited the Armenian genocide as an inspiration.

Our strength consists in our speed and in our brutality. Genghis Khan led millions of women and children to slaughter – with premeditation and a happy heart. History sees in him solely the founder of a state. It’s a matter of indifference to me what a weak western European civilization will say about me. I have issued the command – and I’ll have anybody who utters but one word of criticism executed by a firing squad – that our war aim does not consist in reaching certain lines, but in the physical destruction of the enemy. Accordingly, I have placed my death-head formation in readiness – for the present only in the East – with orders to them to send to death mercilessly and without compassion, men, women, and children of Polish derivation and language. Only thus shall we gain the living space (Lebensraum) which we need. Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Armenians?

I do find it a bit ironic that so many progressives today are happily on board with ‘The Young Turks‘.

In 100 years time maybe people will be saying “Hey, check out the Proud Boys!”

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Alan Robertshaw

In 70 years time maybe people will be saying “Hey, check out the Proud Boys!”

Then it will have all come full circle, seeing as the Proud Boys were named after a running gag on Gavin McInnes’s podcast.

Justin Campbell
Justin Campbell
1 year ago

The only Babylons that are still relevant are Kenneth Anger’s “Hollywood Babylon” and J. Michael Straczynski’s “Babylon 5.”

Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ naglfar

seeing as the Proud Boys were named after a running gag

I guess that’s appropriate as even the word Nazi derived from a joke.

A homonymic term Nazi was in use before the rise of the NSDAP in Bavaria as a pet name for Ignaz and (by extension from that) a derogatory word for a backwards peasant, which may have influenced the use of that abbreviation by the Nazis’ opponents and its avoidance by the Nazis themselves.

[BTW, sorry, I edited the years in my first post as I realised I’d got my maths wrong.]

Nequam
Nequam
1 year ago

@Justin Campbell: Maybe also Pat Frank’s Alas, Babylon.

Viscaria
Viscaria
1 year ago

The reason you find it so difficult to refrain from cranking your hog is *checks notes* WITCHES!

I don’t want to cause controversy or anything, but have the semen retainers considered that maybe why they are tempted to have orgasms is because they enjoy orgasms? There are a lot of people who think orgasms feel good. Anyways that’s my hot take; I hope it’s not too out there.

Dalillama
Dalillama
1 year ago

@Alan

I do find it a bit ironic that so many progressives today are happily on board with ‘The Young Turks‘.

“Progressives”. They were the dirtbag left before that was a thing, and Cenk Fucking Ughyr is a genocide denier.

@Naglfar
Both groups are stereotyped as having large, beaky noses, olive skin, and curly dark hair. These guys have an idea in their heads of what Jewish people look like, and a fair number of Armenians roughly match it, so any prominent Armenian is likely to catch antisemitic shit.

Allandrel
Allandrel
1 year ago

@Justin Campbell

The only Babylons that are still relevant are Kenneth Anger’s “Hollywood Babylon”

Because it so easily got large numbers of people to believe blatant lies?

and J. Michael Straczynski’s “Babylon 5.”

Mr. Morden would only have needed ask Trump “What do you want?” once and he would have the greatest servant of the Shadows ever, utterly convinced that he was conning Morden and his “associates.”

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Viscaria

There are a lot of people who think orgasms feel good.

Indeed, and I would say people who enjoy orgasms should enjoy them guilt free. I feel like the semen retainers would be better off if they just accepted that it’s okay to masturbate and have sex and that semen isn’t going to make them superheroes.

That was a very hot take, I apologize for anyone who got burned.

Orion Anderson
Orion Anderson
1 year ago

Cenk Fucking Ughyr is a genocide denier.

Last year he finally recanted and apologized for that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xib49Opls0

I still can’t stand the guy, but it’s nice to see someone make progress.

Podkayne Lives
Podkayne Lives
1 year ago

1) The Ancient Hebrews were patriarchal.

I think he’s confused because modern Judaism is matrilineal (with in most streams), solely in terms of determining Jewish status, but descent was patrilineal up to the Romans or thereabouts, and status as a Cohen or Levi is still patrilineal.

OK, mostly I think he’s just confused.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

@Naglfar:

This reads like someone skimmed a Kabbalah primer and then skimmed the Book of Revelations and tried to combine the two while totally missing the point of either.

The point of the latter was “Nero is evil and Rome will soon fall”, as I recall. Which means anyone making a big fuss about it is probably busily still waiting for an apocalypse that happened 1500 years ago.

@WWTH:

Armenians aren’t super-Aryan looking (see also Anita Sarkeesian) therefore, they are Jewish. That’s just science!

Well, except that Hitler’s concept of “Aryan” (basically, tall blonde Swede) was wrong. Here are some actual Aryans, i.e. Indo-Iranian in ancestry:

comment image

Funnily enough, they actually do look a bit like Anita Sarkeesian. Both Jews and Armenians are probably more closely related to (real, actual) Aryans than tall, blonde Swedes are, since their historical homelands are quite close to Iran. Whose name, incidentally, shares the same etymological root as the word “Aryan”.

You can’t swing a dead cat around fascists without hitting something they got really, seriously ironically wrong.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

Shit, guys there on to us. Their going to alert the church if we’re not careful.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Podkayne Lives

I think he’s confused because modern Judaism is matrilineal (with in most streams), solely in terms of determining Jewish status

In theory it does work that way, but in the modern day it’s mainly fundamentalists that would be insistent on that basis. In practice most modern Jews would accept either having a Jewish mother or a Jewish father as making someone Jewish.

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