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The Joy of MGTOW Cooking: Pancakes and Hot Dogs Edition

This guy isn’t a MGTOW, but he’s got the MGTOW spirit!

By David Futrelle

Men Going Their Own Way want the world to know that they can take care of themselves better than any woman could. Not only do they routinely bathe and dress themselves but they have even mastered some of the most advanced human-care tasks like interior decorating and even cooking.

And, oh are they proud of their cooking. So proud that on the rare occasion when they make something in the kitchen more advanced than a peanut butter sandwich they take pictures of their culinary masterpieces to share with the rest of their MGTOW comrades.

I’ve written about this before, but lo and behold the MGTOWs keep cooking, and they keep taking pictures, so let’s take another look at some of their most impressive recent dishes, courtesy of the MGTOW subreddit.

Here’s a healthy breakfast that covers all the major food groups: pancakes, apples, cheap syrup, and of course hog dogs. (I’m not quite sure what that other thing is; I think it’s an egg or two.)

You may wonder why this culinary wizard decided to substitute hot dogs for the more traditional sausage or bacon. “Didn’t have time or the will to run down to the store and grab sausages…” explained the cook, a fellow called bosslife242, “didn’t make a difference to be honest.”

Not noticing a difference between sausage and hot dogs is one of the signs of a truly refined palate.

This fellow, by contrast, didn’t skimp on the sausage. In fact, sausage is the only ingredient in his delicious sausage breakfast recipe. “Summer sausage is delicious but if you cook it or grill it…..OMFG!!!!!!” he explains. “By the way….this took place at 9am. Why? Because I’m free!”

This hearty dinner below couldn’t have taken very long to cook — if “cook” is even the right word for what happened to this ever-so-lightly braised chunk of manly meat, guaranteed to satisfy the carnivore inside all of us, especially if this carnivore also enjoys cramps, watery diarrhea. and the occasional tapeworm.

This next amazing meal — a wonderful combination of alleged omelet, past-its-prime broccoli and burnt bananas — took the cook only 28 minutes to make, though it’s possible he spent some of that time passed out on the floor of his kitchen, overwhelmed by the beauty of his creation.

Part of the joy of fine MGTOW cooking is the presentation. Here are some delicious-looking chicken wings arranged in a totally rad pattern that just screams sophistication.

Bon appetit!

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Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

@epitome of incomprehensibility

It’s true. The raw stuff is delicious. Kinda, sorta. But if you cook or grill summer sausage and serve it on a paper plate — that’s an amazing breakfast.

@Kat – you made me spit out water laughing – good thing not on my laptop keys

There is no higher praise.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

@Naglfar – Food court’s gonna be busy today. Three counts of a salt and pancake battery, and one count of 350 degree murder.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 years ago

@Buttercup
Well, the cops had better get cooking to collect all the evidence before the trail gets cold.

Another Laura
Another Laura
2 years ago

The first cookbook.I ever read was Peg Bracken’s “I Hate to Cook Book.” It was funny and informative, and it gave me a love of cookbooks that did not, alas turn me into a cook. But you read enough cookbooks and you can’t help but learn something. I am a passable cook who is interested in food, and every so often I’ll rouse myself to try something new. (Peg Bracken called cooks like me “random cooks” – we cook because we have to, and we usually aren’t too picky, but occasionally we’re willing to go whole hog.) I’m fine as long as the pressure’s off, but the minute someone expects me to produce something for public consumption, I go deer-in-the-headlights and truly cannot think of any food beyond hot dogs or boiled eggs.

That’s when I turn to my ultra-capable son who learned to cook from my brother who learned to cook from his father-in-law. Those guys LOVE to cook, do it every day, and find cooking to be relaxing and fun – a concept as foreign to me as sleeping while hanging upside down by my toes.

I always get tickled when MGTOW cooking articles get featured here. It’s one more example of guys who have no concept about the breadth and width of human interests and capabilities.

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
2 years ago

Isn’t part of the manliness of red meat that it’s not very good for you? It’s not manly to eat healthy.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

@Naglfar:

Well, the cops had better get cooking to collect all the evidence before the trail mix gets cold.

FTFY. 🙂

Prith kDar
Prith kDar
2 years ago

@ Buttercup:

Not sure why they’re arranged on an overturned plate, though.

I’m pretty sure that’s just an optical illusion. If you look closely, you can see a golden wheat pattern peeking through at the center right of the plate. The underside of plates aren’t normally decorated, since no one would see it and that’s where they print the potter’s mark and other info. I guess it could be part of the hallmark, but they’re not usually so colorful.

sarah_kay_gee
sarah_kay_gee
2 years ago

Wow, really puts the fun Easter supper I made for my family to shame! Ha ha, no it doesn’t, I made portobello patty melts with smoked gouda on ciabatta rolls, BLT deviled eggs, and dark chocolate poundcake with (real) whipped cream and chocolate-covered locally grown strawberries. I don’t have photos I can put here, but trust me when I say it all looked 1,000% more appetizing than this sludge. I even garnished the patty melts with a little tiny pickle on top. Fun!

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
2 years ago

Re: sausage
And now I’ve got going through my head one bit from ‘The Muppets’ that I first saw on DVD because it was one of the British segments with Rowlf and Baskerville that were cut from the American showings. (American show run times being slightly shorter due to longer commercial breaks.)

Hambeast
Hambeast
2 years ago

Dr. Potatoes said

It’s astounding what some guys will settle for to feed themselves (grilled spam and a bagel? For dinner, dude?) and still bitch about the food at the chow hall.

I guess some things really never do change! I got out of the USAF in 1987 and heard the same bitching. The chow halls weren’t even that bad; there was one at a base in TX that had pretty good guac in the salad bar. That was in 1979!

Re: bread machines – As a person with carpal tunnel in both hands, it’s no small deal not to have to do all that kneading and still get nice, freshly baked bread. Other things I appreciate are “baby” carrots and those packages of little potatoes that are already prepped and ready to go. Not having to peel stuff is huge in my kitchen world. Husbeast and I recently found an old Veg-O-Matic slicer in his storage nightmare and I just love it SO much, I’m gonna use it till it breaks into pieces!

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