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Just a little coronavirus conspiracy theory, courtesy of a possibly really stoned NoFapper

By David Futrelle

I‘ll do a real post tomorrow but in the meantime here’s an intriguing conspiracy theory I found in the NoFap subreddit.

A Coronavirus social experiment (self.NoFap)

submitted 1 day ago by zanderman222

This is my theory on this whole coronavirus event. Its not just a pandemic, it’s a social experiment to see who would fap to porn and smoke weed the most, thus explaining the increase sales of toilet paper and lysol spray. THEY are controlling us slowly but surely.

Think about it.

Sure, this guy’s undoubtedly just a troll, but to be honest his theory makes much more sense than most of the NoFap/Semen Retention conspiracy theories I run across.

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Naglfar
Naglfar
2 years ago

@rv97
I’m not quite sure what your point was in the post you linked (which I assume is from your blog). Your main thesis seems to be superiority of women over men, which is a rather problematic view as we’ve discussed multiple times.

Something I’m noticing in your blog is you seem to not like being male. Have you at all considered that you might not be a man but might be trans* (binary or non-binary)? It seems like you might have some level of dysphoria.

Yutolia the Laissez-Fairy Pronoun Boner
Yutolia the Laissez-Fairy Pronoun Boner
2 years ago

@epitome:

Oh it’s exciting enough as it is.

rv97
2 years ago

@Naglfar

This is mainly me venting; this blog I have barely gets traffic and I don’t really plan to work on increasing it. I admit that I am quite dazzled by some of Tumblr’s more problematic attitudes towards gender in that regard; Tumblr’s attitudes towards gender range from radfem/TERF inclinations to multiple or infinite genders and being a “-kin”, both of which are derided by outsiders (especially more right-leaning outsiders, hence the existence of subreddits such as /r/tumblrinaction).

As for my gender, I have affirmed that I cannot likely be a man because I do not wish to be easily associated with men by society’s assumptions even if I have mostly more traditionally masculine interests and can better relate to men mostly for that. However, I guess I have so much internalized transphobia in me and I feel like I’m so fucked up for other reasons related to gender and otherwise (e.g. disturbing thoughts) that I don’t deserve to be helped in nearly every way.

EverythingIsRidiculous
EverythingIsRidiculous
2 years ago

So, are we to take it that this weirdo is masturbating with Lysol? Because that’s just not normal.

Robert
Robert
2 years ago

I was involved in a NoFap discussion on Reddit recently. One fapstronaut mentioned that it was easier for him to avoid porn once he learned how routinely abused the performers are.

So. . . hopeful sign?

Regarding the OP, he really thinks that toilet paper is suitable for post ejaculatory tidying up? Us true aficionados have dedicated cloth towels for such things.

Mabret the Virile Maiden
Mabret the Virile Maiden
2 years ago

One fapstronaut […]

Sorry, but I can never take the term “fapstronaut” seriously. I see that ridiculous portmanteau, and I shut down, laughing.

Masse_Mysteria
Masse_Mysteria
2 years ago

@Mabret
The thing that makes the word so ridiculous to me is that even though I gather it’s meant to mean someone who doesn’t masturbate, it sounds like the exact opposite.

Kind of like maintaining a low-carb diet is called “karppaaminen” in Finnish even though it leaves out the “low” part.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 years ago

@Masse_mysteria

I gather it’s meant to mean someone who doesn’t masturbate, it sounds like the exact opposite.

That’s something I noticed as well. It’s also a totally incorrect construction, because “fap” is not a Greek word, while “nautes” is Greek for sailor. If we replace “fap” with the Greek word for masturbation, we get “avnanismonaut,”* which would translate to “sailor of masturbation,” which still rather contradicts what they would want it to mean.
Also, the phrase “sailor of masturbation” just sounds weird.

*I do not speak Greek, please correct me if I am wrong

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

@Naglfar:

Also, the phrase “sailor of masturbation” just sounds weird.

They’re more like submarine captains, since they think seamen should stay inside.

Dalillama
Dalillama
2 years ago

@Naglfar

Also, the phrase “sailor of masturbation” just sounds weird.

♫”Friggin’ in the riggin’
Friggin’ in the riggin’
Friggin’ in the riggin’
There was fuck all else to do…”♫

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
2 years ago

@Moggie:

They’re more like submarine captains, since they think seamen should stay inside.

…. *groan*

rv97
2 years ago

@Naglfar my messages don’t often seem to make it on time since I’m still (possibly rightly) on moderation.

Lizzie
Lizzie
2 years ago

Ten points to Moggie for the laugh !

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