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Western incels furious they’re being denied a hologram waifu in a jar

No “Japanese jailbait holo gitls” for you, incels, unless you speak their language

By David Futrelle

Several years ago, I wrote about a holographic “virtual companion” that seemed designed to fulfill the romantic fetishes of every anime-obsessed incel. “Azuma,” as she was known, was basically a tiny, chatty waifu encased in a jar she could never escape from — seemingly a Black Mirror episode waiting to happen.

Unfortunately, at least for Western weebs, the tiny kidnapped princess only spoke Japanese.

Now, the company behind Azuma has announced an English language version of the device is on the way. But it’s not going to look much like the original. The holographic image has been replaced by a 2D version on a tablet. And the tiny waifu herself has been swapped out for more “realistic”-looking characters, including a gym bro and a stern-looking adult woman. The makers hope to sell the device not to lonely men with anime fetishes but to companies looking for “virtual concierges” and greeters to help customers check in on cruise ships and at gyms.

The world’s creepiest dudes are, not surprisingly, outraged by this development. Billy D., the histrionic cultural critic who runs the One Angry Gamer site, shouts his disappointment to the heavens, lamenting that the new version of the device has replaced a perfectly good “anime waifu” with

a bossy looking feminist in a purple pantsuit, and a douche bag personal training assistant who looks like he injected steroids into his jowls. …

[T]here’s zero sex appeal or attractive qualities to the Westernized models they are using … Instead of being comforting and welcoming, they have a cold, stand-offish design for the female, making her appear like a typical Left-wing feminist that no one wants to talk to; follows Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on social media; and spends all of her free time with her cats while complaining about President Donald Trump on Twitter. She’s also probably a lesbian.

In short, the design for the female assistant in the Western version of Gatebox is nothing short of a cancer-inducing wench.

I don’t know; she sounds kind of cool to me.

On the Incels.co forums, meanwhile, the regulars are if anything even angrier.

“Why can’t they realize we want to escape reality with cute anime grills and not std-ridden sjw banshees?” asked one commenter. “Why do companies bend the knees to shrill, shrieking feminists on Twitter?”

Another replied:

Whoever made this decision should commit sewerside in roblox

JFL THE BITCH LOOKS LIKE ANITA SARKEESEAN 

Well, vaguely, I guess.

“Women shouldn’t wear pants,” still another commenter added.

But one incel shared his idea for a possible workaround: Just learn Japanese!

“Jesus fucking christ,” he wrote.

I’m learning Japanese and Kanji right now just to play porn games and because I dont have a life, but I guess another good reason for it is so I can import Japanese [jailbait] holo girls instead of getting ugly feminist western bitch versions.

Lovely.

If you want to see what non-Japanese-speaking incels will be missing, here’s the creepy, cringey promo for the Japanese model.

And if you want to see what the Westernized version of the device will look like, check out this report from Endgadget.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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91 Comments
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IronCthulhu
IronCthulhu
2 years ago

@WWTH

You’re really overestimating how much feminists care about your wanking habits. We really, really don’t. We only know about your theoretical future wank habits because you decided to come in here and tell us. I promise you, we weren’t losing sleep wondering about it.

@Catalpa

Your version of trolling consists of doing something that only you can see but would presumably really piss off feminists if they knew about it?

I mean, the idea that your fantasy is subjugating whomever you think of as the face of feminism is gross, don’t get me wrong. But this is about as sophisticated a form of trolling as holding your fingers up close to your eye and squishing the heads of people you dislike.

Let’s not jump to conclusions about my theoretical future wanking habits. Not that I don’t have them, but let’s focus. I have no theoretical future wanking habits that involve a virtual Chanty Binx for example. That would be gross. Plus I think she’s more suited to guys with a trampling fetish. Not my scene.

I’d model a digital assistant on whoever the latest angry misandrist was, but make her all sweet & old fashioned and have her bake virtual brownies & stuff. Use AI rendering to subtract a couple of hundred pounds, remove tattoos & face piercings, then I’d upload a copy of her to the Internets & see if she goes viral.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 years ago

@IronCthulhu

have her bake virtual brownies & stuff.

Still, I doubt anyone, feminist or not, would care. Also, you can’t eat virtual brownies so it just sounds like a waste of time.

Use AI rendering to subtract a couple of hundred pounds, remove tattoos & face piercings, then I’d upload a copy of her to the Internets & see if she goes viral.

Since I have better things to do, I can’t say I really care. Make digital models if you want.

Fabe
Fabe
2 years ago

@IronCthulhu

You are as edgy as a plastic spoon.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
2 years ago

@Fabe

He’s also boring and repetitive as fuck.

If trolling really were an art, his efforts would be velvet Elvis paintings.

cornychips
cornychips
2 years ago

@trollll

Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh

my stoned eyes are rolling like a mothafucker

up your game brah. I assuming you are another sock; your troll game is weeeeeeak (unless you are a protege of our vile steele). Youre gonna get banned for being boring. so get better at trolling and get banned later, brooooseph

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
2 years ago

It took IC two days to come up with basically a bitch, make me a sandwich joke? That’s just said.

Meanwhile, as an evil 3D real person feminist, I sometimes make baked goods you can actually eat. I wouldn’t share them with a troll though

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 years ago

@WWTH

I sometimes make baked goods you can actually eat. I wouldn’t share them with a troll though

Same here on both.

Lainy
Lainy
2 years ago

Is this troll that mral lad who use to stalk around and make a lot of fake accounts?

Lainy
Lainy
2 years ago

Also @ naglfar

Since this thread got pretty derailed by the troll I want to tell you about my new tattoo I got that you suggest for one my shoulders. It’s a map view of the world and I’m gonna add a dot for each place I’ve travel too. First two this summer are going to be Canada and Japan! It for some reason hurt way more then the one on my thigh and my ribs. My leg wouldn’t stop twitching the whole time and I was so worried it would ruin it but it turned out really nice.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 years ago

@Lainy

I want to tell you about my new tattoo I got that you suggest for one my shoulders. It’s a map view of the world and I’m gonna add a dot for each place I’ve travel too. First two this summer are going to be Canada and Japan! It for some reason hurt way more then the one on my thigh and my ribs. My leg wouldn’t stop twitching the whole time and I was so worried it would ruin it but it turned out really nice.

That’s great. I’ll have to tell my friend who has the map tattoo that she indirectly inspired this.
Oh, and enjoy your trip. What part of Canada are you headed to? I’ve been to a few parts of Canada but I’ve never been to Japan.

Quentin Long
2 years ago

sez Citerior Motive: “The Black Mirror episode would involve one of these ‘virtual companions’ gaining sentience and turning on her owner, right? Bonus points if she also functions as a PA, like a more advanced version of Alexa or whatever, so she has the power to really fuck the person’s life up.”

Sounds like you’ve just described the plot of Jexi?

Lainy
Lainy
2 years ago

@naglfar

We’re going to see the falls on the candian side basically. I’m going to visit my older brother and that’s one of the main things he wants to show me. Then the Japan trip is to visit my husband. Being apart from him for 11 months then getting just a month with him isn’t going to be enough for me right now

Bryce
Bryce
2 years ago

simply not worth the effort, since so many men are boring and ugly and some of them will even abuse us in return for our attention.

… women don’t chase primarily because rejection sucks and there isn’t a need to when the social norm still dictates this is men’s role. And you can bet “ugly boring” dudes don’t enjoy this role.

SmokedGouda
SmokedGouda
2 years ago

@IronCthulhu

Being asinine on the Internet literally makes me money.

I guess you’ve got no choice but to get by on the limited skills you have

Kevin
Kevin
1 year ago

David (and other commenters), setting aside ridiculous incel/manosphere takes on sexbots, what are your thoughts on sexbots in general? Do you think they could be dangerous by reinforcing misogyny? Do you think they should be banned?

EDIT: I apologize if you already covered this issue before, I’m a first-time poster, I used the search function but didn’t find anything.

CookbooksRUs
CookbooksRUs
1 year ago

How, exactly, does this help with the incel issue? You can’t fuck a tiny cartoon in a jar.

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