'bating misogyny NoFap precious bodily fluids

No-nut November NoFappers Need to Know: Am I not-nutting correctly in the eyes of God?

By David Futrelle

As No-Nut November nears its climax, one reactionary Catholic tweeter is asking those who’ve given up nutting to porn whether or not their intentions are pure.

Avoiding the lake of fire, if such a thing exists, might seem to be a perfectly valid reason to give up any number of sins, but not everyone seems to agree. Indeed, some of the most contentious challenges to Classical Theist come from fellow reactionary Christians raising thorny theological questions.

I’ll leave the finer points of this discussion to those who have a better understanding of God’s feelings about people wanking it than I do. But I will point out that Classical Theist not only disagrees with these commenters, but also himself, or at least the earlier version of himself that tweeted a somewhat different, and rather less dramatic, version of his argument back in September.

In case you’re wondering, yes, Mr. CT has opinions about all sorts of other things. Like contraception.

The ordination of women:

And the proper storage of female intellectuals:

Well, that’s enough theology for today. Please return to whatever you were doing, or not doing, as the case may be.

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67 replies on “No-nut November NoFappers Need to Know: Am I not-nutting correctly in the eyes of God?”

@ Allandrel

Thank you. What makes it especially frustrating is the Internet blackout imposed by the government, making it hard to get accurate news.

Anyway, onto the religious stuff. As mentioned, Zoroastrianism has a heaven and a hell, the latter of which is populated by the evil Daevas. A big difference, though, is that the Zoroastrian hell is temporary. Eventually, all souls will be redeemed and find their way to paradise.

As for the prophet, there’s no virgin birth, and he’s considered fully human rather than the offspring or avatar of a god. There are , however, a lot of miracles surrounding his birth and life. His khwarr, or “Heaven-sent glory,” was already present within his mother, which gave her a unique radiance. When he was born, he laughed instead of crying, his house glowed, and all the animals rejoiced. He was unusually wise from childhood, but his ministry didn’t seriously begin until the age of thirty after a solo pilgrimage in the desert. There is a prophecy that he will return, and this time, he will be born of a virgin. He will then lead humanity in the final battle against evil, after which the Earth will be made the paradise it was always supposed to be.

Then there’s the haoma rite. Oh, this is a good one. Haoma is a plant, a species of ephedra, named for the legendary primordial priest of the wise lord, Ahura Mazda. The plant is pressed and its juices mixed with water and/or milk to make a beverage called parahaoma. The worshippers then drink it, of course. The pressing of the plant represents the moment when the ancient priest’s body was crushed and blood was shed for the good of humankind. Sound familiar?

I’d like to end by pointing out an interesting difference. Zoroastrianism teaches that the pain and health risks of menstruation and childbirth were a corruption of Ahura Mazda’s plans by the evil spirit, Angra Mainyu. Yes, instead of being a punishment for an ancient woman’s disobedience, it’s a sadistic maneuver by an evil entity that utterly despises humanity.

@Joseph Zowghi
Interesting. I didn’t know that much about Zoroastrianism, but it is interesting to see the ways it is similar and different in comparison to other religions. Thank you for sharing with us.

Oh, and best of luck to your family in Iran.

@Joseph Zowghi

Thanks! That’s a lot I didn’t know. One of the main things that I was aware of was Angra Mainyu, who seems to have been a big influence on the Christian concept of Satan.


Oh, do not get me started on Professional Liar Gail Dines. She could fill a Bad Faith Argument bingo card all by herself, but the worst is declaring herself the arbiter of other people’s consent.


the worst is declaring herself the arbiter of other people’s consent.

I know. How very feminist of her. /s

Some part of me wonders if she is related to the YouTuber Jared Dines. I rather doubt it.

Thanks, Joseph!

I’ve sometimes wondered how popular/influential Zoroastrianism was before the House of Sasan began seriously promoting it. That happened around 5th century AD, according to Tom Holland’s book “In The Shadow Of The Sword”, which tracks the origin of Islam. I understand the Zoroastrian influence in Judaism goes back further – perhaps to Seleukid times as Penny suggested?

That book is very interesting, on how early Christianity and concurrent Judaism evolved during late antiquity, interacting with each other and non-Abrahamic religions. According to Holland, the earliest form of Islam was heavily based on Arab Judaism and some now-obsolete variants of Christianity, broadly defined. Around 8th century there was increasing influence from Zoroastrianism and mainstream Christianity.

@ lumipuma

the earliest form of Islam was heavily based on Arab Judaism

Some contemporary commentators thought Muslims were just particularly pious Jews, so that would make sense.

Huh, was out for the weekend, so a bit late in my reading here; that said I really like the unexpected Compative Religion lesson in the comments.

That’s one of the things I like most about this site: Come for the reported idiocy, stay for the educational comments.

As a disclaimer, I am far from being an expert in this matter, and my knowledge is based on some university courses I’ve taken and a little bit of independent reading.

Anyway, the way I see it, even if Zoroastrianism was still a minor religion, it doesn’t necessarily have to matter, simply because of the nature of ideas and stories.
People tell stories. It’s only natural that they tell them also to people out of their community (such as traders and other travellers, or a group that one has travelled to), because humans love doing that stuff. And if a story is good, it will then get carried on, and retold, and if the ideas are strong enough (and an idea such as a Force of Evil battling the Force of Good, or such as A Fiery Place of Afterlife Punishment, are very strong ideas), they might take hold and get adapted.
When I took the course on Arda Viraz, my professor said how there were some striking similarities between it and the Irish story of St. Brendan’s voyage. It seems incredible that two stories from so far away would be connected, but people travelled more than we realise, and their stories travelled with them.
Personally, I find that really lovely.

Well, I didn’t know about the Arda Viraz. I’ll have to check that out. First, though, I’m planning on delving into the compendium of Zoroastrian belief called the Bundahishn, or Book of Primal Creation. It mentions rat fairies. I’m going to say that again: Rat fairies. I just have to know more.

@Penny Psmith

It seems incredible that two stories from so far away would be connected, but people travelled more than we realise, and their stories travelled with them.

I read a book in high school that said that there are no truly original stories, and that all stories build on other stories. This reminds me of that book.

@Penny Psmith:
I’d heard of St. Brendan’s voyage in a discussion on how it was one of the inspirations for Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Granted, that sort of fantastic journey was something of a genre of its own in Irish folktales of the time.

(Was St. Brendan’s the one with the archers with the face in the torso and a third arm to draw the bowstring in place of the head? As I say, it was a bit of a genre at the time, there were multiple such stories, and I may be getting them confused.)

Came across this today, which might be of interest in connection with the discussion of the origins of hells and devils in mythology:

Not mentioned is that perhaps media these days avoid the idea that systematic forms of evil might exist for a reason, to wit, their rich owners don’t want the public getting any ideas like voting overwhelmingly for people like AOC and Sanders who would go on to raise their taxes. Always it’s a single rotten apple: an isolated murderer, or someone like Martin Shkreli or Steven Mnuchin. Don’t look too closely at the system that allows someone like Shkreli or Mnuchin to legally rob little old ladies. Pay no attention to the neoliberalism behind the curtain …

@Oliver Rodriguez

There is literally no lie in his comments. Based blessed-pilled.

[citation needed]

There is literally no lie in his comments.

I’m loving the use of “literally” as an intensifier, as if Mr. Rodriguez over here has so rarely encountered someone who (supposedly) isn’t lying that it is astonishing to him.

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