By David Futrelle
If anyone thinks the Mike Pence rule of never being alone with a woman lest something naughty happen isn’t discriminatory against women, consider the case of Mississippi Today reporter Larrison Campbell, who learned earlier this week that she wouldn’t be allowed to “ride along” with GOP gubernatorial wannabe Robert Foster on a 15-hour campaign trip because people might think that the two were “riding” each other, wink wink nudge nudge, knowwhatImean?
Because obviously every time a woman is alone in the presence of a man, sex breaks out.
“In two phone calls this week,” Campbell wrote in a story yesterday,
Colton Robinson, Foster’s campaign director, said a male colleague would need to accompany this reporter on an upcoming 15-hour campaign trip because they believed the optics of the candidate with a woman, even a working reporter, could be used in a smear campaign to insinuate an extramarital affair.
“The only reason you think that people will think I’m having a (improper) relationship with your candidate is because I am a woman,” this reporter said.
Robinson said the campaign simply “can’t risk it.”
I don’t even know what gender Colton Robinson is, but frankly they sound HOT. Are we sure Foster isn’t having sex with them right now?
Anyway, in a Tweet today, Foster said he was just following in the footsteps of Billy Graham, which really aren’t great footsteps for anyone to be following in but never mind. He also sort of suggested he might find it impossible to resist sex with Campbell and/or any other female person who wandered close to him unaccompanied by a man or men.
Clearly they aren’t thinking this through. If Campbell rode along with a male colleague in tow, wouldn’t people assume they were having an MMF threesome? I know I would.
Wait a minute, are there other men and women on this campaign bus or whatever it is that Foster is using to get around? DUDE IS TOTALLY HAVING ORGIES!!!1! ALLEGEDLY!1!
Still, in the odd moments when he is not having sex with ladies in his immediate presence (allegedly), Foster has found time to be mad online about the coverage of his not-sex-having policy with regard to Ms. Campbell.
I’ll give him credit for one thing: he can spell Mississippi correctly, despite all the sex thoughts about lady reporters and other nearby women he apparently has bouncing around in his head all day long.
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